Undiscovered
by Nga Aroha
Summary: Raven has lots of secrets, ones she can’t share with anyone outside the team. Then she meets a stranger in a coffee shop who has a secret of his own. But will a trip to a ball and a confrontation with two unknown family members push it all from her mind?
1. Background

I do not own anything at all. I am naught but a poor student who should really be doing her homework right about now.

* * *

_Raven Roth_

This thing we had going with H.I.V.E was getting a bit ridiculous. We'd been chasing them for years now but jail never was much a factor in any of it. Unless you counted the one time we managed to put them away for about five minutes before they broke out again.

Jinx smiled brightly at me, her lips twitching impishly at the top corners, trying to goad a reaction out of me. She couldn't even see my face thanks to the shadows, but that didn't stop her trying. I was grateful to my hood, as it hid the retaliating snarl on my face that I just knew would be a topic of worried conversation at the dinner table if any of my team had seen it. I bit my lip in shame. This was the undeniable difference between me and the rest of my group- They were part hero, I was part demon. They wanted H.I.V.E five in jail, and sometimes I caught myself thinking life would be so much easier, and the city so much safer, if they were dead. Our aversion to killing (not to mention the legality of such acts) is what made it so easy for them to continue escaping. It was so much harder to incapacitate someone whilst protecting what they were stealing, or saving whatever they were blowing up, than it was to say… shoot them in the face. I bit my lip again, shook my head and forced my mind to the fight at hand.

We were currently facing off against half of H.I.V.E five in the Jump City Museum, both groups poised in fighting stance opposite each other. It was two in the morning, the only light coming from the half moon poised just above the skylight flooding the vast room with it's pale beams. I didn't know why they bothered striking at night. We were just as ready as we were in the sunlight to try and stop them, so I had the feeling they were doing this purely for the enjoyment of making us lose sleep. The room we were in currently was hosting the Indian History exhibit by day, glass cases filled with ancient scrolls, clothing and artwork lined up next to horrific recounts of partition and models of the country's newest architectural achievements. If I had time, I might have found this exhibit interesting (a culture over 5000 years old should peak anyone's interest) but of course, I didn't. The focus of our showdown: the literal jewel of the collection, a pure diamond chakra once owned by some Indian princess or other.

"Why do you even bother? Just put it down." Robin called to them, quieter than usual. His lack of sleep had severely cut down on his usual swagger, and his face was less fierce than it was exhausted. But still, he raised his arms and crouched down, knowing their answer before it left Jinx's lips. I raised my right arm too, feeling energy flow up through my veins and curl around my hand, burning black and cold. Starfire followed suit next to me, vivid green lighting up the room.

"Oh I don't think so." Jinx concluded playfully. She threw the priceless stone up into the air. It flipped over itself a couple of times, not quite sparkling but glinting in the moonlight, and then she caught it with another grin. Beastboy sighed wistfully a fraction of a second before Robins ringing battle cry.

"Titans go!"

Mammoth rushed at Beastboy but he managed to morph into a bull before they connected, snorting and the tips of his horns aimed for Mammoths chest. They locked onto each other, knocking a glass case off its pedestal as they met. I sighed as it smashed loudly onto the floor and sent glass skittering in all directions, thinking of all the money someone was going to lose tonight, and wondering if the Chakra would still be worth saving if we wrecked the building and all it's other contents in the process. Starfire and Cyborg went to corner that irritating child, Gizmo. I noticed Cyborg's hesitation as he glanced ,concerned, at Jinx. My eyes narrowed in barley concealed disgust but I resolved to keep my mouth shut for now. I just wish he could have picked a nice, normal- haired girl to have a crush on. Starfire flung a few bolts at Gizmo followed immediately by Cyborg's cannon blast. But it seemed Gizmo had a new toy. A huge Technicolor shield expanded out in front of him and the blows bounced off.

"Bite me, Snot brains!"

I couldn't help but roll my eyes as I surveyed the room. Someone needed to teach that boy proper swear words. I was searching for an object that could be ripped from its place and hurled at Jinx without costing a few million dollars. While I searched, Robin had already sprinted to her. He was aiming kicks and punches, but his desire to avoid the pink energy from her palms kept him at bay. I levitated over to try and help him and heard him grunt in frustration. He was getting nowhere fast- despite being the most disciplined person I knew, and being extremely strong and skilled, he was still human, and thus no match for magic of any kind. Behind me I heard a crash as Beastboy hit the wall, followed by the sharp shrieks of the alarms resounding all over the museum. The police would be here in a matter of minutes; complicating things further while trying to take glory and trying to blame all the damage on us.

"Move!" I hissed at him. Jinx was starting to throw punches as well as magic. She wasn't very strong but they were enough to wear him down in conjunction with her bad luck. I dodged Robin as he leaped back to avoid her. He didn't show any sign of hearing me so I wrapped him in energy and chucked him gently somewhere near Beastboy. Gizmo seemed to be unconscious, lying against a pillar. His device lay scattered in pieces around him and Starfire was hovering nervously , while Cyborg had gone to help wrestle Mammoth.

"Hello Rae Rae!" Jinx sang and kicked at my shin, commanding my attention once more. I jumped back and gritted my teeth. She still had the Charka clutched in her hand and a crazy, lop-sided grin on her face. My following round house kick, a personal favourite of mine, missed her by inches but managed to wipe the smile from her face.

"What do you want with the stone?" I deadpanned, still searching for expendable objects to throw at her. Pink flashed in front of my face and I heard a crash and smelt something burning.

"That's no fun! You'll have to guess once I've escaped" She called after skipping back a few steps. I realised a light had come loose from the roof and hit the floor, starting a spark and lighting an age old antique wicker basket on fire.

"Shit." I mumbled and attempted to douse it with my cloak before the whole room caught fire. I straightened up and noticed one of the longer sections of my hair had been singed.

"Nice hair" she added as an afterthought through her snickers. I kept calm with the thought that Cyborg would pay for this later and attacked stealthily with my powers, tendrils snaking along the dark marble floor towards her ankles without her noticing.

"At least it isn't Pink" I retorted, and yanked her feet from under her. She fell and I heard a light thud as her head hit the marble. I felt myself about to smile, and wondered if that would be considered immoral. She swore and whispered something else before shooting more pink at me. I tried to twist away but was too slow to stop it and hit the ground with a similar thud after slipping over, landing on my front. I grimaced and tried to push myself up but buckled again as something impossibly heavy and cold landed on the small of my back. I let out a small cry of pain and twisted round to see what it was. A life-sized, white stone bust of a chubby-cheeked man had been half crushed in the Mammoth /Beastboy /Cyborg /Robin struggle. It had flown off a pedestal and was now a heavy weight on my back, crushing my torso to the floor. I grunted and lifted it with my powers, ignoring my protesting bones and the silent scream of pain in my nerves as the pressure was suddenly lifted, and shot it over towards Jinx. I flopped onto my stomach just in time to see her dive out of the way. The Diamond Charka flew spinning from her hand across the floor. My side twitched painfully but I scrambled towards it, freezing at the sound of an unfamiliar snigger.

Both our heads shot up and away from the diamond to see Red-X emerge from the shadows. He looked so pleased with himself that I thought he must have been there the whole time. Watching, laughing and waiting for the stone to fall into his hands. I didn't have enough will power to stop the low hiss that sprung from my lips when he scooped the charka of the floor and weighed it in his hand, though I made no move to stop him and neither did Jinx. He was too close to the exit, and too fast. Both faces stared in my direction, Red-X's from up high and Jinx's from the ground. Hissing was not a usual thing for a human to be doing and for a moment I felt sick with myself. I had let it happen twice tonight. As I got older to eighteen, when I would stop growing, my demonic reactions strengthened. X stared a moment longer than Jinx and then burst out laughing again. The teenage boys fighting a few meters away had not noticed his presence yet, had not yet realised fighting was futile because a mutual enemy had stolen the prize. I gritted my teeth and tried to stand up again, hoping to surprise him. Red-X stopped his laughter when he noticed my movement but continued to shake his head.

"Feisty, Feisty…"he commented. I pushed myself up onto my feet and was disgruntled to discover that even standing up I was only chest level on him. My hood had fallen back and X could clearly see my look of outrage.

"That's my diamond!" Jinx yelled angrily, getting to her feet as well.

"No. It's the museums diamond!" I corrected her before snapping my head back to X. " Give it back" I knew there was no chance he would just hand it to me if I stood there glaring with my hand on my hip but it was the best I could do while trying to surprise him. A wide grin broke out across his masked face.

"Calm down ladies" he said cockily as he took a step back. We mimicked his step with a forward-bound one of our own. "as much as I'd like to hang around here and watch you two pretty things cat-fight, I'll have you know I'm a very busy man."

"Azarath Metrion-" I started raising my arms but he took a backwards jog and leaped out of the window, disappearing into the night. I strongly hoped he'd forgotten we were on the sixth floor, and that the landing would hurt.

Jinx cursed in rage then followed him out. I wanted to chase after her but I knew I would be too late. In no time, Robin appeared behind me with Cyborg in tow. Mammoth had escaped down the hallway and Beastboy was following.

"We just saw him escape!" he exclaimed in a low voice walking toward the window with his hands balling into fists. Cyborg and I exchanged a look. We could both hear the obsession growing in his voice, and knew he was in for a few self-induced sleepless nights trying to stop X.

* * *

_Jared Wilson_

I rolled out of bed and stretched as slowly and thoroughly as I could, basking in the pleasure of it. The sun that filtered through the blinds on my window was shining, throwing strips of light down onto my worn carpet. The sounds of traffic and barking carried up from the street, muted slightly by paper thin walls and chipped brick. I've lived in a lot of different places, sometimes nowhere at all, but this apartment was defiantly home.

I blinked at the brightness, and guessed it was around ten. I saw the rainbow patterns being thrown over my dull gray bedroom walls and traced it back to its source- A brilliantly sparkling diamond, shaped like that thing the half-vampire or whatever girl from the Teen Titans wore on her head. I laughed out loud then; who wouldn't? The look on Pinky's and Sunshine's faces as I took the stone right out from under them. It had almost been too easy. A waste of my talent really, I thought cheerfully. Robin would be obsessing over this one for weeks. I chuckled again and stretched. It was a shame really, that the dark girl was in league with Robin. It seemed to me she would have a talent for stealing things. Or at the very least, a penchant for scaring the police off. I grinned – I'm a cheerfull guy- and walked into the kitchen and started making breakfast. There wasn't much to work with. I hadn't been shopping in a while.

But that hiss. During the few and mildly unpleasant times I'd worked for Slade, he had told me all about Ravens inter-dimetional dad. Sure, I'd believed him,had been a little freaked out you could say. By the fact that whatever they were existed at all. But every time I saw her I had been hoping for some sign that would make me completely doubtless. I wanted a show but she wasn't biting.

Last night had been the first inclination, besides her powers, toward what she was.

I knew I should have been scared. But I found it funny.

She was just so tiny! Always covered up by that weird cloak. And her fighting was terrible. Her punches were way off. She wasn't very fast, wasn't very strong. The only thing she seemed to have put any power into, her round house kick, she missed her target. Without her powers, a kitten would be a bigger threat to me. Those powers were an unfair advantage, in my opinion. Those weird human-hybrids teaming with magic didn't have to work as hard as the rest of us.

I took a bite of my toast. It had mould growing in one of the corners. I cut it off, slightly annoyed. I should be living better than this. Sure, I had to live in a not so grand neighbourhood to confuse the suspicious people. Not that I minded. But I could at least buy some nice bread or something. I walked around the bench and ducked into my room for a second, just to check my little stone was still there. I was going to get paid a lot for this rock. I just had to keep hold of it for a couple more days until the black market offers started appearing, then I could eat all the fancy cheese I wanted.

I checked the time; 11:30. My schedule for today was clear. Besides some baby sitting when Ana went to work at four, I was free. I threw on some clean clothes, which were few and far between, and headed out the door in search of real breakfast, intending to do the washing when I came back. I passed Ana's apartment as I headed for the stairs and I could hear Oliver screaming inside. Renata must be asleep. Ana was a middle-aged woman who seemed to think she was my mother as well as the twins. Even if that meant I had to chase around after my surrogate little brother and sister, I welcomed it. Ana looked after me. It sounded pretty pathetic for a grown twenty-one year old man, but I'd never had a mom before.

Her husband didn't mind because he didn't know. He still had his little job in Russia and hadn't made enough money to join his family with security yet. I'd secretly started a fund for them, not that I would tell Ana that. When I finally gave it to her, it would be because I have to leave, or because she'll need it so bad she won't ask questions about where I got it from. In a way, I was that family's guardian angel. I snorted and pushed open the wire gate that led out to the street.

* * *

Ohh la la, the end of the first chappie. What's that button down there? Maybe you should push it and tell me...

:)

*Edited 23/01/12


	2. Ready and waiting

_Raven Roth_

Robin was going crazy. He'd spent all night searching for leads on Red-x and the rest of the day on vigorous and punishing workouts. No sleep at all, and nothing but coffee for sustenance. Occasionally he rotated this with talking to himself and pacing around the living room, like he was now. Mostly we just tried to stay out of his way. For Beastboy, Cyborg and Starfire it was easier, as none of them had even seen Red-X before his flight out the window. Cyborg and Beastboy had started the day arguing, and then continued onto a video game tournament. Robin would stay as far away from them as he could. Apparently the loud noises were _annoying_. Star was at the mall shopping for tacky, sparkly, embarrassing, cringe-worthy outfits. I was the only one with nothing important to do, and the one who had seen the most.

"Are you sure he went out the window?" Robin asked. Again. He was pacing behind the couch, using Beastboy and Cyborg's pizza break as an opportunity to interview me. Again. He had a white towel around his neck, and was dressed in his work-out clothes, a pair of loose shorts and a grey, sweat-stained singlet. I stopped trying to read my book of obscure poetry and let it fall shut on my lap, causing a small amount of dust to mushroom out of the cover.

"Yes. I saw him jump out, but you already know that." I sighed, rubbing my eyes with the heels of my hands. I couldn't operate well on less than four hours sleep and last night I had ended up with about two, once we had dealt with the police and Robin had finished yelling. Because obviously it was _my _fault Red-X had gotten away. Suddenly the door flew open and hit the wall with a bang. Beastboy appeared with three white and red striped pizza boxes staked in his arms.

He was seventeen now, like me, and to my secret annoyance had become taller than I was. Robin slowed his pacing and narrowed his masked eyes at the noise. Beastboy and Cyborg were shoving each other to get to the bench first.

"Meat lovers!" Cyborg enthused, holding Beastboy at arms length. "Excellent!" he opened the top box with fervour.

Robin turned back to me. I heard scuffling sounds and a laugh from the kitchen.

"We need conformation Raven! I need to figure out wh-" A carton of milk flew across the room and hit him on the back with a thump. I turned to see Beastboy and Cyborg frozen in the middle of their play fight, eyes widened in fear. I was getting fed up with everyone here. It almost felt like island fever, which when you thought about it, made sense. Technically, the tower was on an island. I stoop up. Robin unclenched and then re-clenched his fist.

"Will you two just BE QUIET!" he roared not looking at them. I noticed for the first time the dark shadows under his eyes, visible just below the mask. My head thumped.

"I'm going out." I said quietly and fazed through the wall before Robin could continue.

I entered the sanctuary of my room with that heady anticipation feeling and almost bounced over to my least-used drawer to pull out my civilian clothes. I knew if I wanted to get away from all the yelling here I would have to go outside incognito to escape it in the real world as well. Fans, and people who didn't like me very much, would be pressing up from all sides if they recognised me alone. If anyone got too close they would realise who I was, but that wasn't likely to happen.

My civilian clothes were few and far between, a bomber jacket, a couple pairs of dark jeans, some t-shirts and a few Bras that were too flimsy and unsupportive for daily crime fighting use.

I shrugged off my uniform and left it in a pile on the floor. I was dimly aware that my hunger for freedom was growing. I hoped no one would try and stop me leaving. Not that it wasn't allowed, but because there would most likely be questions and worried glances involved. I pulled on the lightest blue jeans and tied my hair in a ponytail. I hadn't had time to wash it yesterday so it had hung over my shoulders in a lank and depressed way. I felt much more exposed without my hood and cloak, even though I was, technically, more covered up. The sky outside my window was frequently darkening every time it happened to fall into the line of my vision. My jacket was probably a good idea so I threw it on. Drawing it tight around my chest, I headed through the living room, aimed directly for the door.

The boys were still arguing across the bench, their pitch rising and falling in anger and then attempts to reason.

"I'm not going crazy, Its my _job_!" Robin yelled, raking his fingers through his impossibly gelled hair and his mask screwed up in frustration. Cyborg held his hands up defensively.

"We know that man, we just-" I teleported to the mainland. And freedom.

_Jared Wilson_

Rain was obviously headed our way, maybe even a big storm, but the streets were just as full as ever. People were jostling me but I didn't really mind. I was feeling good, the payment from my last job had cropped up in one of my offshore bank accounts and the money was being wired as I walked down the City streets, a loaf of bread in my hands and fresh cash in my pocket. A red-headed woman pushed past me, swearing as she went. The clouds were making people edgy and as I looked up at the purpling sky I had to agree with them. It was just plain freaky. A new feeling of excitement wove through my system. Storms were the most fun time to bump up my assets at the local jewelry store. It just added a sinister edge to my performance once the pigs showed up.

I wondered what to do right now. I was headed in a completely random direction. The face of my Rolex, one of the few luxuries I allowed because I could pass it off as a fake if anyone asked, read two o'clock. Two hours until Ana was expecting me. I thought of the little twins obliviously happy faces and grinned. A young Goth shot me a look, thinking I was crazy. I got those looks a lot, thanks to my habit of walking around aimlessly and smiling when a funny thought hit me. What could I do? I worked "nights" and during the day I was at a loss, with mainly my thoughts for company. And as I was often told, I was a cheerful guy. It didn't take much to keep me occupied.

A flash of colour on the other side of a thin glass window made me stop in my tracks. It was a coffee shop, not one of those sophisticate places but nowhere close to a Starbucks. I doubted any of these people would be caught dead in a Starbucks. I could tell it was dimly lit on the inside, to suite the climate the people sitting inside enjoyed.

Obviously, it was a coffee house for the emotionally troubled. I snorted and another person shot me a funny look as they hurried by, this time a short, balding man in a suit.

This was a place where angsty teenagers gathered to recite poems about feeling dead inside while someone played the double bass. Not a crowd I would usually go near. I hated their negativity towards life and their refusal to do anything to make it better. I didn't have time for pussies.

But the girl sitting in one of the wire chairs at a table by herself made me rethink my assessment.

Raven?

From the Teen Titans?

What?

How?

_What?_

She certainly wasn't immediately recognisable. When I first noticed her I wasn't quite sure of what I was seeing, but that blood red stone thingee on her forehead refused to be ignored. I knew my mouth was hanging open.

Her depressing cloak had been replaced with completely normal clothes. And her usual loose purple hair, often hidden by her hood, was tied up plainly off her face. It was completely shocking. Of course she still fit in with the rest of the Goths in there. She had that utterly lonely I-hate-everyone-who-talks-to-me-because-they-don't-understand look even as she sat inoffensively reading her book, and her attire was made up of black/dark blue/silver/purple. It was really just a coincidence I had noticed her in there, at least two other girls were sporting purple hair.

Or maybe it was fate.

I grinned mischievously and pushed through the door and then the beaded curtains to get to my destiny.

The inside smelt fucking terrible. Like someone had shoved a mushroom cloud of incense down my throat. I choked and tried not to breath the thick, cloying air. And as anyone who needs oxygen to survive can imagine, this was difficult.

The interior was mainly brown with snatches of colour here and there. It was a huge room, the black boxy counter covered in shiny silver machines to my right and a low stage at the far end. Wiry tables and chairs were scattered around the room randomly and weird piano/sitar/bongo fusion music was issuing through some speakers on either side of the stage. The mike stood alone. A bell tinkled above me as the door closed and the occupants looked up at me with mixed expressions of distaste, anger and antipathy, made more sinister in the dim lighting. Raven didn't look up.

The people sitting hunched forward in their seats were a mixture of Emos, Goths, Punks and Kurt Cobain look-alikes. I felt like I had walked onto the set of an advertisement for converse sneakers.

The punks and grungies seemed more sociable than the others, who sat with a couple of people at most though many were alone. A lithe teen with blond hair and intricate orange/black checker squares sweeping along one of her eyelids glared at me and a guy with an green Mohawk and lip piercings cracked his knuckles.

I laughed. I almost wished he would come over here. Several heads whipped up and glared. Laughing was not allowed here, obviously.

I walked to the counter and searched the menu. It was weirder than the people in here.

What the hell was a '_M__ochachino with a double chive shot'_?

The tiny Asian girl with pink streaks waited impatiently.

"Can I have a black coffee?" I asked lamely as I started to feel awkward. It wasn't normal. In the real world, they were the freaks.

"Fine" she said rudely. It was probably offensive that I didn't take advantage of her creative barrister talents.

She passed me a Styrofoam cup and turned away.

I was definitely not welcome here. The cup was too hot when I grabbed it but I ignored the burning and crossed the wooden floor until I was behind Raven.

If only she knew who was standing behind her.

"Do you mind if I sit here?" I asked innocently and walked around to face her. She looked up from her book irritably. I was a little shocked by what I saw. I'd never really taken much notice of her before. My attention was usually directed on that drippy red-head and pissing the boy-wonder off. Even when I had been up close to Raven, she'd been most likely scowling or covered by her hood and I'd been focusing on avoiding the cars and whatever other crap she was throwing at me. Well, she was still scowling right now. But it was a very hot scowl.

Now I noticed some of the signs of her heritage. Her lips, very full on the bottom, were a little more red than what was natural, and I was sure Raven wouldn't be wearing lipstick. Her eyes were heavy lidded, as well, like a deer's, with thick, black lashes. I'd also never noticed that her eyes matched her hair. Her iris's were _purple._ That was not normal. Again I couldn't imagine Raven using contacts or anything to enhance her appearance. Her skin was so pale it was almost Gray. I noticed her nails were painted glossy black when I glanced at her hands clutching the book. She was a strange sort of beautiful, I supposed. Not the accepted kind. Something dangerous, like a goddess who was going to smite you. But the people in here seemed to like it. So did I. She was so…..Arcane.

It was true, I noted with a unexpected annoyance. Every now and then the men around here would stare, mystified, for a few moments than turn away quickly to keep character. Now they were all staring. They obviously thought I was crazy for messing with her. She glanced up for a split second.

"Yes." she said darkly, then looked back to her book. I grinned and sat down anyway.

_Raven Roth _

_The silk bliss is finished,_

_Though we thought it rough muslin, _

_Time was ticking and now it's gone._

_One minute at a time life is diminished,_

_Though we though-_

"Do you mind if I sit here?" an amused male voice asked. I looked up irritably at whomever had the gall to intrude on my peace and quiet.

It was a man, definitely older than me. There was something in his face that guys my age had yet to acquire, but he still looked slightly school boyish. He was also muscled. His body was sleek and tall yet he still looked like he could punch someone's lights out. I guessed early twenties. He had a sharp jaw line with a tapered chin, and a five a' clock shadow that managed to look clean and attractive. Angular cheek bones and eyes that were impossibly stormy, with flecks of gray and blue all messed up together. He also had a lot of hair. Ink black hair with a small amount of icy streaks dyed randomly through it and it stood up at odd, messy angles around his head. It was annoying that it still looked good. He _should _fit in around here, but in some mysterious way it was clear he didn't. Maybe it was the arrogant smile was playing around his lips, like he knew something I didn't.

"Yes." I replied darkly, hoping he would go away. I jumped a little when thunder cracked outside in the sky above, still sounding loud inside the building. It seemed to ominously reinforce my answer. A warning for him to listen to what I said.

He sat down anyway.

He was obviously insane. The people around me thought along the same lines, judging by all the muttering around me. He just kept on grinning.

"So. What's your name?" he asked, oblivious to the fact I was glaring at him. His voice was light and confident but also hinted at deep. No foreign accent -he was from the States then, and therefore didn't have the excuse of coming from a country where sitting with strangers is normal. I didn't answer. Guys had come up to me before, asking for a name, a number. But I always sent them far, far away with their tails between their legs. " Is that too much to ask?"

"Do you have a terminal disease?" I replied incredulously. His grin increased and his eyes brightened, like this was exactly what he was hoping I would say.

The rain had started, pounding on the coffee shop's tin roof like an assault from god. Usually when it was raining this was my favourite place to be, a thunder storm just made it all the more sweeter, but this annoying male was ruining it for me.

"No. Would it help if I did? Or would it be better if I said I was shipping off to Iraq tomorrow?" his voice was cocky. He truly thought he was god's gift to woman. I glared. My peaceful escape from the tower was making me much angrier than I thought.

"I wish, at least the dead know better than to harass me." I said dryly. I opened my book again, considering the subject closed.

I should have realised he wouldn't leave so easily.

"Would you be sad if I died?" he asked quietly, watching the crowd watching us. Oh god. He was going to turn out to be a stalker. Or a pervert. Or a reporter.

Silence took hold for a few minutes.

"Of course. I always cry when random strangers die." I deadpanned finally. He laughed. It was a pleasant sound. Like he wanted me to keep insulting him. I kept my expression neutral. The bullets of water slapped the pavement outside.

"I can only dream." he sighed jokingly. "but its easier to visualise if I have a name." he waggled his eyebrows and my neutral expression morphed into a glare once more. He looked elated by my anger, his hands appearing on the tabletop and clasping together.

"Raven." I said unwillingly keeping my eyes on his. He nodded.

"You don't look like a Raven" he commented thoughtfully. His face seemed as still as stone as he surveyed my face without a hint of amusement. I had to admit I was surprised.

Everyone thought I was a Raven. I thought I was a Raven.

"What do I look like?" I let my book fall shut. I could read any time. He watched for my reaction, Azar help him if he said Morticia.

"Sunshine." His face spread out in a grin once more. This man was infuriating. Sunshine?

"Sunshine." I repeated dully. My tea sat stagnant in its cup, forgotten and cold. As if to contradict him, thunder cracked again overhead.

"Cause your lighting up my day." he winked and I didn't know what to think. This was new and unexplored territory. He truly looked like he was enjoying this and I could feel his amusement rolling off him in waves. I shook my head; he had no business talking to me this way, even if he didn't know who I was. It was obvious he wanted something here, like they always did.

Just like Malchior had, he would be waiting for me to trip up and so he could reap the rewards. _I think he's gorgeous. _I froze. My emotions rarely spoke up in everyday life. Usually they just waited until I was meditating to personalise themselves. But there was lust in my ear, as clear as if I was in nevermore.

"Are you alright?" I stopped again. My empathy didn't need to stretch to far to tell he was truly concerned. _He's an asshole!_ anger screamed in retaliation. I could feel her straining against her chains, aching to kill anyone and everyone. _He's lovely_ Happiness cooed. What was happening? I twitched suddenly, and no name leaned forward to touch my hand.

"Raven? What's happening." Pain shot through me like an arrow. I barley registered that a man I hardly knew was holding my hand. All I could feel was the sudden cultivation of voices ripping at the confines of my skull.

This had been happening more frequently lately. Before long, my thoughts would be with me all the time and I would become a fully fledged schizophrenic. I wouldn't even be safe in my own head. I would be the crazy one.

An dull beeping sound brought me out of my revere, all pain and voices gone. It was coming from Mr. Psycho's cellphone. The echo of the sudden onslaught nagged my brain numbly. I couldn't focus on it. He took his hand away , and his eyes off me for a second to flip open the phone and bring it to his ear.

"Yes?" I was confused. A far as cell phones went, it was beautiful. The latest thing out from Japan as far as I knew. I appraised the rest of him.

"Yes." He listened to the other person with sincere interest and raised his eyebrow.

"That's something." he admitted, his lips twisting in to a lopsided grin though his eyes remained dark, cloudy, and on me. I pushed all feelings and emotions back. I would figure them out later, where I was no danger to anyone. Mr. Psycho flicked it shut. I noticed the shiny Rolex on his wrist as he did it. It could be fake, but I wasn't sure. There were no other signs of great wealth on him. His clothes were inconspicuous and his arrogance was not of someone who thought they could buy their way into anything so much as it was of someone who thought they could _charm_ their way into anything.

"I'll call you back." he flipped it shut.

"I have to go." he said as he stood up. I noticed how tall he was. Unconsciously, I stood up to. The top of my head barley cleared his shoulder. "I'll make it up to you sometime." No name winked and I put my gloriously blasé shield up.

"I was just leaving anyway, you don't need to do anything." _Since when are you coy, miss Raven? _desire asked slyly, if not approvingly. I ignored the niggling in my brain and headed for the door. No name followed, smirking for some unknown reason.

"Oh well. I think you'll see me again anyway." and then he burst out laughing. Real, almost hysterical chuckling that made the entire room turn to throw him death glares. I was taken aback. He wiped a tear of mirth out of his stormy eyes then waved to the entire room.

"Bye bye sunshine" he said, only to me and then walked ahead , through the beaded curtain and out into the real world where it was strange to have multicolored hair and rings through your nose.

I saw him walk away through the dirty store window. The rain had already soaked his hair, It was hanging down over his eyes, slowly dripping onto his face. But he was still smiling as he hurried through, pulling his cellphone from his pocket as he went.

I stood slightly dumbfounded. Then I felt the eyes blazing a hole in my back and rushed out the door after him. Book in hand, I fought the blush my cloaks hood was so apt at hiding and teleported in a haze of black energy into my room to look through the books I hoped would hold the answer to why my thoughts were causing me so much pain.

* * *

"Turn back!"

"Nevermore!"

"Nevermore!"

"turn back…"

"Nevermore!"

"Shut up." I mumbled. I was barley capable of being pissed off. Unless the feeling was strong, I couldn't feel it here in my mind. My emotions were already present in full force, they could tell me directly with words in a clear way feelings couldn't.

The crows would screech at me from the low hanging branches to leave even though it was _my _mind. Trigons defeat had destroyed the old nevermore. The random staircases of stone had given way to a shingle pathway bordered by autumn leaf-clad trees and flowers. Pansy's, daisy's, regalia's, daffodils, snowdrops, roses and other such crap. At least, in joy's domain.

My mind was made of many pathways, domains, that all led to a clearing. My center, where all my emotions and multiple personality's converged to yell abuse or goodwill at me while I tried to make decisions.

I try to avoid it.

But when I don't understand what I am feeling, when I don't know what I want, it's the only way to find out.

"Hi Raven!" Joy trilled from out of nowhere, her voice overflowing with adoration and... joy. She loved my visits to myself. When she walked, she bounced, and she was bouncing along behind me now like some bizarre giraffe/puppy crossbreed. As always, my emotions had taken what I was wearing and personalised it hideously. They usually only tweaked the colour of my uniform when I wore it, which was most of the time. But today they were _excited_, today I was wearing _different clothes_, today they had gone overboard. joy had turned my t-shirt blush pink and trimmed the legs off my jeans to create a _adorable_ pair of short shorts. Disgusting.

I glanced around at the giant agapanthus and changed my walk to a brisk jog. "Where are we going?" she asked smiling. Nothing ever upset her.

"The only place we can go, idiot" All roads lead to Rome. Or in my mind, all roads lead to the grassy clearing where I can talk to everyone at the same time in order to make this as short a visit possible.

"Fun!" she half-sang, as if I had told her we were going to Disneyland.

I trudged, she skipped, up the path. As we went the dense bush started to thin and the artificial sun hanging in the Technicolor sky appeared brighter. Daisys, Sunflowers and Thistles became the most common flowers. Here and there I would spot another inky black crow glaring from behind the leaves. I hoped they would have the answer I needed but joy's humming as she hoped along made me doubt my thoughts.

We rounded a corner and suddenly the path spilled out and the stones and shingle disappeared into a grass field thick with wild daisys. The clearing went on for maybe a mile in the same ankle-deep grass, paths leading to different domains appearing every now and then around the edges. It peaked into a small hill in the middle, a large sprawling oak at the point. As we got closer I noticed 11 identical people sitting in different positions on different levels and branches of the oak. The person was me.

My eyes narrowed in distaste as I took in the varying degrees of tacky they had inflicted on my clothes.

"I don't know why you were so rude to Mr. McMuscles at the coffee shop." desire pouted, balancing on a low branch with one leg dangling and the other brought up with her head resting on her knee. Her voice was nothing like mine. It was lighter and more feminine with an airy feel to it.

"He was so…hot." her eyebrows hitched up on the last word, her voice sounding desperate. My own eyebrow twitched, wishing she would leave me alone so I could talk to an emotion with an actual brain in her skull instead of uncontrolled estrogen. Desire was wearing a misleading baby blue colour, had also cut my jeans into short shorts and had tied my inconspicuous t-shirt in a side knot just above her, _our,_ hip.

It was hard to understand how my mind worked, with it being cut into several different parts. But to me (and us), _her_ meant _my_, _she _meant _I_ and _them _meant _we. _At least it used to, before they had started to interrupt my daily life by separating themselves from my conscious and acting without permission.

"That's not what we're here for" I said and knowledge sighed impatiently from her spot lying on the ground in the shade. I stared at her incredulously.

"What are you wearing?" I moaned, more confused and further away from answers than ever. It wasn't her clothes that worried me, they were the same as the ones I was wearing, bar the yellow color she had changed the t-shirt to. It was what she had on her face that bothered me. Her usual owlish glasses, round and brown, had been replaced by a square-lensed black pair. Instead of boring and awkward she looked stylish and sophisticated. Since when did knowledge care what she wore?

"That's why I came here." serenity breathed airily to no one in particular. Usually I ignored her. Usually she had nothing to say. Nothing that made sense at least.

Now I looked her over. Her hair was much longer than mine and her t-shirt was pale lavender, the jeans left as they are. The most simple style you could imagine. I would look like her if I could pull off that completely peaceful expression she always wore. Like she wouldn't have cared less if she died.

"No, I had no idea knowledge had gone shopping _until _I came here." I retorted, correcting her. "So that's obviously not the reason I came here." I ignored the hissing and unearthly growling that sounded from behind the tree. And the chains snaking snugly around its trunk.

Serenity nodded with out blinking.

"But it is an important part of what you will do and have already done."

I decided ignoring her again would be for the best.

"We know why we came here, so have any of us got answers?" I addressed the whole group apart from the embodiment of chaos on the other side of the oak.

They all eyed me as if I was losing my mind. Envy, her eyes a metallic shiny green that mine were not and a jacket hanging loosely above her elbows scowled slightly, leaning against the trunk. Goodness sat close to serenity, a vision of purity so bright I couldn't make out what she was wearing. Joy hovered close by my side and was smiling tentatively at depression, who pulled her grey jacket tighter around herself and hugged her knees closer to her body. She was sitting on one of the higher branches, staring at the ground quietly and ignoring mine or anyone else's presence to the best of her ability. Instinct and Logic had been arguing before I spoke, they were frozen in their arguing position, logic standing straight backed and Instinct's arms in the air while they watched me with the same look as the others. Logic was looking emo in black and Instinct, a subdued navy.

Brave had also frozen in the act. She had obviously been provoking chaos. Even now her defensive crouch was present in her brown clothed back and her cocky-ass smirk evident on her face.

Rude spoke up first, her words only just louder than the messy blaring orange of her t-shirt.

"And you call us idiots." she scoffed, turned around and walked down an overgrown path to her domain.

"Excuse me?" No doubt they would know what she was talking about.

"Which question do you want first?" Instinct asked. She always sounded faint and on edge.

"Why can I hear you guys when I'm not here or even meditating? It's never happened much before today." It seemed like a reasonable question. Desire laughed like a bell chime.

"You already know that! Lets get to the important stuff." I pretended I didn't hear her. My gaze turned to logic and knowledge.

"Well?" I folded my arms impatiently. Every fibre of my body begged the answer. Knowledge peered at me from over the lenses of her glasses. I hadn't become used to them yet, she had worn the older glasses my whole existence. Why the sudden change?

"Well," she started arrogantly "It's simple really. You're ready." she stared angrily at desire, as if this was all her fault. I glanced at her too, and she did look very pleased. "Most humans your age are ready by their early teens." knowledge continued on. "but I guess we took longer because of our demonic powers. Now they're well and truly under control, we're perfectly safe. We have been for some time but you're very slow"

"Ready for what?" I asked exasperatedly. This was getting tiresome. Knowledge peered over her glasses.

"For a relationship." she shrugged.

I began to panic. I had spent years fighting my demonic powers, striving to control myself so I wouldn't be a danger to the entire earth. Now I was going to become some horny woman who couldn't go near anyone without her heart thumping? No matter the consequences?" My pulse quickened under my skin.

Logic noticed and walked over to me. She placed her hand on my shoulder.

"No, no, no. It's nothing like that." she knew what I had been thinking. She was me. "You will still be the same. It is not a matter of willpower. You will always have a choice. But we will, in a way, become more human. We just want a meaningful-"

"I've wanted boyfriends before." I interrupted, pointing out Malchior unwillingly. The light sheet of humiliation and pain that was thrown over me every time he was mentioned was still there in my head, if not so much as it was in the real world. Logic nodded seriously, and every face in the bright clearing darkened. Depression let out a racking sob from above my head and chaos shrieked wordlessly into the sky.

"But we will do things more naturally this time. You will know what to show to the world, instead of hiding it all." her expression changed and became thoughtful. "on the other hand it could be a bad thing. If we wanted someone badly enough who didn't want us, we might go overboard with the seduction. It would be a bad thing to mar someone's freewill." her expression changed again and she raised her index finger into the air. "but if there was someone who needed to be persuaded for the good of mankind, say a villain for example, we could do it more naturally. We could make almost anyone do almost anything." I shrugged away from her.

Never, never would I be able to convince _Slade_ into doing something for me just by using my pout. I knew demons were distantly related to sirens, but i doubted it stretched that far. Goodness seemed to agree with me.

"NO. We do not tamper with peoples free will." she was like a shadow made of pure light. My eyes blurred as I tried to pinpoint her exact spot, so I tore them away.

"NO!" Goodness hurled in envy's immediate direction. Envy narrowed her green eyes and sunk to the ground to lie there, her hands crossed bitterly over her chest.

"Oh why would we do that? Life is too much fun already!" squealed joy. This almost sent me over the edge.

Apparently it sent depression over the edge as well. Her face appeared for a flash of a second before she jumped down and wheeled to face me and joy, tear streaming down her tortured face.

"Who cares if you can feel more? That will just make it hurt even more than it already does and I won't be able to take it!" the last few words rose to a scream beyond her sobs. "I already can't take it!" she moaned and turned away tearing at her hair. Her arms were curled around her waist, as if to hold onto her body. I knew that feeling, it was mine.

I wondered if this was how I had looked

Depression tried to run but she stumbled. She hit the ground and with no motivation to do anything else, stayed there. She drew her body around itself in a ball and buried her head in her jacket. The other emotions acted as if nothing had happened.

My eyes stayed on her while knowledge started to speak again. All my emotions were me, even if I hated the fact, but depression felt the most accurate even if her outbursts were more dramatic and much more frequent than mine.

"So judging by my theories, it won't be a bad thing when it happens." Knowledge concluded. Logic nodded mildly again.

Desire laughed again, a higher and more delicate sound than last time. We all turned to watch her stretch out luxuriously on her branch to lay on her side with her arm propping her head up. A look of elation and pride crossed her face.

"It already happened." she insisted slyly.

I sighed impatiently.

"What?" I had no time for her games and innuendo's. she sat up and straightened her back but her head was still cocked playfully to the side, her violet hair falling around her face.

"The reason knowledge suddenly looks like a fox, the reason we needed so badly to get out of the tower today and the reason you didn't tell that hot guy in the coffee shop to go fuck himself." she made _fuck _sound like _butterscotch_. I closed my eyes and waited for her rant to be over. "It's only natural Raven, so natural you haven't even noticed."

I groaned.

"I'm going insane." Desire threw her head back and giggled again.

"No, you're just embracing your feminine side." Envy hissed. She threw me a narrow eyed and side long glare at me.

"Azar, you're even jealous of yourself." I pushed her to the back of my mind and as if commanded, she was swallowed up in a haze of black energy. When the darkness receded, she was gone.

* * *

*Edited 23/01/12


	3. Mr Muscles goes shopping

Enjoy.

* * *

_Jared wilson_

The hands on my Rolex seemed to have slowed down considerably. Still two minutes till two in the morning. Of course I could have started early but I like to stick to my schedule.

I was leaning against the cold seventh story window of Jimmy's ice, a jewelry store specialising in huge diamonds. The storm had just kept growing stronger over time and now I was having to hold onto the fire escape desperately to keep from being blown to the ground and not having time to deploy anything that would stop me from being squashed.

The biggest piece on display, in the tri-state area in fact, was a 10caret rock the size of my fist. Some assistant had called me at lunch to ask me to steal it. This wasn't a usual occurrence. I had regular clients who I did occasional jobs for, but I usually stole something before putting it up for sale. Apparently he had heard of me through Slade. I frowned into the windy darkness. Since when did Slade decide to become my agent?

Anyway, the price had been hefty and it had come with the promise of new work. He said they had hired people to steal the diamond head thing and was very disappointed when they failed because of me. And then he offered more than twice what I thought I would get for it. The way he had said they, it made me think he was a drone. Part of some organisation. It also explained why those little hive kids wanted to steal it. They were being paid for their jobs as well now.

That made it all the more sweeter that I beat them to it. Idiots were rubbing the edges of my turf too closely these days.

I was happy about the job, but would have preferred the call to come a bit later. Playing with Raven was now neck and neck on the fun meter with fucking with Robins head.

People had yet to notice her potential. And were yet to understand her looks and attitude.

Something in her eyes told me she was glad of it.

I smoothed over my suit.

The long hand on my watch hit the twelve and I rolled my shoulders. The knot of anticipation in my gut was a little tighter than usual. That meant this was going to be even more fun than normal.

I tensed my right leg and leant back on it. I wanted the Titans to come. If I didn't I would enter in a more secretive manner. I pulled my left leg up and kicked through the window. The glass shattered and an alarm began to scream. I grimaced as the sound pierced my ears. The alarm stuck on the ceiling above the main counter, flashing bright red. I lifted a shurikin from my belt and threw it straight into its mechanism, cutting off the sound. I didn't need it anymore, the Titans would already know I was here.

Dragging themselves up from bed, wiping sleep from their eyes and having to come out in the cold and wet to go after little old me. I grinned and jumped through the empty window and onto the slippery marble floor. Three huge, long glass cases bordered the room and I jumped up a step to examine the diamonds.

It was obvious which one I was supposed to steal. It had a case all to its own and was nestled in gold silk. The size of a chicken egg with clear cut and clarity, ready to go on some giant's pinky finger. Or whatever else the guy on the other end of the phone had in mind.

I smashed the glass with the back of my hand and picked up the rock. It weighed a pound at least. The thing sparkled in the overhead lights just like the head diamond thing had when I stole it from under Raven's nose.

My watch read two oh five. I examined the other glass cases around the room, rock still in hand.

This place was high quality. I'd gotten to know a bit about diamonds through my current endeavours and I could tell this place was expensive. A huge sapphire engagement ring winked at me. This case was filled with sparkling rings, and tiny precious earrings. Canary diamonds, pink diamonds, rose coloured gold bands, bronze bands, It was all here. Not a cubic zirconium in sight. I smashed the case and filled the pockets of the handy utility belt Robin had been nice enough to include on the suit. As if summoned by my thoughts, I heard the tell tale crunch of glass that indicated I had company. I didn't react, hoping to build up the Boy Wonder's confidence enough to make him drop his guard. It was fun to play with him. His personal vendetta against me usually made him too mad to concentrate properly and that was always a shame.

"Drop it, X" Robin's voice called from behind me.

"Ok birdie." The synthesiser distorted my voice but still kept the laughter in. I dropped a black glass necklace and listened to the huge charm smash on the marble floor.

"Hand everything over or it'll be me handing you over to the police." his masked eyes narrowed as the rest of the Titans stepped out of the rain and into the light. The whiny green one was shaking his head like a dog, pissing off the metal one.

"Dude, not cool."

The dopey red-head was ringing out her long hair, creating a puddle of rainwater on the floor, her eyes trailing widely around the room. She looked fascinated by all the shiny objects sitting so close to her person.

Raven was leaning against the wall, her hood lowered and dripping slowly down her cloak. Her hands were seeping dark energy almost sensually.

Her defined features struck me again.

How could I have not noticed her before? Her eyes, boring into you like drills and her body, lithe yet curvy? She was scowling darkly at me, of course - I woke her up - her violet eyes resting on the big diamond in my palm.

"If I hand it over, you'll hand me over to the police anyway." I pointed out, leaning against a case, trying to avoid the shards of broken glass. Robin took a step forward.

"You're damn right." he growled and took a step forward. Titans go!" he barked suddenly and shot towards me. His team followed almost reluctantly- they wanted to go to bed. Robin crossed the threshold to me in a few seconds and started throwing punches. I ducked and kept focus on Raven, lazily walking towards us with the rest of her team, her glare intensifying with every step. It cost me. Robin landed a punch to my jaw. My jaw was throbbing like a pulse and my vision went fuzzy for a second. I'd learnt a long time ago that a second was a valuable thing, and could mean the difference between winning and losing a fight.

"Tired?" Robin smirked. I irritably pulled an X off my belt. It expanded and I held it up to Robin. He raised an eyebrow but tensed up.

"You're the one that's falling asleep." I replied cheerfully, ignoring the oncoming headache. I couldn't deny Robin was strong. A hole appeared in the cross-center of the X and crimson gas issued from it. Robin fell to the ground like a mannequin and I stepped over his lifeless body.

"What did you do to friend Robin?" Starfire asked angrily. Friend Robin? Ah, so he still hadn't manned up and asked her out. Starfire's English was still the pitiful excuse for a sentence it had always been. I jumped up on the counter. I could leave now, but were would be the fun in that? The cash register next to my right foot was trying to seduce me. Cyborg's sonic blast just barley missed my chest. It was followed by a few green jets of raw power from red-head. I had to pull myself up onto one of the swinging light fixture to avoid them. Whoa, I was getting careless.

"Hey, don't get trigger happy." I warned. I grasped onto the chain holding the lights up to regain my balance. My words were met with another cannon blast. I flipped off and slapped an X on Cyborgs massive metal back. There was a tiny blue spark and then Cyborg went to join Robin in the land of the nod, if a little less gracefully; the loud thump and tremor when he landed rattled a few cases.

"You will not harm anymore of our friends!" Starfire shrieked, then started firing bolts at me with more speed and anger. Fortunately for me, when she got mad, her aim suffered, and the bolts went past me and hit the counter. Papers and crushed glass flew everywhere and the wood top counter broke apart in several pieces.

"Calm down baby, save the passion for later on." I mentally punched myself. What was the point of hitting on Starfire when Robin wasn't there to see it? She kept throwing the bolts toward me so I had to keep jumping out of the way. Raven stayed where she was, her anger increasing and more and more power practically dripping from her hands.

"Dude!" the green kid whined. He ran forward and looked like he was about to do something so I ripped an X from my belt and threw it at him. It exploded just before contact and covered him in dense red gel, sticking him to the spot. He screwed up his face and tried to free himself but it just got in his hair.

"Oh man! My hair!" I laughed and dodged another bolt. Raven decided she should intervene and the energy left her hands and appeared around the cash register. Like it was infected by a poltergeist, it flung up, aiming for my head. I had to flip backwards off the wall to avoid it. Raven was still standing, her face an expressionless (sexy) mask.

Suddenly, Boy Wonder stirred and then stood up groggily. When he saw I was still there, he got mad.

"What the hell was that?" he yelled and extended his bow-staff. I grinned and picked up a emerald bracelet from the wreckage at my feet.

"Why are you so tense all the time birdie? Get carrot-top here to calm you down, you'll feel better straight away." I pocketed the bracelet and watched his temper boil over. He opened his mouth to abuse me, but I didn't wait for him. I grabbed another X and shoved it in Robins face. He fell down on the marble floor again, sleeping like a baby.

I turned and saw Starfire had flown behind me. Before she could do anything I tapped her lightly in the stomach with my foot, she stumbled back and I used the same type of X I had for Robin to send her to sleep. I didn't like beating up girls, I was a gentleman.

I kicked open the window closest to me and ran out. I knew she would follow me.

I jogged up the fire escape another twelve or so stories and onto the roof of the building next door, the rain pounding on my head. I heard light footsteps behind me. My smile wouldn't stay off my face. I jumped the gap between this building and the next. The footsteps disappeared. She was probably in the air.

"Stop." Raven didn't yell, but her voice carried over to me. I turned on my heel and faced her. Her hood was back up to shield her face from the heavy rain, her cloak drawn tight around her to stop the cold.

"Ok gorgeous, for you, anything." I couldn't make out her reaction in the dark, my eyes were still adjusting.

Raven could probably see me though, it was very likely she had demonic cat eyes.

"That's good, now, hand over what you took." Her usually emotionless voice held a hint of surprise. I think I knew why.

No one ever showed preference for her over Starfire. I saw it, when I watched them on news, everyone's eyes would follow the red-heads every move, every flick of her hair. Only the dark ones, the very people in the coffee shop, seemed to be able to see her at all. The only sign they gave that she was there was the uneasy step back they took when she walked past. I hadn't even noticed her looks until I saw her sitting in the shop, and I saw her up close on a regular basis. She gave off an aura of shadow, like she didn't belong in this world. Me calling her gorgeous must have freaked her out.

"Ok, let me rephrase. Anything but that."

"Fine. I'll just catch you, and then take back the jewellery." Raven walked forward a couple of threatening steps and let her cloak fall to the side so she could raise her hands. I only saw the brief shadow of what she was doing. It was a new moon and the angry clouds were covering most of the stars.

"Sounds kinky." I smirked in her general direction.

"Asshole." she replied darkly.

"There will be handcuffs right?" Thunder exploded above us, followed by a flash of lightning. I saw Raven for a second. She was much closer than I'd originally thought, only two feet away. Sneaky.

Her legs were shiny from the rain and her hood had blown off in the wind. Violet hair plastered to her face and unreasonable anger in her eyes. Like she wanted to rip my head off. Shit. Her body was half crouched, like an animal about to spring, her hip cocked out to the side. " I knew you had a dark side. I'll bring the ball gag and you bring the whip." I said in a much more even voice than I expected.

"Why do you even bother?" she asked emptily, her voice like silk. "I know you're not serious, and Starfire barely understands what you're saying." Her words stung. She really had no idea.

"You underestimate your worth baby." I heard her sudden lunge before I saw her and I jumped backwards off the building.

The wind whistled in my ears like it always did. I kept a tight hold on the diamond in my right hand and with my left I grasped around my belt and felt my hands reach a sturdy, metal X. Still falling, adrenaline pumping along with the blood in my arteries, I snapped it in half. A thick, sturdy rope connected the two pieces and I threw one part onto the metal railing of the fire escape. It stuck like glue and I felt a strong jolt as the rope stopped my fall. The metal edges digging into my fingers, I surveyed the drop. Another three stories maybe.

Raven wouldn't follow me. That girl would be too surprised anyone had noticed her to do anything much at the moment. She tried so hard to make herself invisible to man kind, and was so good an actress, that she believed herself and had forgotten how mysterious and attractive she was. It didn't matter though, I was going to show her.

I swung my body awkwardly and jumped onto the fire escape. It was rusty and old, creaked under my weight. I felt my pockets, and discovered my pilgrimage had survived the fall.

* * *

_Raven Roth_

Red-X escaped. Again. And according to Robin, it was my fault. Again.

"We are going to catch him next time! We need to prepare! We need to be ready!" he yelled over and over. The rest of us were lazing around the living room, half-asleep. Last night's storm had calmed down, the sky a dull grey and the rain fading to drizzle. I was lying across the couch, my eyes barley open enough to see and my body weighted with the ache for sleep. Robin paused to stare at us. His mask narrowed with his eyes. "Double training sessions!" he roared. With that we woke up.

"What!" Beastboy asked, his eyes now wide open.

"Dude, no way. Were all doing enough training already. You added more the last time he got away!" Cyborg stood up. He never had any problem confronting Robin. Robin moved closer to face him.

"If we had enough training already, he wouldn't have escaped!" he yelled.

"It's your mind that's escaping! You're letting your obsession take over!" Cyborg replied, slamming his fist down on the bench. A bowl jumped and landed back on the bench. Starfire flinched.

"Please friends, do not fight." she pleaded, her big emerald eyes swimming with tears.

"Leave it star." Beastboy nudged quietly. I agreed with Beastboy, he wasn't stupid all the time.

"You just don't take anything seriously enough" Robin continued, pacing. "We are heroes! Red-X is a danger to this city! It's our job to stop him!" his words rubbed me the wrong way.

"He hasn't actually hurt anyone." I put in quietly and emotionlessly. Robin stuttered and I closed my eyes. The darkness calmed me.

"Are you going insane Raven?" his disembodied voice asked angrily. I heard a thump, perhaps Cyborgs fist on the bench again. I was right. Red-X had only ever stolen things, never had any other people been involved.

"Don't start on her!" Cyborg yelled. I felt gratitude. Cyborg, my big brother, always looking out for me. I might just let the Jinx thing go for now.

"S-sh-he, he- I am not - he could start hurting people any time!"

"Not likely" Cyborg muttered.

"That's right., because we're increasing training sessions to five hours a day! Starting tomorrow, end of story!"

"No way man!" Beastboy cut in. Robin started to argue but I cut him off.

"Oh Azar shut up!" I teleported to my room. I threw off my belt, pulled on my jeans and my jacket over my leotard. I closed my eyes once more and teleported to the coffee shop. Tea would not calm me down. Black coffee might help me.

I materialised next to the counter. Lela didn't flinch, she was used to my sudden appearances when things weren't going so swell.

"Tea, Raven?" she asked serenely. I took in Lela's appearance. The pink streaks through her oil black hair and the silver stud in her tiny nose. Her oriental skin and her height, as short as me.

She was forever nosy, forever in my business. My friend, if I could possibly have one outside the Titans.

"I need coffee Lela." I said darkly. she examined me, probably seeing the shadows under my eyes.

"Ok" she smiled lightly and started grabbing stuff out of the cupboards. Her personality was a medium between mine and Starfire's. She had a confidence I lacked and the sense to shut up when it was needed. My coffee was made fast, and she didn't bother putting in the wheat grass or whatever she usually insisted on.

"Here you go." Then she smirked knowingly.

"What?" I demanded, taking the Styrofoam cup and taking a sip. Lela smiled impishly.

"That guy from yesterday has been asking for you." I narrowed my eyes. I didn't need this right now.

"Well next time he shows up, tell him to go fuck himself." Lela laughed.

"Go tell him yourself" she inclined her head behind me. I whirled around to see Mr. Muscles sitting at my usual table, watching me with a grin on his face. I stared back incredulously. He raised his cup to me and winked, laughing at my expression.

He came back everyday after that.


	4. Wall to wall

_Jared Wilson_

I came back everyday after that. Sometimes she wasn't there but more often than not, when I sat down at our regular table, Raven appeared shortly after. Her little Asian friend Lela always watched out of the corner of her eye when she was on her shift, every weekend.

I didn't tell her much, just that my name was J. I didn't know why I even told her that much, since she was a Titan and all, but I couldn't help it. She seemed to draw me in and make me blurt out things. Anyway, She quickly figured out this was an initial and pressed me for more information but I didn't budge. Mostly I asked her questions about herself. At first, especially the second day I showed up, she wouldn't tell me anything. Just sat scowling. I even had to pretend I didn't know she was a Titan, even though with her super powers she knew I was lying. But as I showed her that I wasn't the dickhead she thought I was, she opened up. At least, that's what I like to think.

But she never spoke unless I asked her a direct question, or she had something important to say. That was just her way. Like many of the strange things she did.

Raven wore the same basic jeans/t-shirt combo every time I saw her. Except every time I saw her, the shirts and jeans seemed to get tighter. And her lips seemed to get juicier. And her voice got lighter. And her hair seemed to get a deeper purple and once, she smiled. If you weren't concentrating on her face like I was, you would have missed it. Just a small twitch in the upper corners of lips. But it made my heart rush a hundred miles of hours.

The various weird guys who filtered through the beaded curtain and into the coffee shop glared harder than ever, but I obviously didn't care. I was sitting with Raven. Last name Roth, she told me unwillingly on our third "date". I was sitting across the table from Raven Roth, goddess, hero, demon, hot girl.

I even told my friends about her. My best mates only, Ryan and Tommy. I went to school with them but Tommy had left early and got a "real job" as a mechanic instead of going to college like us. They were usually pretty understanding about my life. They knew about the Red-X thing, and didn't care much as long as I bought them a beer once in a while. But they couldn't get why I switched my early attention from Starfire to Raven. But they hadn't met her yet.

I wanted to tell her who I was before she met them, but couldn't see that happening anytime soon. I had no idea if we were seriously something. And if we weren't, if she didn't think that much of me and I just dove right in, she might turn me in. It was too huge a risk.

"Are you even paying attention?" she asked evenly, one eyebrow raised in sexy annoyance.

"I'm sorry, I was lost in your eyes, Sunshine." Raven scowled. She hated that nickname. A laugh bubbled in my throat.

"Stop calling me that." she warned, not whiningly, a little emotion seeping into her voice. I liked it when that happened but the only way to do it was to push her to an extreme feeling. Like annoyance, for example.

" I can't help it. Why are your eyes purple by the way?" I asked, and was genuinely interested. She scowled again and took a sip from her green tea. She only drank coffee when she was really pissed or really tired. I had finished mine five minutes ago and was waiting for her before I went and got another one. Lela eyed us, smirking, from behind the counter.

"Why are you such an idiot?" she countered, and drained her tea. Today she had left her hair loose to drape around her face. It had gotten slightly longer in the few weeks I had been seeing her, possibly due to a demonic growth hormone that clearly wasn't affecting her height. Her black t-shirt fit like paint and she probably had to be sewn into those jeans.

"You don't mean that." I sighed. "Just tell me please?" I asked a little more seriously.

"Come on, your cups been empty for ten minutes." she said blankly, completely ignoring the question. Sanding up, cup in hand, she walked up to Lela at the counter. I shamelessly stared at her ass and followed.

"Hey guys, the same?" Lela sounded disappointed. Raven nodded and pushed her cup onto the counter top. I did the same. The music was louder here.

It was on a rotation of fusion and jazz most of the time, but occasionally the coffee house held live performances and open mike nights. I was itching to be present for one. It would cheer anyone up.

"Are you sure you don't want a cinnamon shot?" she looked hopefully towards Raven and she set her face in a stone hard glare. " or a special bean blend coffee?" Lela looked at me.

"No Lela. I can't even begin to guess what you mean by special." I said truthfully. Probably a mixture of arsenic and magic candy floss beans from Kenya. Lela's scowl matched Ravens perfectly. Ah, my little emo girls.

"When are you guys going to go somewhere other than here? Its been weeks." Lela voiced suggestively what I had been thinking lately.

"You mean, to the ... _outside_?" I dropped my voice dramatically on the last word and Lela's scowl deepened. But Raven was leaning in a little closer than usual and was commanding my attention.

"No." she muttered firmly. This was offending. What did that mean? she didn't want to be seen in public with me? Jesus, I was supposed to be the too-cool, hard-ass criminal.

"Why?" I asked a little more forcefully and demanding than I had intended. Raven looked up at me, she had to crane her flawless neck to do it, and shut me up with a mere look.

"We like it here, Lela, and we both know my friends would kill him." she said to Lela but was still looking at me sharply. I snorted. Meeting the titans officially would make my day.

"I think your afraid of the sun" Lela muttered unhappily, but started making our drinks.

A voice behind me tore my eyes off Ravens perfect hands.

"Hey Raven." Domino commented deeply. Ravens body tensed beside me, and instinctively I put my arm around her waist. She didn't flinch. We turned around to face him.

Domino was five foot five, pale skinned, black haired with white streaks and was an annoying little pussy. He was one of the assholes vying for ravens attention, and I could tell he hated me with a passion.

"Hello, chubby checkers." I answered for the both of us. Domino was a grungie. His kaki shirt was torn in several places and his jeans and heavy tramping boots were pissing me off. He smirked at me, then looked pointedly at Raven.

"Listen babe, me and a couple of the other guys noticed that this try-hard has been harassing you, and we wanted you to come sit at our table." shit, this was just like high school. Except I liked high-school.

"No thanks." Raven said evenly, though there was a definite edge to her voice. He was making her uncomfortable.

"Clear off asshole." I added, just so we were clear. Domino put his hand on Ravens shoulder and she visibly jerked away. She closed her eyes in concentration and whispered something desperately.

"You wanna take this outside?" he asked menacingly, hard eyes on me.

"Here's fine." And then I punched him. Hard. I don't even punch the boy wonder with as much force. It was an instinctive reaction.

"ah fuck!" Domino had crumpled to the ground, his hands covering his nose. Blood was seeping through the gaps between his fingers.

"Go see your psychiatrist" I advised, watching him roll around on the floor.

"Awesome." Lela commented airily from behind us.

_Raven Roth_

"You wanna take this outside?" Domino asked menacingly. I couldn't see his expression, my eyes were squeezed closed tight. I muttered my chant under my breath in an attempt to forget his hand was still on my shoulder, palms sweaty.

The curse of being a woman. Of course, sometimes, it felt nice. Like I was wanted. But other times… Starfire got it more than me, but she had no idea what they were saying and Robin kept anyone from touching her. It wasn't that bad for her. When it did happen to me it was even worse than for girls who understood perfectly men's intentions. My empathy meant I could practically taste the lust rolling out of their pores.

"Here's fine." I heard J's voice get angry. And then I heard a loud thack as Domino hit the floor. I wrenched my eyes open and saw him rolling on the ground like a pathetic, overturned beetle. Blood was spurting from his nose, his eyes screwed up in obvious pain. Wide-eyed, I noticed J was still standing next to me.

"ah fuck!" Domino cursed, still trying to stem the flow of blood with his hands. He was doing it wrong, pinching his nostrils would do nothing to help a broken nose. I could tell it was broken, the shaft between the bridge and nostrils was bent at an odd angle.

"Go see your psychiatrist." J commented, marginally happier. He was watching Domino's progress on the floor with a casual smile.

"Awesome." Lela remarked airily from somewhere near my back. J's arm returned to its spot around my waist.

"Real helpful" I said sarcastically, shrugging out of his grasp and kneeling over Domino. His nose showed no signs of slowing the blood, and some of it had gotten in his main of hair, matting it red. He was still an asshole, but then again I was still a titan. I looked up to his usual table. His five or so friends were staring incredulously except for two, who were smirking. The angriest looking one was a girl with mousy hair which looked like it hadn't been combed in weeks.

"Take him to the emergency room, his nose is broken." I analyzed it closer. Beneath the blood Domino was moaning and swearing, most likely at J. The girl got to her feet shakily and crossed the floor to kneel beside me.

"Is Dom going to be okay?" she asked, concerned over nothing. Her voice was high and nasally, adding to the knot in the back of my head.

"He'll be fine if he stops hitting on Raven." J answered coolly from above and behind us. "got that?" he asked more threateningly. The girl pulled Domino to his feet. His face held determination, but the steel in his eyes wavered when J blocked their path to the door.

"I'm still waiting for an answer." J enforced edgily, his gaze fixed on Domino's bloodied, juxtaposed face. Domino cringed slightly, so slightly that I doubted anyone but I had seen it. Like a muscle spasm. Without saying a word, he nodded forcefully and bolted for the door. Flecks of blood joined the air as he half-ran, half-stumbled clumsily out the door with the mousy girl supporting his weight by holding his right arm across her shoulder, a look of pure concern and anguish evident on her otherwise plain and unremarkable features.

Some woman, the ones that had little in the way of beauty, presence, or intelligence, often acted this way. Unconditional and unrequited love for someone they held on a high pedestal. Domino Jones-Hunt could do anything short of Rape-murder and still hold the love of this lonely girl. She clung to him like seaweed on a rock.

"What was that?" I asked blandly, my eyes turning to J and holding him to the spot, halfway between lifting his now full and steaming brown coffee cup from the bench. The alternative music and heady incense usually soothed my nerves, but today they were the irritating, headache increasing flat tire after a dead car battery.

"He touched you." He replied, as if this was an obvious reason for breaking peoples noses. I softened a little.

"You didn't need to punch him over me." I insisted in surprise. J raised his eyebrows so high they disappeared under his elegantly messy hair and picked up my tea in his other hand. Lela watched from the shadows behind the counter, where the light from the low hanging chandeliers, candles and fairy lights strung around the dull walls didn't reach her.

"Come on Sunshine," he sighed, genuinely unhappy. "Lets get back to coffee." J walked around the steel tables and wire chairs filled with staring, unblinking, for once in their life curious, teenagers. I followed him warily, feeling the burn of fifteen or so kohl rimmed eyes on my back.

I hated this undeserved attention these people insisted on giving me. A life should be better spent than watching mine play out, especially when all of us in here knew it wasn't going to last forever.

Over by the door, in a little dimly lit corner of the shop, their was a wall. Pictures of glaring, laughing, depressed, blank and desperately unhappy people adorned a small space at the top of it. Some were taken in the prime of their fixation, black and punk and torn up clothes with a bleak backdrop, some in the peak of their life, vibrant, naturally colored hair and goofy unconcerned smiles taken at barbeques or at home. Thirty pictures in total, of regular customers who had tried to take their own lives in a bid to free themselves. All of them tried within the last ten years, all of them succeeded.

I had seen some of them in my time here. That boy, in the bottom left hand corner, the one with the blond bangs and baby blue converse shoes. I had seen him sit in that chair by the corner with that girl with the deep, black, bottomless eyes and eyebrow piercings in the second to bottom row and talk with her for hours. She had gone first, but he had followed as fast as he could. A year, at most, ago. The others I didn't recognize.

J shouldn't fight so close to the wall. J shouldn't fight at all but if he had to, I doubt he could hold off twenty vengeful punks by himself.

Especially not with me as his motivation.

"Did you want that guy to touch you?" J. asked stonily. I knew he meant touch your shoulder but it sounded like he was insinuating something more.

"No, but that doesn't give you a free pass for punching someone else." I insisted. I stared down at my herbal tea, purple strands of hair falling across my face. "thanks though." I added quietly. Lela _had_ put something herby in it. She was forever testing her scientific drink recipes on me. I glared.

"You can arrest me if you want." J snickered, back to his wonderfully light mood. My cheeks heated faintly at the innuendo. Last time, when he had said goodbye, he had brushed his lips over my cheek. It was only for a second, and then he melted suddenly into the jump city crowd like he always did. Up close he smelled like instant coffee and…baby powder? I hoped he didn't have a secret toddler stashed away, because I was starting to look forward to his company every weekend, crave it even. His kiss had made me more sure.

* * *

Oh yeah. Jared's getting _fris-kay!_


	5. Hood Rat

_Dedicated to GiseMicaela._

* * *

_Raven Roth_

"I'm taking you to see my place!" he announced grandly to the bus cab in general. I raised my eyebrow and ignored the scandalised looks from other passengers. "but we have to baby-sit my neighbours kids" he added apologetically. I breathed an inaudible sigh of desperate relief. I was scared to be alone with J, scared of how it would feel. What if it wasn't good? Or, even worse, what if it was too good?

The latter seemed more likely.

"That's alright. Kids are…" I trailed off in monotone. I couldn't think of a word to finish. _Lifesavers._ Timid said quietly. I_n the way._ Desire/lust sulked. J noticed my awkward expression and smiled reassuringly.

"They'll most likely be asleep when we get there, I don't usually baby-sit at this time of night, but Ana got an urgent call from work so.." he trailed off. His loose fitting grey slogan t-shirt and dark jeans made me unsure about how I felt.

Kids in the next room…

Asleep…

J. and I…

Alone…

It made me feel unsteady on my feet. Like the earth was shaking and I was the only one noticing. I smoothed over my black pants. They were Starfire's, though I'd never seen her wear anything so subdued. I suspected she brought them for me to wear specifically. She'd noticed what was going on, as had the others, but she was the only one to reach the right conclusion. _Boy. _

_Flash back. _

"W_here are YOU going?" Beastboy asked suspiciously from his seat at the bench. A large blue bowl full of tofu cubes and shreds of lettuce sat in front of him, waiting for crotons to be added. The sun outside was dully glowing under the heavy clouds that told everyone another storm was on its way, possible even bigger than the last. I rearranged my bag strap on my shoulder and tried to look inconspicuous. It was difficult. Raggy denim shorts Starfire had given me for Christmas and opaque tights were not a look I tried everyday._

"C_offee shop" I answered evenly and without missing a beat. It wasn't a lie. Robin looked up from his paper. The Sunday news was one of the few things that he took time off searching for Red-X for. He scanned my attire with a raised eyebrow. I stared back. Robin made no comment so I hurriedly made my way to the door. I had it open in time for Cyborg to walk in, his chefs hat on top of his head and a packet of steak in hand. He too spotted me._

"W_here are you going?" he stopped mid-step and watched me with his mouth hanging open._

"_To the coffee shop!" I moaned quietly and took another step out the door._

"Y_ou've been going there an awful lot lately Rae." he accused, leaning on the bench with his elbow. Starfire walked in absent mindedly, she floated into the kitchen and pulled a green bowl from the cupboard._

"Y_es friend Raven, why does the mysterious dark coffee shop hold you so?" I scrambled for a lie. What would keep me going to the coffee shop? They would never in a million years guess boy…Starfire's eyes widened when she noted I was wearing clothes that she had given me. _

"O_h!" she exclaimed loudly, and all the guys heads flicked to her. Starfire blushed deep crimson but dropped the bowl she had been filing with mustard on the bench and ran over to me._

"_Raven must go now." she told everyone firmly while she pushed me out the door with her abnormal strength._

_End flashback_

When I had arrived home yesterday she had dragged me into her room full of pink fluffy shit not a second after I had crossed the doors threshhold. Starfire had then demanded I tell her everything about J. which wasn't much. Then she wheeled me over to her closet, stuffed several coat hangers in my hands and told me to go get some beauty sleep. It was only 8:00.

Starfire's questions made me think over how little I knew about J. I knew his habits, his favorite drink. I knew he was strong and knew how to throw a punch. I knew he was overly protective of my safety, and curious about my life. I knew I liked him. I didn't know his actual name.

The bus halted to a shuddering and bumpy stop. Several people filtered out lazily, most of them in rough dress. J stood up as well, so I trailed behind him off the bus. When we got outside, I jogged forward a couple of steps so I was walking adjacent to him. This neighborhood was dodgy. It was mainly concrete and brick, graffiti in various colors covering every clean, flat space. The street was long, the buildings along the footpaths mostly rundown or closed shops with steel bars over the dirt-crusted windows. Between every few buildings an alleyway snaked into darkness, dark shadowy figures leant against the brick walls melting into the scenery.

I hugged my jacket closer to my body in an effort to stave off the sudden cold. I felt uneasy. The sky was an ominous purple, we passed an empty lot, with a wrecked and gutted car drowning in thigh high weeds and brown grass. Bottles crunched underfoot and I was grateful for the thick rubbery soles of my converse sneakers. J was absent mindedly humming a tune I vaguely knew, a smile on his face that told me he wasn't bothered by the threatening-looking man lolling next to the corner shop.

_Run! _Instinct screamed from inside my head, but also from the pit of my stomach. My instinct wasn't always right, but usually… _Get closer to J! _desire urged, pleases with the excuse of danger. I shivered and listened to desire, taking a half step closer to him. He stopped humming and threaded his arm round my waist.

Usually this blatant and intimate human contact would cause loss of control, function and mind.

But right now, in this unfamiliar and threatening place, It felt protective, and for once welcome. I could feel his chest, breathing.

Up and down up and down. It reminded me that this was not a surreal dream that had the potential to be nightmarish, but a walk down a street to get to another humans house. Completely normal, but as usual nothing could ever feel that way to me.

Instinct kept on urging me to turn and go back but my legs weren't co-operating. While J's arm reassured me, it did little to warm me up. My muscles tensed and coiled inadvertently as we passed the man, but he didn't move, except to nod at J and his eyes, as they followed me around the corner.

The new street was a Cul de sac, small rundown but livable one story houses lined it, with a large gray building at the end, covered in plant life.

"You cold?" J asked lightly, as if it was perfectly normal and safe to be walking along this street, eyes appearing from behind moth-eaten drapes to watch our progress.

"No" I lied evenly. The cold and unnaturally still air was stabbing at my skin, ignoring the fabric of my jacket. I kept pace with J's long strides, matching two of mine to one of his. I got the feeling he was slowing down for me, the lean muscles in his legs aching to go faster.

That was how J was. He wanted to be fast. Today he had wanted to take me here on his motorcycle; another one of his mysterious luxuries that by rights he shouldn't be able to possess. But I'd said _no,_ I'd wanted to go on the _bus _and then _walk._ I didn't want to be obliged to clutch his waist in fear of falling off and ending up covered in tar.

We reached the dull gray appartment block and we had to turn sideways to fit through the alleyway that led to the concrete staircase. The carpet at the top of the landing was a worn, mossy green, possibly originally that color, possibly molded over. I didn't stop to check. J stopped humming and clicked his key into the first door on the right. His apartment.

"I'll just grab my cellphone." J said casualy, pushing the door open as it stuck to the floor.

I followed behind him awkwardy, taking the small room and huge mess. It was mainly the one room, kitchen and den, with a large flatscreen perched on against the floor in front of a green couch. the walls were off-white and neutral, and there was a plastery hole next to the electrical socket, like someone had kicked the wall. The whole room was covered in mess, clothes and dishes. J seemed not to notice them as he pushed some paper off the bench and picked up the futuristic phone.

He backed out of the room and I followed him in a daze, out into the hallway and into another room, since the door was unlocked.

The apartment was the same size as J's, the same doors leading off into rooms as well, it seemed. It also had the same color scheme of off-white walls with grey trim but with pale brown carpeting, maybe a little less worn and stained than his. The big difference in the flats was the toys strewn around this one compared with the dirty dishes and clothes strewn around his. In comparison J lived like a pig. A haggard looking but extremely pretty dark-haired woman was crouched down beside the coach stroking the head of a small similar haired child lying on it, apparently asleep. She was dressed in office clothing, a white blouse and a black calf-length pencil skirt and had a small tan handbag slung over her shoulder. This was obviously Ana. I stood awkwardly behind J. He walked towards the woman as if he lived here too. It would explain the unlocked door. I wondered if it bothered her husband that his wife was leaving the room for younger men.

"Jared! Zank goodness yu came." she whispered thickly sounding immensely relieved. Her accent was definatly heavy Russian. I wondered briefly who the hell Jared was before realizing again J was only an initial. I felt stupid. Of coarse J. wasn't his name. J reached around behind him, found my willing hand and pulled me up next to him. His skin was warm, a contrast to mine, which was always freezing. I leant into his shoulder slightly.

"I'm always happy to help. And I brought along a date so I can show her how sensitive I am." he said completely sincere. I glared at him for a second until I realized Ana was giving me the once over. I fought down the blush that I knew would appear anyway. I felt abnormal in civilian clothes, so exposed.

Ana seemed to like me. Her lips curled into a quiet smile as she appraised my simple pants and t-shirt combo. It only faltered slightly when she came to my purple hair.

"I'm zo glad!" she concluded sincerely. I felt a rush of gratitude to her. No one had ever said that the first time they had met me. Mostly no-one said anything at all. "My names Ana, I wish I could stay-" she looked like she truly meant it, with the want in her eyes. "but I have work in five minutes…" she glanced franticly at her watch and then the door.

"don't worry about it." I said, louder than I usually talked. "I'm Raven by the way." Ana's face lit up but she showed no sign of leaving. It was as if her legs wanted her to move but simply wouldn't work. J sighed dramatically.

"_Go_ Ana." he prompted. "We have it covered." he pointed at the doorframe. She huffed at him good-naturedly, flashed us a grateful smile, threw a glance at her sleeping child then disappeared behind the quietly shutting door.

I blinked. J laughed quietly.

"I love her, she's like my mom" he strolled over to the coach. I could tell, in the way they talked, the way they were at ease, that he wasn't joking when he said he loved her. There was history there, I wasn't sure if I was allowed to ask him about it. Not sure that I wanted to, because he would surly ask about my family, and what would I say? I followed him, unsure what to do with myself.

"she's nice." I summed up. Not the smartest thing I ever said.

J. chuckled, he did that a lot, and scooped up the curly haired toddler, cradling her. It seemed strange to me, to see staunch J cuddling small children. He seemed like a natural, obviously he knew what he was doing. Like he said before, Ana was his mom, and these were his siblings.

"This is Renata" he whispered looking at me, smiling with what seemed to be pride. I studied her features and bit my lip. Even though she looked noyhing like Melvin, with her mass of black curls compared to Melvin's straight, blond pigtails, there was still something in her face that made me miss the three children I'd looked after. Melvin tugged at my thoughts every now and then. Maybe due to some motherly instinct I had long smothered, thinking it could never happen, and then the strange new hope killing my father had led to. J noticed my hesitation.

"What's wrong?" he asked, confused. He glanced down at Renata sleeping angel face. His brows knitted together. Usually woman would immediately melt when shown a child that looked like Renata. I wondered if I'd offended him, and again wanted my hood. I smoothed my voice over so it was neutral.

"Nothing, don't worry about it." he didn't believe me, his face twisting into suspicion but he let it go. J walked the length of the room and pushed a door open with his half-free arm. I followed him like a lamb. It was slightly small but it housed a giant bed and a set of draws. Ana's other child, a little curly haired boy, was already sleeping in the bed, the covers tucked up to his chin and his mouth opened slightly. The two children were definatly fraternal twins. J pulled the sheets back at the corner and slid Renata in beside the sleeping boy while I lent against the doorframe. J looked so at ease tucking kids into bed. It made my heart ache faintly for something and I didn't want to know what it was.

"Our work is done" he declared in whisper while marching me out of the room and closing the door behind us. "that was hard." he flopped down on the green velvety coach and I sat on its arm.

"so _Jared._" I began. "What do we do now?" that wiped off his smile. For a moment.

"I didn't know she was going to use my full name." he grumbled looking put out. I snorted.

"That's not your full name. What's your last name?" Jared grinned again at my question, flashing his teeth. I found I actually had to force myself to not smile back. His smile was infectious.

"Now, now sunshine. I still need some secrets."

He seemed to find his sentence incredibly funny.

I sat on the coach waiting for him to stop irritating me. I _would _find out _something_ about him. For a start; Why did he always fall into hysterics at random times?

"Your cute when your mad." he commented once he had calmed down.

"What _do_ you do for a living anyway?" I asked irritably, ignoring him. This just send him spiraling into fits again. My eyebrow came up. "That wasn't funny _Jared._"

He sobered up immediately. He raised a challenging eyebrow back at me.

"I'm sorry we can't all have careers. Some of us have to _really_ work for money instead of having superherodom offered right out of school" he didn't speak maliciously, his features were laughing at me, as per usual, but I could hear the tiny note of resentment in his tone.

"I didn't go to school" I said a little defensivly, crossing my arms over my chest. "otherwise I'd still be there." I cringed at the thought of public schools and packed hallways. Jared froze in his spot. His mouth hung slightly agape, his eyes disbelieving. It was true, I had enough of institutions by the time I'd left Azarath. I taught myself what I needed to know. "What?" I demanded sheepishly when he didn't move from his strange expression.

"How old are you?" he asked in a pained voice, as if he didn't want my answer. I immediately understood. He had thought I was out if school. Legal to drink and party. Cyborg was the oldest of all the titans. And he was barley nineteen. When I saw Jared, muscled and handsome like no boy my age is, I knew he was older. Now I realized I didn't know how much by.

A shy and uncharacteristic smile appeared on my face.

"Guess." I said innocently. Jared's face was one of horror.

"Twenty?" he shot hopefully. I shook my head

"_Teen_ titans." I reminded him sarcasticly.

"Nineteen" he almost sounded like he was begging me to nod my head. I decided to be nice.

"Seventeen" Jared groaned.

"I'm Twenty-one!" he cried angrily at himself. I bit back a laugh. That was nothing compared to the thousand year age gap my last love interest and I shared.

"I'm almost 18" I offered. He stared angrily at me like I wasn't helping.

"Great." he muttered out of the corner of his mouth.

"Pedophile." I said when I couldn't hold my unnatural giggle in any longer. He didn't find it as funny as I did but relaxed with my laugh. I was surprised by how much I liked giggling. It didn't feel as ridiculous as I thought it would.

He was still frowning at me when I fell off balance and onto the floor. I landed on my tail bone and resolved not to laugh again. I pretended nothing happened while pushing back the heat in my cheeks.

"Your balance is almost as good as your ability to pretend nothing's wrong." he continued on with his frown. It was unnatural and wrong on his usually amused face. "what was up with that look you gave Renata before?"

"It was nothing" I said evenly.

"Don't try to-"

"Nothing."

He took a steadying breath.

"Raven. We both know your lying." he looked me straight in the eye and I found moving was impossible. The storm clouds in his eyes were tinged with angry purple and gray. "What's your problem, you looked like someone hit you." he blinked and my trance was broken.

"Noth-" he closed his eyes again and held up his hand. After a moments calm he rose from the coach and over to me. His body was extremely warm against my skin. I wasn't sure what he was doing.

I had been this close to men before. So why should this so different? I thought nothing of tackling a criminal, or standing next to the other titans, but this was like placing my hand on a hot stove, adrenaline burst included. I even forgot what we were talking about.

His palm pressed against my shoulder and I prayed he wouldn't notice the raised goose bumps there.

I looked up into his face, even on his knees he was a whole head taller than me. He was tilting his head down as far as it would go. I raised my eyes to his unwillingly, aware what I said next had much more significance than it's actual meaning. His eyes were intense but the hand on my shoulder felt almost brotherly. I felt almost disappointed.

"It's not important." I said quietly and flicked my eyes away. He moved his palm from my shoulder and tentatively wound his arm around my waist.

"Yes it is." all the cockiness had evaporated from his voice.

I took a breath, pulled my eyes back to face his and was fascinated by the way his iris's seemed to seethe like the revolving sky. I looked down to make the talking easier, but the words still burned the back of my throat on the way out.

"Renata just reminded me of these kids I looked after. The oldest one. Melvin, the girl. Not that they look anything alike, Melvin was a pure American blond who loved pigtails. She had powers too. Its just that, all little girls look the same and Renata reminded me a little of them." I said, without the emotion others would have included. Jared raised his eyebrows but said nothing. He looked slightly surprised, as if he, like everyone else, didn't know I could feel.

But then he breathed deeply like he was relived. He started to say something but hesitated, then closed his mouth. I didn't say anything but looked back up at him, curiosity bursting. His eyes were cast on the snow pooling on the windowsill outside, his hair flopping over his eyes and throwing shadows on his face.

"I know how you feel." he said quietly. I sensed he would stop here so I prompted him gently.

"Really?" his head turned back to mine, closer than they were before. My eyes widened a little at the intimacy. He pulled back a fraction, his face crinkling in amusement at my reaction. Then his face lost it as soon as it appeared.

"I had a brother," he said. Then he snorted bitterly. "well I guess I still got one." Jared fell silent again. Empathy forced his pain into me. His pain made my heart ached for his brother, but my pain made me hurt for J. Perversely, his story made me hungry for more. I wanted to know everything that had ever happened to him.

"What happened?" I had to fight my hardest to keep my voice indifferent. I was finally getting what I had wanted, to know more, or at least _something_ about him. Jared sighed in a way fitting to his mood but pulled my body closer to his. We were pressed hard to each other now, a few layers of cotton and sweatshirt between us and my skin no longer cold due to his heat.

I felt as if it wasn't actually me sitting here, some other girl maybe, but definatly not me. Like this was a book I was reading, or someone else's memory. His fingers tightened around the curve of my hip, just above the waistband of my jeans.

"Our parents died when I was ten and Ben was five. We stayed with our uncle and aunt for a bit, but they already had three kids and a tiny enough paycheck. We went into foster care when I was eleven." my breath had stopped for a moment and he had noticed, flashed me a smile and continued. "the thing you have to understand Raven, is that when people adopt they want a baby. Something small and new, with no baggage or history at all. I was an annoying little bastard." he grinned at that and I hesitantly leaned my head onto his shoulder. " Ben was small for his age, adorable too, that much I remember, blond like my mum. Anyway he looked about four years old and he got adopted out straight off. They had to drag me away when they took him."

I pressed my forehead to his hot cheek. My lips were only inches from his, but I had never been less worried about that than I was know. How could I have known, when he sat down at my table at the coffee shop with that cocky grin and good-looks, that he had this inside him? I had figured his confidence stemmed from no pain. It was the other way round, obviously. Confidence stemming from surviving through it. Something I had never quite acquired. Is that why he counted Ana as his mother?

"What about you?" I whispered. When he spoke, I felt his jaw move against my head.

"I stayed there until I was thirteen, then I ran. I came to jump, started school and am currently studying for my business degree."

"and Ben…?" I asked in awe. He sighed and I moved with his chest.

"They moved to Australia soon after. I'm still in the process of deciding whether or not to find him. I have been since I turned 18 and could get my passport without a guardian. I don't know whether it'll derail his life or make him happy if I show up." I burrowed my nose into the softness of his jacket.

My brain felt heavy and aching, like it had been punched around while I had been talking to Jared. My bones felt hollow so I stayed where I was, leaning against the couch with J's arm holding me by the waist and pulling me close. The heat from his body did little to warm up the cool in my empty body. Jared stayed quiet next to me, his breathing quick at first, but then slowing to the speed of mine. Finally, after ten minutes or so of silence, he spoke.

"What about you?" he asked. Thankfully, the hint of amusement usually present in his voice returned. It made me wake up, like I had just taken a dose of adrenalin. His friendly and constantly entertained demeanor was addicting.

"Me?" I asked confused. How could he think of anything but his own pain, as so many other people did with nowhere near as much heart brake.

"Yes you sunshine, what's your story?" My stomach dropped and my mind scrambled for an explanation that could sum me up without him calling 911.

"I'm a runaway as well." I said emotionlessly. He tilted his head towards mine slowly, and before I could react, his lips crashed into mine without warning.

My eyes flew open wider than ever before. Jared swiveled around and pulled me in front of him, so my back was against the couch cushions and he was almost on top of me. His lips forced mine to part and before I knew what I was doing I was kissing him back.

It was like a part of me that had lay sleeping for my entire life had woken. That part of me was passionate and hopeful and wanted this very much.

I had tried to bury and stifle her the moment I had learnt I was going to die to save myself the pain. She was so human, with basic human needs. The need for human contact, the desire for children, the want for love. It was dangerous for her to be there, for she made me feel. But when my father was destroyed and she no longer became I danger, I still tried to keep her away, out of habit and fear of the unknown. Now she had taken over.

Lust was screaming directions in my head, ecstatic. I tried to push her down but found it impossible, so i may have listened to her a bit.

My heartbeat was going to completely stop soon if it didn't slow down, and my pulse was going to jump out of my skin. Jared ran his hand tenderly up and down the small of my back and pulled away for air, gasping heavily. I gasped too, for the second he allowed me before leaning back down over my mouth with fervor. I let my eyes fall shut and my body sink into his like liquid.

"Jared…" I whispered when he paused to plant kisses along my jawbone, making it hard for my words to come out right.

"Yes" he laughed and pulled away once more to stare at me. His eyes were dancing and gray, and staring right into my own. I noticed his hand had curled up into my violet hair. His features made all the more attractive by the mischievous smile on the lips that had kissed me a mere moment ago.

"What?" He inclined his head playfully when I didn't answer. My mind was dazed and I had forgotten what I had so desperately wanted to say.

"I forgot." I admitted darkly, my eyes falling to around his chest. J chuckled but didn't untwine his hands from my hair, his body curved protectively over mine. My core felt so warm now I shivered.

The door behind him cracked open a chink. Two four-year-old children peered through the crack. I froze for a second and then hastily scrambled away from under Jared before they got too good a look at our position, ignoring the slightly sharp and stinging pain when his fingers wouldn't come free from my hair as easily as I had thought.

A deep pink flush crept up my cheeks at being caught by someone, even if they probably didn't understand it. If an adult had seen us, they probably would have collapsed in shock. Me, under a man, kissing him like the world was going to end. Even though the world probably would, it still seemed unusual. It shouldn't of course, it was a very normal sight; a seventeen year old pashing it up, but I was _Raven._

J craned his neck to the right to see what had me twitchy and his face dropped a little. I stood up slowly, keeping my eyes trained on the children, as if they were little criminals who might try and blow up the house.

"Hey kiddies! What are you guys doing up?" he said in what I assumed was his child voice. The absence of me had left him in an awkward position crouched over air. He fell on his knees.

The boy stood still and stared wide-eyed at me while Renata made a stumbling run for Jared's arms.

"Where's mama?" she demanded, clinging to his neck.

"Momma's gone to work. Aren't you glad to see me?" he furrowed his brows in mock disappointment. I continued to try and ignore the boys curious stare but his eyes never strayed from my face. I gazed pointedly in the other direction before realizing four-year-olds can't take a hint.

"No no no no no no" Renata shook her head animatedly. J pretended to be shocked and frowned unhappily. "We don't like him, do we Oly?" she flicked her head round suddenly, her black curls whipping J in the face. He blinked heavily and blew the curls from his lips. From where I was standing they looked related, with all three of them having messy, ink black, uncontrollably elegant hair, bar the blue tints in J's. I was out of place.

Oly nodded without a word and started walking, stumblingly, towards them, eyes still trained on me. When Oly reached them he tore his eyes away and embraced the both of them, J buckled a little under the force. Renata giggled loudly.

It was so strange to think that a moment ago, emotions wild, I had been kissing J. now it felt like my center had been re-rooted somewhere different from its original place.

Great. I'm a tree.

"Naw we weres just trickings you!" she said happily, giggling and stuffing her hands in her mouth.

"So you love me really?" J asked, his voice muffled, while they crawled all over him.

"yeah yeah!" she cried and Oly nodded, in an apparent daze. Suddenly Renata flung her pudgy arm out to point at me. "who's that lady?" her voice was accusing. Oly noticed his sister's pointing finger and imitated her, looking back to her face for conformation.

J turned to shoot me an apologetic look.

"Uh, this is Raven." The children turned to stare at me, accusation in Renata's large, deer-like eyes, while Oly looked lost, like he wasn't sure what he was doing awake.

They reminded me of the children of Azarath with their exotic looks and burning gazes. They used to watch me the same way, wondering whether to acknowledge my presence or listen to their mothers orders to stay way. The memories tugged at the corners of my mind, stinging me.

"Hi…" I trailed off, averting my eyes.

"Poh-puwl hair!" Oly shouted suddenly. J cringed. Renata suddenly noticed, looking a little put out that her brother had spoken up. She scrambled in J's arms, but he held tight. She frowned, and pushed against his head with her tiny palm to no success.

"Why purpowl?" she demanded.

I looked pleadingly at J. He shrugged helplessly.

Then he wouldn't mind my answer if he couldn't offer any helpful hints.

"Magic." I replied indifferently, and rolled my weight onto my other leg off my already tired one. The children's eyes widened in amazement and Oly opened his mouth wide.

"Wooow." They both gasped simultaneously. J rolled his eyes at me, since they were no longer looking at him. I arched my brow back at him.

"What kind of magic Raven?" he asked in mock-curiosity, grinning. I placed my hand on my chest.

"Why of course, it was the magic of snow." I told him sarcastically, using my other hand to point out the window behind them.

It had indeed started to snow, covering the messy cul-de-sac in a fine powder. The sky had deepened in its purple tint, adding to the surreal quality the scene before us already had. The children jumped off J and ran to the window.

"Wooow" They gasped, their angelic faces pressed to the glass. Renata flicked round.

"Can we-can-can we go outside?" she asked hopefully, still a bit dazed. J swiveled round.

"Maybe," he began slowly. "in the morning. But you have to go back to bed really quick!" he hastily stood up and stared herding them back into their room. They ran screaming and giggling, wanting to play but wanting to be good so they could play with J, but in the snow. The noise cut off abruptly as J stifled them with their pillow for a couple of seconds. I raised my eyebrow again, and J pulled it off to ractous giggling.

"Shhhh! Ok, ok time for sleeping. Your momma would burn me alive if she knew you were up now."

Giggle.

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhh" J hushed like a pro. The giggling slowed and the children closed their eyes, still alert and awake, but less so every second. The smiles of playtime were still evident in their tiny curved up lips. J pulled the cover up over them, up to Oly's red cheek and Renata's chin and her cupped hands cradling it. I felt the now familiar warmth spread downwards from my hair follicles to my shoulders to my calf muscles to my ankles to my toes.

J looked so protective, the way I imagined he looked for me. Those children were in safer hands than any others on this earth, I truly believed that. Nothing would penetrate the shield he cast around them the moment he saw their faces and his face lit up like he was their flesh and blood sibling. No, more than that. Real siblings didn't seem to much care for their charges, as if they were merely annoyances. This was the utter shinning light of devotion. I wished that their was a way to make that devotion more substantially mine. Was he with me? Or was I just with him? Did we even have a relationship? I wanted to know so badly it felt as if the curiosity would burst from my skin. But how would I ask such a thing? There had to be an easy way, a secret coded sentence that he would immediately understand and be easy spoken aloud. But life was not that cruisy, as it had proved time and time again. I would just have to…wait.

J sat perched on the edge of the bed for a few moments as Renata's mouth drooped open slightly and Oly sank into a cogative sleep. When he was sure they were well and truly effete, and unlikely to stir, he stood up cautiously so the squashed mattress rising as his weight left it would not move too quickly. J closed the door with a quiet snap and backed away from it as if expecting it to explode. I shifted the weight from my leg onto the other again, while waiting for him to look at me again. He sighed in relief, and shrugged his shoulders a little, to re-arrange his ruffled jacket. Suddenly he turned to me and grinned.

"Well, now you know what I have to cope with everyday, and their not even my kids!" he sighed dramatically, and vaulted over the back of the couch to sit serenely, though he couldn't contain his usual smile.

I stepped unsurely towards him.

"But you love them." I shot back, a question and a statement. The grin was replaced with a serious look, that was coupled with his stormy, seething eyes.

"Yes." he replied, a little defensive, as if he thought I was attacking him, or the children. I shifted my feet and stared at them. My black pants were a covering all of them, except the tops, where the hem fell.

"Don't they remind you of Ben?" I asked quietly, tracing the green stitches on the couch with my eyes, upwards until I came to the top, and Jared's face.

It was really none of my business.

"Of course, but as I recall before we were interrupted, and before some other pleasant memories I have, we were talking about you." he said slowly, his eyebrows raised in unspoken question. I felt heated when he said the memories were _pleasant._ Jared chuckled at that and I pretended nothing happened.

"No, we were talking about you. You know so much about me, and I only learnt your first name today." I pointed out with narrowed eyes.

He was really starting to piss me off with his secrets. I wanted to know them so bad, the feeling was akin to when I had approached the justice league for help when I first came to earth. I hoped there would be a better outcome this time. J sighed good-naturedly and shifted his position so he was only taking up one cushion so I could sit. I walked around the edge of the couch arm to sit next to him. I dropped silently and met his gaze.

I didn't know what to say next. What did I even want to know? Why was I desperate to ask him a question I hadn't thought of yet? Maybe I just wanted to know _him._ But even I knew the question that would tell me all I wanted to know didn't exist.

"Have you ever made any serious plans for going to find Ben?" I asked. He didn't answer me for a moment, and when he did he spoke slowly, as if he weighed each word.

"I…yes. Every now and then when something reminds me…particuly of him. But nothing has convinced me enough so far." he said, pain evident in his voice. Suddenly his pain ripped through my nerves, courtesy of my empathy. Without even thinking, I pressed my face to his chest, wrapping my arms around him, feeling the thick, coiled muscles tense. I curved my fingers into his jacket, and closed my eyes. His breathing hiked, and then his hand appeared on my back.

In that moment I felt so _close_ to him. His pain was mine, and I had felt this before, when it was mine, so my pain was his. My brain wasn't even working, I was just running on feelings.

He hadn't expected that and neither had I.

"I think you both deserve it." I whispered into his T-shirt, eyes still clenched shut and loss, hurt, loneliness and my homesickness thumping like a pulse through me. "I know you want to, and I have a feeling he would want to see you too." his hand moved steadily up and down my back, causing me to shiver slightly. He liked that, and kissed the top of my head lightly. Some of the strangeness had faded away from the action, like it was becoming normal. We sat like that for a few minutes in complete, comfortable silence.

"I'll…think." he said finally. I raised my head from its current position. He had been staring at me, his eyes unfathomable. My eyes searched his, willing to feel all he had, enjoying any pain, because it was shared.

"What's happening?" he frowned, obviously seeing something different in my face. With my emotions as my only guide, I spoke without thinking.

"Empathy, it's one of my powers." I said simply, hugging closer to his broad chest in response to a jolt of confusion burning through me. The feelings were enjoyable yes, but they threw me off balance, like I could tip over one minute, and be dragged away the next. Like the tides.

"So…you can feel what I'm feeling all the time?" he asked eyes large, almost scared. Finally, he was seeing me for the unnatural monster I was.

"Some of the time. Usually I tune it out so I don't notice but sometimes, when I'm not focused and its strong, I'll catch what your feeling. Right now I'm doing it on purpose." I whispered, unable to tare my eyes away from his dark, ever-changing iris's. Jared frowned, and little worry lines appeared at his forehead.

"Don't. Why would you want to feel this too? It hurts. Concentrate on yourself for once Raven." he insisted sulkily, his eyes straying over to the window, where I know he would be watching individual snowflakes fall past. I numbly felt my own indignation and self-hate. Thinking of myself was wrong and selfish. If he knew how many times I had put my own life before the whole worlds he would be disgusted.

"I don't want to." I mumbled stubbornly, more to myself than to him. Jared sighed, and his eyes darted back to mine, his heavy mop of hair framing them from above, icy blue and inky black.

"Why not? You never do." he groaned in a frustrated manner, taking his hand off my back to rub over his face. My position was so comfortable, my mind was in a battle with itself.

Should I stay or should I go?

"Never" I hissed sarcastically. Jared looked confused at that and thankfully decided not to push me. Maybe he knew I would get off if he did.

Seemingly having the thought at the same time I did, he slowly, much slower than the previous time, lowered his face to mine. His hand fell to my hair and tangled itself around a small section, twirling it. Feeling daring and a little brave, I raised my lips to his with closed eyes and a hammering heart.

Soft. And gentle. He tasted like coffee and chocolate, a few of my favorite things. Jared held me tight so I wouldn't fall, and maneuvered us. Being a pig-headed, dominant male type, of course he had to make sure he was on top of me. I pressed down onto the cushions, feeling J's tongue swirl over my lips and his strong limps keep me in place. The blood in my system raced around its tracks like Olympic runners, desperate to win a race I didn't want to end. He took his lips away from my mouth and kissed my cheek. I kept my eyes closed, letting sensations reach my fingertips and swell inside of me. His hand was still in my hair, massaging my skull so I felt sleepy, but so alert. His other hand was at my waist, massaging up and down there too. My legs were on the inside off both of his, his knees pinning my thighs together.

Jared kissed up my cheek until he reached my ear, then traced the pattern back down to my lips. I kissed him back once he reached there, and granted him full access to my mouth while I wrapped my arms around his shoulders to anchor myself. His tongue slipped inside my mouth. My mind wasn't really censuring what was going on like it usually did, only errant thoughts flicking through it occasionally. He moved down from my lips after a few moments, to the hollow under my jaw on my neck. He sucked and kissed it until my vision swam. I titled my head back and had an overpowering urge to wrap my legs around him.

Forbidden actions.

He pushed the shoulders of my jacket down to better expose my shoulders. I would have to stop him soon, my mind thought warily. But he moved back up to my lips once more, absolute heaven encasing me. If reality was fantasy, I would do this forever with Jared.

He didn't make me feel unsafe and weak, like others did. Nor did he make it something dirty, something bad. I knew this couldn't be wrong, not with the way it felt. And these were my feelings not his. Curious, I let my empathy have full reign and felt an intense wave of lust hit me, mixed in with other less potent emotions. This lust wasn't like the usual kind I felt. Like it was a different _pitch_. I wanted this one. It made me feel like my nerve endings were alight with happiness and pleasure. It made me feel beautiful.

He left my lips once more, and I reluctantly opened my eyes to see what was wrong. Jared was staring down at me like he was seeing me for the first time.

_I_ was seeing me for the first time. How could anyone think the lifeless, emotionless shell I pretended to be was real? Was I that good an actor? Obviously, because even I had believed it.

"I didn't expect this to happen miss Raven Roth." he spoke aloud.

"Neither did I." I raised my eyebrow, amazingly still holding onto my aloof dignity, even though my mind was drowning in thoughts.

"Your beautiful." he commented, tracing the planes of my face with his fingers. I looked away.

I don't think I was ready to hear that.

He noticed and stopped tracing my cheek, and moved his finger to my lips. He stroked my bottom one and my whole body shivered.

"so…" I deadpanned finally.

"So." he repeated, eyes shinning and a wry smile. That wasn't what I had been hoping to say. I had been hoping he would ask what I wanted for me.

I couldn't do it.

I swept my eyes back over his face. He was much better looking than I had even immediately registered. Before he had been attractive to my uncaring eyes. Now he was a damn god. A punky, cocky-ass god, not that he would ever admit to being a punk. He made it quite clear that he detested all the company in the coffee shop, except for Lela.

Without warning the front door flung open and two young men flew through it and stopped, a little dumbfounded, in the middle of the room. One was tall and scruffy, with dirty blond hair and an attractive face. The other was slightly smaller, with chocolate brown hair cut shorter, and a more cunning look about him. They both had similar looks of disbelief on their faces as they appraised our position, with Jared on top of me, his hand in the middle of stroking my face and my staring intensely at him.

I lay frozen, unlike when I had seen the children. The position had been less incriminating then, and the minds easier to convince. These were adults, young ones, but that made it even worse. Jared looked up but didn't have the same reaction.

"What?" he groaned rudely. Despite myself, my eyebrows arched. Their faces split into grins.

The blond one laughed.

"Wow. Jared you should have told us you were gonna have company over." he snickered. Jared growled and gently pushed himself off the couch to his feet. When he was upright, he grabbed my hand and helped me up as well.

"This isn't my apartment." he said tightly, like he was restraining himself. I hadn't even given that a thought before. The brown haired one feigned shock.

"Children in the other room Jared! What ever were you thinking?"

I hadn't thought of a lot of things. I blushed deeply, wishing for my hood. In that moment I was no longer a powerful sorceress. I was just a girl.

Jared wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close when he noticed the blush, eyes narrowing dangerously.

"So…what the hell are you doing here?" he asked irritably. The boys sighed. I noticed one was carrying a six-pack of beer, and the other had a bulging white plastic shopping bag filled with what looked like chips.

"Football tonight dickhead." Blondie snorted. "It's not our fault you had other things on your…mind." he waggled his eyebrows like Jared sometimes did.

Uncomfortable.

I felt uncomfortable.

I arranged a perfectly fake look of emotionless unconcern on my face and raised an eyebrow. The two males looked a little put out.

"I remembered, but Ana got called into work, she'll be back in an hour, when the football actually starts and when you two are actually supposed to be here." Jared said cuttingly.

"You two must have lost track of time." brown-hair smirked. "Football starts in ten minutes."

Jared looked at little shocked at this. So was I. We can't have been here that long could we? Only an hour or so. If what they said was true, we had been here over three hours. I felt another blush coming on, and pushed it down successfully. I was regaining control.

"By the way when are you going to introduce us to your little lady? Its very rude Jared." Blondie tsked, and set the beer down on the bench top. Jared sighed in frustration and led me towards the bench.

"This idiot is Tommy." he grumbled, nodding at Blondie. "He has no money, no job, and no brain." Blondie pulled the finger at him then started trying to pull out a beer can from its cardboard confines.

"That's not true. I did a job today." he protested. Jared smiled back sarcastically. "And that ones Ryan. He has too much money, no job, and is a little smart-ass." Ryan pulled a jumbo packet of cheeto's from his bag and ripped them open, looking unconcerned with Jared's summary.

"No need to be grumpy _Jay-jay_. Were extremely sorry we walked in on your home porno movie, but we made plans. Bros before hoes." he said flippantly. I glared at him, making him do a double take, and he managed to look a little sheepish.

"Don't fucking call her that!" Jared yelled grabbing the cheeto's and punching Ryan in the face. He didn't do it as hard as when he had hit john back at the coffee shop, but Ryan's hand flew up to his nose.

"ahh fuuuccckkk!" he swore.

This seemed to be the proper response when Jared hits people.

Tommy was snickering from behind his hand. Jared returned to my side and replaced his arm around me. I sweat dropped. He was taking the protection thing much too far.

A part of me kind of liked being taken care of, but most of me detested it. I was no damsel in distress.

"Why do you always have to punch people?" I muttered, watching Ryan stumble around. Thankfully his nose was nor bleeding or broken.

"Ryan needs a good punch now and then." Jared replied wisely. Tommy snorted again.

"Its not fair. You have the one up. You know, more experience." Tommy said, with an air of threat in his voice. Jared stiffened immediately.

"Later." he growled. But he almost sounded sorry. Strange.

Ryan stopped stumbling around and stood still.

"Man you are so lucky right now. You owe me." he said, rubbing his nose. Stranger.

I narrowed my eyes. All the boys saw this and reacted immediately.

"Uh, I should get you home before your team sends me to jail." Jared said hastily, leading me towards the door. I span out of his grip and turned the handle myself.

Something was up.

"I can get home myself." I offered, eyeing the two men who were looking shifty and avoiding my gaze.

In truth it was the first time I had thought about going home. There was no way I was walking down that street alone, powers or no powers. I didn't want to take a risk like that. But there was also no way I was letting him go all the way home with me and then back. He was babysitting two four year-olds, not me. I would have to teleport home, it would be tiring but worth it.

"No you're not." Jared said shortly. I rolled my eyes. _Aww what a cutie! _Desire squealed in my head. _I thought we were independent!_ Brave protested. I went with the latter.

Before he could stop me, I leaped backwards out the door.

"Goodbye _Jared._" Other people were aloud to call him that why not me. The playfulness was a collaboration between happy and desire. I teleported.

The last thing I saw was Jared's face, staring at me. I remembered the feel of his lips on mine, and I had a feeling he was doing the same.

I was encased in black, liquid energy, though I could still breath, and focused on the tower. The kitchen specifically, were I could get some tea to calm me down. The energy cleared and I got a good view of the TV, as I had arrived directly in front of it. It was in one of the music channels and a video of Coldplay's _Lost _was playing. Beastboy jumped when I appeared and spilled his water over the leather couch. Looking at the couch made me tingle all over. I hoped that wouldn't last long, it would do no good for my tattered control.

"Jeez Rae! A little warning please?" he whined, shell-shocked.

"Don't call me Rae." I said emotionlessly. Raven was back. She had stored irrational, risk-taking, possibly foolish, Raven away.

* * *

_Jared Wilson_

"No you're not." I said shortly. It was still snowing, and getting dark outside. She had felt uncomfortable walking down the street with _me_ in the _daytime_. These streets looked a lot worse than they actually were, but a beautiful young girl like Raven alone in the dark anywhere…

She rolled her eyes, and took a graceful leaping step out the door.

"Goodbye _Jared._" she said a little playfully, what might have been a smile around her lips.

Her lips. Her soft, juicy, a little too red lips. They were perfect, like her. The whole evening had been perfect until those idiots I call friends interrupted. She had actually let me kiss her. More than once! Let me bend over her, place her. She had been willing. These assholes standing in front of me would definatly pay.

Suddenly her dark black energy swelled up around her lithe body and swallowed her up. When it ebbed away, she went with it. So that was her method of teleportation. I had never paid close attention before. The suits teleporting was a little uncomfortable to use at first but once I had gotten used to it, it felt awesome. Like I could go anywhere, do anything. I wondered if she felt the same. Another thing I would never be able to ask her without giving too much away.


	6. Everybody hates Jared

_Jared Wilson_

"Holy shit!" Tommy swore loudly. His eyes were wide and he was frozen in the process of taking a beer can to his mouth. Ryan was standing rooted to the spot, unconsciously rubbing his nose like an idiot. " I mean ho-ly shit!" he repeated, louder. Then he turned to me. "What the hell man?" he demanded. I shrugged, still thinking of Raven's abrupt departure.

"You knew what she could do." I replied, taking a beer from the cardboard fridge-mate. Sarah wouldn't mind me having one beer on the job as long as the kids didn't see. Tommy looked bug-eyed.

"No man, not just that." he shook his head, as if trying to clear it.

"What?" I asked, opening the can. It hissed loudly.

"She was hot! And man, she was at your place. But she's…." he struggled to finish. I narrowed my eyes at his comment. _I already _knew she was hot.

"Raven." Ryan finished for him. He didn't seem to be as struck as Tommy was. Obviously he hadn't been paying close enough attention.

"Exactly! She's supposed to be all asexual and cold. But she was kissing you just as much as you were kissing her. And she is much better looking than anyone's ever said!" he said sulkily, like everyone had been keeping a big secret from him.

"Yeah the press usually leaves her alone." Ryan said conversationally, as if he didn't care. He was still upset that I punched him.

"Man, did you see that look she gave us? You nearly shitted yourself, admit it." Tommy threw at Ryan.

"I was too busy getting punched in the face by her big bad bodyguard." Ryan said, throwing me a dirty look. Tommy started laughing.

"Yeah could you be anymore whipped?"

I took a sip of beer. It was warm.

"You cunts wouldn't leave her alone. And you called her a hoe. She already thinks she doesn't matter enough without you helping." I replied irritably, setting the can down.

"Insecure. Great choice." Ryan scoffed, helping himself to one. Tommy shook his head.

"Man, I thought you were crazy for chasing around after her when you could have gone for the red-head, but fuck!" Tommy had the same problem I did, Raven was indescribable.

"Shut up. she's just a chick" Ryan muttered.

"You're so gay." Tommy muttered back. I snorted.

The door opened with a small click. Ana bustled through, beaming, looking happier than she had in days. She set her handbag on the bench and the boys hid their beer cans behind their backs.

"Jared 'oney!" she smiled, the boys snickered behind her. I ignored them. Tommy still lived in his moms house. I needed to remind him again later.

"Hi Ana." I smiled back. "Why are you still smiling?" It was slightly disconcerting.

She beamed wider, showing off her perfect, straight, even, white teeth. In Russia she had been a model as a teenager. I was pretty sure she could still pass for twenty-two and make it big here too, but she wanted to be there for her kids as much as she could. Ryan had a crush on her. It was weird considering he _was_ twenty-two.

"I finally got e promotion! among ozer things.." she said cryptically, while looking around for someone. It clicked.

"vere's Raven?" she asked excitedly, checking behind Ryan to see if she was hiding there. She tossed her curls in disappointment when she wasn't.

"You just missed her." I said apologetically. I could understand. Not seeing her was crushing.

"Yeah. If you'd come home ten minutes ago you would have seen _a lot_ of her." Ryan put in. Ana looked confused now.

"What do you mean?" she asked. I sent a warning look at Ryan but it wasn't him who spoke. I quickly shoved the six-pack under my arm and started heading for the door.

"Uh we need to go to football no-"

"They were having sex on your couch." Tommy cut in gravely, with a poker face. I was ready to strangle him. (1)

"Gah?" she gasped, looking thourily shocked. My hands itched to close around both of their throats. Now they were both nodding somberly. Ana turned her gaze to me, and was staring shrewdly.

"Their lying." I said hastily. "We kissed that's all I swear." I didn't want the woman I considered my mother to think I was having sex on her furniture with her babies next door. Suddenly Ana's face lit up. She let out a weird shriek. We all flinched in surprise.

"You kissed 'er?" she exclaimed. Christmas had come early this year for Ana.

"Uh we need to go. You know, football." I repeated, rushing through the door. The boys followed quickly, realizing my mistake.

"Zis isn't over Jared." Ana warned ominously before the door snapped shut. I shuddered.

I followed the others down the hall. I pushed past them and shoved my key in the hole angrily. I turned it viciously. once we were all inside, I rounded on them.

"They had sex on your couch! What the hell? You know Ana takes shit seriously! Why did you have to say that to her? And Raven? How I have the upper hand! How could you say that in front of her?" I raged, making furious quotation marks. The guys watched me. Tommy managed to look abashed, while Ryan looked unconcerned. He pulled out another chip packet and popped it open.

"Your taking this way too seriously. Or are we not allowed to talk about your income anymore?" he asked cuttingly, while fishing around in the packet.

"Not while she's around! Not yet! Don't you get that she matters to me?"

No one dared to make any whipping noises this time.

But now I had said it out loud. That I was crazy for her. A hero and a thief. You had to have a few screws lose somewhere to be either one but you had to be truly damaged to be in my position. It was insanity. But I couldn't, and didn't want to, stop it. Not while the silence we shared told a thousand words every passing minute, not while I could hold her and kiss her, and have the privilege to get to know her. Was I the first to earn the honor? Was it because she was so alluring, so dangerous, that only someone like me would be able to handle it?

"You really think it can work out? Look at you and look at her." Ryan said gently, speaking my fears aloud. I shrugged and looked down.

I had never really thought things through. It might take a while, but I had the feeling she might be worth the wait.

"I have. I like what I see." I insisted. "Lets just watch the game." I finished, not wanting to have their pity. Poor Jared. With his screwed up childhood and screwed up job and screwed up love life. I vaulted over the back of my couch with a cold beer from the fridge in my hand and flicked the TV on. The game had already started. The guys sat down with beers of their own and focused on it. Now there were only cheers and boo's to disrupt my thinking.

Raven. What was she? Demon, human, girl, woman, temptress, prude, empty shell, overflowing with emotions? Dark definatly. Haunted maybe. _I'm a runaway too._ From who though? Slade said she had never been taken care of by her father, and teen vigilante's didn't usually come with parents, so it must have been her mother. I would ask her about it next time, try to fix it somehow. Like she had tried to fix me.

Ben. I can barely remember him. God knows I had the money and knew the people who could find him for me. But would either of us want to? What would we do, if I showed up in Australia, land of the kangaroos and koalas?

Hi, I'm your brother. You probably don't remember me.

To his adopted parents?…

Why didn't you take me with you, you bastards?

But maybe I would. Maybe Raven would come with me.

This was such a mess. But when had messes ever felt this good? I felt so happy when she was near, like nothing mattered anymore. It really didn't.

_Raevn Roth_

_He was kissing me passionately, only this time it was different. We were in my bed this time, so much larger and more comfortable that that old couch. _

"_Beautiful" he muttered, tracing my cheek with his index finger. I moaned and burrowed closer._

I woke up.

Sweating and flushed like it had really happened. Jared and me in bed. Oh god, it had finally happened. I had gone insane and started wanting things that were incomprehensible.

No, Lust had just been digging her way into my dreams.

_Stay out._ I warned her mentally. No reply.

I sloshed out of bed like a jelly and picked my clothes up from the night before. I had gone to bed in my underwear, feeling strangely warm despite the chill in the air. Jared had kissed me. It was happening, I could feel it. When I went to my wardrobe to pull out a uniform, I found myself unconsciously reaching for the only white version I owned.

I was falling in love.

A year ago the world would have blown up by now. But it hadn't because a year ago scathe was still alive. Now he was dead, I was free to love, wasn't I? I didn't feel free. I felt like I barley knew him and was becoming trapped by my own feelings. What if history repeated itself?

I forced myself into the blue leotard and headed for the common room. I found everyone else already sitting in there. Starfire flicked her head around with an excited look. I had come home late last night, according to my usual schedule. Then I had gone straight to bed. Starfire was currently waiting to pounce. The boys were becoming more and more suspicious. Especially Cyborg. But I was ready for him. The moment he questioned me, I would bring up Jinx.

Poor boy was backed into a corner.

I sat down in the couch and settled into people watching. Robin was standing in front of, and staring intently at the computer, every now and then bringing his fingers to the huge 50 inch screen . It was new, and touch sensitive. He had the deteimened look on his face. Cyborg and Beastboy were tipping and stacking chocolate chip waffles onto their plates. The atmosphere was serene, calm even.

Ring ring. Ring ring.

Robin looked up irritably. He glared at the monitor like it was personally offending him and punched the green button angrily with his thumb. The screen went blank for a second, then relit with the picture of a man in his late thirty's. He was sitting at a mahogany looking desk in a brown leather office chair. His suit was crisp, black and expensive looking. A businessman.

The picture was streaming live. The man kept moving. Brushing his short brown hair back and clasping his hands over the table. Suddenly he noticed Robin. He must have only just received the picture.

"Ah Robin." his voice was deep and measured. Robin stood frozen.

"Ah Bruce." he countered finally. Robins voice sounded almost the same.

_Ah Bruce Wayne_ I thought. I did recognize him now I looked closer. What did he want? I silently begged him not to talk about funding. I couldn't take all the yelling, most of which would be directed at Cyborg and I. After all, we had done the negotiating.

Bruce shifted in his chair. He looked almost uncomfortable. Robin stood waiting.

"Well?" he asked, a token amused. I doubt Bruce Wayne acted this strange usually.

"I've called to ask for help Robin. Well, not really help, but more of…precautionary assistance." he replied awkwardly. I raised my eyebrow and moved into what would be his line of vision.

"Hello Bruce Wayne." I greeted him emotionlessly. He recognized me at once.

"Hello Raven." he replied, nodding curtly. Robin looked a little surprised he knew my name but he let it go wordlessly. Bruce cleared his throat.

"As I was saying, I would like you , and some or all of your team of course, to come to Gotham this weekend. The annual Gala ball auction is on, but unfortunately, some of the organizers thought to add the worlds largest and most expensive diamond and gold collection in the entire world. I know for a fact that several criminal organizations are planning to steal it. Countless more unknowns will do the of the top security prisoners in Arkham, Jemal Rusesamugina has broken out, adding to suspisions. At the time I will be expected to be in attendance, so it will be difficult to slip away unnoticed. I think it would be a good idea to have you there, to help protect the citizens. I can only imagine the danger they will be in with ruthless and greedy criminals ready to do whatever it takes to achieve their ends, and I off dealing with as many as I can manage. If you can't spare the manpower, I understand. But if you can, your all welcome to stay at the mansion, and of course attend the auction with cover identities." he finished in a rush, like he was embarrassed.

The big bad bat, asking for help from a bunch of wayward teens. I love it.

Robin stared off into space for a moment. The other titans were of course waiting with baited breath to see if they could go. Beastboy and Cyborg would be excited about living the lifestyle for a couple of days, and taking on some big Gotham villains. Starfire would be planning her ball gown in her mind at this very second. Something poofy and smothered in pink sequins, no doubt.

I didn't mind either way.

Except of course the two days away from Jared. I crushed the thought with the brick of willpower. I was not a dependant, clingy girl who lived for him. I would not become that girl in the coffee shop, when Jared broke Johns nose. I refused to be John's girl.

"Yes, we can spare us. I'll call Titans east and ask them to widen their patrol a little bit. The city's been quiet of late." Robin stated firmly. I knew he saw this as his chance to prove to batman and Bruce Wayne, that he was a man.

Males.

"Roooaaaadddd tttrrriiiipppp!" Beastboy and Cyborg roared triumphantly and high-fived. Starfire jumped up from the couch, forgetting all about her desire to catch me alone.

"I must begin the packing of items!" she announced, and ran to her room. I rolled my eyes.

"That's very good Robin." Bruce said curtly, trying to ignore the happy and immature titans. "I'll book your flight for tomorrow. You'll arrive on Friday night. Alfred will pick you up from the airport, he'll be happy to see you. The balls on Saturday night."

Robin nodded firmly, obviously in deep thought.

"Will Tim be there?" he said suddenly, in a very dark voice. Like a sulky two year-old.

Tim Drake, the new Robin. Our mind connection had shown me the competition and hatred the boys shared with one another. It would be an eventful trip.

Bruce sighed, a small smile on his lips for the first time.

"Yes, of course." he replied warmly. I smirked a little too. Robin sighed grumpily.

"Fine." he muttered. Bruce laughed.

"I'm emailing you your flight details. You better pack now. Remember to dress civilian." he said in a slightly fatherly voice.

Neither man would admit it, but I knew enough from the mind connection and my knowledge of body language and human behavior to see that they were father and son. I had seen Robins memories, and the significance Bruce had in his life. He had taught him all about the good and evil obsessive compulsive disorder.

"See you soon." Robin nodded, and tapped the red button on the monitor. The screen went blank again, and reappeared with the map Robin had been studying. He tapped the bottom corner of the screen twice, where a small gray X was situated. The screen went blank again, and stayed that way. Robin sighed. "Better get packing then." he told us. Beastboy saluted him and transformed into a green stallion. He trotted into the hallway and out of sight. Cyborg stayed where he was.

"I've got all my electronics packed away. All I need to do is load some more looks onto the Holo-rings for me." he shrugged. I stayed where I was as well, only moving to sit down on the couch. Robin looked at me, his masked eyes burning into me.

"Come on, you know it'll only take me ten minutes in the morning." I said convincingly. The bond we shared meant we didn't really need to speak, not that it was mind control. Robin nodded thoughtfully.

"Do you have a dress?" he asked reluctantly. I narrowed my eyes.

I was not, and never going to, wear a dress. _What about our wedding day?_ Happy protested in a scandalized voice. _No one will ever marry us._ Despair replied. _Who said we wanted to get married? _Rude cried incredulously. _Shut up._ I thought mentally, and the voices fell quiet.

I was falling too fast. For someone I didn't really know and who didn't really know me. Marriage? When had I ever even considered that before?

"I'm not wearing a dr-" I started emotionlessly, but Robin cut in.

"I'll have Bab's lend you one." he promised firmly, and left the room. I sat on the couch fuming. That boy was infuriating. Cyborg came over to stand next to me. Something was wrong. He was trying to look innocent, but was sitting very close to me, with a determent look in his eyes. I realised we were alone in the room now.

"So, you've been out a lot recently Rae." he started inconspicuously. He was still the only one I allowed to call me Rae.

"Yes." I replied impassively.

"Where you been going?" he pressed.

"Here and there." I said blandly. His face stopped looking innocent and started looking a lot like a police interrogator.

"Where were you last night?" he asked, scrutinizing my face for a reaction. I stayed impassive. He even had the same questions as a police interrogator.

"At the coffee shop" I said, beginning to feel a little awkward. I didn't want to lie to him.

"DO YOU NORMALLY GET HICKEYS AT THE COFFEE SHOP?" he accused, jumping up. My eyes flew open as I searched the room for signs that anyone else had heard.

"Sit down!" I hissed menacingly. Cyborg dropped to the couch, still looking insane. "I have no idea what your talking about!" I hissed through my teeth. I truly did not. Unless….

Its not like I checked this morning when I woke up. Oh Azar, they could be in full view without me even noticing.

I wrung my hands dreading his reply.

"Then what's this?" he said triumphantly, grapping the neck of my leotard and pushing it down a few inches to reveal a small red and purple mark. I craned my neck to get a better look at it. I blushed heavily, remembering Jared's lips on my skin, kissing and sucking.

"That's just a bruise from when we fought Cinderblock the other day." I insisted flippantly. Cyborg visibly calmed.

"Oh that's good." he sighed in relief. "I was really freaked out for a mo-hey!" he cried. "Oh no no. oh no no no no. No lies!" he announced, backing away from me. I arranged an innocent, Raven-style impassive look on my face. Cyborgs eyes bulged when he saw it. I knew no one else would beleive him. By the time he got to anyone, the mark will already be healed over.

"Jeez Raven. I've never actually noticed how good a liar you are." he said shaking his head in amazement. Then he turned businesslike. "But I know a hickey when I see one. And that is one." he inclined his head towards my neck as if it was a parasite.

"What are you going to do about it?" I asked menacingly. Cyborgs eyes bulged again but he quickly composed himself.

"First, I'm gonna tell the guys. Second, where gonna go to his house and smash him for touching you!" he rubbed his hands together in anticipation. Probably thinking up ways to torture whoever took away sweet, lovely, Raven's childlike innocence away.

I snorted.

"No your not." I replied las lightly as I could, looking at his happy face.

"Oh why not?" he mimicked my tone, looking elated. Like his form of heroin was protecting me. I was surrounded by weirdo's.

"Because then I will inform the whole team of your continual fraternization with Jinx." I said coolly. Cyborg blanched.

"Okay, okay. Lets not get too hasty here Raven." he said nervously, doing the same thing I had. Checking no one had heard.

I sat back in my chair, satisfied. He wouldn't talk. We were both imagining Robin's reaction in our heads. I cringed.

I could practacly hear the yelling in my ears, my mind thinking up what he would say. _The team!_ he would bellow. If Cyborg did tell I wouldn't be able to do that to him.

Cyborg put a huge metal hand to his forehead.

"How long have you known?" he asked in a strained voice. I sat forward.

"A while, but I was sure a few days before X started frequenting jewelry shops." I said soothingly. Cyborg nodded.

"It's been going on since March." he said, sounding a little happy. It was October. Eight months? I had known Jared three weeks and I was already alling in love with him.

"Wow. So, is she crazy all the time or is that just what she likes to put off when she's fighting?" I smiled. Cyborg took his hand away, laughing.

"No, she does that to freak you guys out. She's amazing Raven. I really like her." he said sincerely. No way I would be able to tell Robin. So I would have to do some of his job for him. I sighed.

"Fine. I know what it's like. But if she goes any further than what she is now, the team has to put everything into arresting her, and that's you included Cyborg." I said, emotionless again.

"Of course. But she wont." he told me, sincerity in his voice. Maybe he was deluded, or maybe it was true. I didn't know and I shouldn't judge.

"And in fights, I'm still going to try and catch her. She pisses me off to much for me to go easy." I sighed, admitting my weakness. Cyborg frowned slightly.

"You're my two best girls, Rae. I don't want either of you to get hurt." he protested.

"I can take care of myself. And anyway, you should probably call her and tell her your going away." I put a hand on his cold, metal knee. His last sentence had made me feel all warm inside. Warm with love for my big brother. I was turning into Starfire.

"Are you going to call your…boyfriend?" he asked, suddenly sulky. I liked the way he said boyfriend, even if he hesitated and didn't know the full story.

"I don't know." I admitted quietly. Cyborg narrowed his eyes.

"What's his name?" he asked suspiciously, as if he might be Jack the ripper.

"Jared" I liked the way his name rolled off my tongue. Maybe Cyborg saw it too.

"And you really like him?" he sighed, looking at his feet. Words were in my mouth, ready to spill out, but I tripped over my tongue.

"Yes" I whispered. I was giving too much away.

"I don't want you to get hurt again." he said, looking upwards, searching my eyes.

"I won't" I promised. Promising him, and myself. Cyborg half-smiled and stood up. He stretched.

"Time to go load me a snazzy suit." he said dejectedly, and walked out the room, only pausing to put a hand on my shoulder.

I watched him go, thinking of what would happen if things did go bad. But I found I couldn't dwell for long. I smiled down at the city, thinking of Jared.

I gave up and finally flicked my communicator open.

It rung a few times and then clicked.

"Raven?" Jared asked, his voice a little hoarse.

"Did you get drunk last night?" I asked suspiciously. He chuckled.

"No." his voice was back to normal. I looked around to make sure no one was behind me. Jared waited in silence while I figured out what to say.

Should I even be talking to him about this?. Did he really want to know?

"Are you still there?" he asked after two minutes with no one saying a word.

"Yes." I replied. Now or never.

"So…what did you call me for?" he trailed off. "Not that I mind." he added earnestly.

"uh. Just telling you that I was going…away. For the weekend." It sounded lame, even to my ears.

"Where to? Somewhere sunny? With bathing suits?" I could picture his cocky grin as he said it.

"Keep dreaming. I'm going to Gotham tomorrow. It will probably rain."

"Wow Gotham. Are you going to see Batman?" he joked. A least I think he was joking. I sweat dropped.

"No." I lied impressively. He chuckled again.

"Well, I'll miss you sunshine."

"Yes. My weekend is ruined." I replied sarcastically.

"I know mine will be. Do I get a goodbye kiss?" I blushed, thankful he couldn't see me.

"Ok" I whispered.

"Really?" He sounded surprised.

"What do you think?" I asked menacingly.

"Fine." he sighed dejectedly. "You know, most woman would love to kiss me." he said a little perkier.

"I'm sure. Do I seem like most women?" I drawled.

"I guess not. But you didn't seem to be complaining yesterday." he laughed.

"No. But neither did you." I replied defensively.

"You sound surprised." he muttered.

"Yes." I admitted, shrugging my shoulders even though he couldn't see me.

"You shouldn't be. Why do you always think like that?" he asked, sounding frustrated.

"Like what?" I answered with a question.

"Like you don't matter. I know a million men who would love to be in a relationship with you."

"Funny. You're the only one crazy enough to try."

"You should have seen Tommy after you left. He was dying to be in my place."

"And what place is that?" I asked. I knew I sounded a little too interested. But what seeped into my voice was only a small portion of the curiosity I felt. _Please_ let him say what I wanted him to.

"Your boyfriend." he replied like it was a completely natural and normal thing to say. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted.

"When did that happen?" I asked slowly.

"That time I sat down at your table in the coffee shop even when you told me not to. And then you told me to go to Iraq." he laughed. I smiled.

"Well I'm glad you can take a hint." I answered sarcastically.

"So am I."

Was this flirting? This was impossible. This must be a strange dream.

"Well, I better go pack." I said finally, though I was enjoying listening to him breathing on the other line. I could picture his grin right now, listening to me stumble through the conversation.

"Have fun." he laughed.

"You know me. _Fun _is my middle name."

_Jared Wilson_

I hung up the phone reluctantly. Raven had already hung up, but…it was still a tiny bit more difficult to push the red button than usual.

For a dark demoness she was remarkably cute. The way she was curious about what she was to me. She was so insecure. It was my personal goal to knock some of it out of her.

I set my cell phone down on the tabletop. Pretty soon, in a few seconds most likely, Ana would begin questioning me again. It was just my luck that the one time Raven decides to call me, I was at Ana's apartment being interrogated about her. The look on Ana's face when she realized who was on the other line…

"Zat was adorable, and I could only hear 'alf ze conversation!" Ana cooed, dripping with motherly enthusiasm. I would let her carry on and get this out of her system.

"gween!" Renata told Oly, pointing a tiny finger at the TV screen. Ana had the day off, and had invited me over to play with the kids in the snow. At least, that's what she had said. The kids wet clothes hung over the heater, dripping with gray slush. They were in their pajama's, watching playhouse Disney on the small television that came with the apartment. I needed to buy them a bigger one for Christmas.

"Yes. We're extremely adorable. Just don't tell her that." I can only imagine Ravens reaction. She got all angry and depressed when I called her _pretty. _Ana leaned forward, with a sideways glance and smile for her kids.

"She accepted it when you said you vere her boyfriend!" she whispered. I was glad the kids didn't hear. And even gladder they weren't shouting about the scene they'd walked in on yesterday. You just couldn't tell how kids saw things, or who they might tell it too. Ana would kill me.

"Yes. We're a wonderful couple now." I said in my dead voice. I was tired of this. Yes, I liked Raven. Yes, Raven was a beautiful, mysterious, sexy being. Yes, I think she likes me. Yes, I kissed her. Yes, she kissed me back. Yes, there was tongue involved.

Strange questions to be asked by a woman who thought she was my mom.

"Do you love her?" Ana asked excitedly, making the words melt, even thought this was possibly the fifth time she had asked the question. It was a hard thing to explain to her, since she had no idea I was Red-X. How could you love someone who hadn't told you their biggest secret, when in turn you hadn't told them yours? How could you fully commit to someone who was happy one minute, and thourily emotionless the next? Someone whose behavior had no pattern or reason?

"Ana," I began gently. "I really like her, but we haven't known each other very long."

Ana raised her eyebrows.

"I am not stupid Jared. 'ave you _known_ her?" she asked, filled with that sick, half-parent, half-friend curiosity. She was asking me if I had sex with her? In the company of her four year-olds?

"No Ana. Its too soon. I wouldn't do that to her even if she offered." I said without enthusiasm. Raven was too good to be used. She deserved to be taken care of, and that meant waiting forever until she was ready.

Not that I didn't think about it almost every second of the day.

"ah but-"

This embarrassing and inappropriate conversation was mercifully cut short by my phone going off again. I stood up and looked apologetically towards Ana's disgruntled face. I stepped out into the hall. If it was raven again, I didn't want the talk scrutinized and gone over later. I looked at the caller ID. It was a private number. Not Raven, but probably a job.

"Hello Mr. X" A calm and even voice that made me think of hypnotists greeted me from the other line. I knew that voice. It was the man I had spoken to about the huge diamonds nestled in my sock drawer. The man that had brought me to _Jimmy's Ice_ to steal the big rock.

"Hello man who wont tell me his name." I replied sourly. It was annoying. Some clients treated me with reverence, most seemed to think of me as staff, like I was beneath them. But most if them usually had the decency to tell me their name and address.

"My name is not of importance. I am only a humble worker of this household." he said, a hint of amusement coloring his tone.

I scowled at the off-white plaster wall in front of me.

"What do you want? Or are you calling to finally arrange pick-up and pay me my money?" I growled. I was still well stoked in currency. The account for my last job had finally cropped up, so I had been able to re-load my bank account as well as buy a few personal luxuries. The big Ducati motorcycle in the basement garage, for example. But I had to keep in mind I was dealing with criminals, and that sometimes criminals didn't follow through.

"We will arrange it all soon enough, Mr. X. but that is not the reason for this call." he said in the same even tone as before, the amusement increasing slightly. I waited.

"I am calling on behalf of the same man as I always do. To ask you to complete…well, a rather _large_ order." I didn't like the way he said _large_. He sounded suddenly nervous, as if he were afraid I wouldn't do it. That made me uneasy.

"What's the job?" I asked impatiently.

"Ah, the job is quite simple really. A large charity Ball auction is being held in Gotham this coming Saturday and we want you to be there. The auction is a generous selection of gold and diamonds, which we ask you to kindly steal." he said politely, all laughter gone. I shook my head.

"No way. You do realize _Batman_ will be protecting it?" I answered incredulously. Insanity.

"It is in our knowledge that it will be a well targeted event. The Batman will be too busy to stop you . The only thing getting in the way will be other thieves. But of course, you are the _best_ on the business, _aren't you?_" he questioned. Now he was back to being annoying and arrogant.

But what he said made sense. I had a much better chance of making it out alive if other people were threatening civilians. And the payday would be huge by the sounds of it. I would have to pay for plane tickets, but that would be nothing. Gotham. That was where Raven was headed this weekend. Maybe I would see her there. Surprise her. I grinned thinking of her face if I climbed through her bedroom window. She'd probably blast me into the path of an oncoming car, but still…

"How much money?" I asked bluntly.

"Four million." he answered smoothly, without missing a beat.

That would be the biggest amount of money I had ever possessed at one time. I could pay off my student lone, buy a house, a car, fly Raven and I first class to Australia to find Ben and create an elaborate cover story to why I had all the money in the first place. I might even ditch the Red-X thing for a while, if I could live without the fun.

"I'll do it." I said almost straight away.

"Excellent. The details will arrive in your mail box tomorrow. Do not pack. The details will contain your hotel. Once you get there the room will have all you need to get inside and out. Think of yourself as James Bond, Mr. X" The voice laughed dryly. If he was standing in front of me I would punch him in the face.

"Yeah yeah. Just make sure your guy has the money for all three jobs, and he'll get his ice." I replied harshly before hanging up.

Asshole.


	7. Meet the parents

_Raven Roth_

"If you two don't get over here now, I WILL TRIPLE TRAINING SESIONS!" Robin roared, pulling along his and Starfires suitcases angrily. Starfire seemed to think it was customary for boys to carry her things, after watching one too many romantic period dramas, where she didn't even understand what anyone was saying. I trudged along behind them both, dragging my own wheel-less suitcase. No one thought to carry mine, probably out of fear. Beastboy and Cyborg dropped the "Men's" magazines back to the gift shop rack with dirty looks aimed at Robins receding figure.

They were both wearing new Holo-rings that Cyborg had spent hours working on after our conversation. He had presented them at dinner, and the boys had been toying with them just to piss us off since then. In terms of style, they were slightly thicker and made of copper and titanium. In terms of technology, they were much more advanced. Instead of one look, like Beastboy's, it had several different looks loaded in for Cyborg to choose from. Beastboys had a few different skin colors in his. One moment Beastboy would be Spanish and Cyborg would be in a sweat suit and then you would turn back around to find Beastboy African and a fully human looking Cyborg in a Tuxedo. They also liked to add annoying accents on, depending how they were feeling at the time.

Right this minute, dragging their sorry asses to the flight terminal, they were in everyday, normal civilian jeans and jacket. Beastboy was Caucasian.

Robin had traded his black mask for a black pair of sunglasses. His jeans were distinctly more expensive and suspiciously faded. Several teenage girls were eying him seductively, but he was too irritated to notice. I noted how he was exactly the same size as Jared, with identical muscle definition.

Starfire was getting the same amount of looks from boys; and men. She was trying out high heels, to Robins delight. Not very big heels true, but bigger than I would dare. Her frilly pink skirt was climbing up her legs precariously, also to his delight. She was also experimenting with leopard print shirts. The effect was disastrous to my sensitive eyes.

"I know you guys don't think being on time is usually important but when there's a plane involved, it's a little different!" Robin continued to rage, trying to gesture but failing miserably due to the heavy bags. The line for the plane ticket checking was non-existent. We were late.

The flight attendant, a blond and bored looking woman, was about to leave. When she saw us her face split into an unconvincing, pageant-winning smile.

"You're only just in time!" she tsked. I imagined if Barbie had a voice, it would sound like this. Robin scanned his blue ticket's barcode on the flat top and carried on into the plane entrance. The plane engines were starting to scream.

Robin had to come back to help Starfire scan hers. She didn't really need it but the bag holding had put him in a chivalrous mood.

I moved forward. The woman flinched like I was going to punch her in the face. She was scared of my hair. I narrowed my eyes and scanned the ticked swiftly. It beeped and I followed the others into the tunnel. The planes roar continued to increase, and a nervous Robin had started to jog.

I quickened my pace too. We stepped the miniscule gap between the open plane cabin door and the stretched gray hallway protruding from the airport terminal. Such a small gap, but still a gap all the same. The air in the cabin was already stale but not yet thin. The aisles already almost full, from what I could see past the curtain bordering the two plane sections. Economy was loud and teeming with people, Business was spacious and calm. Bruce had paid for the first class seats we were now sitting in. Robin up front with Cyborg, their seats almost a foot apart but still considered one aisle. Starfire and Beastboy were behind them. Starfire had already pulled a glossy girls magazine and was flicking through it, folding over the corners of pages she wanted to read more thourily later, jabbering about how she was going to quiz Beastboy soon. I was very excited about listening in to find out what type of boy he was compatible with.

_My_ seat however, was located adjacent to another teenage boy's. A younger one than me, but in America today that meant nothing. His mother and Father were over on the other side of the cabin, a whole row of seats between us so it made it difficult for them to monitor his behavior.

"No." I growled when I saw it. Robin moaned.

"I have no time for this Raven, just sit in the seat." he muttered, watching Starfire stare out to the melting tarmac. This might have worked on _her,_ but he should know better than to try it with _me._

"Why can't Starfire sit there?" I hissed, placing my hand firmly on my hip, still standing in the middle of the cabin, being eyed curiously by the boy sitting next to what should be my seat. Curiously, and _anticipating_.

Robin spared me a sheepish glance. You couldn't really see much of his expression with the glasses, and in place of his usual mask, it was a little unnerving. But also a little tempting. It would be so much easier to whip it off his face than the mask was.

"She's already sitting Raven. It's only a couple of hours, you'll be fine." he muttered, trying to tear his eyes away from my dangerous glare. I intensified it up a few notches.

"Yes. I'm sure that's the only reason." I replied sarcastically. It was a double edged sword. On one hand, we all knew they were going to get together and were extremely bored waiting for it to happen. On the other hand, when they did, it was going to be excruciating to be around them. Right now it was just annoying he was so protective he wouldn't even dream of letting Starfire sit in my place. Robin's neck flushed a shade redder and he didn't reply, but set a determined look on his face.

"I know you don't want to" he said quietly, so no one but I could hear. "But today has got me so irritated that you doing this will be the last straw. If you refuse, when the air hostess asks me if I want coffee, I'll probably snap and kill Beastboy."

"Do I look like I would complain?" I said emotionlessly, loud enough so he could hear. Robin sighed. His face lost the bravado and became pleading.

"Please." he begged in a strained whisper. I narrowed my eyes. I knew Robin well, due to the connection we shared. This was an unusual occurrence for him.

"Fine" I had said in monotone.

My instinct told me I was relatively safe. That particular aspect of my personality usually knew who was trouble and who was not. In co-op with my empathy, I felt sure that the boy was unlikely to be of any danger to me. Still, I trusted barely anyone. Robin was the only person I would trust completely with my life. And that was because we had been inside each others _minds_. It had even given him empathy towards me, up to a point. But it was a two-way connection, and I had to allow it. It didn't matter particuly to me, with my natural powers.

Right now I was working away at the connection, tearing a tiny hole in the barrier, to let him feel a purified version of my anger. He had no experience with stopping or tuning down the sensation. I burned holes in the back of his cushy, first-class chair with my glare. Robin jumped a little, and I saw that his hand lying casually on the arm-rest clenched spastically. But he took it though, much to my annoyance. As well as being the person who knew me the best, he was also the one with the second best self-control.

"Hi." The/boy/man greeted me hopefully, in a voice much deeper than what was natural. He was trying to seem more mature, but at any moment, I would unwind him.

"Leave me alone." I replied in an emotionlessly dead voice after a small pause. I kept my eyes trained on the tubed lights, made for guiding the passengers down the aisle in darkness.

He stayed silent for the rest of the flight, not daring to use his deep, mature voice even when replying to the air hostesses questions. I used the silence to ponder the upcoming meeting.

Even through my anger, I could feel Robin's nervous acceptance of the information this would reveal. His real name, for example. Maybe he felt that, since I knew it, the rest of the team deserved to know about Richard Grayson.

Batman must also feel we had been together sufficiently long enough to show us his true identity, though I knew that a name meant nothing when the person wouldn't truly show you themselves. I of all people understood that.

This was a big thing, even if a funny man compatible Beastboy, an excited and giddy Starfire and a dozing Cyborg did not realize it.

The plane landed with a stumbling thud onto the tarmac a few hours later, earning a shriek from Starfire and a 'woooohhhoooo!' from the two exuberant boys. Robin stayed silent and passive the whole journey into the new, shinier, larger airport, only yelling at Beastboy once throughout. The sky was slowly darkening, the day drawing to a close, and the clubbers getting ready.

A shiny and tasteful silver Porsche pulled up to the curb. The tinted windows hid the driver, and/or passengers, but the door swung open wide and an middle-aged to elderly man emerged from its deep, clean and new smelling depths. He had white hair, and lined, cheerful yet quiet features. I knew him from Robin's mind.

"Hello Alfred." Robin spoke up, his depressed face etching a grin. I knew his dark thoughts had skittered away for now. The man turned his head and smiled broadly, his thin and crooked mouth stretching into a look of happiness.

"Ah, Master Dick!" he cried warmly, nodding smartly. The others frowned in confusion.

"How are you doing Alf?" Robin asked jauntily as he shrugged his own bag off his shoulder and down his arm until it ended up around his hand. In the same hand he picked up the handle of Starfires bag and walked forward. Alfred took them before anyone could react, with surprising strength for his apparent age.

"I am well, master Dick. But how about you? It is hard to know, when one has not seen you for such a long time" Alfred inquired, walking around the Porsche's body and dropping the bags at his feet . At the end his tone dipped clippingly. The titans stood on the footpath, looking appropriately stunned. Robin had the sense to look a little ashamed. Several people, mostly men of a certain age, were stopping in their track to admire the Porsche's beauty.

"Who the hell is Dick?" Beastboy muttered. No one replied.

"Sorry Alfred." Robin said sincerely, taking initiative and pulling my bag strap from under my curled over fingers. "It's been hard." he added not unhappily. I glared at him but let the chivalrous male part of him dominate and take the bag from my outstretched hand. Alfred nodded.

"Yes. I do understand, as you realize." Alfred said gravely, flicking up the trunk and pushing the bags deep inside its spacious cavern. I noticed he had a faint British clip to his voice, one of someone who had lived in America for many years, but would never give up their little ways. Suddenly, he stood up straight and marched over to us. He inclined his head an inch to Cyborg.

"Master…?" he inquired. Cyborg looked at him like he was going to murder us all. In Jump, no one was ever this polite unless they were insane.

"Just call me Cyborg." he replied slowly, picking his own suitcase up off the ground with ease.

"Master Cyborg." Alfred corrected him with a small smile. "It is a pleasure to meet you." Cyborg nodded unsurely, and then bustled over to the trunk where Robin was stuffing my duffel bag into the gaps. Cyborg quickly grabbed Beastboy's case so he wouldn't have a chance to escape as well. Beastboy stared after him with a slightly betrayed look.

"You must be the lovely miss Starfire." Alfred beamed when he reached her. Then he bent down, taking her hand, and kissed the back of it lightly. Starfire giggled. I smirked. Robin must have let slip something so Alfred knew her name. Or maybe she was just difficult to miss.

"I'm Beastman." Beastboy introduced himself gustily. I rolled my eyes.

"His name is Beastboy, Alfred." Robin cut in, walking back into sight and rolling his eyes with an expression similar to Cyborgs and mine.

I had never seen him so at ease. Gotham and Alfred were familiar territory.

"Master Beastboy, a pleasure to meet you." A Rare thing for people to say when they meet him. Beastboy couldn't help his wide grin when this likable man said such a thing with obvious sincerity that he didn't get often. Beastboy was annoying, but he was family. And Robin's family was Alfred's, it seemed.

Finally he arrived at me. He did the same bow-like bend that he did for Starfire; and kissed my hand the same way. I hadn't expected the same treatment. I had expected him to hover awkwardly for a moment, before ushering everyone into the car.

"Miss Raven I presume? A pleasure to meet you as well. A pleasure to meet all of Robin's team." he stated firmly. I had barley any time to recover from numb surprise, before he _did _usher us into the car. I felt slightly off-kilter. Usually such a display would leave me feeling violated, but there was something about this man that seemed safe. Like a grandfather who taught you everything you knew, and was always there.

I slipped across the bench-size seat and sat next to the tinted window. It didn't differ from any other windows from the inside, but I took the blatant staring, which seemed to be at me but could not possibly because of the terrible glare I was returning them with, as a sign they must be impossible to see through from the other side. The others sat down beside me, sighing with the same confused expressions. We barley fitted in. Robin took the first seat.

"Who's Dick?" Beastboy asked again. Robin's face turned dark again for a dull moment but it brightened when Alfred started to hum quietly.

"That's my real name." he smirked, enjoying the extreme shock from the others. Starfire smiled brightly and Cyborgs mouth fell open comically.

"What?" Cyborg asked, throwing his hands on the shoulder of his Robins chair.

"Ah yes. Master Richard has informed me you were not aware of the situation. Any of you, am I correct?" Alfred inquired good naturedly, quietly enjoying the reaction as much as Robin was. I shifted uncomfortably in my comfortable leather seat.

"No. I knew." I cut Robin off in a monotone. The others, including Robin, turned to look at me, shock and a hint of accusation in their faces and in the emotion radiating off them into the air. I haven't been paying much attention to blocking them off lately.

"Why did you know Robins identity that is secret?" Starfire asked shrilly, her normal enthusiasm giving way to misguided and adorably naive jealousy.

"Yeah, why'd he tell you not us?" Beastboy asked sullenly, the background scenery changing continuously in the window behind his cocked head. I bristled defensively but kept relatively calm.

"The bond. When it first happened I found out a lot." I replied emotionlessly. Starfire seemed a little happier, and her endless smile returned.

"I didn't know that." Robin frowned, craning his head around the head-rest. I shrugged, not enjoying all the eyes on me, however familiar they were.

"It just didn't come up. And I didn't think it mattered." I went back to looking out the window. The city flashed past smoothly, a testament to the Porsche's handling.

Alfred kept up the conversation, with pleasant little mentioning of Robins time with them. Robin grinned along while the others listened and watched in shock to the strange new side of him we had never glimpsed before.

It was starting to look like everyone had one of those. Robin, a calm family man. Cyborg, Dating a villain. Beastboy, not actually cracking jokes for once. Me, falling in love.

Damn it. I had been going so well.

It was extremely hard to go without thinking of Jared for very long.

All we needed now was a sarcastic Starfire.

Suddenly, the car jolted up over a slightly higher patch of road and accelerated smoothly up a small, grassy but definatly well groomed hill. The sky in Gotham was a gloomy blue-gray, causing all the colors of the flowers dull and lifeless. The only color in the sky was the light orange just above the horizon line, where the sun was setting. Stars would appear very soon. The car cleared the top of the hill and threw the mansion into sharp sight.

It was breathtaking. Simple but grander than any building I had seen sense Azarath. It had the same sense of time, classic style and care, though Azarath looked Greek, while this place looked more British than anything. Robin's smile deepened into his face, something not missed by Alfred, who glanced and looked away a millisecond later, his lips back into the crooked smile he had when he first saw Robin.

The drive way was at least a mile long, made of smooth, jet-black, compressed tarmac. It was hard to spot any indentations or potholes in it, meaning it must be serviced continuously, much like the pristine gardens must be. The property was bordered with large oaks. They stood tall, but were still dwarfed by the sheer magnificence and size of the mansion.

The car tires crunched over the smooth white gravel around a large black marble fountain and halted to a stop directly outside the huge glossy black double-front-doors.

Robin sighed and pushed his car door open, reluctantly leaving its safety. I could fell his anticipation in the chilly and sweet air, the modern and minimalist flowerbed providing most of the scent. The others tried to follow his lead, but I found Alfred had already pulled my door open and held it. I too filed out reluctantly, for a different reason than Robin.

Had something about me changed in the past few weeks that made people think I had to be looked after? Was I losing my edge?

We all walked up the stone steps and up to the doors with heavy hearts full of dread. Meeting the infamous Batman was something we were all anxious about, even those of us who had met him before. Alfred appeared in front of us, despite being behind us and not appearing puffed, nor had I seen him jogging. Like he had butler superpowers.

The inside of the mansion, the foyer, was even more awe-inspiring and amazing than its exterior. Its was expansive and high-roofed, with one large, glittering diamond chandelier dangling from the ceilings center. The wide staircase, made of the same black marble the steps had been, rose up under the chandelier and up to a landing were Bruce Wayne was standing staring down at us, a calculating expression on his face.

The air seemed a few degrees colder when you looked back at him. A survival instinct, a sign that danger was coming. One that people used to feel when they saw me.

Bruce Wayne was wearing a suit made finely, maybe Armani, though he wore no tie. His eyes were stormy and unfathomable, reminding me strangely of Jared, though his dark eyes were not accompanied by a cheeky smile, but a curt grimace. He descended the stairs, taking even, slow and deliberate steps. Robin straightened his back and Alfred moved to the side, to stand by a small podium hosting a gray statuette. I felt the closest person to me, Beastboy, shiver slightly, replying to a spike in nervousness I felt like a jet of ice cold water through my torso. Starfire shifted her weight to her other foot, after tossing her fire-engine red locks unsurely. I stood my ground, eyeing him back just as shrewdly as he was eyeing me. I refused to yield to his cold looks, folding my arms almost defiantly and fixing an indifferent expression on my face, making sure one of my brows was arched.

Bruce smiled indulgently when he reached the last step and I felt the small group shiver collectively this time. I couldn't pretend I wasn't a little uneasy.

"Hello Richard." he said stiffly. I imagined the problems between the two were as present as ever.

"Bruce." Robin replied staunchly. They both extended their hands and they shook a little more warmly than their words implied. Their expressions softened a bit and if they both weren't so proud, I knew there would have been hugging. Alfred smiled in the quiet and warm way he seemed to always do, and left the scene, to turn through a door to his left, without anyone but me, and possibly Bruce noticing.

Bruce surveyed us, his eyes suddenly narrowing and his jaw tense. His arms were pressed tightly to his sides, like he was using supreme self-control.

He looked threatening, like he was trying to figure out the best place to attack.

Purposely, I tapped into my empathy and ripped open the small block I had in place. Jumbled feelings and emotions spun my world round but I kept my focus on Bruce.

To the outside world, nothing had happened.

All the feelings made me feel light-headed and dizzy, but Bruce's emotions were interesting enough to keep me distracted.

He seemed to feel very little, like I imagined I would if anyone else had my talent. What I could pick out was a deep sense of calm and an outlining sense of being on edge. A constant feeling of being on edge, as if danger was around every corner, and in everyone.

"This must be your team." he said coldly, with a small hint of a threat. I wasn't sure who the threat was aimed at. Robin jutted his chin up and nodded curtly. His glasses masked his eyes, but I imagined them defiant.

"The Teen Titans." he said proudly as he did. I felt a swarm of warmth and gratitude to him, for keeping in that pride in the face of Batman. "Cyborg, Starfire, Beastboy and Raven." he pointed us out with a gesture or a nod. Starfire and Beastboy smiled tentatively, and Cyborg had the courage and confidence to shake his hand firmly. I inclined my head sharply, keeping my lips clamped shut and my eyes directly on his. I could tell it unnerved him to have me stare straight back at his dark looks. Obviously it wasn't something that happened often. Robin seemed pleased as well.

"Not really teens anymore." Cyborg corrected him, his eyes smiling and unconcerned. Even his posture, as we all stood awkwardly, was relaxed. "Robby here's almost a legal adult, and I just turned nineteen." he laughed, ruffling up Robins hair. Bruce looked unimpressed.

"I _am_ aware of Richards age." he drawled darkly. I narrowed my eyes and Cyborg fell silent.

"Refreshments?" called Alfred, smiling and walking back into the room smartly. I kept my eyes on Bruce. He faltered in his darkness and turned to Alfred.

"No thank you." he replied much more politely than he had when addressing us. "Dinner will be soon, and I think it would be best to show them their rooms beforehand. And they might want a little rest before Tim and Barbara come home from patrol." he added, suddenly grinning like a maniac.

Robins expression was in between annoyance and happiness. A contradiction.

Alfred nodded warmly.

"If you will follow me." he smiled, and I noted the accent again. He walked up the staircase, and we followed tentatively, Robin bounding up them, very clear of his place in this house, his _home_.

We cleared the landing, covered in an expansive, deep violet rug. It branched off into two long hallways.

"Masters on the left, Misses on the right. Master Dick of course already knows his room but all of you feel free to take whichever you please, bar the first room on each side, as they are already occupied by master Tim and miss Barbara."

I nodded absentmindedly before noticing the pile of luggage blocking the entrance into the hall.

"How did those get there so fast?" I asked suspiciously. Alfred's light blue eyes twinkled suddenly.

"This staircase is not the only way up here. While you were being introduced to Mr. Wayne, I took the liberty of bringing all of your bags up here, to save Miss the trouble." he bowed slightly and I was left feeling awkward.

"Oh Thank you!" Starfire beamed enthusiastically. "But were they not weightful?" she asked, cocking her head to the side, searching for the right words.

"Not at all madam, dinner will be in precisely one hour." he bowed again and marched back down the stars, smiling mysteriously. Robin watched him go fondly.

"Dude." Beastboy whispered, shaking his head as if to clear it. I agreed.

Without a word, I walked over to my bag and picked it up by the strap. The others followed suit and soon we had all chosen equally beautiful rooms to stay in.

I choose the first one I came to, second from the right. I had to contain my shock when I pushed the door open. It was larger than my room at home, but it had the added impression of space, due to the pale cream walls, and the two bay windows at the opposite end from the door. The corners of the room were painted in black to contrast with the cream. The black matched the beds coverlet, an ink black and feather filled comfort to my tired legs. The curtains were pale gold, which matched the five perfectly stuffed pillows sitting neatly by the headboard, which was made from darkly stained wood paneling. It had a simple dresser, a wardrobe, and a door adjacent to the bed, leading to what I presumed to be the bathroom.

I dumped my bag next to the dresser, and pulled on the door handle to see inside. It was indeed a bathroom, one fit for a huge house, let alone one room. It even had a clawed bathtub.

It also had a shower, one of the ones with jets placed around its walls, instead of a shower head. The sink was made of the same porcelain looking stuff as the bathtub, but with an expansive shinning, spotless mirror attached. I shook my head in disbelief and retreated back to the room.

I sat on the beds comfy edge, but couldn't get relaxed. I was too jumpy. So I stood back up to pace.

As I stood I felt a small bulge in my jeans pocket. I didn't remember putting anything in there. I narrowed my eyes in unreasonable annoyance and dug my hand deep into it, though it was too small to fit all my fingers. My index brushed against something cold and hard. I curled my finger around it and hooked it out, watching in horror as it appeared to be a chain. It was made up of tiny silver links and I kept on pulling until the heavy pendant fell out. I gasped.

It was beautiful. A three dimensional, black, tear drop, glass pendant hung off the chain. It glinted in the light. There was only one person who could have slipped this into my pocket was… Jared. I shook. How did he do this? I surely would have noticed if he showed his hand down my pants and dropped an expensive and beautiful necklace in there. I appraised it. There was a tiny diamond on the tip of the tear drop, sparkling at the link to the chain. He must have given it to me. He must have.

I dropped to the bed heavily, feeling it sink under my weight. I let the necklace slip through my fingers. It's coolness sent shivers up my spine. What was this supposed to mean? I stared at it for a moment longer and then dug my hand into my back pocket for my communicator.

* * *

_Jared Wilson_

_Ring, Ring. Ring, Ring. Ring, Ring_.

I picked the ringing and vibrating phone and flicked it open. _Raven. _The caller ID spelled out in big, blue and bold letters.

A large smile spread slowly out on my face. I could see her.

I answered the phone, and the screen lit up with Raven's gorgeous glare.

I had finally read the manual once I had realized if I worked it out, I would be able to see her face on regular occasions.

"Hello Sunshine." I answered brightly. Her glare deepened, her hair out of place like she had just gotten off the plane, though I was sure she hadn't.

"How am I able to see you?" she asked quickly, her glare fading into confusion for a second.

"I read the manual, worked it out." I shrugged, and her face contorted into anger again.

"Can you explain what I found in my pocket just a moment ago?" she inquired malevolently, not bothering to greet me back. I feigned shock.

"I really have no idea." I replied innocently. With a frustrated growl she dipped out of the screen for a moment and returned holding the necklace.

I hadn't stolen it, that was for sure. I knew when or If she found out what I did, she'd be very pissed at being gifted with stolen property. It seemed to mean more this way. I'd been walking past a newly restocked, _Jimmy's Ice._ but this time they had upgraded their security. Like that could ever thwart me.

It was simple, with a little bit of sparkle, and undeniably beautiful. Like her, I mused.

"Wow. What a pretty piece of jewelry." I offered, still not giving off any signals to whether I knew about it or not.

"Mmmnnn. Very. Forgive me for thinking you've seen it before." she hissed menacingly, shaking it.

"Why would you think that?" I asked, bewildered.

"Because no one but you could have gotten close enough to put it in my pocket." she burst out, before clamping a hand over her mouth and shutting her eyes to regain control. I absolutely hated it when she did that.

Like she wasn't allowed, like she had done something wrong. I could practically hear her thoughts chastising herself for acknowledging her humanity. I was pretty sure even her demonaty was being told off. She seemed to think she was a machine, who only had one function: To be invisible. That wasn't her.

"Fine. I did it. I'm guilty." I offered, wishing she would get angry again so she could have the opportunity to be real. I got what I asked for and her eyes fluttered open in the calm and dangerous demeanor I associated with her buttons being pushed.

"How?" she asked in a hollow, deadly voice. I smiled and her violet eyes narrowed.

"That, my bright spunky ray of Sunshine, is one of my many secrets." I replied soberly, trying to keep a straight face. As usual when I mentioned secrets and she got that adorable sulky and disgusted look on her face, I couldn't stop the hysterical laughter that followed.

It happened. Her lips twisted up angrily and she folded her arms across her beautiful chest. She looked away, like even though no one could see us, she was pretending she didn't know me.

When I didn't stop, she flicked her head back to me in irritation.

"That's not funny!" she said in monotone. I chuckled. "In fact it the least funny thing in the whole fucking universe!" she hissed suddenly.

It was the first truly terrifying thing I had seen her do. Her violet eyes glowed with a reddish tint and her lips curled back over teeth that were suddenly too sharp and too white to be normal. The words she spoke with such emphases were not even loud. But that's part of what made fear rise up and strangle my heart so it skipped a beat.

I could see it happening, her transformation. At least she was being real.

"You're cute when your mad." I said confidently, smiling at her furious face. Her whole demeanor changed again. The growl in her expression died quickly and quietly and her lips relaxed back into their gorgeous state. Her eyes were purple again, and they were shinning with unshed tears of horror.

"I'm sorry." she mumbled, unblinkingly as if I was going to explode if I left her sight. I shrugged.

"What for? Okay, okay, I'll tell you one of my secrets" I put my hands up in mock defeat and leaned closer to my tiny mobile screen. "I swear too sometimes." I whispered.

Raven smiled slightly and let herself blink. She did so five times in quick succession, to make sure the tears would stay where they were. I smiled back reassuringly, whishing I could comfort her.

Well, I might be able to soon.

I looked around the hotel room I was sitting in, killing time before going to eat diner down at the hotel restaurant all by myself. Everything around here was expensive, from the sheets to the robes, to the flat screen. The asshole who had organized this whole thing had left me a note."

_Don't steal anything in this room_.

That was the downside of being a thief, everyone thought you were going to rip them off. Even Tommy and Ryan always said it when I went over to their houses.

"_Stay away from my moms good china Jared, it won't go for much on the black market._"

_"I got the change in the ashtray counted, so don't even try it man."_

I wanted to scowl but Raven would see.

I thought about paying her a little visit, but their was the problem of not knowing where the hell she was. And not knowing who the hell batman was. That would be awkward, if I went to her hotel and batman walked in.

"Oh Azar help me" Raven breathed softly as she examined the necklace with a fearful look. I turned all of my attention to my number one girl.

"Who's Azar? Are you part of a cult I don't know about?" that was another thing I, and Ana of course, were interested in. I mean, I hadn't even really noticed it until she pointed it out.

"_Is she a buddhist?"_

"_I don't know, why?"_

"_You know, the giant Indian dot thing on her head."_

"No. she was just someone I knew a while ago" Raven replied cryptically. I nodded.

"So what's that ruby doing on your head?" I asked curiously. Her finger floated up to her forehead and came to rest on it.

"You mean my charka?" she answered, amused.

"Yeah." I nodded again. Raven sighed.

"It's just something I always had. I don't really need it anymore but… I can't really take it off..." she trailed off. She looked tired.

"Go to bed sunshine. You look like hell" I said, a smile in my voice.

"Thanks."

"You know I don't mean it like that. If you want I can remind you how beautiful you are" I said threateningly.

"Oh Azar please don't."

"Good. Now put the necklace on." I said, pleased with myself. Raven shook her head.

"No." she replied simply. I sighed.

"You are so gorgeous that I can't believe that mere days ago you were in my arms, under my lips and pressed against my mouth. You taste like-" I said enthusiastically, with manic hand gestures.

"No, no, no." she cut me off emotionlessly, after looking dumbfounded for a few moments. I carried on.

"You taste like everything in the world I have ever loved all rolled into one. Your body keeps me awake every night, and your mind keeps me thinking until dawn." I cried grandly, though still sincerely.

"Fine." she mumbled, and in a flash, it was hanging around her neck. She showed the pendant to me, and then dropped it below her t-shirt, so all I could see was the silver chain.

"Lucky necklace" I nodded approvingly, indeed wishing I was in the pendants place, somewhere between Ravens breasts. She narrowed her eyes like she was going to hit me, and crossed her arms like she was displeased the small problem of not being in the same room was going to stop her.

"So you going to bed now?" I asked, sounding much less concerned than I felt inside. Their were dark purple, almost bruise-like shadows under her eyes. Even though these were usual for her, I didn't like how they were more pronounced than I had ever seen.

"Its only seven o'clock." she replied dryly, giving me a disdainful look. "I haven't had diner yet."

I checked my watch, just to be sure. She was right of course. She was always right.

"Fine, but go to bed early." I warned. She rolled her eyes and hung up, the pendant still around her neck and me hoping it would stay there.

I jumped off the bed and got a beer from the chilly min-fridge. No name and his master were paying, so I had no problem with getting drunk tonight. Tomorrow would be a different matter all together.

Batman. It was crazy to rely on someone else to keep him busy. What if I ended up the distraction for someone else? I shook my head and downed some alcohol while looking over my suit. Now was not the time to think about it. The time was before I accepted the job, and I was not ruining my perfect track record and risking all that money because of nerves. I was the best. that's why they hired me. Gotham was a little dirtier than jump, but I could handle any criminals here. I had my skill, I had my suit. I had my technique and now I had a tux.

Luckily a tux was the sort of thing you could wear over a spandex villain costume, except for the mask, which could go in my pocket with the bag. I had no idea how much their was going to be, and I hoped I would only need one trip.

I had my cover ready, it had been with the note when I got here. James Tacher, young colleague and assistant to rich businessman, Terry Rogers, who sadly couldn't come and asked me to represent him. I shuddered to think where Terry was right now that was going to keep him from showing up. Only Raven would be able to recognize me, meaning I could have some fun with her killing time before the heist. But I doubt she would come up and talk with me, considering that would mean her friends would find out.

Raven in a dress. Tomorrow would be a wonderful day.

* * *

_Raven Roth_

We descended the stairs in quiet anticipation. Barbara and Tim? How were they doing?

The archway opened up into a quietly lit dinning area, where Bruce and a young, tall and muscled up teenager sat, in conversation. Robin took his seat on the opposite side of the table from Batman. They looked up.

"Hey Dick." The man smirked, propping his elbows up on the table and using them to cradle his smug face. He was dark haired, like Robin, and just about as good-looking. Starfire blushed heavily when she saw him, a fact not missed by anyone.

"Tim." Robin replied frostily. A pretty, blond and friendly looking woman in her twentys sighed.

"Not this again." she rolled her eyes. Her clothes were a little more formal than mine and Starfire's. Starfires leopard print and my black Sabbath t-shirt were tacky and understated next to her deep crimson blouse, that Beastboy was shiftily trying to gawp down. But Tim was wearing a workout shirt, designed to show off his rippling muscles and what not, so I figured we would be fine. Robin looked at her in surprise, and then stood up from his seat to hug her. Starfires face darkened comically.

"Hey Babs." he grinned. She flicked him on his dark sunglasses and laughed.

"Still hiding your eyes from them? They'll be starting to wonder if your disfigured under there" she teased. It felt like they had a private joke they weren't sharing with us. Tim chuckled and Bruce smiled indulgently.

After much laughter, from them, not us, Robin swung Barbara around so she was facing us. Her eyes did a quick sweep of our group, frequently coming to rest on me and Starfire.

"This is my team." Robin announced proudly, doing all the introductions as quickly as possible, since they'd been overdone today. He reached Starfire, and Barbara's face lit up.

"I'd been wondering which one was Starfire. Good choice." she winked suggestively at him. A dull flush crept up his neck to Tim's immediate delight.

Wait. Good choice? What was her problem? I sent her a sharp glance, and her face fell into shock for a mere second before her mind registered what was happening and returned itself to careful ignorance of my fury. If any one would have any hostility, you would think it would be towards Starfire. But clearly she didn't have any romantic feelings for Robin, she was just his friend. Maybe she was just unique-phobic.

Starfire looked confused, her childish innocence making Barbara coo "aww" like Starfire was a newborn kitten. Robin cleared his throat.

"Yes. Uh yeah, this is Raven." he muttered uncomfortably, sitting down before any more Robin/Starfire could be discussed. Barbara sized me up. I inclined my head, keeping my eyes unblinking and a challenging eyebrow raised. My new necklace was heating up to my skin temperature, an unfamiliar weight on my chest. I liked it, like Jared was with me.

After a moment of silence, I made the first move, sweeping myself into my chair. I settled and folded my hands across the table, giving Robin a look that clearly told him _This is your fault._

He managed to look a little sorry, but only a little, too chuffed with his new seat next to his _best_ friend. The others sat, Starfire next to me, still confused. The people at the table had started to converse excitedly, Tim and Robin digging at each other at regular interviews. It was an odd, uneven dynamic and I didn't like it at all. It was such a contrast to the easy discussions that I was used to around the Titan's table, where I knew no one was out to harm or humiliate me.

"Why did new friend Babb say "good choice" ? Is this not what you say when Cyborg buys the tea you approve of?" Starfire whispered in my ear. I sweat dropped as I noticed Barbara take in what we were saying. I shook my head, and turned to Starfire.

If they could all have secrets so could I, even if it was only a mirage.

I cupped my hand around her ear to hide my lips.

"Don't worry about it Starfire, it's just another way of saying she likes you." I muttered back. Starfire noticed the hand and recognized it as a friendly girlfriend thing. When I pulled away she beamed.

It had the desired effect, and Barbara looked put out. I wasn't sure why I felt such an aversion to her, though it seemed mutual.

The double doors that I imagined led to the kitchen flung themselves open and Alfred walked through with a huge platter of pork. Other faceless staff brought in plates covered in vegetables and Alfred had to go back into the kitchen so he could bring out the gravy boat. Finally he took a seat.

"So nice to have the family together." He smiled. Bruce raised his wine glass to him.

"Yes." he agreed thoughtfully, his eyes flicking back and forth. I felt my back tense up, a demonic reaction to feeling threatened.

Internally I gulped. This had never happened before, not so frequently, at least. Little instincts were kicking in, the ones that were more animal than human.

"We haven't been together for so long!" Barbara cried suddenly, overwhelmed. She didn't even put an implications on it, like she could have. My back muscles relaxed cautiously, ready to coil at the first sign of trouble. Robin grinned back and even Tim smiled ruefully.

"Yeah. Its great. Still, it would be better if Dick wasn't here…." he trailed off innocently, turning his head to stare longingly out of the giant, wall-sized window that overlooked a small clearing in the dense garden. It had a stone bench and a tinkling mini-fountain.

"Boys." Bruce interrupted Robins rebuttal sternly, though he looked extremely amused. "We have guests." he added unwillingly, sweeping his hand over the table. Alfred nodded in agreement.

"Really boys, I do hope I taught you better" he said gravly, staring down his nose at them. Then he sighed. Tim looked mockingly abashed.

"They should be used to it right now, living with this tight-ass-"

Bruce cleared his throat menacingly.

"Uh…living with this focused individual." he corrected. "Sorry ma'am's." he nodded, imitating a southern drawl. Starfire beamed.

"Are you from Texas?" she asked excitedly, her emerald eyes shinning. Bruce raised his eyebrows, but I was surprised she put half the question together and came up with Texas. Her knowledge of earth was improving, even if her naivety was not.

Tim looked at me as if to say _Is she joking?_ but I didn't respond, my face impassive.

"Uh no." he muttered quietly, then shut up completely.

"So, any news?" Robin asked, looking pleased Tim had been shut down. Bruce nodded and looked as if he had a bad taste in his mouth.

"Jemal Rusesamunga broke out of Arkham a couple of weeks ago." he said. Robin nodded.

"The psychotic activist?" he asked curiously. All business, even at the dinner table.

"Yes. Delusions of grandeur, paranoia. He thinks its America's fault that his home country is facing such stress. He thinks its his job to bring us to justice." Bruce shook his head. "And speaking of Ethiopia, I've got some information that some scientists researching there are selling out under the table."

"Selling what?" Barbara asked sharply.

"Medicines, maybe diseases." Bruce said dully.

"Why the hell would they sell diseases?" Cyborg cut in. Bruce looked at him.

"So other people who aren't hired for companies can try to cure them and get all the glory and money." Robin answered.

"What diseases are they working on?" Beastboy asked. Again Barbara and Bruce looked upset by the interruption.

"Very rare illnesses. Tropical mostly." Robin answered again.

"Ones that already have cures, but with side effects." Barbara added.

"Like mine?" Beastboy asked, in a much darker tone.

"Possibly." Robin answered evenly.

"So the scientists want money?" Tim cut in, ignoring the sudden tension.

"No, Diamonds. that's what everyone wants isn't it?" Bruce sighed. "The problem is, for them to hand anything over it would have to be a substantial amount, which is why no ones calling them on it and arresting them. No one believes that they could get that amount together." he frowned.

"You look worried." Robin stated, noticing the deeply etched worry lines appear in his forehead. Bruce's expression turned dark.

"I am. Its on top of my list at the moment, and Maybe you should look into it to. Theirs been whispers about why Jemal broke out of prison, and I don't think the fact that the scientists are operating out of his home country is a coincidence. Rusesamunga is a dangerous man with a country to avenge."

"You think this guy wants the strain?" Tim asked curiously.

"Yes, but I can't prove it. I don't see a way for him to get enough money together without him being caught. We have a suspicion he's in New York city but it doesn't make any sense for him to be that close. Nothing he does makes sense. It seems to be completely random, and that's worrying."

"You think he's going set some disease loose on American soil and watch us wither?" I broke in. No one spoke or looked at me.

"Lets eat." Alfred cut in firmly, braking off the strange tension. Barbara and Bruce chuckled, and Cyborg laughed nervously with Robin following his lead. They only did so two or three times, and then broke off to stuff food in their mouths so no one could ask them any questions.

But Bruce did ask questions. That's all he did the entire meal. it seemed he had picked this moment to do it for several reasons. 1. We couldn't exactly run. 2. Barbara and Tim seemed to want the answers almost as much as he did. 3. It was embarrassing us into quick answers when everyone was listening.

He was overstepping the line.

"Your powers are the result of an illness cure?" Bruce asked in a steely and curios voice, almost an accusation. Like this made beastboy untrustworthy.

"Yep. I got bit by a monkey back in Africa and contracted something. My parents gave me an untested cure and it saved me but had side-effects." he stated uncomfortably. We were all uncomfortable. Bruce changed the subject.

"So Beastboy, that is your real name isn't it?" he started off casually. I knew that he knew beastboys real name already. Beastboy almost chocked on his roast potato. He coughed it down hastily and caught his breath.

"Uh, No." he answered, trying to catch Robins eye. He was staring determinedly at the wall, at the same time trying to avoid Alfred frosty but silent and piercing blue eyes. He was obviously displeased with the rude berating of guests.

"What is it then?" Barbara demanded, earning a sharp look from Alfred. He ignored him, his blue eyes set on the team, excluding robin.

The lines were set.

Them.

_Us._

In that moment Cyborg, second in command, was our leader. Robin seemed to have nothing to do with us.

"Garfield Logan." Beastboy answered slowly. My fury doubled in intensity and heat. This was beastboys name. It was _his _secret. Not Bruce Wayne's. It wasn't batman's place to blink and get the key to the universe.

"What abilities do you have?" he pressed, with an expression and demeanor that told everyone he definatly knew that. Why was he pretending to only just take an interest in his sons team? Every hero and villain in the world was probably already categorized in the Dewey decimal system on his computer.

"I can morph into any animal." Beastboy said, and I could see the child he was fading. His height was even more recognizable when he sat up straight to address batman. _Good _I though in satisfaction.

"Aren't you supposed to be green?" Tim asked conversationally. Beastboy fixed him with a look I _knew_ he must have learnt from me.

"I almost died back in Africa and the cure for the disease had lots of strange side effects." he shrugged, a little of himself coming back with the unconcerned look on his face.

Bruce nodded, and shifted his position, telling me Beastboy was done.

"Cyborg am I correct? The name you were born with?"

Cy wasn't going to take his crap.

"Names Victor stone." he said evenly, with a quick and smug smile in my direction.

He had his Holo-ring on. The way he said _Victor Stone_ with such confidence and security made me think he _was_ Victor again when he was wearing it. The handsome high-school football star who was faster, stronger, better than anyone else.

Untouchable.

Not the big brother I knew, but one I was aware he wished he was again. Being half-machine made him lose a lot of self-esteem. Even though he still was, appearances mattered no matter what anyone said.

Bruce's eyes narrowed a fraction and I noticed his jaw harden. He was acknowledging Cy's potential.

"You look different from the photograph on the database." he accused, scanning him for signs of technology. He by-passed the ring and I felt suddenly triumphant.

"We all do. The photos were taken a couple of years ago, I was only about seventeen." he replied innocently, dodging his questions and making Bruce work for his dinner. "It's not just me who's changed," he added humorously. "Rae's hair is longer and BB's gotten really tall."

Bruce's narrowed eyes relaxed and he nodded thoughtfully, his dark eyes practically drowning in satisfaction at a challenge.

I smirked and tossed my hair over my right shoulder to illustrate Cy's joke. Barbara's smile looked frozen on now, and Tim was snickering in disbelief.

Victor Stone was an obnoxious teenager who didn't listen to authority unless they gave him equal respect. I quite liked him.

"Yes, you've all changed significantly. Its seems you do that a lot. Changing back and forth." Bruce trailed off cryptically. Cyborg frowned and I could feel advantages sliding across the table back into Bruce's hand. I felt unbalanced, and wasn't sure who's emotions I was picking up on.

"Like right now." he continued. "You look extremely like you did in your High school freshman year book photo."

I felt Victor Stone slip away from Cyborg and the anger returned to my chest.

He sought out Cyborgs school photos? That was private. What else did he know, what else did he go looking for? Did he have photo's of his dead mother as well? Was he going to bring her up next?

"Funny how that happens." I let slip icily. Tim's gaze set on me for a moment, but Bruce paid no attention.

"Some new toys." Cyborg said darkly. Bruce's face never changed.

"I thought as much."

"I bet you did." I muttered. Bruce lingered over Cyborg like a vulture and then started on Starfire. I was too busy in the after shock of dark emotions brought on by Cyborgs low-lying insecurity of not being man enough I didn't find this as amusing as I otherwise would have.

Alfred was shooting daggers at Bruce, the only one besides me game enough to do so. I noticed Robin again, staring away from the scene. His body language clearly stated he whished to be somewhere else.

"Starfire?" Bruce questioned carefully, sensing a difference in her. Starfires eyes had to be forcibly wrenched away from Cyborgs down-cast face by sheer will-power. When she did face Batman, it wasn't with her usual enthusiasm.

Still, it was more than anyone else's.

"Koir'ander." she said happily, with big wide eyes, that made _them_ blink in confusion. Bruce cleared his throat.

"So, where are you from?"

"The beautiful planet Tameran" she gushed, flipping a strand of her red hair over and over in her hand. Bruce knew he was getting nowhere. Barbara's face had softened and now she looked delighted that Starfire was so adorable. Tim looked at me again, possibly sensing I was the only sane person in this room. His face clearly said _Is she joking now?_

I ignored him again, as I saw Robin move in the corner of my eye. He had glanced up, or I thought he had but couldn't quite tell because of his sunglasses. The unbridled fury cut itself loose and I found myself dismantling our bonds barrier manually, purposely. I worked at them, pushing them violently with my mind training. I had been doing this stuff my whole life. What would he do to stop it?

I felt my emotions flush through it, filling up his mind.

Let him see how he liked it.

Robin flinched visibly, and spun around on his seat, his mouth twisted up on itself. Everyone's head found Robin to see what was wrong, and that led them to me, through his line of vision. My eyes were fixed on his face, feeling the fight drain out of me and into his head. I could see the physical effects of this. His forehead shone with sweat and his neck was reddening up, like he had a terrible fever. His fingers were raking through his gravity-defying hair spikes, flattening them down. He clenched his teeth together and rode out the incessant babble, confusion, migraine and dizziness that he would be feeling around about now.

"What are you doing?" Bruce growled in gravelly and low voice I hadn't heard yet. It was dangerous. I didn't move my body externally, but inside my head logic and knowledge were working together to calm me down, and in turn I was knitting the bonds wall back up. It was a gradual thing, not instant, like Batman wanted.

"I asked you what you were doing." he repeated, and several shivers went through the room. I turned to face him- bonds didn't need eye contact- and looked innocent.

"I don't know what your talking about." I said in monotone. It pleased me that there was something he didn't know.

"Don't. lie." he spat. The last portion of the bond clicked back together and I was sealed off from Robin, and he sealed off from me. I arched a cynical brow high and laced my spindly fingers across the wood table.

"I never do." was my reply, soft and unconcerned as could be. Bruce was obviously pissed off by it. He growled in the back of his throat and slammed his body back onto the chair, fixing his black eyes on me.

Inadvertently, my back muscles coiled. Ready to fight, flight or freeze.

"If you ever do it again, you will find yourself very sorry indeed." Bruce threatened quietly, his voice barley above a whisper, but in the same hard and gravelly tones. I snorted.

"Oh definatly." I drawled sarcastically. Cyborg smiled a little and Tim and Barbara looked shocked. Bruce leaned forward.

"You think people are impressed by you?" he asked lightly, changing moods faster than the sped of light. Though his voice was not a shout, his words were malevolent.

"No." I said truthfully. He considered me for a moment.

"Your wrong." he stated finally, and I felt a wave of shock and confusion hit me. Was that a complement? "Everyone should hold healthy fear for the devils daughter."

Definatly not a complement.

The voices in my head started off a whisper, but every voice became louder in quick succession.

_Its only logical that Robin would tell him._

_Everyone knows. They'll all hate me._

_Stupid fucker._

_It is of no importance. We must leave it._

_If Mr. Wayne got his facts straight he would have known that we are not in fact the devils daughter. _

_Lets kick his ass!_

_Yeah bitch!_

_We deserve to die! Why wont you just kill us?_

_Lets kick all there asses! Especially Robins!_

_Can we pretty please reveal Batman's secret identity to the public?_

_Mmmnnn devils daughter. I like that, it makes us sound hoootttttt._

_WERE GOING TO KILL HIM!_

On the outside I looked frozen, but I was really just listening. When rage broke in, I put off a conscious effort to quell my emotions.

"Shut up." I muttered to myself, placing a finger at my temple and shaking my head.

"Are all demons schizophrenic?" Bruce asked with interest. "Or is it just you?" the others around the table were just blurry formations to me, I couldn't make heads nor tails of what they were doing, or saying, or thinking, or feeling.

Rage broke free again. I shut her up with an unspoken promise to give her a bit more lee-way later, which I knew I would pay dearly for.

"Do you have an inferiority complex Bruce?" I asked tensely, rubbing my temples with both of my rotating index fingers until the pain ebbed to a dull throb. "Because it seems to me that only a man with something to compensate for would create a big alternative identity like batman."

There. I said it.

But I didn't give him the time to reply with his nasty and probing thoughts on the subject. I slid my chair back with a hollow and resounding scrape and exited the room to silence.

My heavy footsteps echoed and slapped on the hard marble flooring as I hurried up the stairs, taking it three steps at a time, using my speed rather than my height. Once I reached the landing I broke into a sprint.

The door to my room seemed too good to be true, like a mirage in the hot sandy dessert, or a house in the middle of an endless and empty forest. Salvation, praise Azar!

I shoved it roughly with my shoulder, only pausing to nudge it firmly shut again. My hands scrambled to find a lock but came up empty. A closed door would just have to do. The bed was all I was searching for out of all the things in this elegant Room. I collapsed onto it, feeling my body sink as if the mattress were mud. Warm, comfy mud. My face buried into the silky black coverlet, cherishing the quiet places in my head. This was familiar. Hiding in my room.

Really, I had just thrown a teenage worthy tantrum. I hated those, I hated them. Rich brats with everything who still thought they had nothing and made sure the world knew. But that wasn't me. We all knew it. I was just so tired.

Tired of fighting people.

Tired of continuing to be still when I wanted to run.

Tired of muttering in shadows when I was aloud to shout in your face and laugh like a maniac.

So what was stopping me?

I though long and hard and could only come up with pathetic excuses.

Habit? Self-esteem? Hopefully I would know when I hit my epiphany.

I needed to break through expectations and reveal myself.

That was hopeless, I hadn't even discovered my own identity. But when I did I would display it. But only to those I trusted. But then tonight begged the question, who can I trust? A voice I thought was buried surfaced.

_No one. When will you finally get that?_

* * *

_Richard Grayson_

I flopped down onto my stomach, exhausted. Usually I wouldn't display such a mindless weakness, but I knew I would fall asleep any second, and I would prefer to be in my bed when it happened.

My two best friends in the world hated each other. Even could see some weird female rivalry thing going on between them. And after what Bruce had pulled at dinner I had no idea what to handle it.

Usually I wrote lists, catalogued my observations. I couldn't be bothered picking up a pen and paper, but old habits die hard. My mind was compiling one for me.

Barbara. My best friend while I was growing up in this crazy household, the one who helped me deal with my family's death and Bruce's mood swings. A constant in my life, just like Alfred. She was sweet, and funny. She opened up to me and usually ended up telling me much more than I ever wanted to know. She respected my boundaries - most of the time. We had kept in contact, trading stories and reminiscing, and I was excited about seeing and talking to her face-to-face again.

Raven. My best friend in the Titans, helping me form it and keep the others guys in line. We shared a bond that became more apparent to me every time she used it to tell me how furious she was, a very unpleasant sensation. She was hard to rely on if you were thinking in general friendship terms, but with my life, I would trust her. She was unstable, rude and rocky. You never knew what she was going to say and whether or not it was the truth once she did say it. She was an expert liar, and always respected my boundary's, as long as I extended the same common courtesy. She was ideal and knew what I wanted and when I wanted it, and she picked what she felt was best.

And now they were involved in an estrogen battle. I should have expected this from Barbara. She had heard about the bond and Raven's dad through Bruce and didn't like it one bit. But I think it was the best friends thing that really bothered her.

It was definatly not romantic feelings that was the driving force. Both of those girls would burst out in laughter- even Raven - if I told them I had even considered that. No, it was definatly jealousy.

I furrowed my brow and chucked the dark lenses sunglasses at the floor. I thought those girls were sensible.

_I finally left the table, rolling the wight that had been present ever since Raven exited off the room. Babs followed me out, as I headed up the stairs to my room. I ignored her and continued. she caught up with me at the landing. _

_"I'm tired Babs." I sighed. She frowned and punched me on the arm. It almost hurt._

_"Since when did you get tired? You used to be able to stay up all night patrolling - not that Bruce would let you." she laughed. Her teeth were whiter than I remembered. _

_"Things are different now." I reminded her, leaning up against the hand rail. she lent against it with me, Crossing her arms over her chest. _

_"Right. You've got your new team now." she poked her tongue out at me and I snickered at the familiarity of the gesture. _

_"No, but I am too old now." I laughed. She laughed along with me. "What's your problem with Raven by the way?" I asked curiously. Bab's face morphed into a scowl. _

_"She's obnoxious." she muttered, stareing the other way. I shook my head._

_"Thats not it." I said, and her scowl deepened. she straightened up._

_"I'm old as well Dick, time for bed." she said simply, and then headed off down the hallway. I shook my head again. _

But then I had thought Bruce was sensible too, but it looked like being alone all these years had finally gotten to him and he now had a death wish. Harassing Raven? Bad idea.

I wasn't sure who for, just that a lot of people would pay to see it.

Batman was notorious for being mysterious and easily able to disable his opponents.

Bruce Wayne was notorious for being charming, catching people off guard and always coming up on top.

Raven was known for being unreachable, distant, cold and strong.

Demonic Raven wasn't known for anything, because we hadn't seen the full extent of it yet, only that we knew it was supposed to be the end of the world.

So in a battle, who would win? A man so unreal it was hard to believe he was human, or a girl who _wasn't_ really human at all?

There I go again, compiling a list for a scenario that would never happen.

I rubbed the heels of my palm down my face, pulling down the skin. Tomorrow was the ball, and I needed to get some sleep if I hoped to deal with the shouts of "Look! Its Richard Grayson!"

I had breathed a sigh of relieve when I had been accepted as Robin and only Robin. Juggling two different people tore you apart. I wasn't sure who I was supposed to be, I couldn't manage it the way Bruce seemed to, switching back and forth between himself and Batman. None of us were sure where Batman started and Bruce Wayne began anymore and I didn't want to end up the same way.

So tomorrow I would have to be Dick, not Robin. I hated having multiple personas.

One of the hazards of this job, you had to switch on serious and turn off your own feelings in the blink of an eye. It was just a rule of being a hero.

Before when Bruce was in inquisition mode, questioning , _my_ team I had to do that. Inside I was furious. How dare he act like I was just the sidekick again! I was trying to stop an argument but maybe I should have just jumped in, it would have stopped him chewing up Cyborg and pissing off Raven. And now they all thought I didn't care.

I did! I just knew that if I looked at them or opened my mouth to speak I would have lost it. I wanted to keep things civil for tomorrow, prove to him once and for all that I could handle things.

I turned over onto my side and glared at the dark wall of my once bedroom.

Finding your true identity was supposed to be hard, but I had a feeling this was more than just your average teen angst.


	8. Girl meets real boy

**I don't own the teen titans. I do own, Lela, Tommy, Ryan, the Jared part to the Red-X, my cat, the entire 'Blithe' family and your mum. **

* * *

_Raven Roth_

The sun had not been a factor in today's weather so far. The rain had pelted down at regular intervals, painting on the sky a cloudy grey finish. I had woken in the same mood I had gone to sleep in. My head in a dark space, my emotions subdued and tired after their thrashing argument in my sleep, invading my dreams. Like a storm had raged that had nothing to do with the rain outside. We spent most of the morning in the dining room for an unnecessarily lavish breakfast. The atmosphere had been strained and unpleasant, the conversation tainted by the underlying memory of yesterday. I had barely said a word to anyone, least of all Robin and Bruce Wayne. Alfred had asked how the tea was, but the others shut up. Then Bruce had briefed everyone on what to expect tonight, explaining the building's detailed blueprints and the expansive game plan he had. It was pointless to deny that he was extremely thorough and serious when it came to his _real _passion. It was obvious Wayne enterprises was the side-project. He spoke with Batman's gravelly tones and glare when he was in his zone, as if he was switching between the two people he lived out.

The plan was set in stages and levels, with a part for each of us, and a run through of different scenarios that could occur. Bruce planned for every possible outcome. My job was to hang around, acting like all the grandeur and vanity was normal for me until some criminals hoped through the door, at which time I was to take down as many as I could. If my identity was revealed, I was to get out of the public eye as quickly as possible, and wait in the wings until said criminals appeared. If there were to many of them, we were to protect the civilians. I couldn't really imagine how much was _too_ much, what with Batman, Batgirl, _both_ Robins, a half-human, half-machine, an incredibly strong alien, a changeling and a half-demon going against them.

Now all that was left to organize was the façade. Something I was the least comfortable with.

"Beastboy." Robin called flatly, his eyes downcast on the small sheet of plain, white paper. He handed it over to Beastboys olive skinned hand. Today he was Hispanic. "Cyborg." he called, in the same tone. Another sheet exchanged hands, words being carefully avoided. Last night wasn't forgiven between the two yet. "Starfire, Raven." he finished, and I pulled the sheet out of his hands, avoiding physical contact. I hadn't forgiven him either. My eyes scanned the paper doubtfully. According to the I.D he had given me before stated my name was Leah Barns. The paper stated I was an employee of Wayne enterprises, in the advertising division.

"Why must my name be changed?" Starfire asked, a little frown curving down the corners of her mouth. Her hair was already in heat rollers, almost ready to be released into curled glory. She was early, and I was too scared. I peeked over at her sheet.

_Gina Smith._

"I've already told you Star." Robin muttered out of the corner of his mouth, his voice low so Bruce would be unable to hear it across the room, while he was in deep conversation with Tim. However, he kept looking up on regular intervals to check we were still working, like he was testing Robin's leadership skills. Starfire looked shocked. Robin had never blown her off before. He was usually okay with explaining things a few times to her.

But she kept quiet and the only sign of her confusion was her pursed lips.

"Leah?" I asked skeptically, more to Cyborg than Robin. The rest of the paper was filled up with my fake social security number, a vague background story, expected mannerisms and a copy of my task list. Leah was not a name I would have picked.

"I think it's nice." Robin said offhandedly, and Barbara shot him a dangerous look. Her dirty blond locks were pulled up in a wet ponytail awaiting a hairdryers blast.

"Don't worry Rae, apparently my name is Judge." Cyborg spit acidly. I had to admit he had a point. Robin looked defensive.

"Judge is a real name."

Cyborg snorted and shook his head.

"What's your new name boy blunder?" I asked coolly, leaning back against the pretty leather couch I had perched on. He shrugged awkwardly and was saved by Bruce, walking a steady pace towards our small group.

"It's time ladies." he said simply and quietly, his eyes unfathomable and flicking constantly to the bay window. The tree outside were scraping wetly against the glass in the wind, forming little trails of rain-tears down the pane.

Robin straightened up, like he had been caught slacking. Barbara lit up and immediately stood, her fingers pulling through the dripping tip of her knotted hair.

"Okay." she nodded seriously. Her hand gripped Starfires and pulled her deceivingly slim body off her seat. I stayed where I was, my brain working hard to comprehend what he was saying.

"Time for what?" I asked with wide-eyes. Bruce glared at me, probably detesting my un-efficient time-consuming qualities when it came to dress ups.

"Get dressed. I need everyone to be ready early so we can begin briefing."

And here I was thinking we had _already_ briefed.

Barbara looked hesitant, and with a small and understated shudder, shot her arm out and grabbed my shoulder. I was pulled to my feet. I barley even noticed the sign of resolution that this action stood for. Barbara dragged us both out of the room and up the stairs into her large room.

She had a huge dresser off to one side, and her walk in closet was cracked open. Three piles of dresses were stacked high on her queen-sized bed.

"Ohhhh!" Starfire squealed, bewildered by the tubs and trays of make-up lain out on the dressers' bench. I sweat dropped and found my self sitting on the very edge of the large bed, as if my subconscious was ready to dash out of the room any second. Barbara stood in front of us, analyzing. I curved my shoulders forward to hide my body further under the dark blue turtleneck I was wearing. Her stare made me feel extremely self-conscious.

"Dresses first!" Barbara insisted finally, and walked swiftly over to the three piles and shoved one, the smallest by far, onto my lap. The middle one went to Starfire, and she spread the final one over the floor, a pile consisting of at least twelve dresses, in various colors and lengths.

"Sorry about the small selection, but Bruce barley gave us any warning at all. Starfire, the ones you got are too small for me, I think you're about a zero and I'm a two so all my usuals will be too big." she said, as I numbly stared at Starfire smiling brightly and fiercely at a candied pink gown.

"I am a number?" Starfire asked, confused, her brow furrowing. This was only for a small amount of time as her eyebrows shot back up at the sight of Barbara's purple eye shadow pot.

"It's a dress size honey." Barbara said, once again in a tone that reminded me of a mother cooing at her baby. She turned to me, awkwardness painting her movements and expression.

"You've got even less choice…sorry about that…your just a little…uh.." She trailed off looking embarrassed and tuned back to her dresses.

I knew what she meant. My breasts were huge and hers weren't. It was fine, it was okay, as long as she wasn't implying I was fat.

I took a deep, steadying breath and slid the top dress off the others underneath it. One was a peach color, one was blue silk, and one was plum. Unconsciously, my fingers flew to the plum gown, tracing the little indentations and crevices in the chiffon. I wanted to get this over with. I piled the two remaining dresses on top of each other in silence, ignoring the two girls surprised looks.

To get a better look, I slipped the plastic cover off it and held the coat hanger up to the light. It shone through the first layer of slightly see-through chiffon, and was absorbed into the layer of purple silk under it in the skirt. It had no straps, but it fell all the way down to the floor, pooling on the ground where my feat would be. The bust was a knotted, twisted, butterfly shape, curving around to my back and meeting in the middle where the knot became obvious between where my breast were. From there it floated downwards, with no shape other than to skim. The length made up for the body-hugging top part.

A small, girly part of me fell in love. I would crush that emotion later.

"I thought that one would go nice with your hair." Barbara shrugged shyly. She was a normally confident girl, and therefore this peace making needed to be done quickly, though I wasn't sure how.

"Thanks." I muttered as she started undoing the curlers from Starfires hair. It fell down in loose ringlets matching her bouncy personality perfectly.

"We'll need to do something with your hair as well." she added, a little more confidently. I grimaced and reached for a large paddle brush from the dresser and started to tug viciously through it, ripping out strands. Jared would love this.

Damn it! Could I go one day without thinking his name? Better still, could I go one year without falling foolishly in love?

_This is different. _Knowledge spoke up in my mindscape. I nodded metaphorically. It was different, in a way I could neither identify or articulate if my life depended on it.

"There's nothing anyone can do, it's too long." I protested pointlessly to Barbara's back. Ever since I had met Jared I had let it do what it wanted. Some strange demonic hormone had grown it down to my shoulders in a few short weeks. When I went to nevermore, they refused to let me cut it, with serenity saying '_growing is part of growing' _and logic saying '_tie it up if it bothers you'._

How was I so annoying? Why couldn't they just merge into my brain and leave me be?

"We'll just smooth and spray it into place." she shrugged, and I breathed a sigh of relief. The dress by itself was so daunting it didn't need anything else to aid it.

Barbara picked up a huge can of hair spray and sprayed it directly onto Starfires hair. The fumes filled the room immediately and I coughed.

"Extra-strength." she said wisely, adding a final spray. "I've been to a lot of these things." she smiled. Of course she had, damn Bruce Wayne dragged everyone off to them.

Evil, conniving, Bipolar, madman, psychotic-

"Ohhhh Raven! Your dress is most beautiful!" Starfire interrupted my thoughts enthusiastically.

"Thanks." I replied dully, still brushing _all_ of my hair. I went back to cursing Batman and his need for appearances.

"If only your boy-man-friend could see it!" she grinned like a maniac, obviously trying to picture what he looked like, though she had no real clue. I toppled off the bed and onto the floor hissing quietly.

"Starfire be quiet!" I growled from the floor. Barbara turned around looking _really _interested.

"_You_ have a boyfriend?" she gasped, a lip-liner pencil in her hand. I didn't like the way she said 'you'. Like the scenario was impossible. I felt the defensive dislike of her return.

"No." I drawled, picking myself up. "Starfire was being _sarcastic_" I said patronizingly, snatching a tub of anti-frizz smoother from the dresser. I pumped the nozzle for a walnut sized glob, and turned away, mussing it into my hair.

"Your 'sarcasm'" Starfire said the word strangely, "confuses me most often." she shook her head in despair. I took the hair spray can and filled the room with fumes again, spraying it violently.

"Trouble In paradise?" Barbara asked in an equally patronizing tone as I had.

"Keep your mouth shut." I muttered dangerously. Her eyebrow shot up.

"And if I don't?" she threatened, sounding amused. I eyed her."Do you really want Robin and Beastboy going on all day?" I asked, knowing the answer. Barbara looked disappointed and went back to lining her lips.

"But maybe," Starfire started timidly, her fingers caressing her dress fondly. "you should inform the team! Then I could meet your Jared!" her voice rose in pitch and excitement with every word, and I almost broke my resolve. The hopefulness radiating out of her was testing my empathy, confusing her feelings with mine.

For a second I wanted to tell everyone. But then I remembered Jared hadn't even told me his last name, and I didn't really know him at all.

"I don't think so." I replied, and grabbed my dress, heading to Barbara's en-suite bathroom to change.

An hour later we descended the steps, my mood somber and their moods giddy. I could feel it on the air, like static. Cyborg whistled when Starfire came in, twirling her dress around her calves. Robin looked up, his expression akin to being punched in the face. Nerves skittered around the edges of my body, clawing into my chest like a gravedigger. I wasn't even sure why. I closed my eyes and stepped into the den, not sure what to do with my hands. I kept them at my sides.

Eyes widened immediately as Cyborg, Beastboy, Robin and Tim took in my appearance. I assumed I looked nice. The dress fit, the way it was supposed to, draping over my curves well. My hair was simple and nice. I looked like my mother.

That was what struck me most when I looked in the mirror. With my Charka removed for disguises sake, my hair long and my body shown off, I was screaming Arella. I had always seen her as more beautiful than myself but now I wasn't so sure.

_You're so beautiful Raven._ She had told me once, on one of the last days we had ever spent together, one of perhaps thirty in my whole life I've seen her for more than a few fleeting moments at a time. I remembered she'd had tears in her eyes

I was seven years old, and about to move into the temple. Azar felt she was hindering my control.

_So much prettier than I could ever hope to be. _She whispered, torn - as always- between wanting me gone and wanting me to stay.

I had felt my body fill with warmth. As a child, all positive comments were banned in case of disaster. I knew my mother was lying, but I was delighted all the same.

The small temple house next door had exploded into the air, thankfully uninhabited at the time.

I missed her so much, as much as I could possibly miss anyone. At the same time I the mere thought of her exhausted me, and I hoped to never see that selfish woman again.

"Wow, Rae." Cyborg gasped, smiling in awe. I smiled back unsurely and sat down as quickly as I could, folding my arms over my exposed chest. I was consistently shutting out the waves of lust hitting me from around the room. I knew it was going to get worse. Right now it was only a small concentration.

* * *

_Jared Wilson_

I entered the full ballroom late, while the mayor was speaking. Several women were fluttering their eye lashes at me but I ignored them. My eyes were scanning for Raven.

"…Thank you all." The mayor finished, bowing and smiling like an idiot. _His_ eyes were trailing over a young girls chest, while his plastic wife pursed her lips. There was hearty applause from all round. I readjusted my stupid bow- tie, uncomfortable with the two sets of clothes I was wearing. The X suit had temperature control, but the tux didn't. My pocket was bulging with my mask and a black draw string bag, ready for some trinkets. They were at the top of the stage, adjacent to the string band and the mayors podium.

The band struck up a background tune and the groups went back to talking. The crowd was made up of mostly businessmen, and famous people. In fact, all of the businessmen _were_ famous people. And I had heard of _all_ of them. You just don't go for a degree in business studies without knowing them. I felt giddy. Too bad I was going to be too busy stealing from them to pump them for secrets of the trade.

I was listening out for a sarcastic remark, a snort of un-amused laughter or any other sound that I associated with Raven, but couldn't hear over all the chattering. Some of it was pleasant, with old friends meeting up again. But some of it was purely competitive, between men who obviously didn't like each other but knew how to run a company.

The crowd was thick and I had to push a bit to get through.

"Watch out." A voice said good-naturedly. I turned to give him a piece of mind and stopped mid twirl. Robin was standing in front of me, his eyes masked by dark sunglasses. He was surrounded by adoring fan girls and some boys, holding a martini loosely in his hand. He looked relaxed. Maybe it was the drinking.

For a second, I forgot he had no idea who I was and shot off into the crowd without looking back. Then I released and slowed down again, shaking my head. Robin in a suit acting like James bond? What next?

Then I saw her. She was standing by with Starfire, though I barley noticed her. They were both ignoring older men who was trying to chat them up. Raven was beautiful. Her hair, which I knew had been getting longer, was casually framing her look of gorgeous unconcern. Her dress was simple and elegant, draping over her figure in a very Grecian way. Purple, to match her hair. It showed of a lot of arm and chest, but hid all of her legs. Weird, but very much appreciated. Her leotard showed all leg and no arms or chest, so this was a treat. What I would give to see _a lot _of arms, chest _and_ legs at the same time.

I wanted to go over there, listen to the voice in my head which was yelling _Kiss her you idiot_! But I had to act natural, her other friends might be watching. So, with all my will power, I strolled casually over to her. But then something changed.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a group of people staring at her. Something about the _way _they were staring wasn't right. It filled my chest with cold dread and forbidding. Two men and two woman in their late thirty's or possibly early forty's, and two young teenagers, all looking at her as if she were a ghost. One of the men and one of the woman especially, looked as though they were about to faint. With a dull jolt, I recognized them. They were the heirs to Blithe corp.

The shocked woman and the furious looking man were brother and sisters, children of the founder, Mr. John Blithe. Blithe corp. was a major player in everything, from furniture to new technology. Also a big rival of Wayne enterprises. What the hell were they doing looking at Raven that way?

The man, I struggled to remember his name, was trying to break free from the other mans grip. He was arguing furiously , while the other man stayed calm. The woman, Sarah Blithe, I remembered, didn't move or speak, just kept on staring. I quickened my pace. The man broke away suddenly, and sprinted for Raven, his eyes determined. I sprinted to, my heart hammering in my ears like a drum. It was too late, he was too close.

What did he want? What was he doing? Broad daylight, in the presence of a hundred highly important people? Forbes 100 richest, Time magazine's most influential?

To be honest, I didn't really care about all that. All I cared about in that moment was Ravens tiny, unprepared, beautiful figure. I didn't register that she could take care of herself, that she could kill this guy if she wanted. Only that he was about to hit her, moving at break-neck speed through the crowd. It was funny how things had changed.

How my number one had changed.

This was a big risk I was taking, drawing attention to myself in the midst of compleating a job, but there was no choice in the matter. She was in harm's way, and I was going to fix it. I growled in frustration. A huge man was blocking my path to her. I shoved him roughly aside, but too late. My heart plummeted as Jonathan Blithe collided with my Raven. I nearly fell with it but I was too shocked.

He had dodged the mayor nimbly, at the same second Raven realized what he was doing. In slow motion it seemed, he tackled her to the ground, sending drinks flying across the air in wet arcs. Raven was pinned under him, a look of shock on her face. Starfire jumped back in shock and was immediately swallowed back into the crowd. He was shaking her.

"You Bitch!" he was yelling, like a crazed lunatic. Suddenly, _I _was filed with fury. I crossed the distance in three strides, my fists curling at the ready. My vision was blurring out unnecessary figures until I could only see one person. Raven, Raven, Raven, Raven.

"You selfish bitch! Do you even care!" he roared, hitting her head once against the tiles. The string quartet had stopped playing, and a hushed silence fell. My vision expanded to include the other man.

"Jonathan! Get off of her!" he commanded firmly. Jonathan ignored him.

"Answer me!"

Ravens shock turned into anger.

"Get the fuck away from me!" she hissed, trying to push him off. Her fingers were staring to glow dully but I could see she was fighting it. Jonathan howled.

"No! Not this time Angela! Not this time!" The other man grabbed him roughly, and with the help of a stranger pulled him off.

Sarah appeared, her face white. She stared down at Raven, her lips trembling.

"She's not Angela, Jonah" she whispered, and I was one of the few people that heard. I took the opportunity to rush to Raven, who was trying to sit up.

"Are you okay?" I asked angrily, my hands still clenched. Raven's head flicked around and her eyes widened.

"Jared?" she gasped, dazed. My stomach clenched and I grabbed her hand, squeezing it. She shook her pretty head in disbeleif.

"Is this why?" Sarah whispered to no one in particular behind me. I snapped.

"Shut up!" I yelled in their direction. I pulled Raven up and held her to my chest while she was still incapable of standing.

"What are you doing here?" she mumbled in a muffled way, sounding irritated. I laughed shakily in relief. She was alright, if she could be annoyed at me.

"I'm so sorry!" Jonathan gasped. I ignored him, and turned Raven's face away form him but she pushed against me, fighting to see him. I gave in, but still held her close, which she didn't try to stop.

"What the hell was that?" she said slowly and dangerously. I shivered at her tone, and pressed her closer, not caring where we were, or how inappropriate I was being. I shivered again when she wound her arms around my chest.

Jonathan spluttered and the other man looked embarrassed and apologetic. The other woman was holding the two teenagers back, as they watched Jonathan fearfully.

"I'm waiting for a reason why this madman attacked me." she spat. I ran my fingers through her hair and kissed the top of her head. She was breathing steadily at least.

"Who is Angela!" she asked in frustration.

Sarah Blithe shook her head sadly.

"You do not know how sorry we are." she said slowly, drinking Raven in as she spoke. "You…you…What is your mothers name?" she burst out suddenly. The crowd seemed restless, and more daring. A few people were around the edges, looking like they were about to say something.

"What does that matter?" Raven replied. I agreed with her. The lights in the well lit ballroom flickered once. Their was a collective gasp around the crowd, but we weren't paying much attention. Jonathan was still in shock.

"Was her name Angela?" Sarah asked desperately. She looked mad, her dark hair all messed up and her forehead sweaty in contrast with her formal dress.

"NO!" Raven insisted angrily. The man tried to latch his arm around Sarah but she batted him away.

"Sarah just let it go. I know it's hard darling, I know, but her mothers not Angie." he cooed softly, so only the closest to her could hear. He looked a little desperate as well. She snapped her head back to him.

"She would have changed her name!" she hissed. Her eyes locked on Raven again and I felt her shy away. The stare was penetrating, and even I felt uncomfortable. "How old is she? She'd be thirty-four now"

That was enough. I tried to remember if Slade had said anything to me about her mother, but all I could remember was him saying she had been young and foolish. What was this doing to Raven now, hearing about her? For all I knew she could be dead.

But Raven didn't react like she was hurt. Her head came up and she returned the stare. Sarah looked elated, she continued on babbling.

"She looks exactly like you!" she cried, her eyes filling up with tears. My fingers closed around Raven's wrists, holding her back.

"What are you talking about?" Raven asked. Her voice was much quieter than before, the fight draining out of it.

"Oh God!" she repeated over and over, grasping Jonathans shoulder. He was like a ghost, looking like he had seen one. The spare man and woman were communicating silently with each other. The two teenagers, a girl and a boy, possibly fraternal twins, were terrified. They appraised Raven as if she were something deadly.

Suddenly, A man pushed through the crowd. I recognized him at one. Bruce Wayne. He took in the situation quickly, his cold hooded eyes calculating. The lights flicked off again, for a longer time. Another gasp rippled through the crowd. Raven squashed into me.

When the light returned, Sarah was in the same position.

"This is why, isn't it?" she pleaded with Jonathan. He suddenly grinned.

"It must be!" he whispered.

"That's enough!' I shouted, surprising myself. They seemed to only just notice I was here.

"I agree whole heatedly." Bruce lamented, taking a step forward. The lights flickered.

"Stay out of this Bruce." Jonathan muttered. I had had enough. So had Mr. Wayne.

We exchanged a glance and I pushed Raven over to him. She gasped and stumbled, caught off guard.

"Hey!" she protested as Bruce roughly caught her and set her on her feet. She stared at me accusingly and I shrugged apologetically.

"I'm an uncle." Jonathan muttered weakly.

"No, you're not." I shot back, taking steps towards the crowd to where Raven was standing frozen. The lights failed.

We were plunged into total darkness this time. It took me a moment to realize what was happening, with the screaming. This was my cue, my distraction.

"Shiiitt." I muttered, fumbling around my pockets for the mask. I shoved it over my head, taking in the sudden night vision it granted me. I shrugged out of the suit, ripping off the bow tie to reveal the costume beneath, carefully slipping out the draw string bag before it fell to the floor.

"Jared?" Raven called behind me, and for a second I seized up, thinking she could see me. I flicked round to see her standing alone, with Mr. Wayne gone. Her eyes were unseeing, darting around with no direction. I relaxed.

"Wait here!" I replied in a shout and shot off into the crowd, jostling people as I went. Raven would be fine as long as this didn't escalate into violence. In the corner of my eye I spotted the reason for the power failure. The joker was at the podium, clearing his throat for a speech. He was grinning wildly, while his drones collected the diamonds. I pulled a red shuriken out of my belt and sent it flying into the nearest alarm. It exploded into shards and stopped any chance of police coming soon. If the joker had any sense he would have blocked all cell phone communication.

I jumped over a woman lying on the ground and kicked off the wall. I latched onto a low-hanging chandelier, cutting one of my hands on the glass. Blood that looked green under the night vision seeped out of the cut as I swung back and forth.

"Hello ladies and gentlemen!" The joker enthused into the microphone. The room erupted into more shouts and shrieks. I covertly dived behind the stage. "Now, now, no need to worry. You'll all be fine. Completely safe." I crawled past a several pairs of feat.

I was in my zone.

"Just joking!" the joker started to laugh, but I kept my focus on the closest drone, who was stuffing bracelets into a bag. It had a silver dollar sign on it and I couldn't help rolling my eyes at the joker's tackiness. I prepared to spring.

"ahaha! That's a good one…." I jumped from the stage and aimed my kick for the drone. "I'm so funny!…." I landed the kick to his gut, and he flew backwards immediately. The bag fell to the floor with a small jingle. "….So, L's and G's, I thought this party was a little slow so I decided to spice it up a bit….." I scooped it up and placed it carefully in my own bag. I flung it over my shoulder, feeling its slightly more significant weight. "….So if you'll all just bare with me, we'll get right to it…" A drone with bulky pair of vision goggle spotted me and I took him out before he could get a word in. I grabbed his bag and punched the next closest man forcefully. "…Now, I need a volunteer from the audience!…" the man collapsed and I smiled a little.

I vaguely wondered what the titans were doing right now. Mostly I was worried about Raven. With a quick look around, I spotted her, in a headlock by none other than mammoth from hive five. She was grimacing and trying to buck him off. He was much to close to her…

With a grunt, and a resentful look, I jumped back into the crowd. Robin was jogging past me, heading straight for the joker, with Batman at his side. Now where the hell did he come from? I dodged them and felt his stare, but realized he didn't perceive me as much of a threat at the moment. Now that I looked, I realized the room was filed with almost as many villains as civilians. The joker, who had a terrified man by the collar, was the biggest problem with the most manpower. It was anarchy.

"Azarath Metrion Zythous!" Raven cried suddenly, though the sound was muted by the screaming, and the area around her lit up brightly with her power. Mammoth was thrown off and I mentally hit myself for being so stupid. Raven was fine. "Jinx!" she hissed, spotting the pink-haired witch. Her sight must be slightly better than the average humans. I back tracked and headed for the stage. Batman had taken joker down, only to be tackled by several balaclava covered men. Beastboy had turned into a rhino and was charging to help. Starfire was hovering worriedly above the scene, unable to see where to fire. I couldn't see Cyborg or Robin.

Bang!

The lights flew back on. A man in a fine suit and domino mask was at the podium now, his handgun pointed at the ceiling, smoking slightly.

Nothing like a gun for crowd control.

"Everybody shut up. Get on the ground with your hands over your head if you want to live." he said coolly into the microphone, and most of the room dropped to the floor. Raven was still standing, one her hand on her hip and one up in the air. Jinx was next to her, both of her hands up. Both girls hair was messed up and Raven's lip was bleeding. Robin had Cat woman by the arm, and she took the opportunity to slink out of his grip and sprint for the door. No one tried to stop her.

There was an outbreak of whispering. The man fired again, rendering everyone silent.

"That's what I thought." The man laughed. A blast of blue light cut him off, sending him flying into the wall. He slumped down it, unconscious.

"Boo-yah!" Cyborg yelled, holding his sonic cannon up in the air. He High-fived the green dog sitting next to his feet. Smatterings of applause erupted from the crowd. I sneaked up behind the podium and snatched a few more bags. The last untouched case contained the biggest diamonds. Figures.

"X!" Robin shouted suddenly. The crowd gasped. I straightened up and prepared to be a cocky ass-hole.

"Hey Kid. Fancy seeing you here." I said conversationally, and smashed the case.

BOOM!

The side of the north facing side of the huge ballroom exploded, sending pieces of shrapnel and plaster spiraling across the room. Well, that was handy. I stuffed the jewels into the bulging bag, and skipped to the roofs door, not bothering to get a look at whatever new villain was gracing Gotham richest with their presence..

"Hey!" Robin yelled in fury, a mili-second before I slammed the door shut. I found myself in a small hallway, with two more doors and a large metal chair. I knew that Robin would be sprinting towards me at this very moment, so I hastily grabbed it and shoved the legs across the metal door handle, sufficiently barricading it.

Smirking, I practically danced over to the door in front of me, and found to my immense happiness, that it led to the roof. Taking the steps three at a time, I bound up them, whistling.

That was unbelievably easy. Like I had some angel looking after me, making sure everything happened at the exact right time _every time._ It was almost suspicious.

I stepped out onto the roof, into the pelting rain and felt a wave of guilt flood through me, thinking of Raven. I could have stayed and protected her but I ran off. What if the new guy who had the sadism to blast through a door that could easily have had people on the other side turned on her? I should have stayed and made sure she was alright….

A new voice ruptured my thought pattern. _You would seriously ditch a job to make sure she was okay?_ It asked. I knew the answer. Honestly, if I was faced with the choice, Raven or Two million, it wouldn't even take a heartbeat to decide. Raven, definatly Raven.

Slam!

The door to the roof crashed open and Raven herself stood there, panting. My angel. Why the hell hadn't I thought of this before? No barricade can keep you in if you can go _through_ it, like she could.

She stepped out into the semi-darkness and rain, not saying a word. She walked the distance to me, and I made my choice. I wanted her. Anyway I could get. But I wanted _all_ of her. I didn't want a fake, deceiving relationship. I wanted the real thing.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, shocked as I tackled her to the ground. I pinned her arms down. Her face darkened and she tried to kick me though her strength was nothing, and the dress was hindering her movements. "Let me go!" she growled, managing to sound fierce even though we both knew she was petrified. I didn't want to scare her - that would only make her more angry when she knew the truth- but I couldn't resist. Her body was taunt and stiff under mine. She couldn't move unless I allowed her the room, making me feel more powerful than I ever felt stealing priceless objects. Her powers wouldn't work if she didn't have control or use of her arms. This was a completely new type of power I had. And I didn't want to relinquish it so soon. I lent closer to her. Both of my legs, on the outside of either of her thighs, held her legs in place while she struggled in vain. A tremble went through her that almost made me stop. I considered telling her now. She would be shocked and angry but probably not as much so as if I carried on. She tried to roll over and I halted my thoughts to pin both her arms with one of my hands instead of two and used my free arm to hold her torso down. Her stomach was as flat as a pancake. She whimpered at my touch.

"Shhh" I told her. I wanted her as calm as possible, in a working sate of mind. I wanted her to recognize me. If I was going to do this, I wanted to give her a chance.

Something I said-or did-or both, made her angry.

"SHHH?" she hissed through her teeth. They were white even in the darkness. "I'll give you fucking shh-" she had started to scream, and I knew if the titans found us this way she would never forgive me for the rift it would cause. I slapped an X over her mouth. She continued to try and scream. It was just a muffled mumble. I smiled, she was adorable when she was angry, her purple eyes wide and demanding.

"You're cute when your mad" I whispered in her ear. For some stupid reason, I thought this would calm her down, maybe make her feel safe. But the I realized right now I was Red-X, not Jared. I wasn't her boyfriend, I was the enemy. The built-in synthesizer masked my voice meaning she couldn't even recognize me. At least, I was for the next few minutes until I told her otherwise. She struggled harder than ever before, maybe realizing what I was going to do. "Ah Raven." I sighed dramatically. She was uncomfortable and scared but that just made me more excited to be were I was.

I was officially sick.

I heard her scream under the tape, but if it had been anything else, say a truck about to hit me, I wouldn't have looked up. Obviously she didn't recognize me, I felt nervously sick for a moment as she started to struggle underneath me.

"MhhhMMMMMHHHMH" she twisted and bucked away from me. This was probably a mistake on her part; I now wanted to prolong whatever time I had to be this close to her. Once she figured out she would probably hit me. Maybe I would let her.

"Mmphmm!" her eyes were filled with fear. I sighed. And took my hand unwillingly from her and grabbed the bottom of my mask. If possible, Ravens eyes widened even more. She was silent as I curled the mask up over lips and nose. I took a breath and yanked it off. No going back now.

* * *

_Raven Roth_

Red-X had me pinned against the freezing concrete ground, both of his arms holding me down. Even using his strong legs to hold me under him. X was much too close. I tried to kick him off but he didn't budge. I looked up fearfully into the skull mask.

"Let go!" I growled furiously, not that I truly expected him to jump off. That would be the second best thing to happen today if it did. The first best thing would be for the Titans to burst through the door onto the roof. I'm sure if Cyborg and Robin saw me underneath the notorious Red-X they would have no problem taking him down. In their haste, they might even catch him. Then I would be able to deal with him later, when the score was even and I had full use of my body. He lent closer and his intentions became clearer to me. A spasm went through me and I began to breath faster than normal. If he touched me…I would have to sit there through it because I could do nothing. _Shut up! _Depression screamed at me from the depths of my mind. I felt adrenalin coarse through me and jerked away from X. It did nothing. My hope deflated as he removed one of the hands holding my arms shifted to my stomach. I whimpered pathetically. He looked down at me but I couldn't read his expression.

"Shhhh." he said quietly in his synthesized stutter with the robotic aftertaste. Anger broke loose from her chains. Figuratively.

"SHHH?" I hissed. I didn't bother to quell the demonic reaction. "I'll give you fucking shh-" my voice had risen to a shriek, and he had slapped one of his annoying sticky X's over my mouth. He must have realized that I'd been trying to wake my friends from their unconsciousness downstairs. I tried to continue screaming at him but the tape held my lips down and muffled the sound. Red- x leaned closer to my ear.

"You're cute when you're mad." he whispered with the same metallic ring as before. I froze and stopped trying to scream. His words had brought my thoughts to Jared. I wondered if he would be mad when this was over. If he would hunt Red-X down. I shuddered inwardly at the thought. Red-X would kill Jared, even if he brought a gun to the party. But, maybe he wouldn't be mad. Maybe he would be disgusted at me. So weak, so broken. I moaned, or tried to, and fought back harder.

"Ah, Raven." he sighed. My emotions exploded inside me, anger shrieking death and reason being crushed in her path. I screamed as loud as I could in the current climate and thrashed harder.

"GET OFF ME!" I yelled. But I knew it didn't sound that way with the tape over my mouth. "Asshole!" I added. He sighed and took his hand off me. I was confused. Where was all the cocky innuendos? Why hadn't he said anything at all? Oh god, I wanted Jared.

Then it clicked, he wanted to do this NOW rather than wasting time on banter and tactics. I moaned again and shut my eyes. Maybe if I pretended this was Jared, it wouldn't be so bad. I had read stories, real life ones, about what you were supposed to do if you were put in this situation. It had said you should pretend you were somewhere else. So I pretended I was with Jared, the time he took me to Ana's house and we looked after those adorable twins.

A second had passed, but Red-X was already clearing his throat. My heart stuttered and I opened my eyes hesitantly, preparing to shut them again at once.

Forget my heart stuttering, it very nearly stopped.

He was pulling his mask up off his face.

I could see his sharp jaw, his pale lips, his nose, his cheekbones. Some ridiculous part of me had always assumed there would be no human face behind the mask. The voice was too unreal, and he was too physically competent when fighting us, even though more than half of our number had the added advantage of powers. He dodged us with ease and fought hand to hand with Robin, the strongest and best fighter I had known, and won. I had imagined he was different without even realizing it.

But this face was defiantly human, familiar even.

Then with one more jerk of his black clothed hand his mask fell away, floating to rest on the wet concrete beside my shoulder. His eyes, impossibly gray, were eyes I knew. Eyes I had looked into before, eyes I had marveled over. Those were Jared's eyes. That was Jared's blue tinged hair hanging down his face.

If I could speak, which I couldn't, I wouldn't have. I numbly wondered why I never noticed the familiarity of his hands while he pinned me. I felt nauseous. Once he was sure I wasn't going to run, Jared let go of my arms and rolled off me. I didn't move.

"Raven…" he said carefully, kneeling next to me. I had expected his metal synthesized voice. But of coarse, without his mask, he was just J.

"No.." I moaned but he probably only heard a mumble. He leaned over me, but this time I didn't feel scared. His eyes were filled with concern. They should be, I was going to kill him.

"This will hurt a little bit." he said regretfully and cautiously reached over to dig his fingers under the edge of the tape covering my mouth. He pulled it off like a band aid; and it was gone.

"Ah fuck!" I cried as it ripped free. It stung the skin around my mouth and pulled off some of my lip with it. The cold air stung at the tiny wound though there was only a little bit of blood but Jared looked stricken. My anguish was far more mental than physical however, and the cut gave me an oppotunity to voice my pent-up energy.

"Oh Rae, I'm so sorry." he muttered, keeping close though he didn't dare touch me.

Anger reminded me I was free.

"Sorry for what? Ripping my lip? Being a _criminal_? Scaring me like that? Or because you got involved with me and didn't tell me ANY OF IT?" I hissed. He had the sense to shrink away from me a little. It had started to rain heavily and his messy black hair started to droop down onto his face. I took a rattling breath. Jared had really seemed like he might _care_ about me. "You thieving bastard!"

"Did you care at all?" I cried, gesturing in the air. I felt desperate for his answer. Like if I had it, I would be able to piece together exactly what this meant. Jared crawled closer to me. I shivered in the rain, and flicked away the hair plastered to my face.

"Of course I did." he said forcefully. "I do." Again I expected the robot voice and was glad to hear Jared's confident assurance. It made me believe him.

This made everything much, _much_ worse. I couldn't bear to think of the Titans at this moment. I imagined their anger and disapproval when they found out.

"Why?" I howled. Like a wolf crying at the moon. He put his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. His suit generated warmth, and didn't seem to be getting wet from the rain at all.

"Because I like you a _lot_. I want to know you." he said quietly. It sounded like his mind was working overtime beside me. Thinking, as I was, the problems this would cause for everyone. For the very balance of nature.

"Same." I muttered staring at the roof's door that led to the other floors. I imagined the Titans bursting through it and seeing us. I can't believe a few minutes ago I had been desperately hoping for it. If they did, they would see Jared.

No, they would see red-X without his mask on. Jared would have to leave even if they didn't catch him.

"I want to keep seeing you" he continued on. "That's why I told you, I knew if I left it any longer.."

"I'm confused right now." I admitted. He hugged me tighter to his side. I fell in on his shoulder and wished I was in bed. I wished there was just this moment, and then I would never have to feel guilty or hurt.

"Yes" he agreed slowly. "I never thought a disgustingly selfless _hero _would cause me to want to reveal my identity." his tone had turned joking and a grin had taken hold of his face. I burrowed closer into him. Anger was replaced by a feeling of hopelessness only his touch could cure. Because when I was pressed against him it was easier to beleive things might turn out okay.

"Why did you pin me before?"

He squirmed uncomfortably.

"I had to make sure you wouldn't run from me."

"Oh" he settled down again but angers presence was still forefront in my mind.

"Why were you so creepy about it?" I said with the same tone but a stronger meaning.

"Uhh…" he was silent for a moment.

I didn't really mind anymore now that I knew who he was. Actually I did mind, but not as much as I did when I thought it was going to lead to sexual assault by a crazy unknown man.

Jared had recovered. "I couldn't help myself." he laughed and I could feel the movement in his chest. Sort of like when he breathed up and down, but faster. It took a lot of the malice out of the hiss I replied with. He chuckled again. I frowned. Hissing was not and never would be _funny_.

"I have to go, your friends will be joining us any second." he murmured before standing up and lifting me with him. When my feet found solid ground he let go of me and bent down to pick up his mask off the dark, soaking concrete. I didn't say a word, my mind was still seething uncomfortably with questions and what ifs. Jared shook his hair like a dog, but he aimed the water away from me. Villains could be gentlemen too, apparently.

"I knocked you unconscious right?" he asked grinning and strengthening up. I nodded.

I expected him to disappear now. At the end of the day he was still my enemy, and I was still trying to arrest him. I laughed inwardly at the thought. Jared walked up to me, something I hadn't been expecting. I jumped.

"Bye bye Sunshine." he said chuckling a second before he leaned his face toward mine. My heart skipped a beat then regained its natural rhythm. His lips brushed mine comfortingly for a moment in which I forgot my worry and my warmth spread through my body and then he was gone.

I needed to meditate.


	9. Super fun hero party

_Jared Wilson_.

I catapulted myself through the open hotel window, taking one last look at the dark purple Gotham night sky, the chill not reaching me through the suit. The city's smog obscured most of the stars, but it was still a nice night overall.

Except that Raven would be royally pissed in the morning. I didn't really want to think about that, especially when my attention should be focused on the two men in my living room.

I stood up straight, but ready, and walked forward confidently.

"Hello, Mr. X" The taller, lankier Hispanic man said, in a voice I recognized. He was the man I had dealt with on the phone, the one who spoke like a hypnotist when he wasn't being a jackass. He looked perfectly in place with this expensive hotel penthouse, his dapper suit complementing the couch nicely.

"What do you want?" I growled. The man smiled serenely.

"Mr. R just wants to collect his diamonds. No need for hostility on such a lovely evening." His voice was even nicer off the phone, he enounced each syllable with his deep voice, like a damn lullaby.

For the first time I noticed the shorter African American man. He wasn't smiling, in fact, he looked angry.

"Lets get this over with." his voice was deep as well, but he was spitting out his words.

I walked over to my suitcase, flipped the lid open and unwrapped the three largest diamonds out of the bubble wrap. I had no idea if they could be damaged mid-flight, but I had decided to be safe. I dumped them in phone mans hands, and the other man opened a brief case and placed them carefully inside. I gave them the sack of jewelry from the ball, and they placed them beside, methodically checking everything over. We worked in silence.

When I was finished, the other man took a sweeping look over the hotel room.

"So much waste." he spat disgustedly.

This man took it way too seriously, considering he was the one who booked me the room.

"Yes." phone man agreed ominously, nodding once. The other man turned to give me a look of pure hatred.

"One day," he started, his African accent cutting into his words. "one day you will realize what you have, just in time for it to be taken away."

He said this as if it were a fact, and in the half-light of the single lamp lighting the room, it was very menacing. I shifted the weight to my other foot.

"Now now. We have time for dis later." Phone man said, in a reassuring yet smug way. He was watching me like a spider watches a fly.

"Right." I said lamely.

"Your payment will be in the mail once the diamonds reach Africa, all according to plan, in about three days to be sure." Phone man said briskly. He closed the brief case with a snap, and turned the large gold combination lock. He turned to leave, but the other man stayed glued to the spot, burning into me with his gaze. I felt like my mask had dissolved and he could see right to my face.

He glanced around to the room and spotted the fruit bowl. He smiled devilishly and picked up a ripe peach. He looked up and threw it at me without warning.

I caught it smoothly, still holding on to the red-X persona.

"Enjoy your food, Mr. X" he grinned like a psychopath and exited the room laughing.

He shut the door and I was left to myself.

I collapsed on the coach, pulling off my mask and wiping the sweat from my forehead.

Those men were unnerving. They had just joined an extremely short list, the only other occupants on it being the dark night himself, and Raven. They seemed to know something I didn't. something big.

I shook my head. It wasn't my business to know. That wasn't my job. One of the most difficult parts of being Red-X was the letting things go. I mean, I looked after myself. But if someone was dying in front of me I'd help them. They meant business.

I took a bite from the peach and chewed methodically.

Raven was unsure. I could see it. She was obviously upset. I had sprung this on her possibly too early. My heart felt heavy. I had been with other woman sure, but none like her. They were mostly just ways to pass the time. See if they went anywhere. Bar the one or two, they didn't really mean anything.

Raven could be my family. I could see it.

A white picket fence in Hawaii with three little kids running around the beach front property. Two boys and one little girl. All of them with messy black hair and deep lilac irises, free from the childhoods we had. I'd teach them martial arts and kick boxing, and Rae would teach them how to control their mildly scary quarter demon powers. On Halloweens I'd carve pumpkins with them, and Sunshine would read them bed-time stories. They'd stay kids forever.

For a man of my age, I was very mature. Maybe it was the fact that no one had given me a family, that made me want to make one of my own so bad. I had wanted it since I was fifteen, and one of my economics teachers had a baby and brought it to the high school. This fantasy had been replaying in my mind with a faceless woman and blurry featured children since then. That feeling of belonging, that gut-deep feeling of perfection I knew I'd get when I could finally look at my child and know there was nothing better in the world... I craved it.

The thing was, now I had Raven. And all I wanted to do was get out of this Shithole state and all these shithole, crime and hero dominated cities and start making one with her.

Another one of my little fantasies.

I was in the outback, with Ben. He was older, like a blond version of me. Everything was just fine, and Raven was at my side, being the much hotter Nicole Kidman to my much better looking Hugh Jackman in Australia. A full family.

But Raven already had a family, who were probably being informed right this second about my identity. I found myself not caring much. I had already decided.

I was going to Australia. If Raven accepted me, and that was all I needed, I would take her with me, and it would probably be the most out of body experience in my whole life. Or, she would not accept me, and I would have to drag my sorry ass out of here to go re-meet my younger brother without her and pine over my loss for years to come.

If the Titans followed me, I would change my name again. I still had a couple of unused passports at home.

I sighed, and put some jeans and a T-shirt over my suit. I called a taxi. I wanted to be home as soon as possible, so I headed for the airport.

* * *

_Raven Roth_

I took the cowards way out. I ran.

As soon as we got back to the mansion after hours of red tape I demanded we get on a plane. No body argued for once, no one said anything much. They assumed I was deep in shock.

I was. Two horrible, disturbing events had taken place last night.

The first.

I met my extended family. I shuddered into my coverlet. That's was the main reason I insisted on leaving. Really, the interruption of the villains was all that stopped it getting any worse. My mother. My flaky, foolish mother. She had told me she had run. She had said briefly that she couldn't stand her parents. Never that she had siblings. I had grandparents!

I had worked it out. The coincidences were too much. I had briefly thought of her family before she ran before this. I knew she must have had _someone. _but now I knew _who_ they were. One of the richest families in America.

No one on the team had grandparents, but now I had some.

And I didn't want them. I was fine the way I was.

No, I wasn't. but they were so happy to see me. They thought they were going to see their little sister again. But they weren't, even if Arella did show up she is a different person. She's not the same.

The hardest thing to get my head around was that they were _normal._

I was not normal. Arella, or 'Angela' was not normal anymore.

How could I fill their expectations?

I couldn't, because I wasn't good enough for them. I would bring more pain and fear into their life.

At least I didn't have to worry about Jared anymore.

I snorted to myself.

Two.

My boyfriend revealed himself as my enemy.

The few hours ago I had heard it seemed like eons ago, when I had accepted it. It had been shock, I now decided. Shock, that led me to believe things could be okay.

What was wrong with me that invited in things that were just _wrong?_

I myself was _wrong. _I wasn't allowed to exist.

I nuzzled closer to the sheets.

Jared. That he had known my history and origin all along and still sat next to me was actual proof if his insanity. Why did he show himself?

What did he _expect_?

I felt the pendant he gave me, warm from my body heat, flop off my chest and onto the mattress suspended by it's fine chain as I flipped onto my stomach.

_You love him! _I screamed internally. _You love him even more now!_

I acknowledged that. Some strange part of me that couldn't resist the charm of arrogance loved him even more for this new side to his personality. For his secrets and his strength.

But I didn't want to be like that, that was the real problem. I was trying to be normal with him, he was my main support system. He was steady and constant and _normal._ at least he was supposed to be.

What did this say about me, if my normal was so strange I couldn't understand it?

_Its says your perfect for each other._ a voice whispered consolingly.

_She might be right. _Logic agreed.

I wanted so badly to believe them.

Beep.

I picked up the phone and answered it without thinking. I didn't allow the video calling. I didn't want anyone to see me right now.

"Raven?" Jared asked, and I was tempted to hang up. I felt a chill.

"What?" I asked flatly. My pulse had started to race, as if he were somehow going to hurt me even more over the phone.

"Are you okay?" he asked after an awkward silence.

"Peachy." I replied without enthusiasm.

"I'm sorry." he said after another long pause. He sounded like he really meant it.

"I know." I answered shortly.

"Oh baby" he sighed and I felt a little fiery.

"I'm not your baby"

"You used to be, before I ruined that as well." he pointed out. He sounded dejected.

"No. You just thought I was." I shot back honestly.

"I wanted to talk to you about what happened last night…" Jared trailed off.

"You'll have to forgive me but I don't know what you mean, which bit?" I spit acidly.

"I'd like to talk to you about the whole thing if that's possible."

"Where are you?" I asked finally, wanting this over with so I could have my mind to myself again.

"Home. My apartment"

"I might see you later." I cringed. Then I hung up. I couldn't face him now. I dragged my sorry ass out of bed. It was late, and at any moment the titans would begin banging on my door. Sinking through the floor I surfaced in the common room. And was surprised to see Aqualad, speedy and bumblebee poised around the television.

"Raven!" Cyborg called out from his spot on the couch, a controller in his hand. He was stuffing oven chips in his mouth from a huge ceramic bowl. Beastboy was trying to swipe some, but Cyborg was maneuvering the bowl expertly so it always came out of his reach. "You still tired?" he grinned. I shot him a half, lop-sided smile.

"Mnn." I mumbled. Bumblebee flicked her head a round. I noticed they were all in civilian clothes. Then I noticed I was still in my pajamas. A black stretch singlet, and snug white workout sweatpants. The stormy weather of the last few weeks had given way to heat showers and severe sunstroke warnings. We thought we were suffering delusion from exhaustion when we arrived at Jump airport.

I blushed.

"How you goin' girl? You guys came home real quick." she noted. Bee was perceptive.

"I don't like Gotham." I said, trying to sound extremely offhand. The original titans exchanged concerned looks.

"I can tell. D'ya do something with ya hair? It looks nice." she commented. She always managed to sound genuine, where others couldn't.

Aqualad looked up. And stared.

I stared back, wide eyed. I was a mess, but I could tell from the emotions he was feeling that he didn't think so.

I had to admit he looked quite nice in his beach shorts, and of course no shirt.

It wasn't _that _hot.

But it showed off his set of abs. And his lithe, muscular arms.

"Hi." He said, his voice deep, with that hint of an accent I couldn't quite identify.

"What are you guys doing here?" I asked, ignoring his greeting.

Now was not the time for flirtations. Not _anymore_ flirtations.

"Its speedy's birthday!" Beastboy crowed, pausing from attacking Cyborg to look excited.

"Yeah. We thought you guys would still be in Gotham, but since your not, and since your place is bigger…" bumblebee waggled her eyebrows. I stared at her.

This was not what I needed. I needed rest, I needed to mope around my room, pretending I don't exist. I didn't want noise, or drunken teenagers procreating next door while I tried to work through my issues.

Bumblebee smiled knowingly, her eyes trailing over Speedy's body.

Wait, is there something going over there? I tried to tune into their emotions, wading through the jumpy vibes of giddy excitement to get to the dual currents of lust seeping from them. I cocked an eyebrow. Bumblebee seemed to have a plan.

She smirked sassily, and slapped a shot glass, conjuring it from nowhere, on the floor. It was followed by a funnel nosed bottle of flavored liquor. And then two more shot glasses. And then an opened bottle of export Russian vodka. We all stopped what we were doing to stare at her.

Did she have some magical bartending powers we didn't know about?

"You game Rae?" she asked playfully, cocking one of her eyebrows up at me. Speedy mimicked her grin, sidling up to her to crack open the unopened vodka. He took a deep whiff of it.

"I don't think so." I said darkly as I narrowed my eyes at the potent bottle of pure alcohol. I had drunken wine more times than I could count, had a can of beer twice, but never had I gotten drunk for the sake of getting drunk.

"Killjoy." Robin smirked. I stared at him. He was lazing on the couch, Starfire next to him. He looked strangely relaxed. Maybe he had started drinking early.

"Your encouraging this? If the press took a photo right about now, it would be anarchy. Imagine what this scene will look like later." I said incredulously.

I hated the media with a passion. They took everything you did an twisted it around. My glass of wine becomes my drinking problem, Cyborg high-fiving Beastboy becomes a homosexual relationship, a casual beer with friends becomes an orgy, and an orgy becomes….

"C'mon Rae. Were all of age. Except mas'e menos, and that is precisely why there not here."

"I'm not eighteen. Neither is Beastboy." I pointed out, crossing my arms over my much too exposed chest. I needed to change as soon as possible. Thank Azar I was wearing a bra.

"You can help me." Aqualad said, his expression serious. His eyes were very blue. "I have never done this before either."

"Exactly." I said. "There is a reason why."

"Don't be such a hard-ass." Bumblebee said, and I saw she had somehow already poured us all shots. I walked over to her slowly.

"If I do one will you leave me alone?" I asked unhappily, eying it. It looked like watery toffee.

I didn't want this. I wanted things to be exactly like they were before we went to Gotham

Maybe some alcohol would help me. After all, it was supposed to be excellent for numbing pain.

"Of course." Cyborg said innocently. I shot him a dirty look. Then I uncrossed my arms slowly, balanced the cup in the dip of my palm and tipped my head back and downed it, my lips enclosing the glass. It burned my throat on the way down. She had put in too much vodka. I managed to keep a straight face and let out the traditional _ahh._

Robin looked at me impressed.

"You've done this before?" he accused jokingly. I looked over to him and saw he was wearing his sunglasses again, and he _also _had no shirt on.

It seriously was _not that hot._

"No. I can just handle my liquor better than you, bird-boy." I smirked. Bumblebee let out a cute and tinkling laugh, and re-filled my glass.

* * *

_Later that evening, Later that evening, Later that evening, Later that evening, Later that evening, Later that evening, Later that evening,_

* * *

"Woahow!" I laughed as I tipped over on my side. I had been like this ever since speedy had cracked out the beer bong. That funnel and tube had a lot to answer for.

My vision wasn't fuzzy yet. I could still see straight, even though my center of gravity had shifted. I couldn't remember what I had been so upset about. So what if Jared was X? I could die tomorrow and nothing would even matter anymore! Still, something inside told me to keep my lips locked up tight when it came to that. Whatever.

"Raven fell over!" Robin giggled, his face red from laughing. I collapsed into fits of laughter, unable to reason with myself. He took his glasses off and wiped away the sweat there.

No one even thought this was strange. His eyes were a lovely shade of green.

Speedy threw the remote at my head.

"Keep it down, I'm tryna watch something over here!" he bellowed. He was sitting hunched over with bee and star, all three intently watching the television. Which wasn't turned on. Bee kept bursting out into giggles, only to be told shrilly 'shut up your mouth immediately!' by a drunken and mean Starfire.

I banged my head against the carpet, trying to quell my laughter. It didn't help, nothing would. I clasped my fingers around the waistband of Aqualads shorts. He was kneeling in front of me, equally drunk.

"Woah woah woah!" he hollered, and then fell with me, so my head was cradled in his stomach as we lay on the floor. He was very warm, against me, making up for the lack of heat that came when the sun went down.

"Belly flop!" Robin yelled, and jumped on top of us. We all laughed, and Speedy fell of the couch.

Who the hell was Jared?

I burst out in another fit of laughter. I couldn't get up. It felt as if my navel had been hooked to the floor of a ship, that wouldn't stop dipping with the waves.

Aqualad smelled like saltwater and plants and chocolate .

Robin smelt like ink and hair gel and coffee.

Bumblebee stumbled over to us, her wide legged jeans covering her feet. She laughed.

"Hel-lo!" she sung.

I poked my head out from underneath the dog pile of boy man. The smell was overpowering.

"Hello to you too!" I laughed. My hair was in my mouth, thin strands of wire. She dropped to her knees and held her face close. She smelt like honey. Ironic.

"You know I love you right?" she asked, concerned. I nodded. We looked into each others eyes, chocolate and violet.

This was not strange. We would be best friends if we were in the same team.

"I love you B. You're my best friend"

"We are so wasted." Speedy muttered woozily. I had to agree.

"No your wasted!" Starfire yelled angrily. She punched the wall, leaving a big dent in the powdery plaster.

"Your mean when your drunk." Cyborg pointed out, as he stroked the back of a passed-out green kitten. He handled his sauce the best, and was watching the mayhem unfold.

Yes, I knew it was mayhem. I wasn't that drunk to think otherwise.

I wondered idly how Cyborg was holding himself so well. Now that I thought about it, he hadn't had as much as we had. My big brother, always looking after me.

_Go to bed right now!_ Logic screamed. Lust charged her outta the way.

_Take your shirt off! The boys have already done it. _she whispered seductively.

Yes, I knew it was mayhem, but since when were demons offended by partying? I was enjoying this, being the life and soul of this place. I didn't take my shirt off.

Bumblebee offered me a hand and helped me escape. She picked up the empty vodka bottle.

"Spin the bottle time!" she sang, her curly hair bouncing. I clapped my hands together and dropped to the ground in a lotus position, right next to Robin. He pulled himself up to elbows.

I loved my team so, so much!

_Have some more beer._ Lust purred.

_Your just trying to pull my guard down._ I accused her mentally. I didn't mind. I suddenly felt a pang of pity for her. I never let her out. It just wasn't fair, she had a right to a life just as much as knowledge or instinct did.

Without further ado Bumblebee spun the bottle around. It barley swiveled, and landed on Speedy. Then she span it again, her emotions wound tighter than a violin's bow. It landed on Starfire.

"You're a fucking bitch!' Starfire yelled, swinging her curtain of hair wildly and punched Speedy across the shoulder. He skittered several feat as hit the wall, caught off guard. Then she stood up and stalked out of the room.

Poor Starfire. The social lubricant pulled apart her cheer like it was an old condom.

"Are you okay baby?" Bumblebee cooed, rushing over to Speedy's form. He looked up groggily.

"Bee…?" He asked, trying to focus his eyes. Cyborg watched with interest. Maybe he wished his girlfriend were here. Maybe that's why he wasn't drunk yet.

Bee's eyes opened and…._snap._

Her emotions exploded. In my unsteady state they hit me like fireworks. I fell face first and lay on the ground in shock, craning my head to get a better look at what was happening.

Bumblebee and Speedy were kissing furiously. It felt like my heart was about to jump out of my throat, channeling the pairs emotions. It was pure bliss. I felt high, and the colours of the room swam.

But behind it, I felt pain. I hadn't had enough alcohol. I thought it would be gone by now. It was the pain of something going sour. I couldn't remember what, my mind was too muddled. It was just beyond my grasp. I wanted to find it, but was cringing back, because it felt bad. I wanted what they were having. I didn't want to feel this second-hand, I wanted it to happen to me. To feel the freshness of something new and unfamiliar.

Aqualad chuckled next to me and shook his head, his long, inky black hair shaking with it. His toned shoulders bobbed up and down, his white teeth exposed and his cerulean blue eyes crinkling at the corners.

_snap_

In a second, my lips were on Aqualads. I moved over his top lip slowly, breathing shallowly in and out. My senses were dull, but that didn't stop the endorphins taking over my nervous system. He responded immediately, if not sloppily. Lust was chanting moves in my head, which I allowed. His tongue found mine and we leaned against the couch as one. His hand gripped the soft fabric of my stretchy black singlet, twisting it in a small knot, so it pulled against my front. I could see colours.

The silky black of his hair, scrunched in my demanding hands. The pink of his lips. The gray leather couch, flashing past my eyes every time they opened. This felt good. I took a breath and dived back in. Aqualad was an excellent kisser. His tongue massaged the roof of my mouth and I sighed.

_Shirt off. Now._ Lust ordered giddily. I was about to obey when a new, angry voice broke through my subconscious.

_NO! every single titan is watching you! Jared!_ I paused for a second, before being coaxed back into the kissing by Aqualad. His hand pushed my shirt further up my back until the bottom half of my spine was exposed.

_Good. Wrap your legs around him. Closer. _

I obeyed this voice, the one with the silky tones and the things that made me feel so _good._

I pulled my legs up around his thighs. He dipped me back, and I felt my hair follicles protest as my hair swung into the force of gravity. My head would loll back if not for his large hands cradling the base of my skull.

_Stop! This is wrong! _another voice screamed. I was confused. Why?

Aqualad broke away, panting heavily. I opened my eyes as far as they would go while obeying the silky voice.

_Look up your eyelashes at him. Trust me. _she laughed delightfully.

Aqualad was pulling me up. I went with him. It was colder in this air, which wasn't dominated by the sweating body heat I was now used to.

I saw two faces, as I glanced around quickly, as I was dragged into the hallway. Aqualads hand was so big and warm, I just wanted to follow it wherever it went.

Robin was watching me, his happy expression rapidly deteriating. His deep green eyes bore into mine. Then I flicked my head around at dizzying speeds to spot Cyborg, who's hand was poised above Beastboys soft coat of thick, long fur. He was watching me wearily.

My big brother, whom I loved. That much was clear. The one man I could count on.

I giggled, and pressed my index and middle fingers on my free hand to my lips. I held them there for a second, and blew him a kiss.

Then I was pulled into the deserted hallway.

The atmosphere changed immediately.

I took no second thoughts with me, when I pressed his lean body against the wall, kissing his fiercely, our lips moving in perfect synchronization. His scent filled my nostrils like paint fumes, and I felt even more light headed. It pushed me forward, so I only my shirt was an unnecessary barrier between us. Aqualad agreed with me and ripped it upwards over my face, messing up my hair and moving us into a frenzy. His hands grasped at my chest and I moaned.

* * *

Oh my god! a wild orgy! well, it's not yet, but that's why this is called a **cliffhanger!**


	10. The science of Unlearning

Richard Grayson.

I shouldn't have let this happen. I should have listen to my intuition and forbade this party in the first place. We could have had some nice, clean fun, without any alcohol. But no, I had to relax. I had to loosen up my nerves. I had to prove to myself that I could let go sometimes. I had to get the failure of last night out of my mind.

Now, as I stood woozily, I realized tonight had been the worst idea of my life. If it hadn't been for the vodka, I wouldn't be trying to chase after Raven.

The shock of learning I was falling for her was dulled significantly in my drunken haze, and I was mildly surprised I could think at all.

All I could think of was the sound of her heavy breathing as she kissed him, and the crushing punch I was going to land on _his_ jaw. The earth moved and I fell onto Cyborg. His huge hands pulled me upright, a determined look on his face as he marched over to the hallway, dragging me along by the shoulder.

He was almost as concerned as I was.

_Suddenly Raven latched her lips over Aqualads, her hands coming up to his shoulders. They snaked around his neck, as she used them as leverage to pull herself closer. My heart sunk, to the pit of my stomach. I wanted to throw up, and pass out at the same time. Her thick violet hair was being twisted up in his disgusting hands, as was her thin cotton shirt, revealing her pale luminous back. I could see the bumpy and symmetrical line of spine under her skin. They wouldn't stop breathing. In and out, in and out. _

_I stared in shock, noticing for the first time how curvy and lithe Raven was, how her hair fell over her shoulders in tangles, how exotic her skin was. _

_I had contemplated this before, in the dark at night, while I waited out the time between looking for Red X all day and getting up to start looking for Red X all day. When I imagined what it would be like to brake the mold and go for Raven instead of Starfire, to have meaningful conversations instead of sappy ones, to have a whole mountain, instead of a handful, literally. But I had never acted on it. I had always assumed she would be there._

_Raven wrapped her sculpted legs around his thighs, and he dipped her back. She gasped a little, and swung her curtain of hair around. _

_I felt angry. I wanted to kill someone, to strangle him. But I couldn't move. I shouldn't have had that last shot. _

I dragged my hands across the cold wall to keep myself steadied. I was trying to keep my head on straight, so I could reach the two faster. With a numb sense of disbelief, I realized Ravens shirt was lying on the ground. Then I saw her back, bare except for the tinniest strip of black material, held together by two small silver clasps. A dark tattoo of a soaring bird facing down was watching me from her lower back. Aqualads thumb was hooked around the waistband of her sweatpants, revealing her curved hip bone. Her arms were around his neck, and she had him up against the wall. Their features were blurred, whether it was my vision or how fast they were moving.

Suddenly I started to see double, and then their were two sets of Raven and Aqualads. I saw identical Cyborgs pull Raven away from Aqualad, and then shove him up against the wall, in a very different way then Raven had. Raven stumbled shakily into the wall. She collapsed next to it, giggling, her barley covered boobs bouncing slightly with the movement. Her cleavage was deep enough to drown in. Aqualad looked around groggily, like he was confused.

"What the fuck do ya think y'all doin' man?" Cyborg demanded. Aqualad just looked at him like he was a ghost. Cyborg huffed and shoved him up against the wall once more, harder this time, and went over to Raven, swiftly picking up her shirt off the floor in a motion that made my head spin.

"Rae! Get up." He groaned, his eyes sweeping over her giggling body in a way that made me glad he considered her a sister. He would never do anything, but he was still a man. He shook his head as if to clear it, which I didn't blame him for.

"Hey, Cy!" she protested when he tried to lift her up. She did nothing to help, letting her legs be a dead weight. But Cyborg was still able to lift her feather weight with ease.

She attempted to punch him, while he grimaced and I stood there against the wall like an idiot.

She looked amazing while she was fighting him, a lioness. Her furiously beautiful face perfect. I felt the anger and jealousy return when she turned around to look for Aqualad.

I was jealous. I wanted her for myself. I wanted her like I wanted to catch Slade, like I wanted my family back.

Aqualad was still standing next to the wall, unprotected. Without thinking, I lurched over to him and threw my fist at his eye. I wanted it to be blacker than the deep sea he lived in. Tomorrow, I was going to dump some motor oil in his precious ocean for a bonus. I would make up for the economic repercussions by sponsoring some African children. I was off my face, but still responsible.

* * *

_Raven Roth. _

I was upset. I wanted to escape from Cyborgs strong arms.

"Let go!" I cried out, ignoring the resounding thump that almost distracted me. My light and airy feeling was speedily becoming one of severe unhappiness, changing like the tides. It was irrational, as if I were PMSing, but that wasn't it.

I was just generally in pain. There was something I needed to know, something knowledge was trying to tell me but the other emotions were blocking out. I needed to know! What was it?

Damn it. I almost had it, and then it slipped away. Where were those arms that had held me a second ago? Another thing I didn't know.

_Kiss Cyborg! _Lust ordered me. I recoiled, a bit of myself finding a way back into my shell of a mind. Cyborg was my brother, not my lover.

"Jesus Rae! Calm down!" He muttered. I felt a surge of irritation with this. It was cold. Something was missing, something I had before I was even in those arms. Ah, my shirt. Oh well, the body is a beautiful thing. "Think of…uh." He searched. "Jared" he whispered.

_Snap._

That asshole! The blood in my veins had been replaced with fire. It was burning through them, singing me! I needed to do something!

The fire was made of memories. And I was drowning in them, like my father had banished me to hell.

Because hell was not made of fire. When you are dead, fire can't kill you. It can only cause you pain, which is only brain waves. When you are dead you don't have a brain. Therefore no physical pain. Only the emotional pain of memories.

I had to get rid of it.

With strength I hadn't known before, I pushed him off. And Grabbed his phone out of his pocket.

I punched numbers in, using my sense of touch rather than my sight, which was unreliable. They were familiar to me, not from the frequency of use, but from the importance behind the few times I did use it.

I felt a rush of confidence.

I was _hot._ I was smart. I was _hot._

"Hey J!" I drawled into the phone, while Cyborg watched me wearily. I tripped over my own foot and steadied myself against the wall. "Just want to let you know that I am here FUCKING Aqualad. It's also your fault." I lamented, slurring my speech unintentionally. I frowned, this was not how I wanted to sound. It unsettled me more than what I was saying.

I continued after a pause. "Go steal a fucking clue, if you're so talented!" Cyborg tried to rip the phone out of my hand.

"You'll regret this later. Even though I have no idea what your saying." he said gently.

The demon in me hissed and snatched her phone back.

"Jesus Rae, Calm down!" Cyborg said with wide eyes, surprised that I was swift enough to get it back from him. I groaned.

"Undeux sikelel si moana" I muttered fiercly at him in Azarathian. he blinked. I paused to gather my spinning head. I shouldn't talk so loud. I moaned. Translating my own speech was so difficult right now.

"I have to go." I said suddenly, as another clenching pain took over my body. My throat was aching. My head was twirling like a baton and the metal picture made me feel nauseous…

* * *

_Jared Wilson. _

I hit my knee in frustration. My phone had started ringing, I spotted the caller ID as Raven, and then this fucking machine died. I had been wating for a sign of life from her all day, and when I finally get it, it dissapears. Class today had been hell, trying to concentrate on buisness models when I kept seeing her horrified face in my head. My professer threatened to kick me out.

This phone was supposed to be an advanced form of technology, but forget to charge it one night and you had hell to pay the next. I slammed the charger into the slot, and watched patiently as the screen lit up, and the brand name flashed across it.

One message in inbox. I growled and clicked on the call button to get to my mail box.

"You have..one message." A female voice said slowly, enounciating every sylabble, only serving to irritate me further.

Then I heard a deep, heavy, yet feminine breathing. It was followed by static.

"Hey J!" Ravens voice burst out. I cringed, something was off. she was never this happy to talk to me, even when she thought i was perfectly respectable. But it couldn't be…

There was a muffled 'Oomph!" and then some more heavy breathing as Raven brought her lips back to the phone. "Just wanted to let you know," she drawled, and I had that dark, sinking feeling. She was drunk. "That I'm here FUCKING Aqualad. Also, it's your fault." she stated headily into the receiver. I let out a breath. and then I was pissed.

She wouldn't. she couldn't. she was a virgin! Wasn't she? fuck it, I had always assumed...

She paused. "Go steal a fucking clue, if you're so _talented_!" she spit.

No, I loved you. I thought bitterly. That'il teach me from now on. She was still a virgin wasn't she? Maybe she was, when she left the call, maybe now, five minutes later, she wasn't. Maybe if I had charged my phone I could have caught her and talked her out of it. I heard Muttering in the background. My suspicions were confirmed when I heard more moving on the other end of the line. Raven hissed.

"Jesus Rae, calm down!" a breathlessly deep voice muttered.

And then she groaned. I froze. The sound was like music. I had heard it before. It was etched into my brain tissue like a scar. I would never forget it as long as I lived, no matter how pumped up I was.

"Undeux sikelel si moana" she muttered softly, sounding like a caress. her native tongue, one that she had nver spoken to me. The language was fluid and graceful, like a combination of french, spanish, italian, and Zulu. I wanted to rip my brain out, so I didn't have to hear what was coming.

She moaned. I wanted to plunge my fist through the phone and strangle her to stop the sound coming out of her lips again. It was torture. Pure pain, undiluted by my usual swagger. This cut me. At least, I never wanted it to come out unless she was with me. Why had I assumed she was so innocent? Because she was a hero? I should have known that being a hero meant nothing. all of the titans were assholes, all of the justice leuge were too. Heros were just criminals with a slightly larger conscience and self-esteem issues.

"I have to go." Raven said suddenly, as she remembered I was on the other line. I listened to the dead line for a second, and let the emotions inside of me mix.

I threw the piece of space-age technology at the wall. It smashed into plastic, worthless pieces. I punched the plaster for good measure.

The force of impact did nothing to calm me. My head was somewhere above me, with my dignity. I had to do something. I collapsed onto my old couch, digging the heel of my hand deep into my eyes, trying to pull my face off. Some kind of physical pain would make a nice balance.

That….I couldn't say it. I couldn't bring myself to name call her, even in my mind. This was what was so frustrating. So confusing. She was doing the unthinkable, right now, and called to tell me all about it.

I was supposed to be the bad one! Granted, I was no angel, but...she was Raven. This is expected of me, not her.

I growled and the energy in my now restless body brought me to the wall again. I punched higher this time, harder, imagining it was this idiots Aqualads jaw. The wall collapsed under the pressure, and powder littered the dirty, stained carpet.

Why should I be mad at Raven? she was just a dumb teenager, at least for tonight. She had no idea what she was doing. No one warned her. Obviously none of her fucking team was looking after her.

I could be angry at Aqualad. I could see a vivid picture in my now active was at least twenty. I had seen him a few times, and at the time seen him as another harmless member of the extending team. Now I remembered the arrogant way he held him head, his seemingly detachment from the others. Not as pronounced as Ravens was, but still present. I remembered seeing Starfire make eyes at him. It was easy to imagine him in my place. It was easy to imagine beating him with a crowbar. Slamming it into his back until he cried for mommy and begged me to stop.

I couldn't be angry with Raven. Not murderously so. I was definatly pissed, definatly wound up by her stupidity and gall. But clearly, she had been drunk. And upset. And a half-demon. and alone.

The fire was being doused inside me now. I collapsed again, breathing heavily. Her pretty little face, being mauled by a fish. I kept myself focused on that, keeping my thoughts off Raven individualy, not knowing what I would do if I did. I was bouncing inside, while sinking, filled with pent-up energy. I needed to do something.

I slammed my hands down on the couch and stormed into my room. I started throwing things around, not caring where they landed, until my hands came across the smooth fabric of the Red-X suit. I needed to do something with my hands, and stealing sounded perfect to me right now. I needed that burst of adrenalin that would make me forget my own name.

I closed my eyes forcefully, the imagined image of my Raven in bed with that bastard ingrained on my eyelids, and teleported. In a jerky flash, I was standing in The titans east tower.

I swept my eyes around the darkened and green looking tower, courtesy of the masks night vision. The two Spanish kids were asleep in the couch, surrounded by half empty chip packets and bottles of coke. They were out to it. Not allowed in the _fun_ at the main tower.

I smirked and went straight over to the computer. A jolt of chemicals started the adrenaline rush. My back was to the two titans, sending crawling rolls of nerves up my back as I pounded the keys. they could still wake up at any moment. The screen powered up, lighting it surroundings in a dull glow. The computer was advanced, by most standards. But I was too pumped for it to fail. I unlocked the security on all the rooms, and clicked my teleportation button once more. I appeared outside in the cold night air, and found my target. I was in a garrage I knew well, the one that servaced my favourite motercycle, the metal body of a car half cloaked in a dirty sheet. Next to it were two cannisters of petrol. I smirked vindictivly and grasped both. then I teleported.

I knew from the map of titans east that this was aqualads room, and I had been expecting water, but not this much. It was like an underwater cove, basicly a half cave with a small beach that led to the salt water. a bed and several posesions lay round. I found a light swith and flicked it on, examining everything in the room more closely. This place smeled like a fish shop, and had seaweed lying around for some reason. I kicked a lamp over. It smashed with a satisfying sound. I smiled apperciativly, waved to the security camera, and not wanting to stay here any longer, I got to work.

I knew this could get me caught. I knew that Robin wouldn't stop until he found the reson for me trashing Aqualads room, and why I would be targetting him from now on, but I found I didn't care. This made me feel a lot better, as did the knowledge I was going to be doing things like this to the fish for a long time to come.

I uncapped the cannisters and poured them both into the clear water. The oil glooped out and turned the water black, like it had a thick skin on it. The smell masked the fish scent. I was going to hate h2o for a very long time.

* * *

_Raven Roth_

I woke up to my hands glowing with energy. My head was thumping, but it felt as if it were a fading memory. I must have healed myself overnight. I shook my head.

These things kept happening constantly, where something would happen that I didn't know would. My thoughts danced away, contemplating what would happen if I started smoking. Presumably, I would heal any damage to myself. The bottom of my stomach dropped out.

Some things could not be healed.

I was asleep on my front on the couch, a thin blanket covering my top half. My sweatpants were twisting up around my calves. I felt clammy. A quick scan of the room revealed a re-masked Robin and a sympathetic Cyborg standing over me. Instantly, I clutched the blanket closer to my chest. I remembered taking my shirt off last night, in a drunken burst of lust. That's all it was, lust.

A thick treacle of guilt was spinning in my stomach. Why do I always hurt people?

"Hangover?" Cyborg asked, his eyes crinkling. I shook my head, and slowly pulled myself upright. Robins eyes widened as the blanket left its post on my back, and my tattoo was revealed.

X had not even seen my tattoo, and I was displaying it for the whole world to see.

In a second, I had wrenched it back over my body.

"I didn't know you had a tattoo." Robin said, trying to stare his way through the blanket to the Raven on my lower back.

"It doesn't matter that much, does it?" I asked, horrified.

You were supposed to forget what you had done while drunk. But I could remember everything in pristine detail. The pain of feeling alone and what it had led to. I remembered every move I made as clearly as if it were happening in front of me.

But I could not figure out _why._

Why did I do this to everyone? Why did I make a fool of myself? A fool of X? why the hell did I care?

I was the ice queen. I was entitled, wasn't I? The guilt said no. A defiant part of my mind said yes, with conviction. X and I weren't a couple. He lied to me, he humiliated me, and now was his retribution. Really, the part of my mind said earnestly, it was karma, acting through me.

Then why did I feel so bad? Why did I feel like this was the end of something good in my life?

I didn't even _like _Aqualad that much! He was nice, I acknowledged he was good-looking, but that was all! I had never even contemplated it before. I wanted to die, so I could forget.

Robin shrugged, his eyes strange. At least, what I could see of them. His mask was covering his eyes, though I remembered them being green. Something he couldn't undo as I couldn't fix what I had done.

"Where are titans east?" I asked hoarsely, rearranging the blanket better. I wanted to drown in it, for it to swallow me completely. Robins mask crinkled where he narrowed his eyes.

"They went home." he spat harshly. He was angry and disappointed at me_. I _was angry and disappointed. I was immensely relieved they were no longer here. I would be happy if I never saw them again.

Cyborg shot him a look, and helped me up. I wanted to collapse into him, but I couldn't. I had to save what face I had left.

"You sure your okay? Beastboys still passed out in his room and Stars' sleeping off the mean attitude she got." He asked in a soothing voice.

"I'm fine." I said in a cold monotone. I needed to be alone, so I could call X.

This guilt was crippling. I wanted to double over with the pain of it. But I had to see him before I let it consume me. I had to prove to myself he wasn't the reason for it. I had to get rid of one of my problems.

"Where are you going?" Robin demanded. I sent him a frosty glare.

"None of your business." I said. Now was not the time for one of his 'responsibility' chats. Robin didn't like my comment.

"You are my buisness. we need to talk about this. What you do affects this whole team!" he raged suddenly. Cyborg shook his head.

"I'll leave you guys to it." he said, giving me another sympathetic look and exiting the room. I noticed my spagetti-strap shirt on the floor next to where I was sleeping on the couch and picked it up, trying to ignore Robins peircing glare.

"I'll do what I want." I said dangerously, feeling a little better for the defensive tone in my voice. It made me feel more entilted to what I had done last night while I was being forced to defend myself. Robin stared me down. In retaliation, I pulled the blanket off my body so he would have to look away. I shoved my shirt on roughly and waited for him to start again. his neck was an angry red.

"Even if it puts the city in jepordy?" he spat. "Batman called, Jemal Rusesamugu had been spotted outside of jump. We have no idea what he's doing here. all because of yesterdays bender!"

"You suggested the bender!" I shot back. Robin ignored me.

"A dangerous criminal is on the loose as we speak and instead of looking for him, the whole team is passed out drunk, except for Cyborg, who's looking after everyone, and you, who is going room to mope about her boyfriend going home early!" he growled, the volume increasing.

"If you want to be on the team," he spat out through his teeth looking derranged. "You. will. dump. him." he finished with his fist clentched. I looked at him in surprise. He looked truley upset, and I almost felt the urge to laugh.

"Done." I said simply, turning away from him to get to my room so I could teleport, and watched his hands loosen at his sides and his eyebrow come up in shock.

"You sure?" he asked, his mouth hanging open slightly. Now I was scared. Robin was always so strong and confident, now he was acting like a child.

"Yes." I replied, slowly, trying to catch his eye. I did, and then stared at him for a long time, trying to find answers.

I came up blank.

I shook my head, and Robin did too, looking embarrased.

"I have to..." I trailed off, gesturing over my shoulder and practicly jogging out of the room. I was so anxious about seeing Jared the scenario that had just occured me didn't bother me as much as it should have. I blinked.

I needed to compose myself, and quickly. I needed to figure out what I really wanted to know. I picked up my cold medatation mirror, panting a little. I was staring at my reflection for a moment, and then my round voilet eyes morphed red and then doubles into two sets. I hated seeing it. even I actuly did transform, at least I didn't have to watch. I closed my eyes and felt my soul detach from my body, and my mind leave my head.

I opened my eyes to find myself in Lust's domain. she was standing in front of me, her sweat pants cut off into extremly short black shorts, and her shirt that deceiving baby blue. A raven cawed above her head.

My eyebrow twitched as I took in the small clearing which was desires domain. It would have been nice, with a short and flat waterfall pooling into a clear blue, pebbled creek and with the intoxicatingly scented giant frangipani plants and mini eucalyptus trees, but was that a stipper pole? I narrowed my eyes.

I had decided to talk to them seperatly, it was much less confusing.

"What the hell was last night?" I hissed in her direction. She sent me a lop-sided smirk.

"Not my fault. You were the one who drunk so much." she sighed breathlessly, twirling a lone lock of hair. I looked at her, my stomach starting to drop. I didn't like that a part of me was so uncaring.

"And you don't feel guilty at all?" I asked, crossing the carpet of soft grass over to her. I noticed a dresser hald concealed behind a frangipani bush. From what I could see, it was covered in money and jewelry. She didn't speak the want for material possesions often, but I still wasn't surprised to see them here. She sent me an unhappy look.

"I'm not despair, Raven. I am Lust. I am desire. I am selfishness." she said quietly, without the cocky innuendos and begging. Maybe she was trying not to push me so she could get some more of last night. "But I want what you want. I am that want. I need the answers too." she said, suddenly pouty. She turned on her heel to face me. "So I'll tell you what you don't want to hear."

I crossed my arms over my chest in an effort to calm the furious beating of my heart.

"I want Jared. I want sex, doesn't matter who it's with. I want what everyone else has. I want a big house. I want one night stands. I want to get married. I want kids. I want to be free and unnatached. I want it now." she said in a rush, waving her hands around. she wasn't angry, that wasn't in her nature. she was just stating her facts passionatly. "I'm sorry if thats contradicting, but thats always been the way we were hasn't it?"

I agreed with her.

"fine. but you know I can't have all that. Anything I do will have disasterous consequenses." I pointed out, unhappily. The truth was staring right at me and I had nowhere left to run. My two options were hard to sift through. Pick Jared, if he still wanted me, and leave the titans, compramising my beleifs and morals, having to live with the guilt of knowing he was off hurting innocent people and I was doing nothing to stop it or Pick the titans, if they still trusted me after last night, and lose Jared, who I was obviously much too atatched too and would probably be devastated when he left.

"Thats not my problem, go see logic." she suggested. I growled.

"Jesus, fine." I muttered. but I was not going to see logic. I had heard what I needed to. Logic would just tell me that it made sense to pick titans over love. So when nothing made sense, and Logic was no help, I had no other option than to face it head on. See where this conversation led to.

I surfaced out of the mirror and teleported instantly into Jared's kitchen, and saw him standing in front of me, his expression somber. I froze, trying to gauge his reaction. Seeing him was so strange after what had happened. I had half-expected his appartment to morph into a criminal underground overnight, but it was the same messy main room, which I found odly comforting. When he saw me his eyes softened and he made to step towards me. I took a step back in turn and he got the message loud and clear.

"Hi." he said shortly. I nodded, and walked over to the couch, dropping down onto the cushions. My thoughts were jumbled and meaningless. I couldn't remember if I had made any plans about what I was going to say to him. If I had, they were useless now.

"Are you cold?" he took in my spaghetti-strap shirt and long sweat pants. I shook my head, my eyes downcast. I was afraid of what I would find if I looked at him. He sat down next to me and we didn't say a word.

We stayed in the same position for at least twenty minutes, neither of us knowing where to start. Neither of us wanted to.

"Why?" I asked finally, my voice dead, cold. Jared kept his eyes on the same loose thread of carpet that mine were on.

"Why what?" he replied his eyes flickering up for a second.

"Why did you approach me in the first place? Was it just a joke to you?" I shivered but masked it well. I had alot of arrogance to be attacking him, even though his crime was a million times worse than mine.

"No. I just did it." He gestured in the air forcefully. I noticed they were perfectly steady.

"That's helpful." I muttered sarcastically.

"I know. Its just, it turned into something more." he said harshly, reacting to my tone. I heard the accusation in it and remembered the exact ewords I had yelled through the phone at him last night.

"Did you get my call last night?" I asked dully, realizing that he must think I did a lot worse than I actuly did.

He stiffiened. maybe he was trying to forget. maybe he had turned into the one who had wanted this relationship.

"Oh, I got it alright." he replied in the same tone.

I had hurt his pride.

_good._ a voice muttered resentfully.

"I was drunk." I added, though he already knew that.

"I knew that." he scoffed. "It was so fucking obvious. You were slurring your words, even when you were dirty talking."

I looked up at his face. The sharp angles and the way the sun made him look like a dangerous angel. Part of X's allure.

"I wasn't dirty talking." I hissed. What the fuck?

"What about that language you were talking to your boyfriend in?" he asked bitterly, but not with as much venom as I would have thought.

I was wrong. he didn't want this to work. he didn't even care. another part of his allure, the fact that he didn't mind either way.

"One." I hissed to the air. "Aqualad is not my boyfriend. I did not sleep with him." I said fiercly. "two. I was talking to Cyborg." I watched the duct mites light up as they floated past the sunlight, trying to let their soothing qualitys calm me down. "three. I was telling him to fuck off, for want of a better word."

Jared, or X, looked at me, his eyes flashing.

"You didn't sound angry." he said suspiciously. I glared him down. my crime was nothing compared to his. I found the guilt had all but dissapeared now that I had seen him. _he _had been the one I was worried about, for some screwed up reason.

the confusion was worse than the guilt.

"Its a beatiful language, and I was drunk." I said matter-of-factly. I had to be honest, if i was going to force him into honesty.

"You didn't sleep with him?" he asked, more lightly. all a part of his game.

"You think _I _would?" I spat. I wasn't his goddamn toy! He couldn't treat me like I really had no emotions, like he wouldn't hurt me! I would not play along a second more.

"Why did you decide to tell me?" I demanded, before he could answer. I didn't need to elabourate, he knew.

"Because I want more than what we already have. Its greedy isn't it?" he laughed, setting his hands on his knees. I closed my eyes for a second, and wrapped my arms around my torso.

"So, real question time." he muttered, getting serious. the temperature seemed to drop, like it always did when he was serious. I was sure from his aura and emotions that playing me was not on his mind right now. the rewness of this conversation was terrifying. It would reveal what I had a feeling I didn;t want to know. " Does it really matter to you?" he asked in a quieter, darker voice. The Jared from the past.

That was the thing. I had three Jared's, and he had multiple Ravens. He was past Jared right now. Dark and haunted, confusing, intellectual and practical. Present Jared. Funny and constantly grinning, with a dangerous streak that really should stay with the third Jared. Red X. Strong and cocky. Lethal, unknowable and criminal.

"No. Yes." I answered. He laughed bitterly and I shivered again.

"That's what I thought."

Then I got angry. Chaos screamed loudly and Despair wailed a high - pitch, keening sound.

"What do you want from me? You want me to say everything is okay? You're a thief!" I moaned. The main problem. "The titans? My family? What about them?"

In truth, I was tired of them. I was dissatisfied and unfulfilled with this mundane life. Maybe I was tired of the responsibility.

Jared became stiff. Then he relaxed.

"Yes. I thought about that. Of course I did. I know you're their family, but your all I've got." he stated firmly. I shivered and sniffed. My eyes were burning with hope and sadness. he didn't even care about what I had done with Aqualad, didn't even ask questions. he only wanted me. the guilt returned, a fire that burned my insides.

this guilt was the reson my life was the way it was. the guilt was my reson for being a good little half demon. for being a hero. I couldn't take it.

I was all torn up like my mother. I must have inherited the running and the confusion and the bad decisions. Like she didn't know if she wanted me or not, I didn't know if I wanted Jared. Could I handle all the spite and bitterness this would cause with my friends? What if I gave them up for him, and it turned out all wrong? Or what if I didn't and I was miserable and alone my whole life, knowing I had left behind the only thing that had ever made me reach this level of happiness?

I coudn't find anyone else, last night had proven it. I was too unhuman for someone else whereas Jared could handle me.

"But we're all wrong!" I shouted and brought my head to my knees. The tears were flowing now, slowly and not urgent or hysterical, but they were _there_. I felt Jared hand stroke up and down my neck, tugging at the roots of my hair gently. He was pushing his love onto me with the gesture, letting me know how important he thought me to display such weakness. I wasn't worth it.

"Maybe. But we're all wrong anyway. Even by ourselves. I swear that's all my secrets. I know I can't possibly know all of yours but I really can't believe my luck" he whispered. He was lying. he had so many more secrets. I found myself wanting to know them and wanting to stay as far away as possible at the same time.

"You steal!" I protested through my curtain of hair. "You take what isn't yours." I added weakly.

My head suddenly felt heavy, like it was full of concrete. Jared stayed where he was, not rising in anger or dropping his head in shame, just staying where he was.

"Yes. It's selfish. But it's what I do. Its what I've always had to do." he said evenly, like he was holding back.

I laughed a little hysterically.

"What an excuse!" I cried, the sound muted by my hair, the concrete feeling being replaced with an airy one. Like I was high.

"It's the only one I can think of that doesn't make me sound all emo." he admitted, and things seemed simpler for a moment. "But enough of that now." he said forcefully. I finally looked up at him. "Who were those people last night?" he asked almost sternly, as if he knew my reaction so well. I decided to yield what I knew. It postponed the inevitable.

"They were my aunt and Uncle. I think the two kids were my cousins, but I'm not sure." I whispered. It wasn't as hard to talk about as the other issue. Jared sucked in a was giving me time, time for my frazzled nerves.

"I thought they were just crazy people." he muttered, shaking his head in amazement.

"So did I."

"Your mom…?" he probed. I shook my head. What I was trying to convey with the gesture, I had no idea.

"I never see her all that much. I never did. All she told me was that she ran and I vaguely remember her saying Azar changed her name from Angela to Arella. She's thirty-four, just like they said. And they recognized me straight off, that's something I can't ignore."

He was still confused, though I couldn't see his face I could hear it in his voice.

"But you can't be an exact copy of her. I mean, they didn't look that much like you-"

"You'd be surprised how much I did look like her that night. She's much more beautiful than I am, but demon …chromosomes…don't merge with humans easily. I'm basically the spitting image of my mother, with a few adjustments." I spit bitterly through my teeth.

Demons and humans and sirens and thieves. There should not be any scientific facts. I didn't care for them, they left an acidic aftertaste on my tongue. But Azar insisted. God damn it! She insisted and once things were learned they can't be unlearned. I never wanted to know how my fathers genes were passed down to me, didn't want to think about how they got there. It made fresh, bubbling guilt appear in my throat and it shouldn't be that way because dear god, it wasn't my fault! That Arella's problem. She was blaming me, but she didn't want to. The joy of the mother and the fury of the victim who needed someone to blame…

But that had nothing to do with here and now.

I wished I could un-learn so many things.

"Are you okay?" Jared asked quietly. I screwed up my face.

What was okay? Was it following routine and being sociable and obeying the rules of the game? Was it pretending and skittering around the edges? Was it being honest and admitting that it was all lies and you were confused? Or was it being so rough and tumble it didn't matter anymore? Like Jared? So you didn't care? Without a definition, what was I supposed to say?

"I'm fine." I shot back, my insides laughing. Hysterically.

"Did you talk to them?" Now, he was just testing my patience.

"Of course not!" I scoffed. "Who the hell do you think I am!" I jumped up. I took in his messy appearance through blurry eyes. He must have just got off his plane, or at least slept in his clothes. "I'm not…" I tried to find words to match my emotions, but his calm expression was distracting. "Blood means nothing to me! Its how you act! They're strangers and they don't know me. Why should I talk to them?" at the start it was the truth, but now I was babbling. Not that I was lying, just that in this moment in time I really could not give a shit.

Jared looked at me sternly.

"They're your family!" he was pissed now.

I knew it! I knew we couldn't last. We were like a fuse, and the bomb had just gone off and soon their would be wreckage. We burned too hot to be sustained. We can't help it. It's the design of destiny and who are we to fight it?

"What do you know about it?" I narrowed my eyes contemptuously. Jared stood too, surpassing my height impressively.

"Once you get one you don't let it go!" he roared. His eyes were stormy and unknowable. I didn't back down.

"Don't even _try_ to intimidate me" I snarled. "You have _no_ idea. You don't _know_ me. _I don't _know you. This is completely different!"

Jared narrowed his eyes in disgust, finally seeing me as I was. Good. It was better to end it this way, so we hated each other. Hate was so much easier than saddness.

He was so angry now. I could read his face, see the twisted expression where his cocky smirk should be. I had insulted his deep feelings and goals. His goal for life. To have a family. He wanted it more than anything, that I could see through the tough skin of red-X. And I had one, and was letting it slip away, telling him what he wanted was worth nothing to me.

"No!' he yelled right in my face and for the first time I felt a little scared. I could smell his coffee-breath, and I fought the reflex to run. "Don't play that card!"

I recoiled.

"What card?" I screamed back. It cut through the silence and had a serrated edge to it. It sounded scratchy and shrill.

"The 'I'm so depressed' card! The 'No one understands me' card! The 'YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE' CARD!" He yelled, louder and deeper than I could ever manage. His face was furious. He hated me.

I felt something in me snap. It wasn't anger. Not this time. It was possibly my heart, but that was much too dramatic. It was a streetlight maybe. He had put it on and now it was put out.

"What the FUCK!" I screeched back, hating the way I sounded. When I swore at him it wasn't serious usually. But this was and the word took on a whole new meaning, and a memory I would have for a long time. "You keep making excuses and you tip-toe around the corners thinking I won't get you but I'm not stupid! You're a thief damn it!" I moaned. "A thief! and why? Just because. Just because and I'm sick of YOU! I haven't even known for two days and I'm already sick of it!" I descended into tears.

I lay all of my cards on the table.

"WE BOTH KNOW IT'S NOT ABOUT THAT!" he boomed.

I had never seen him like this. Adrenaline pulsed through me in response. It had never really occurred to me that he was capable of violence. I had never even contemplated that as being a part of Red-x, but now I could see the potential. I could easily imagine him hitting me, or hurting Aqualad badly for daring to mess with him.

"Will you stop then? Or are you going to steal a few diamonds first?" I dropped my arms and found myself breathing heavily.

No, before I had not put all my cards on the table. This was my last one. My vulnerability, and he was not expecting it. The one want desire was pushing before all others. The want for titans, and Jared at the same time.

He seemed to calm down somewhat, though his chest was moving up and down unevenly, his messy hair settling on his head. His eyes were shocked. He was stumped.

"I thought as much." I muttered quietly.

"I'm finished with the diamonds." He said, trying to stall for time. We both knew it. The air was numb.

"How much were you getting paid?" I asked numbly.

"Four million." he answered.

What? Four million for a couple of diamonds? Even collectors wouldn't pay that much for some unpolished rocks. Not for something in return.

"Of course, I have to wait for them to be received in Africa before the money gets through." he continued.

Africa? Something in my mind stirred, but I didn't care enough to be annoyed that I couldn't remember.

"Mmn. Africa." I muttered bitterly.

"Yeah. Africa." he muttered back.

Wait, Africa? I remembered several conversations involving diamonds, and scientests, and virises.

My eyes popped open and Jared was startled by my suddenly furious expression. I stood up.

"You're their supplier!" I screamed, again. Jared did not seem angry this time, he was defensive.

"Who?" he asked, cringing back.

"Jemal Rusesamunga!" I shouted back, forgetting our unspoken truce to keep our voices down. All I could think was that it didn't matter which option i choose, because I was doomed anyway, along with the rest of the people on this contanent.

"I have no idea what your talking about!" he protested. I scraped my fingers through my hair, feeling the tangles and knots. I did so violently, digging in with my nails for concentration.

"You have no idea what you've done!" I cried with my eyes jammed shut. there was still the nagging thought that we were over, even in the face of such danger.

America. The rest of the world. We were all going to die.

"What do you mean?" he asked urgently.

"You think what your doing is harmless but you've put the whole continant in danger!"

"WHAT ARE YOU ON ABOUT!" he roared and this time I met fire with fire.

"Jemal Rusesamunga is an insane man who had delusions of grandeur and wants to infect America with a deadly disease! And you've made it possible!" I moaned, turning around until I was dizzy. Jared steadied me and I jerked away. "The diamonds! The scientists want diamonds!" I gasped, and before he could stop me, I teleported back into the tower.

Jemal Rusesamunga was paying the scientests of ethiopia with diamonds in exchange for a virus he was going to punish the west with, for being so greedy.

* * *

Oh My God! A plot! where the hell did that come from!

(1) I in no way condone voilence against nature. In fact, if you didn't do earth hour, leave. Unless, you know, you forgot, or it wasn't in your contry or something.


	11. That was uncalled for

_Raven Roth_

I came face to face with Robin. He wheeled around so he could see me properly, see the petrified look on my features. Cyborg looked at me unhappily.

"Do you know anything about petrol being dumped in Aqualads cove?" he asked me suspiciously. I forgot what I was doing here for a moment.

"What?" I asked him incredulously. Why the hell did Aqualad even have a cove?

"Raven! What is it?" Robin interrupted, sliding off his breakfast bar stool and pushing in front of Cyborg.

I didn't have time to realize what I was doing. To accept the consequences of what this would do. What this would do to Jared if I told. But I had to tell. I didn't want to be responsible for the end of the world _again._

"The diamonds!" I panted, and Robin immediately pulled me over to the computer.

"What about them?" he demanded. The other titans rushed into the room, hearing the panic in both of our voices and halting to a complete stop.

"Jemal Rusesamunga broke out of Arkham to send diamonds to the scientists in Ethiopia." I breathed. "The corrupt ones. That's why all the diamonds went missing. He needs them to get the scientists so they'll send him the strain of the disease. He's here in jump because he needs a cargo plane"

Robin immediately understood.

"Which disease?" he asked, suddenly all business. I shook my head.

"I don't know which one. Maybe its Beastboys one, I don't know." I moaned urgently. Beastboy looked sick.

"My disease, why?" he asked in a higher voice than normal. I looked to him desperately, and felt a connection there.

"To get back at America." I whispered. Beastboy turned his back to me.

This Jemal was going to kill us all. And I was sure in some perverted way he felt responsible.

Robin was already on the phone.

So efficient, as always. He kept a clear head when we couldn't.

"Get me the schedule of all shipment planes to Ethiopia for the next week!" he demanded into the phone, a muscle in his forehead twitching, also furrowing in frustration and worry. If we didn't all die, it was obvious he would get wrinkles early into middle-age.

Suddenly his voice was very hushed.

"Are you sure?"

"No."

"When?"

"Just do it! Goddammit!" he swore angrily down the receiver. The rest of us watched in numb silence.

"Good." he replied testily. We waited for a moment.

"Jesus Christ." he said, and then he hung up. We looked at him for conformation and we weren't disappointed. "Get in the T-car now." he ordered as he grabbed the keys of the side-table and threw them to Cyborg. "Jump city airport." Cyborg caught them and we all ran down to the garage with heavy hearts.

While Cyborg drove, Robin questioned.

"How did you figure this out?" he asked tensely, his hands balled into fists, a prominent vein over his knuckle sticking out. I stared out the window at metropolitan Jump city.

Jared, what have you done? And how the hell am I supposed to protect you? Did I even like you anymore? Could I trust you? No. I couldn't. because he lied to me over and over again. And he has proven what he is. It is partly his fault that millions will lose their lives very soon. He is a criminal. Jemal's assistant. And he does it not for revenge. Not for emotions, or pride. He does it for cold hard cash.

I tried to tell myself.

"It just hit me." I said in monotone. "I was just been thinking about it for a long time. Something didn't add up, I connected the dots, and now we know what it is."

Robin would not accept this answer indefinitely. It was too vague to explain my state of panic when I came in. but he would accept it for now.

I will tell him if this goes wrong. I promise Azar.

The looming outline of the dark and dreary international terminal seemed more menacing than any building had before it. The people bustling in and out displayed no signs of fear as the went about their business, some of them families ready for exotic holidays full of sun and relaxation. At least they would be safe if they stayed away for a while.

The planes waiting for takeoff just around the corner, behind the high wire fence being loaded with luggage from slow zooming baggage cats. Men in neon yellow vests conducted the whole thing. I noticed one of the smaller planes being filled with crates. That was most likely what we were looking for. They looked so innocent, and most likely, most of them were. Just one crate would be all that was needed. One of the smaller boxes, filled with diamonds.

All those scientists in Ethiopia would need to encourage them to send over a strain to America, with no idea what it was going to be used for.

Cyborg slammed the brakes down hard, and the car swiveled around and hit a stop against the curb. I heard the paint off the doors scratch against the pavement as we shot out, not bothering to shut them again. I saw Cyborg give the car a desperate look, and then followed behind, his face a picture of focus.

We passed people in a blur. We were running. Starfire and Robin were the fastest, then Beastboy. He was being pushed forward by his past. "HEY!" Robin yelled at a security guard strolling up and down. We skidded to a stop, ignoring stares.

"What?" The man asked. He looked at us like we were insane.

"We need to stop the cargo plane!" Robin demanded in his leader voice.

The man started to laugh.

When he finished, it was clear to me that he had wasted thirty seconds of our valuable time.

"Woo!" he blew out air, still chuckling.

I wanted to kill him. I wanted to take his walkie-talkie and shove it down his throat. And it wasn't just the demon in me. We both wanted to see him bleed.

My legs started to give out from under me. The neutral gray color scheme started to blur through my salty eyes, giving me the impression of a rough ocean that's turned up all the sand.

"You have got to be kidding me. Everything goes." he laughed, still chortling in amazement. Robin's patience snapped audibly.

"Listen. This is a national emergency. We're the Teen Titans, we need to get through."

Something in Robins authorities voice made him do a double-take, possibly re-assessing us.

But it wasn't enough.

"I don't care who you are. No one gets through without a pass and a uniform, or a ticket to the actual plane." The man shook his head…and walked away, muttering about psycho teenagers and drugs.

"What are we going to do?" Beastboy moaned while I scanned the terminal desperately. Calm lines of passengers filling thought the metal detectors at the gates while others milled around the plastic rows of seats clutching luggage and passports. Police were manning all doors, black, lethal-looking pistols holstered in their belts. A flight attendant was hurrying for her turn at the ticket desk, pulling her own rolling case by the handle behind her.

There was no way through to the plane without a ticket. America didn't have time. Once the plane took off, nothing would bring it down. By the time we got to officials and convinced them to take us seriously, the cargo would be out of U.S airspace and not even missiles would be able to reach it.

"I don't know what your going to do, but I know what I'm going to do." A familiar voice muttered next to my ear. I spun around and in my stress flung my body at the familiar towering form of Jared's, burrowing into his chest. His arms wrapped around me and I felt tears sting my eyes. His embrace was so warm, I immediately realized our fight a mere hour ago had meant nothing. He was here. I didn't know how he knew where to go, a fact that annoyed me, but right now I was just glad he bothered.

I didn't care what he was right now. He was here for me. He came, even though we were all wrong. Maybe he felt, like I did, that when the world was going to end, it didn't matter about right and wrong and appearances anymore. It was about enjoying what you had.

"Its alright." Jared muttered, though he sounded distracted. It wasn't, but his calm reassurance almost made me believe him.

"How is it?" I muttered, feeling bad the second the words left my lips. Reality came crashing down. I made a conscious decision to pull away from him a second before _he_ pushed _me_ away and by then it was too late for me to act. I stumbled back, confused. The titans were looking like they'd just seen the dead rise. In my haste I had forgotten that Beastboy and Robin hadn't heard about him yet. Comprehension first dawned on Starfire's, then Cyborgs face. My eyes were fixed on X.

His clothes were all black. He was carrying a gray rucksack and had a red baseball cap pushed firmly over his head. Dark glasses hid his stormy eyes from me. "What are you doing?" I asked incredulously, the exact moment Jared pulled something shiny and something woolen from his rucksack. It dawned on me then.

No one would move for a teenage girl, even if she looked menacing and her hands were glowing with black energy or if they were glowing with green energy and was extremely pretty. They would shoot at a normal looking teenage male. I would have to hurt a lot of people and meet a lot of resistance to make it all the way to the plane. But if you take a grown man and a gun and put him in an airport, the whole thing would be shut down without anyone getting hurt. Except maybe _my_ Jared.

"NO!" I hissed, about to snatch the shiny gun from Jared's hands. He looked at me once, then promptly ripped the baseball cap and glasses off, and pulled the balaclava over his head. The hand holding the loaded pistol flung up, and with a flick of his wrist he shot into the plaster ceiling twice. Small pieces rained down over him.

Screaming erupted around me and I threw a pulsing shield over Jared as soon as I saw the security point their own guns at him. There were at least thirty of them, most having appeared from nowhere in less than a second. They were advancing, eyes blank and focused.

"Put the shield down Raven." Jared warned, looking quite pleased with himself. He loved this, I could tell from his aura. This was what he enjoyed doing, with his messed up sense of danger, and his love of switching between hero and villain.

The security guard from before was talking hurriedly into his black walkie-talkie, his face now deathly pale. A woman was crying quietly and clutching her two baby boys to her chest, rocking them gently. A brave and reckless man stood up.

"Put the gun down!" he yelled, spitting at Jared. Suddenly a cop pushed me to the ground, elbowing me out of the way for a clear shot. The carpet burned my skinned elbows. I knew that all planes would be quarantined and searched for explosives in mere moments. They would find the diamonds in a crate with the wrong label on it and ask questions. They would listen to us. Jared had done it, but now, in my mind at least, there was a bigger problem. Adrenaline I couldn't use pumped in my vessels, aching to join Jared where he was now. Without him, I realized, what was the point?

Azar, I was in love with him. Completely. We were the same person really. Dark and deeply flawed, but the same. The thing that had been missing all along when he was just J was this flaw, his missing sense of decency. We were capable of love, if by rights we shouldn't be. I had realized what I had been missing in my life. Without love, my new start meant nothing. What was the point of feeling if you didn't have _this_?

And he loved me. He must, though my mind and logic were protesting this couldn't be. Why else would he come here, and risk his secrecy, freedom and life to help me? He wasn't doing this for him, because I knew he would just leave the country if he was worried.

I suddenly realized, with a cool thrill of horror, that the shield I had cast to protect Jared had dispersed when I fell. He was open to every gun and baton in the room. I had to fight with myself to stop me screaming out his name. They mustn't know who he was, if there was still a chance he could get out of this.

"Put the gun down!" Another brave civilian yelled. Jared seemed not to notice.

A handsome police man stepped forward, one hand up and his gun facing away.

"Hey, hey. Lets not get to hasty now. We can work this out." he said, slowly and calmly, never breaking eye contact. I liked him. He wasn't threatening.

"I don't think we can." Jared replied lazily through his balaclava. I wanted to jump up and pull him close, but I couldn't.

"Nothing is impossible. If we both just put our weapons down-"

BANG.

Jared shot into the air again, and the man fell silent. Tears threatened to fall, and I begged this to be over. Jared laughed.

Then he cocked his gun at the woman with the boys. I knew she would be terrified right now, but I couldn't fell sorry for her. I knew she would be alright.

"Back away." Jared commanded authoritivly. Then he looked down at the woman. I would start to hyperventilate soon.

The other titans were in shock. Robin sent me a side-long glance from across floor, his chin pressed to the dull carpet. His face betrayed his amazement, but I could still see the accusation in his eyes, along with something else I couldn't identify.

I ripped my eyes back to Jared just in time to see a renegade cop pull the trigger of his gun. I didn't scream as the single bullet cut through the air and, while Jared was distracted by the woman, hit him in the shoulder, but my stomach froze. He collapsed to the ground and suppressed a yell and ended up grunting. The tears spilt over and I let them fall freely. With a sob I tried to muffle, I pushed myself up and ran over to him, ignoring the shouts and orders from the titans and police to stop. I fell to the ground next to him.

I had known something like this would happen. It was a miracle he was that important couple of inches to the left and it didn't hit his heart.

All I could see was his eyes, and they were screwed up in pain.

"angel." he grunted and I sobbed freely again. His hand came up to wipe the tears away but he stopped almost immediately and let out a yelp of pain. My eyes caught the profuse blood spurting from his wound, soaking both of our clothes quickly. There was so much I barley noticed the shield I had cast around us. It made me feel sick, with the smell the demon in me could pick out easily. It was sweet and tepid, like a gush of hot, muddy cordial.

"You'll be fine." I promised quietly, managing to hold my voice steady with such competence that it surprised me. Jared smiled at it, I could tell by the crinkling of his eyes.

How could this have gone so wrong, and right, at the same time?

Jared looked at his wound. His expression didn't change.

"huh." he said, as a small fountain river of blood gushed out if it. He seemed unfazed.

Fate better not take him from me, or it would have hell to pay.

"Cyborg!" I shouted. He had been staring at us with a burning, intense, horrified curiosity and was now shaken awake by my pleading. "Jesus Christ!" I swore louder, over the screaming and hysterical fits of crying by the civilians in the room. The police were also trying to yell louder, and it was hard to hear what was happening.

Cyborg nodded and stood up, ignoring Robins demanding commands to stay down, and ran over to us. I shifted my energy so he was allowed through the shield and focused with my entire being on teleporting the three of us to the tower. It was difficult, it was tiring, but it was worth it.

We stumbled when we hit the ground in the infirmary. I was still clutching Jared. The smell of discinfectant invaded my nostrils.

"Weird." X muttered weakly. I laughed in response. It was too high-pitched, if laughing for me could ever sound natural in the first place.

Cyborg pulled him gently from my arms. This is why I asked him to come. He was quick, and he knew the most about bullet wounds.

Jared grunted in pain as Cyborg placed him on the infirmary bed. While he was busy collecting items from various cupboards and such, I pulled off his balaclava to expose his grimacing face, covered in sweat. I nearly broke down again but kept my strong, hard face on. He tried for a smile but couldn't quite manage it.

"We're screwed." he gasped. I had to agree.

"No. we're not." I said shakily, rushing over to help Cyborg carry his tray of tools. My face would have paled if it could when I saw the surgical scalpel. I virtually tripped over to Jared's bedside. Cyborg set the tray down and picked up a syringe.

"Rip off his sleeve and clear the entrance site." he ordered, picking up a small bottle of liquid with a sealed plastic top and shoving the needle into it, sucking up the liquid into the shaft. I obeyed numbly and ripped the black, soaking fabric of his cotton shirt away from the gaping hole under his shoulder, careful to not let it stick to his skin in the blood.

"This isn't how I pictured you taking my clothes off." he panted, laughing a little and throwing his head back. Cyborg paused, and then took the opportunity to shove the needle into Jared's most prominent vein.

"ahh." He gasped in surprise, and all the muscles in my body seized up. Then he closed his eyes.

"Just do it doc." he muttered, gritting his teeth. Maybe he'd been shot before, but in any case he knew what was happening.

Cyborg looked at me, and managed to convey so many things. Curiosity, burning, burning curiosity. Anger, accusation, hopelessness, fear, worry.

I nodded furiously for him to start.

"Talk to him." he muttered.

"How do you feel hero? You saved America." I asked him, wanting him to open his eyes so he didn't look so much like a corpse anymore. He obeyed and laughed. But it turned into a strangled moan when Cyborg plunged into the wound with the scalpel. I winced at both of their tortured expressions.

It took all my will power not to turn away or close my eyes but somehow I managed to force myself to watch. In all reality, You didn't grow up the way I had and not see worse than this. I should be used to the gore by now, and mostly I was, just not when it was happening to _him._ Cyborg cut open the entry site wider and peered at it intently. I didn't want to see, so I watched Jared's face. He was trying to be a hard-ass and not cry out, but it was a losing battle. I grasped the hand of his good arm, and almost slipped out of his sweaty palm. He chuckled a bit at that.

Cyborg took away the small knife and picked up the tweezers.

"The bullets not far in at all, too much distance between you and the cop." Cyborg said loudly.

"Cops can't do nothing about me." Jared laughed. Cyborg shot me a brief questioning look and continued. "Y'know, taking it out might not be worth it. The risk of infection is huge."

"I'll heal him afterwards." I said immediately, though I was already tired.

"This is still gonna hurt. D'you want something to bite down on?"

Jared considered him.

"You know what? I think I'll just swear a lot. Thanks though." he said seriously. He caught my expression.

"Don't worry about me sunshine. It's chuckles you _should_ be worrying about." he was still panting, and that did nothing to restore my faith in a god.

Cyborgs eyes grew wide, and I knew he was cottoning on.

"hey wait-" Jared said suddenly. "Just one thing."

"What?" Cyborg asked tensely, trying his best to be unbiased about what he thought.

Jared tried to get up, and I knew what he wanted. Cyborg pushed him back down instantly.

"What the hell! Stay put if you wanna live. I ain't no surgeon man!" he demanded.

"hush." I said quietly. I looked at Jared's blood soaked shirt, and his sweaty face, and lent down over him. I kissed him once lightly on the lips, barely a kiss at all, and straightened back up. We both wanted it, considering the situation we were in.

"I'm good now." he grunted with a smirk to Cyborg, who was in some kind of shock. I screwed up my face in effort as I held back my tears for Jared, as Cyborg plunged the forceps into the hole and started to dig.

"HOLY FUCKING JESUS CHRIST YOU BITCH!" Jared Started to yell. I screwed up my face and squeezed his hand tighter. He tried to keep his mouth shut. "mhhhhhmmmMM!" he winced as well. I prayed.

"There." Cyborg grunted. Jared's eyes were rolling.

"MOTHER FU-" his eyes rolled back and Jared passed out, taking the room in an eerie silence. I let out a shaky breath when The forceps surfaced with a small copper bullet clutched precariously between the ends.

I let go of his hands and numbly crossed the floor to the sink and held a facecloth under the running water. The water was heaven on my flushed skin.

I re-traced my steps back to the bed-side, and placed the cloth on Jared forehead. His was all clammy. Cyborg had just finished sterilizing the wound. Without a sound, I put my hand over the clean hole, which was now looking deceivingly small. I put all the energy I had into it, filling out the deep cavity with it, until he was completely healed. He would still be sore when he woke up, but he would be okay.

I had the strange urge to burst out laughing.

When I was finished, Cyborg stared at Jared for a long time. I sat down beside the bed on an uncomfortable chair, exhausted.

"Who is he Rae?" Cyborg asked in a pained voice.

I should tell him. He's my big brother. I have to tell someone.

_But he's fine!_ the voices protested in my head._ America is safe. Don't tell them anything, they'll just have to accept he saved our asses and shut up._

I noticed a subtle difference. When the voices usually had something to say about Jared, half were for him and half were against. It now seemed all were for.

"He's Jared." I replied in a strained voice, not meeting his eyes. I had probably shown him more emotion in this one day than in the whole time I'd known him. Cyborg stayed quiet until I looked up at him, when he fixed me with a hard stare.

"No. Who _is_ he?"

I could tell Cyborg. He would be fine with it.

"Red-X." I whispered, watching Jared's chest move up and down. My clothes felt heavy and sticky with his blood, and I wanted them off. I listened for a sharp intake of breath, or some normal sign, but I came up blank. I looked up.

Cyborg was watching every minute detail of my expression intently.

"I knew it was something like this. Man." He sighed heavily. I waited for an ounce of logic to rear its head. Cyborg explained.

"When you said you were dating, I knew there would be something wrong with him." he admitted darkly, like he was talking to himself.

"Thanks." I muttered sarcastically. Cyborg smiled wryly.

"It's not like that Rae. But I knew he wouldn't be normal. You can't be with anyone normal, they wouldn't understand you. They just wouldn't be right ya know?" he shook his head in disbelief.

"I guess that's... true." I replied unsurely, scared he would blow up any second.

"But Red-X?" he asked desperately, searching for sense in my eyes.

I relented to him.

"I love him." I whispered surely. "I think he loves me. He trusted me enough to tell me who he was. He already knew I was half-demon when he approached me, even though I never trusted him enough to say it to him. He's good to me. He makes me feel right when I'm with him. You should have seen it Cyborg, at the coffee shop. Some guy tried to hit on me and he punched him in the face. He was trying to protect me, even though we both know I don't need _that._" I continued in a whisper. His face contorted up.

"Yeah, but Rae, he's a thief." Cyborg said gently. I shrugged.

"So is Jinx." I shot back, feeling a little lighter, less worried. Cyborg made a face. It was funny.

"Are you blackmailing me again?" he asked sternly.

"No, but it's a good thought. Don't worry, I won't tell. You have a choice. I'm pretty much stuck. It was obvious I knew him, and obvious he's in on this way of life. Obvious he wasn't _normal._ I don't know how Jared's going to go about his identity being known to Robin though."

I frowned, worry returning. I'd effectively ruined Jared's life. His job, his cover. I wasn't going to ruin Cyborgs as well.

"That's good of you Rae." Cyborg smiled. I smiled wryly.

"What are friends for if not keeping your secret lover hidden?" I drawled sarcastically.

"What will you guys do if Robin goes off and forbids you from seeing each other or something?"

In truth, I was not worried about that. Not yet. I could handle Robin, he was familiar territory. Jared was still new, and I was going to have trouble with him for a long while to come. We had a lot of adjusting to do. Once Jared had woken up, I would let myself think about Robin.

"I'll see him anyway." I said simply. Cyborg opened his mouth to speak, but closed it abruptly as Jared stirred. I grasped his hand quickly. I had thought too soon.

"X?" I called uncertainly. His eyes flicked open and he tried to get up. I used my other hand to hold him down, which even I could do while he was in this state.

"Hey baby." he grinned groggily.

"How d'you feel?" Cyborg asked, ignoring the 'baby' comment pointedly.

"Oh. Just dandy." he answered. Cyborg smiled.

"That's great, Red." he agreed smugly. Jared swallowed and I scowled.

"You told him then" he acknowledged, his eyes staring into mine.

"I had to. It was kind of obvious." I said dryly.

"I guess so." He pouted dejectedly.

"Are you really okay?" I asked.

His way of talking like an ass made me think he was okay, but maybe it was just an act for me. I had to believe he was a capable actor, after all he led a double life as a super villain and poor college student.

He smiled reassuringly at me, still looking tired.

"I'm fine Raven. Its hurt like a bitch and a half, but I'm fine. I mean, after all, now I'm a hero right?" he asked rhetorically and I found myself smiling weakly back.

Cyborg watched us cautiously.

"I'm gonna go call Robin, he's probably been tryna get through for an hour. I won't tell him what you've told me Raven, we'll wait till he's home, and you've had some space." He said, retreating to the infirmary doors. They slid open.

"Thank you." I said sincerely just before they slid shut again.

Jared watched him go.

"He's alright." he said unsurely, like it was a trick.

"He's my big brother." Before I could stop him, Jared was trying to get back up again. He propped up his elbows before he fell on his back.

"Damn it." he muttered.

"Stop doing that." I said irritably.

"Is it my fault I want to kiss you?" he demanded seriously.

"Yes." I replied hauntingly.

"Just one? For the bullet wound survivor and American hero?" he asked quizzically.

I sighed and nodded. A blush was creeping up my cheeks. He seemed elated by it. I bent down at kissed him, my lips only slightly parted. He took me eagerly, slipping his tongue in my mouth. Blood rush.

I pulled away quickly, not sure what was going on. Jared sighed and looked away.

"Are we _still_ not okay?" he asked angrily. I wasn't used to the anger, him being himself around me I looked towards the infirmary doors, realizing Robin could burst through any minute.

"No. we're not. And we don't have any time. Robin will appear any minute, so I think you should get out of here while you still can. I won't say anything. I'll say I don't know your name, which, in part, is true. I won't tell him where you live or anything." I said strongly, sounding like the old Raven.

The one who never knew Jared, or Malchior. None of this had happened to her, so she had nothing to be upset about.

"I'm staying." Jared said stubbornly. I flicked my head back to see him looking at me. He had a defiant expression on.

"But he'll turn you in." I protested, and his unwounded hand reached for mine.

"I don't care. We don't need to worry about him. Only about us." he insisted, looking into my eyes.

"You're crazy." I said in partial awe.

"You're schizophrenic" he shrugged.

"But you're bi-polar." I shot back. He smirked.

"See, we're perfect." he shrugged. I tilted my head to the side, trying to look at him from different angle so I could see all of him. See if there was a crack to the side of his head, or a microchip behind his ear. He was clean, except for the blood.

I thought out my answer very carefully, listening to all of the voices in my head, trying to look at it logically. All I could think of was the pain in my chest when he was shot, and the scream I had almost let out. I can't remember screaming ever before. It had felt like the world was collapsing around me. I didn't want it to happen again.

"I wouldn't say perfect. That is nowhere close to the word I would use." I said darkly. Jared shrugged nonchalantly again.

"Perfect is boring sunshine, we're the best you can get." he said wisly. I snorted and flicked my hair over to my other shoulder. The ends were caked where they had fallen into the path of Jareds blood.

I teleported, remembering how I would look, into my room. The last thing I saw was Jared's annoyed expression. Pulling off my shirt, I thought hard.

I wanted to make a decision about what I should do. What I could do. Could I stay with Jared, knowing what he does? Who he hurts doing it? But could I leave him?

But I couldn't think about it properly. Robins reaction was acting as a blockade, reflecting off all my plans until all I could do finally was worry. Worry about them. It had really set in now. This would undermine all the trust Robin had put in me, all the friendship Beastboy had offered. I wasn't worried about Starfire. She would be _too_ happy.

Sighing, I shrugged a refreshingly clean ribbed sweatshirt on. Jared would need something too. Cyborg would be too big, and Beastboy's too small, so that only left Robin's.

Ironic.

I teleported into Robins room, trying hard not to look at or touch anything. But it was difficult not to notice the borderline OCDness of the room. Everything was ordered neatly. I wasn't a slob, but my book collection wasn't alphabetized either.

I opened the nearest draw and, bar from checking it was filled with shirts, didn't look to see what I had picked up. I hoped it was one of his least favorite. So he wouldn't mind as much.

_That won't help and you know it._ Logic said scathingly in my mindscape. _All you can do is present this to him logically. He is intelligent._

_You have got to be kidding me! _Brave broke in_. _I rolled my eyes and decided to walk to the infirmary, realizing the dull pain in my body was exhaustion. My limbs felt heavy, and I could fall asleep any moment. _Just tell him to take it like a man. We don' t need no pussy's on this team!_

I quickened my pace, but with my sore feet it wasn't much use in pushing me faster. I wanted to get to Jared so he could distract me before-

_There won't be a team! _A distressed voice wailed. It was a pitiful sound, like a puppy dying, by torture. Despair had found some strength and broken through. _I ruin everything! _

Suddenly, my head was filled with images. Not really images, but _ideas._ I could see their form in my mind, could visualize them, but I could still see where I was going down the empty hallway.

I imagined myself sprinting up to the roof and throwing myself off. Imagined continuously teleporting until I dropped dead. Imagined going to visit my father….

When had Despair accumulated enough power to put suicidal thoughts in my head?

_Its because of Jared. _A know-it-all pompous voice called out. Despair was sobbing, but the other emotions were methodically shutting her up for me, more out of our combined annoyance than anything else.

"Jared makes me suicidal?" I spoke aloud sarcastically.

_If he died maybe. Or if he left. _I knew her words were true. Because they were my own fears. As much as I tried to deny it, there was no _them _and _me_ when it came to my emotions. I may act like they are separate beings, but that is a falsehood.

_You don't have to leave him. _Knowledge continued, like she was reading a poem. _But you might have to leave someone._

With that information, the silver infirmary doors slid open to reveal Jared, standing next to the 'hospital' bed, leaning against it with an pissed-off expression.

"You know, for a hero I mean, your really mean." he muttered when he saw me. I was about to throw the shirt at him when I spotted his awkward posture.

"Get back in bed, you'll undo my work." I said monotonously, walking the full length of the room before handing him the shirt. I collapsed in the chair.

"This is Robin's shirt?" he asked rhetorically, appraising it with a disgusted look on his face.

"Just put it on." I growled.

_Take it off! Take it off! _lust started to sing - chant, and I squeezed my eyes shut to prevent her from braking loose. I hadn't even contemplated his bare chest before now. A blush rose to my cheeks at the thought.

He was well muscled, almost Robin-like. Funny, that the two people I think look the most alike are the ones that will despise each other the most.

My eyes liked being closed too much. They were too heavy to open back up. I sank into the hard and uncomfortable chair.

"You tired?" Jared's voice asked in concern.

"A little." I admitted darkly. I heard his footsteps move closer, but was too tired to care. Until his arm curved under my knees and his other hand gripped my back.

"Hey!" I protested, my lids flying open. ""put me down. you'll hurt yourself." Jared's black and blue, and possibly a little reddy-brown now too, hair was hanging over his face as he lifted me bridal style onto the bed. It was very wide and comfortable, probably because the infirmary only had four of them, meaning more money was spent.

"There. You can sleep properly." Jared said, admiring me. I felt the heat rise again.

"What about you?" I muttered, looking down at the starchy white sheets I was sitting on. The bed bounced. Jared was suddenly next to me, a smug look on his handsome face. I stared at him.

"This isn't what I call sleeping properly." I said, narrowing my eyes. Jared grinned, like he used to when he was with me.

"I kinda like it." he said simply, and thread his arm around my waist, and leant back against the squashy pillows, taking me with him.

Cocky asshole.

I closed my eyes again, allowing him this because we might only have limited time. But, truth be told, my heart was racing. I listened to his chest against my ear, and his heart thudding against his ribs as if trying to escape. Like a metronome, it was soothing.

I wondered what it would be like to lie like this another time. How we would be feeling. If my heart would be free from this cold dread and fear. If I would feel safe next time, and completely sure of the future.

"What's it like to run away from home?" I asked him gently, my eyes trying to flutter open. He thought for a moment before answering me.

"You know. You ran away too." he said.

"But it wasn't my home." I countered. He sighed.

"It wasn't my home either sunshine. Haven't found one yet." he chuckled. I contemplated that, letting my body respond to the relaxation I was experiencing, my system shutting down.

"Go to sleep." he said, extremely gently for a criminal. I tried to hold onto my stubbornness, but it wasn't enough. The corners of my mind were blurring, and I was asleep.


	12. Tears will fall

_Richard Grayson. _

"So you have no idea who this man was?" I asked Beastboy again. He shook his head and sighed. The sound was irritating. Especially after at least two hours of being questioned. It would have taken even longer if it wern't for Bruce "How the hell can no one know who he is!" I yelled at them, pulling the T-car out onto the high-way smoothly. It wasn't that late in the day, but it felt like I needed to sleep for about sixteen hours. But I wouldn't.

I fucking well couldn't.

Who the hell was that guy? He just shows up out of nowhere, and Raven jumps into his arms. The seething jealousy in my chest moved again. She had a whole fucking life we never knew about. Question was, is he another Aqualad, or something more? I was wrong to think that Aqualad was something more than physical to her. she was off her face at the time. I knew Raven, through the bond and through being her friend, team mate and leader for so many years, and should have known. She just didn't do public displays of affection, especially not with anyone important.

Aqualad could be dealt with later, but this guy needed to be shut down before it was too late.

Something slotted into place in my head, everything lining up nicely. Where the fuck had my head been the last few weeks? How come I didn't think more of her disappearances to the 'coffee shop'? How come I didn't question the oil dumping in Aqualads room? At the time I'd just been so ecstatic I hadn't taken much thought to who had done it. And before that I'd been too caught up in trying to catch Red - X.

Starfire was quivering. I noticed her shaking in the rear view mirror, as she bit down on her top look and tried to hid her reaction, though she was more transparent than a window pane.

I used to have a thing for her, stronger before I got to know her than after. She was beautiful, definatly, and she was amusing. She was a good friend, and her viewpoint on the world was sometimes a breath of fresh air in a world of cynic pessimists like Raven. But she couldn't hold onto my attention for long. She didn't understand why I did what I did the way Rae does.

And now she's at home with that idiot.

Why do I always freeze when something happens that involves her, but in a hero situation I'm the most clear headed, the calmest. I did it again, when she ran over to him.

I hope he looses _a lot_ of blood.

"Starfire." I barked, trying to keep my eyes locked on the road. I saw her jump in the back seat, her emerald colored doe - eyes widening at being caught.

"Yes Robin?" She asked nervously, trying to look interested in the outside of the car.

"You know something." I growled, accelerating so I didn't miss the green light. I sped through, just before the red bulb lit up. Horns beeped.

All of sudden, the words tumbled out of Starfires mouth.

"Raven-did-not-wish-for-you-to-know-but-I-wanted-to-tell-you-but-then-she-said-wait-and-then-he-showed-up-and-I-didn't-know-if-I-was-able-to-tell-you-or-not-because-she-said-it-would-be-a-bad-idea-and-that-was-the-first-time-I-have-seen-him-ever-because-she-only-told-me-about-him-a-week-ago-and-even-then-she-didn't-say-"

"What. Is. His. _name_." I spat through gritted teeth. My blood was pumping extra fast.

"His name is Jared." She gulped out. I stamped down on the pedal and drove flat out until we reached home.

Now was the time for action. I had spent to long waiting around, thinking that patience was necessary, and I couldn't move too fast. That was my old plan. My new plan was to burst into the infirmary, unwillingly thank that asshole and then demand what was going on. And then I was going to kiss her.

Slam!

I stormed into the room and looked around. Cyborg was in the middle of making _three_ sandwiches.

"Where are they Cyborg?" I growled, slamming the keys down on the bench. I wasn't that happy with him for going with them.

"Infirmary dude." he muttered, shell-shocked at my tone and volume. Then he regained himself. "Hey!" he yelled after me, though I was already halfway there. I stopped for a second.

"What?" I asked testily.

"You might not wanna-" I was already in sight of the infirmary.

I skidded to a stop, ready to punch this guy in the face, when the doors slid open. And I caught a glimpse of what was inside. The main bed of the room was occupied.

The conscious occupant of the bed was Jared. I had only seen him once and his stupid blue-black hair and idiotic smile was ingrained in my head. He flicked his face around at the sound, his messy hair I thought, covering half his eyes. We eyeballed each other for about a second, My mind going numb with shock at the sight of his arms clutching Ravens peacefully sleeping body. She was curled up and her normlly expressioness face was content now, a the ghost of a little smile on her lips. Then Jared raised his a hand in a two fingered salute, his face splitting into a wide grin. Raven must have healed him, he didn't look to be in any pain. He was smirking at me.

I saw so much red I almost didn't notice him disappear with Raven. I whirled around.

He was a magic user? Is that how he knew Raven…? The only excuse I could think of as I sprinted back into the kitchen. The three remaining titans looked at me in shock. My thoughts were locked up tight.

It reinforced the fact that Raven was no longer with us.

"Who is he?" I roared at Cyborg, knowing she would have explained it to him. He would have demanded it.

"I promised I'd let her tell you man." he said shaking his head. damn loyalty. I wanted to hit him now too, but as it was, one of my team were missing. This was good. I could keep a clear head if I thought of it being that simple. Just another comrade, that I needed to find, part of my job.

"She's gone! He took her!" Starfire gasped. Cyborgs mouth fell open. Then he snapped into action to, jumping over to the computer and powering it up, talking as he went.

"I knew it man. I knew he was trouble." He exclaimed as typed furiously. I agreed with him, but I still needed to know.

"Who is he?" I repeated in frustration. Cyborg was ringing Ravens communicator, making sure he was on video frequency.

Cyborg took a deep breath, and swiveled around on the chair, while the phone started ringing.

It cut off almost immediately, meaning Jared or Raven, hung it up without answering. Cyborg sighed and my muscle twitched. The sense of urgency was growing, and the ominous silence when the ringing stopped.

What did he want with her? Was she awake yet?

The blood in my veins was heating.

"Red - X." Cyborg muttered.

Blank. besides Starfires gasp and Beastboys swearing.

"Right." I muttered, stalking over to the computer and taking over. I stared at the screen for an empty moment, and re-dialed her communicator.

* * *

_Jared Wilson_

I watched her sleeping form. Her gray moth eyelids were closed for once, shielding her violet Irises. Her hair was falling over her face as she breathed gently in and out through her too-red lips. Her fingers were curled up in little hook shapes and she was pressed up against me close. I smirked.

_Hell yeah._

I rolled my shoulder, careful I didn't jostle her. My wound felt almost hollow, and the muscles protested slightly, but I was feeling amazing considering. If this hero thing didn't work out, Raven had the makings of an exceptional doctor.

And it was very likely this hero thing wouldn't work out if I got my way, so maybe I should stop by the university and pick her up a pamphlet. It was incredibly selfish of me, but I had a strange feeling that we would be together. Maybe it was just thief's confidence. I had to have that, or I would punk out every job. But her team was gonna be home real soon. They might rip her apart.

I wasn't gonna let that happen.

Raven shifted in her sleep and let out a sighing breath. I had the feeling she didn't sleep this soundly very often, and the thought sent a spike of adrenalin through me.

Her team wasn't going to touch her. Because when I had been Jared, just Jared, I had taken on a very responsible sort of personality, not that Raven would agree. When I was Red-x, just Red- x, I was extremely self-orientated, which everyone would agree too. But Raven would get bored with Jared, and no one could possibly be in a relationship so one-sided as I was as X, so I was going to get back to being me. A hybrid of both.

I grinned.

When I was me, I didn't have to consider what might be best in the long run. That was a Jared thing. I was going to kidnap her.

Carefully, I reached into my pocket. My fingers brushed against my red-X belt. I thought of my destination, back at my apartment. I pushed the button.

The world went dark just as I saw Robin enter the room. We looked at each other for a second, I raised my other hand in a two-finger salute, complete with cocky smirk, and grasped on to Raven as tightly as I could. Robin watched in disbelief. We popped away.

We emerged in my messy apartment, smack dab on my couch. It felt as if the scene had just shifted and we had stayed stationary, so Raven continued sleeping, unaware. I felt triumphant. Robin wouldn't be able to track us, his own suit was too perfect for that. He would be ripping out his slick hair over this. Ravens pocket started to vibrate. I froze.

She groaned and her hand flew down to her pocket where she unconsciously pushed a button. Her slow breathing continued. Frowning slightly, I carefully extracted her titans communicator from her pocket.

I started to vibrate and flash again. I flipped it open and sent Robin a dazzling smile. His expression was a little disturbing, with his face devoid of much at all. Oh well, I could fix that.

"Hello Chuckles." I said cockily, smirking. Raven shifted slightly in my lap. _That's right boy-wonder. I've got your teammate. She's in my lap right this moment, and I plan to keep her there. _Robins face contorted in rage, recognizing the nick name, almost as if he had heard my thoughts as well.

"I knew it! Where's Raven, X?" he demanded. His mask crinkled in the furrows of his forehead. So Cyborg must have told him who I was.

I was having a world of fun.

"She died" I shrugged. Robin didn't look amused.

Being a thinking man, I ripped out the small chip in the back while he was talking. It was embedded deeply. Smart Titans.

"Don't mess with us, you won't like what you find." Robin warned darkly. But I was already messing with him.

"No really. When you saw us, she was dead. Now she's in my freezer."

He wanted me to be evil. He wanted me to be insane so he could explain the things I did.

"I'll ask one last time X. Where is Raven?" He hissed, and I changed tack.

"Ok, you got me, she's in my bed." I said offhandedly. Robin spluttered. His face utterly shocked. It took a lot to get the bird to look that way.

A new theory formed in my mind. And it pissed me off. The giddy dregs of amusement were slipping away fast. He _liked_ her. From the dawn of time, men have had to fight for their mates, and prove they deserved them. So we were gonna be doing this old school?

"Why have you got her X? what do you want?" Robin yelled into the communicator. He always did have an anger problem.

Something I noticed when he was fighting. that's why I always hit on Starfire. I thought he wanted her. Judging by his reactions each time, my assessment was a good one. But maybe it was just because she was the most naive member of his team he got so protective. He probably thought Raven was too smart to get into trouble with me.

"Hmmnn. She's in my bed. what do you I think I want?" I laughed nastily. Alls fair in love and war, and I wasn't even lying yet. Raven stirred on my lap. Her hand grazed my navel.

It was calming, to remember that she was here with me, if I ignoered the sexual element. But I still had a niggling feeling that she was going to be pulled away.

"And stop trying to track us, I took the chip out." I added, showing him the small device in my palm. Robins masked eyes widened. Then I hung up.

I dropped the chip on the floor to add to the other mess, and brought my hand down to her hair. It was surprisingly thick. The light from the setting sun highlighted the blue and black components in it. I sighed and hoped she would still like me when she woke up.

But then again, who wouldn't?

"Sunshine?" I asked in a bare whisper. She stayed sleeping.

I slid out from beside her. She still slept like the dead. I bent over, ignoring the memory of pain in my shoulder, knowing I would have to learn to put up with it until it was fully healed, I couldn't ask Raven for help again, now that I knew what it took out of her.

Time to go shopping. Not my favorite kind, the kind were you had to pay for what you took. The boring kind.

* * *

_Richard Grayson_

I sped through the street, the growl of my R-cycle overriding the growl of my thoughts. All that was left was this…..

_Insane anger._

Raven was fucking Red-X behind the team's back. She was undermining what it meant to be a hero, ruining the reputation of superheroes everywhere, putting herself at risk, compromising classified information…

What I really wanted to say was, fucking Red - X behind _my_ back.

I tried to tear another hole in our bond. I remembered a long time ago, when she had spent all of her time in the tower with us, she had said something about how she could manipulate the bond and pick up on where I was. I was trying to do it, but so far could only get the immediate area she was in.

I didn't like it.

This place was covered in graffiti, the area we got called over to help the police deal with gang violence and murders. Faces were turning in my direction everywhere I turned the bike, and I had to swerve to avoid several games of on-street block baseball. The scorching heat was making all the stupid skanks emerge in shorts that were way too small for them, and bringing the kids out to the alley-ways. People were everywhere.

I was scanning every single one of them for a sign of X. I took the sharp turn into the biggest shopping center in this part of the city, the one with the coffee shop Raven went to often. If I couldn't spot him, I was going to haul every emo ass out of there and into custody and question them until dawn.

Bruce was going to go crazy when he found out about this. I clenched my jaw, and ignored the jeering from a group of rowdy males. He was already on his way over from Gotham to help lead the search for Rusesamunga. He still hadn't been caught, even though the shipment had been intercepted thanks to X.

Another thing that was driving me forward was the burning desire to lock him up and find out what makes him tick. Why the hell did he help us? Why the hell was Raven with him?

A flash of deep blue in a forest of black.

I immediately pulled over to the curb and jumped off the bike in a fluid motion. I kept sight of Jared walking around the corner, and pounded the pavement after him, weaving through the thick throng of people moving in the opposite direction. I was focused. I was in my zone. I had tunnel vision, and all I could see was that X had spotted me and was now sprinting away, shoving pedestrians out of the way more roughly than I was. I used a burst of speed and excitement to sped up. This is what I lived for, and I had a lot invested in this catch. This was personal.

X rounded the corner into an empty alley-way, where the sun rays didn't reach down. The shadows weren't enough to mask his body climbing up the fire escape, using mainly upper body strength to pull him up, his legs dangling. I grunted and leaped up to the seventh rung on the ladder. The cool metal was slippery for some reason. Maybe it was the sweat, or maybe the adrenalin slowed everything down so much I noticed it. My right foot tripped off but I was already on the next stage. X was almost at the top. I made sure I could feel my bo-staff at my side, ready to flick out.

I systematically and efficiently climbed up after of him, using my acrobatic skills as an advantage to flip up, all the way thinking about how I was going to destroy the man ahead of me.

Bruce had always said that revenge did nothing to quell the thirst for justice, but I was willing to find out myself. Ran up the last ladder and flung myself across the flat roof as I sprung to my feet. The sun had full reign up here, and I could see X so clearly it was hard to believe he was the criminal I had come to hate.

This man stole my suit from my own home, making my team distrust me. He continuously made a fool out of us. He was barley any older than I was.

He smirked.

"Hello chuckles." he greeted me, his arms folded across his chest.

His arms were muscled, but he was no body-builder. There was something about his eyes that made me want to strangle him.

"Where is Raven?" I asked clearly, my voice ringing across the empty seven foot distance between us. Neither of us wanted to make the first move.

This wasn't about hero and criminal. This was about _her._ The rivalry that already existed was the icing on the cake. Even though neither of us were quite sure about what the other wanted with her, we would have been in the exact same position if we were normal civilians.

Raven was one of a kind. She could never be described as normal.

"You'll see her tomorrow." He shrugged, but I could see he was taking me seriously. It irked me that he thought he was allowed to make the rules. More than irked me.

"I'll see her when I want. She's a part of _my_ team." I snarled, taking a step forward and lessening the distance between us.

"You say that like you own her." he commented.

"You don't know the first thing about us." I retorted truthfully. I would bet a lot that he doesn't even know about the bond.

He wouldn't be able to understand it even if she did try to explain.

"You don't know the first thing about me either. And you have no idea about _us_." for the first time, he sounded genuinely angry. The Red - X I knew was always calm. It was unnerving.

The way he said _us_, like there was really something there. I wouldn't let him. I would make her choose. She was mine first.

"What the hell do you want with her?" I demanded, taking another, larger and more threatening step forward. A challenge.

X stepped forward too.

"You wanna fight? Go ahead. I'm not gonna tell you where she is." he answered coolly. "You know what chuckles? Patience is a virtue. I said wait until tomorrow, she'll go see you of her own accord. Her own choice." He continued lazily. I wondered if this asshole had a point.

"Is that how its gonna be? You gonna let her make her own decisions, or are you gonna create some ultimatum that doesn't need to be there?" He finished, his eyes a darker color.

They were threatening, and I could imagine he was a magic user again, even though I knew about his method of teleportation now. There was something off about most of the sorcerers, maybe that was what drew me to Raven, if it wasn't her body, mystery or gloominess.

"Raven will always have a choice. I believe she'll take everything into consideration and then make the right one. How the hell can you think that'll be you?" I snarled, flicking out my bo-staff.

"Who said we were in a relationship?" he smirked, so I knew full well they were. Or at least _he _thought there was.

"You'll be forcing her to be what she hates. You'll ruin all she's worked for. You'll make her regret it." I pressed. Jared narrowed his eyes, and loosened his shoulders.

"I'm a selfish thief." He answered back, and sprung for me.

I ran forward to meet him, using my muscle strength to swing my bo-staff high above my head. I don't know what he intended to fight me with, but I didn't really care. We meet half-way, and I swung it down towards his shoulder, the metal glinting in the sun, he suddenly dodged out of the way at the last available second, bringing a round- house kick to try and ruin my balance. I managed to stay out of the brunt of his hit, and whirled around in time to see him throw a punch at my face. I dropped backwards to the ground, my back protesting at having to support my entire body weight. He frowned with one side of his mouth, acknowledging me. I narrowed my eyes and brought my staff to my chest, trying to jab it sideways into his gut.

This happened in all of four seconds.

He jumped back, his eyes shinning in amusement.

_Raven Roth_

My eyes snapped open. My settings were unfamiliar, not the bright white of the infirmary, nor did it have the sharp, invading smell of disinfectant that came with it. It was dark outside, and the room smelt like vanilla, and lavender . But it was Jared's apartment, so I didn't know how this could be.

I sat bolt upright on the big double bed. I must be in his room.

Where were the Titans? Why was I in his bed? I struggled to remember the events that brought me here, but all I could get was the feeling of warmth I had when I was pressed up to him. But this was a different bed, in a different part of town, and the biggest difference now was that I was all alone. I cautiously stood, as if expecting knifes to fly out of the wall and impale me. If the rest of his apartment was a mess, why was his room so spotless? The carpet was still filled with crumbs that felt uncomfortable under the bare soles of my feet, but the walls and doors were free of finger marks and the small amount of possessions in the room were all on a shelf.

I noticed a note, written neatly on a piece of ripped out pad paper, lying on the pillow.

_The titans called, but I told them you were in my freezer. _

_They can handle it for a while, while we get to know each other better._

_If I'm not here when you get this, No, I didn't take advantage of you and I'm off on some errands._

_No, not criminal ones. If your hungry there's some microwave pasta in the top cupboard, if someone knocks on the door, don't answer it. _

_-J._

I narrowed my eyes. If my glares could produce fire, a hole would be singed through Jared's initial. He thought this was helping? That man was infuriating! One moment, he was being sweet and gentle, the next he treated me like a toy.

A toy who wasn't allowed to open the door. I was seventeen, not five, and at any rate, I was much more able and responsible than he was!

But a part of me was relived. He had gifted me with more time. The titans wouldn't kick me out today.

I sighed, and walked over to the dirty finger print covered fridge. I opened it to find a tub of butter and a day old bagel. I was not going to eat pre-packed meals. I pulled the bagel out and set it on a plate.

It hit me again just how much Jared had sacrificed to save us, uh when? This morning? I looked out the window to the run down street outside. It was empty, a few beams of street light glowing in the windy darkness. The full moon hovered above. It was definatly night-time, how long I had slept, I didn't know.

Jared must care, otherwise he would have let me take what was dealt to me. He _must_ love me. My breathing hitched in my throat as I mulled the consequences over. I was only seventeen. All my life I had expected to die before anyone expected me to love. And then when I figured out how to live, I thought I would be alone. A lucky few find love so early. Why would it make sense for me to be one of them?

Maybe fate was paying me back for the shitty hand it dealt me.

The apartments front door clicked open and X came in, holding several recyclable shopping bags filled with groceries. I opened the microwave and shoved the plate and bagel in, Realizing how hungry I was. His hair looked even more messed up than usual.

"Hey Sunshine!" he crowed. I nodded at him and stared determinedly at the revolving plate behind the window while he unpacked. "You been up long?"

I shook my head.

"No." I replied softly. I felt his arms encircle me, resting just above my hips. He hugged me close to him and I could feel his hot breath on my bare neck.

"You still tired?" He muttered, and his breath caused my hair to flutter slightly. I shook my head though I was really. He chuckled, causing me to vibrate against him.

"You're a very good liar." he noted, and I smiled slightly, though he couldn't see it.

I knew what I was picking. I was picking him.

He had to know.

"I'm going to have to leave the titans." I stated dully. He stopped hugging me so close and he rested his jaw on my shoulder. I expected him to say something comforting, be my white knight…

"Yep." he said casually. I froze.

He didn't care about my happiness. He wanted me for himself. That was the truth. He loved me, but if I was going to get hurt in the process of being with him, he couldn't give a shit.

"Your not sorry at all." I spat, because that was all I could attack him on. I could see his logic, but I hated it. He was a thief, and this was his way of life. To him, I mattered. The titans didn't.

He had made me feel like worse than nothing. You were supposed to care about what your partner cared about. You were supposed to love all of them! It made me feel like he only wanted half of me. I bit down on my lip too hard, and tasted warm, metalic, gooey blood.

When Jared spoke, his voice was quiet.

"Your right, I'm not sorry. You want fake, go read one of your books. I'm being real." his words were cutting, even though he spoke them softly.

"I know it would make you feel better if I was" he continued, trying to make the words a caress and failing just barley . "That's the only thing I'm sorry about. I don't want you to hurt, but I don't want to lie to you anymore either, just for the sake of romance." he finished nonchalantly.

A spiky shiver shot up my spine. There was a little too much blood for my liking now. It was dripping off my lip. I felt like nothing to him, no matter what he said. He was right, the words made me hurt. To know that he wasn't willing to be a little more kind to my friends, or empathetic about the how painful this was to spare my feelings. Men were supposed to treat you as if you were precious, not like you were a dime a dozen. He was _supposed_ to be sorry.

His hand brushed my lip, interfering the drippy pattern of the blood , I opened my eyes to see him leaning around me, with a shocked look on his face, his brows furrowed.

Perversely, I perked up marginally. He was devastated because I was hurt. Strange relief made me want to laugh. To me, this was a sign that he had a small part of that chivalrous, woman protecting streak in him. I had never liked it much anyway, so maybe this would be alright. Enough to make me feel special, but a lack of it so I would hurt a little sometimes, and then the cycle would restart with him comforting my hurt.

"I wish you wouldn't do this to yourself." he muttered, his brows furrowing. I licked most of it off, gulping.

"There my friends. They've been my family for so long" I whispered angrily, trying to look away from his dark considering eyes. I wasn't used to showing this much emotion.

His arms forced me to lean into his chest, not that I was complaining.

He sighed.

"I can see that." he muttered. And then he frowned and kissed me, more softly than he ever had before. Like the brush of a ghost.

It felt so good to do that. We were back to my epiphany now. Such a rollercoster, that I knew would never be fully ceased. I wished it would calm down a little though.

"Shh." he hushed, though I was making no noise, massaging my scalp with hands he brought to my hair. "Lets just pretend your friends don't exist for tonight. I have a proposition for you."

I stayed silent, whishing desperately that he would kiss me again. "Stay in my bed." he asked, brushing his lips over my forehead. I froze in place, not wanting to make a move that would give him any idea of what was going on in my head.

He was so unpredictable, I didn't know how he would treat me yet. I didn't know if he would be gentle, or force me to do something I didn't want to. I trusted him, now that all my paranoid fears had been quashed, but not enough. Trust had to be built over time, something we hadn't been getting.

"I can't." I muttered, trying to pull away. His response was to force me closer, so I was pressed into his neck. My breasts were pushed up against his rock hard chest, and my heart was beating like a machine.

"You can. We don't have to do anything. Just be _close._"

Just cuddling. that's all.

"Fine." I relented, as the microwave let off several shrill beeping sounds. Jared smirked and pulled me out from him a little. I took a deep breath with the sudden separation, the remnants of blood that he hadn't licked away on my lips. He laughed.

"Good, cause you really didn't have much choice, considering I kidnapped you." his tone changing completely.

He let go of me. I stood there, a blush rising in my cheeks, while he watched me in delight.

"frickin' adorable." he shook his head grinning as he got my bagel out for me. I glared at him, folding my arms across my chest. Something that had been nagging in the corner of my mind for a while reared.

"Just how many girls _have_ been in your bed before me?" I asked suspiciously, not really knowing if I wanted the answer. I had figured out where his confidence came from, and that there must have been an awful lot of it to keep him so cocky _all_ the time. Jared smirked.

"Jealous?" he asked off-handedly.

"How can I be? You haven't answered me yet." I shot back.

"Touché. But I'm not giving you a number baby, I'm not _that _cruel." he laughed.

My glare intensified. He faltered.

"I'm twenty-one angel, you gotta remember that." he defended himself from my wordless attack. I noticed he was using nicknames like _angel_ and _baby_ more often.

"Tell me." I ordered through gritted teeth.

"Nope." he said, his lips popping on the 'p'. I stood up carefully, wondering if I was doing the right thing.

I walked up to him, my eyes intense. He watched me in surprise, as I pulled him by the hair closer to me. I had to stand on tip-toes to reach, but I found my mark. I kissed him softly, not granting him full entrance just yet. He responded like I thought he would, kissing me back feverishly until I made him slow down. When he reached my pace, I gave him more room to do what he wanted. His hands found the small of my back, while I wrapped my fingers up in his thick hair, using it to hold me up to him.

Suddenly, he took control. His hands squeezed my ass, hard. Like he was juicing an orange. I gasped and he took the opportunity to take my lips viciously, his tongue moving in and out of me. Then he flipped us around so I was pressed up against the bench. His tongue found a sweet spot at the roof of my mouth and he started to massage there. I moaned, and he squeezed again. I let my legs open out a little, and he got the idea. His fingers brushed over me.

I needed my control back.

I handed the controls over to lust, so she could show me how to make a man cry.

I wrenched his head closer to mine and violently smashed my lips to his, grinding up and down his body. He groaned, and tried to make me slow down, but I kept going. I arched my back as our lips parted, and wrapped my legs around him, using upper body strength I didn't know I had. I pushed my chest forward, so he had a fantastic view of my cleavage. He gawked unashamed and I let my hips move up and down, trying not to let my jeans constrict me too much. I pulled him to me again, kissing up and down his neck, all the while grinding against him. I made noises too.

And then, just like that, I stopped.

"I am that cruel." I said breathlessly. Truth was, my heart was pounding in a way it hadn't before, and I was very _aware _of myself. Jared groaned in protest, and I smiled and kissed him softly and swiftly, sliding away from him. He growled and forced me to stay. He kissed me roughly for a few seconds, squeezed my ass once more, and then got off _me_.

"I'm still the boss." he said, and I couldn't hide my blush.

"Whatever you tell yourself." I muttered.

He smirked and offered me a hand. I took it reluctantly, throwing him a dirty look.

"Come off it." he scoffed.

"No" I said, before taking a large bite of the bagel.

Jared watched me eat, the warm bread, cheese and bacon feeling like heaven. When I finished, I leaned against the bench with him.

"All my stuff is at home" I pointed out, realizing bed time was coming soon and I was still tired, while having no clothes to change into.

"Sleep Naked." he suggested, taking my plate and sliding in into the sink with a clatter.

I really didn't want to go back to the tower, but I really didn't want to sponge off him either. I sighed.

"I think I'll be alright for today. I have to face them tomorrow." I muttered, ignoring his comment.

That's all I knew. Set a date, set a time, and then things seemed to fall into place unconsciously. I couldn't evade fate forever, not when she had gifted me with a night alone with Jared.

Jared looked over at me, and then grabbed my hand. It felt electric.

"You can have one of my boxers." he sighed as he pulled me through a door back into his room. The drawers scratched hideously as he pulled them open, his expression tortured.

"For a thief, everything you own is pretty crappy." I said dryly as he fished out a black pair. He dropped them into my hands.

"All part of the disguise sunshine, I let you get changed." he left and I stared after him. Hmmnn.

I slipped them on, they were too swishy around the legs, but sat nicely on my hips. I sighed when he knocked, and kicked my jeans over to the corner, by the scratchy dresser. I kept my sweatshirt on, mainly because it was unrevealing and warm.

I stared at the bed. It was huge and squishy, a contradiction to my comment about all his things being crappy. I was starting to notice that he had many expensive items, hidden among the junk. The bed didn't _look _expensive, but probably was, due to its obvious comfort. I was already day dreaming about the feeling of lying in it with Jared's warm arms around me, making my eyes start to droop again.

"Nice." Jared commented appreciatively from behind me, as he closed the door behind him. Again, I noticed the notation didn't make me feel dirty or compromised, like others made it.

I had made sure my empathy had been extra keen to read his emotions when he walked in, and I was not disappointed. It was lust, but it was being controlled. Not like when I had been near Aqualad, the alcohol meaning neither of us cared who or what we were doing. Last night had gotten all the pent up energy out of my system, which I should have been saving for Jared.

I knew X wanted me, and the most likely outcome looked like he would get what he wanted, but not tonight.

He bounded into bed like a huge dog, and threw back the heavy covers. I slid in next to him, noting just how feathery the bed was. Like I was sitting on a cloud.

The close proximity of our bodies sent a spike through the lust, possibly from both of us. I wasn't worried about sex. It was an act, something every human and demon does regularly. Demons more so. But from the time I was a little girl, it was drilled into me that I _couldn't _have it. Still it felt like something would go incredibly wrong. I wanted to wait until I was sure he wouldn't care.

The guilt in my stomach pooled at the thought of Aqualad. If I had gotten the chance, I would have woken to a very different scene this morning. Only because of the shots. They had that magical soothing effect. I forgot my fears, and I wanted it over with. Dear god, it could have been _Robin_ if he had been closer to me. That would have been even worse…

"Why'd you ask me what it was like to run away from home before?" Jared asked playfully, wrapping his arms around me in an exaggerated fashion. I shifted my body closer to him, leaning down on his chest, and closed my eyes.

"The Blithe's got me thinking about my birthplace. "I admitted irritably.

"Tell me about it." he insisted, switching moods again. From playful to curious.

"You don't want to know." I warned.

"I want to know it all."

"_What _do you want to know?" I asked.

He slung his arm across my shoulder, like I was an old pal.

"I don't know! Surprise me."

"10% of the people in the world you live in have traces of demon blood." I cited, remembering the classes I took in Azarath.

The teacher was usually Azar, but we had guest speakers. Like a liberal arts college crossed with military school.

"Really? Anyone I know?" he asked, sounding increasingly more interested by the second. I wasn't about to name names.

"no." I said, making it clear I was lying.

"How did you learn all that stuff you do? The meditating, the energy, the empathy?" He asked, changing the subject. That was odd, usually he would keep pushing and pushing.

"At school. In Azarath." I said, and I found the information slipped out of me comfortably. Like a weather report.

"Azarath meton sythus?" he asked, and he pronounced the words all wrong.

"Azarath metrion zythous." I corrected him. "My prayer."

"You religious?" he asked in surprise.

"I _am_ a demon. If I can exists then god makes sense." I reasoned slowly.

"hmmnn." he sounded thoughtful.

"even _if_ he hates me." I added as an afterthought. Jared stared.

"what?" I asked after a pregnant pause.

"Why the hell would he hate you?" he demanded. I rolled my eyes.

"Nice choice of words."

"Answer the question."

"I'm a demon." I said slowly, so he understood. I left it at that. A preschooler could work this one out.

"so? You're a hero. You don't get a choice in what you are, only who you are, and out of the two of us sunshine, I'd say you made the more godly decision."

"I'm wrong. You don't understand." I shook my head.

"Explain then." he replied sullenly.

"Its like…what if your mom cheated on your dad?" I asked. Jared looked at me like I was insane.

"She didn't." he growled, upset at the thought. "but I don't see what that's got to do with anything."

"Say she did. Say we live in America two hundred years ago. Say she cheated with domeone with a different colour skin, someone of a different race, and had a child. Who would love it?" I asked rhetorically.

Not its mother. Not its father. Not its stepfather. Not its brothers and sisters.

"I would." I rolled my eyes painfully.

"No you wouldn't. your mother would be ashamed. You would hate it for ruining the perfect balance you had going on. Your father would hate it, its not really his. Its father would hate it, because back then , he would have been killed for the crime, but that doesn't really matter when your daddy's the don of the demon mafia."

"woah." Jared breathed.

"So, god hates me, because I am what he detests. I throw out the balance of nature, as something that shouldn't be. My father can't love me, unless I am doing his bidding, or you count his weird family's sick way."

It was true. My few encounters with my demon 'family' had been filled with warm yet highly threatening and terrifying displays of attempted bonding.

"My mother can't love me, because I ruined her life. She is torn up inside everyday. She wants to love me, but hates me for the memories I bring up, and then she feels guilty about it. She'll say I love you in a letter, but never to my face." I finished. Jared was silent as he kissed the top of my head. I guess that was a little too morbid and depressing for him.

"She loves you. God would love you, if he were real. Your father doesn't matter. And I love you." he whispered, and my heart stopped.

It was like fire had infiltrated the cavities in my chest, flushing the ice away. My nerves were tuned up to high, adrenalin bumping up my hearing and thought patterns so I was sure of what I had heard.

Jared was unaware.

He had never said that to me before. _No one _had ever said that to me before.

"So, there a demon mafia?" he asked, now that he had said his piece. I tried to stay stotic, like I was unfazed.

I was worried I would never be able to say those words back to him. I was an ice queen, not emotional.

"Yes," I answered calmly. "You could call it that. All of them are in it for themselves but Trigons the boss. They could try and go against him, but that would be suicide. If only they could see me now." I shook my head.

Probably, they would be pleased with me. Probably, they would be chanting _"Get it on! Get it on!"_

"What?" he asked innocently, his fingers teasingly flipping over the waistband of my, _his_, boxers. "We're not doing anything." I flicked my head around and glared at him. Suddenly, I remembered something.

"Do you know anything about oil being dumped in Aqualads uh, cove?" I asked suspiciously, knowing full well he must. He broke out into a wide grin, his eyes crinkling. My heart beat extra loudly.

"No." he shook his head, fixed in his grin. I sighed.

"You shouldn't have done that. Global warming is a big problem in today's society, and the pollution of our oceans is irresponsible."

"Your happy I did it though." he said happily. "Oh, and before I forget, I ran into Robin today." He added, casually, scooting closer. I pushed him away.

"You did what?" I asked in a deadly voice. He tried to look innocent, using his smile to the best of his advantage.

"I was just walking down the street, minding my own business, when he appeared out of nowhere and tried to tackle me." he cried defensibly, still grinning.

"And?" I demanded. X looked extremely pleased with himself for some reason.

"I pulled my gun out. It was still in my hand when we left the airport, and I managed to drop the bullets and stuff it in my pocket. Wonder-boy wasn't going to make me prove it was loaded." he smirked.

I sat in shock. Was he insane? He had no weapons, no upper hand, and he decides to bluff his way out? I really shouldn't be surprised, after all, that was how he lived his entire life.

He started to flip my waistband again, his fingers brushing the top of my underwear precariously. I sighed, and allowed my anger to seep away. He wasn't really doing anything wrong.


	13. 1098's and peel

So lovlies. You wanted a lemon. But I'm giving you lemon _peel. _All the zest with none of the.. mess... juices...ew. Yes, thats right, I just made that up. I'm a genius.

* * *

_Raven Roth_

My eyes were closed, but that didn't stop the bright sun rays from infiltrating into my consciousness. I sighed and tried to tilt my face to an angle that hid the oncoming day from me, but the sun was everywhere. Time to get up and face it. I tried to push my body up off the feathery warm mattress, but was interrupted by a throaty groan from Jared and his strong arm denying me room to move. I collapsed back onto him, and cherished the opportunity to keep my eyes closed.

"Stay." He breathed hotly on my cheek and I didn't need to be told twice. His hand grabbed mine and with another laugh-groan he pulled it up to his mouth and kissed it. My stomach tingled pleasantly, memories of last night on my mind. Jared, or X, or whoever he was, kissed my knuckles once more and pulled my body closer to his, if that was possible.

"We have to get up." I protested weakly to his hard chest.

He was much more muscled up close than he looked. I liked that.

"No." he said demandingly, burying his face into my hair, which no doubt resembled a large purple birds nest at this point. His tone set off my imagination, overactive now, thinking about how he had been last night. I shivered into the warmth. "we'll get up later." He mumbled. I smiled but knew it was too good to be true. We both knew we would have to go see the titans today.

But I had that first kiss feeling. Before it you had been so nervous, had no idea if you could do it or not, but had been thinking about it endlessly. After you felt like you had been smoking marijuana while you slept and woke up high, on top of the world. I wasn't even bothered by the fact we were both naked, especially since X's eyes were closed.

Sleeping with him last night had been definatly going against the plan, but it had been imminent. After all, I _was_ part-demon, and he _was _a twenty-one year old seedy criminal. It was as likely to happen as the sun was to rise in the morning, which it obviously had, proving both points.

This was comfortable, but not in a boring way. In truth, it was _exhilarating_. My heart was pumping right now in a _very _efficient way of waking me up. I cracked one eye open and took in the pulse racing sights in front of me. I had to look up, but there was Jared's peaceful face. He was partially covered, limited by my sight, but I could see that his pale lips smiling.

"_You really shouldn't tease Robin, especially since our fate is in his hands." I said nonchalantly. Jared continued to flip my waistband, each time moving slower._

"_Our whole fate isn't in his hands." he replied playfully, and stopped the flipping all together. I sensed where he was getting, and my empathy told me it was something to do with the nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. Then Jared raised his hands to either side of my face and looked at me. Really looked, like he was hoping to find treasure there. _

_And then, as if he had, he smiled so wide I wanted whatever he wanted too._

"Really, its time to get up." I said softly, and sat up to be blinded by the sun filtering brightly through Jared's scungy lace-like curtains. I clutched the soft coverlet to my chest, making sure I was unexposed. My eyes trailed across the carpet, and spotted my ribbed sweatshirt hooked on top of the dresser. I blushed as Jared's arm curled around my waist. H_e_ was making no effort to hide anything.

"_You don't have to do this." He whispered into my ear. I could barley hear him due to my fast, shallow breathing. I was terrified. Jared shifted on top of me, about to get off, making sure his weight wasn't placed fully on me so I wouldn't get crushed. _

_What do I do?_

_Desire was nodding feverishly in my head, adding to the disorientated feeling I wasn't coping with very well. I wanted him._

"_I know." I whispered back, and kissed him full on the lips, curving my fingers around his loose t-shirt and pulling._

"Fine." He chuckled, and yawned hugely. His dancing gray eyes meet mine. This morning his irises looked like moving water. "Your glowing." he noted suspiciously, before grinning. I fought the rising heat at the sides of my face like a soldier, and only just failed. Was he implying that I looked pregnant? What the hell was wrong with him?

"Dear Azar I hope not." I replied darkly, standing up straight, wrapping the sheet around me. X stayed where he was, a raised eyebrow half disappearing under his hair. I scooped my shirt up, and slipped it over my head, my back to him.

Now that my body was separated from Jared's, figuratively, I _had_ to think about my team. There were expecting me, and the only one I knew excepted me was Cyborg, and he was biased because of Jinx. He _knew_ these relationships could work, at least if they were carried out in secret. Starfire might be happy for me. Beastboy…? Robin was pissed, I already knew that.

My communicator was placed on the dresser, turned off of course. The constant ringing and vibrating was more irritating than a game station. We would have to leave the apartment very soon, with no plan. Having no plan had worked out so far….

"You look beautiful." X said from behind me. I froze, reacting to the tone. I could detect no false note in his voice. It was horrifying. Yet, I liked it. It sent a shooting warm sensation up from my toes to my chest, and I was filled with _pride._ I was _happy_ he found me aesthetically pleasing. Jealousy was gleaming in my head, gushing for once, about how great Jared was. Desire seemed almost fulfilled.

I turned numbly, unable to return a complement, and stared out the window. It was a little disturbing how only half the window was covered by a curtain, the rest of the view exposed, meaning anyone on the run-down street outside would be able to see in. I registered Jared getting dressed in the background. I still felt warm inside from his complements, and from his touch.

"You want to get coffee before you go see the titans?" X asked, coming up behind me again and kissing me along my jaw line possessively. He was still half-naked, only wearing a pair of jeans and some socks. He was holding me comfortingly, and despite my unreachable, emotionless ice-queen façade, this was where I wanted to stay forever.

I was tired of taking care of myself. I liked that sometimes he treated me like he owned me, because in the same moment he was saying he would take care of me. Last night had been…indescribable. If it weren't for today's issue, I would start it again right now. Jared was trying his hardest to entice me, kissing the hollow of my neck gently, but both of us knew he was fighting a losing battle.

"Lela's?" I suggested blandly, trying to ignore his passionate response. He had proved to me what a good job I had done on the bullet wound. If he was in any pain he was the master of hiding it. I felt the heat rise up again.

"Sure" he sighed, resigned to our fate. He bent down to pick up one of my converse sneakers and handed it to me, with a deep kiss on the lips which I returned.

The familiar, I-can't-breathe, feeling took over again. X knew exactly what to do to make me do what he wanted, an amazing manipulator. He tasted like he did last night, coffee and ecstasy. Bad, bad, bad.

I ducked away from him.

_He ran his fingers up my thigh and back down again, looking mighty pleased with himself, and massaged my scalp with his other hand. I cuddled closer into him, letting Jared do what he wanted. He had known exactly what to do, and I had had no idea. This moment, in the fading but still overwhelming feelings, while I was still darkly flushed and we were both breathing heavily, suffering from exhaustion, I felt more alive than I ever had._

_This was the reason I had yearned to be able to feel in the first place, even though I hadn't known it then. _

_The moonlight was reflecting off my semi-covered body, a fact that he was well aware of as he stared unashamedly. He knew he was the protector here. _

_I felt like this couldn't be real. But I could get my thoughts together enough to reason with myself. _

_I sighed in pleasure, and his smirk grew more pronounced. It wasn't nasty, it was just confident. I felt more than naked. I had never put myself like this before, definatly not in this compromising a situation. An stray insecure thought explored what would happen if he rejected that now._

"_You liked that" he laughed somewhat triumphantly. His voice was somewhat tired, he had done more work than I had. I would help more next time. I was relieved he seemed to feel the same. _

_Usually my empathy was a horrible inconvenience. During it had almost made me pass out from our joint spikes in emotion. It was wonderful, a curse that had turned out to be almost a gift. _

_That was the way Jared made me think. The way he was looking at me made me think I might be attractive, not the way Starfire was, or Terra had been, but in an understated, gloomy, damaged way that only someone screwed up like X could appreciate._

_He made me optimistic without forcing me to stop being cynical. _

_He wanted me the way I was. "I did too." he added in a hoarser voice, as he started to kiss me gently again. _

I walked out of the apartment and into the main room, which had no curtains at all, and had thinner walls, so I could hear the cars all the way from town. I needed the bathroom, and searching for it seemed like a good idea. It wasn't hard, seeing as there was only one other door in the apartment. I walked inside and shuffled past a plastic washing basket to sand in front of the mirror.

Maybe I had expected a change. For me it was always a shock to look in the mirror, to remember that the eyes I was watching my life through had a face that others could see. But I still looked more or less the same. Same hair, in not as bad condition as I thought, looking pleasantly ruffled and wavy, my eyes, still the irratatingly large violet orbs, possibly deeper in colour. My skin wasn't glowing. It was a pale sheet white, the only change being it might have a bloom pink undertone to it.

I sighed and combed a finger through my tangled hair, wondering what I would do. I had that pit-of-the stomach dread feeling, where fate was telling me to get my affairs in order. but what will come, will come and now there was nothing I could do apart from trying not to look guilty.

With a last look at myself, seeing the mirror reflection of myslef smile wryly if not gloomily, I headed back into the kitchen/main room.

X was slotting cards into his leather wallet, His brow furrowed, possibly taking this seriously now. He had brushed his hair out and was now wearing a shirt as well as jeans. I noted that he was wearing the suit underneath, I could see the high neck and slightly longer sleeves underneath his t-shirt. A short and thin throwing dagger was lying on the bench top, steel glinting in the sun. It made the dread feeling in my stomach more pronounced.

"Whats that for?" I asked aprehensivly, not letting much of it soak into my voice so it was back to its usual mono-tone. Jared glanced up for a second before snatching it up, twisting it between his fingers. I noted his skill with it, the sharp edged blade avoiding his flesh almost professionley. he was like an artist, something I had never considered before.

Stealing was an art. Being able to slip your fingers into someones pocket without them noticing, like he had with the necklace he gifted me, without nerves or shaking. Being able to dodge laser beams to get what you wanted while being untracable. Not getting caught was like good art. The police would catch the amatures.

"In case we run into trouble." He said simply, and with another glance, threw the dagger up into the air, let it flip over twice, and then swiped it out of the air. I glared at it and watched him finish.

I had no idea what he was doing, no idea why he kept pulling several cards out and then re-arranging their order. It seemed slightly OCD. But I wasn't one for many words and neither was he, thank god, so we stood in silence, stewing in our own auras.

I was _still_ strangely giddy after last night, which was pissing me off. It was a betrayel to myself, to go with the mold of the true love, soul-mate mold after a night of passion. At least we didn't say I love you. Thank azar for that. But I wanted him again. The demon in me wanted to take a much more active role next time.

Jared seemed to be focused, but I could sense he was deeply satisfied. His ego was boosted, that went without him saying or doing anything. it was just the way he kept smirking to himself, and the way he walked and held himself. Utter self confindence.

I didn't need it, but I couldn't help be envious. Any natural self-love I had possesed at the start of my life had been beaten out of me with cruel words and actual physical blows. Being told I was a 'monster' by my figurative nanny and having to be knocked out by my mother during one of my childish tantrums was enough to force me into beleiving I wasn't what I should be, but the people I had considered friends were the most effective at closing me down.

As Jared sighed and started slotting again I thought of my mother. Maybe her own fears had made it easier for her to push them onto me. I wondered what she would think of me now. No doubt when she was my age she was much more experianced than I was. The children at the temple, the ones with supernatural blood in them, used to refer to me as the child of two demons. She had been a rich foster child who had liked to party, aparently against her familys wishes. That must have entailed sleeping around. What else could have forced her to leave a family with a reputation to protect?

Arella was good looking. she had confidence. It was easy to imagine her leaving. Her family had been pretty pissed off, judging by the way Johnathin Blithe tried to smash my head in. Maybe it was here own fears that had made it so easy for her to push them onto me. I was representative of what she hated about hereself. I even inherited most of her features, though I had no idea what to do with them.

I could tell Jared had wanted to talk about my family with me. Underneath all the swagger and innuendos, he wanted what he had been deprived on. Though last night seemed to have wiped it from his mind.

Was that all he wanted? to screw me? It didn't seem that way, especially since he had said that he loved me the other say. Did I love him? truly?

"coffee time." X annonced, Shoving his closed wallet into his jacket pocket, and then shrugging it onm, effectivly hiding the Red-X suit. I followed him out into the narrow, Off-white hallway, waiting while he locked the door. The sounds of children, most likely Renata and oly, shreiking with laughter carried through the wall and a television set turned up to ear splitting levels and playing infomercials was drifting down from the very end of the hall.

Jared smiled and led me down the rusty stair-well and down into the street.

"What were you doing with the cards before?" I asked. Jared shrugged and came to a sudden halt, not yet out of the wire mesh gates, in front of a semi-dark open garage.

"Oh _hell_ no" I hissed when I saw it. X grinned and stepped over to the Ducati 1098 motercycle. It was big. It looked fast. Much too fast.

"160 horse power." He enthused, as if he were telling me about his childs first steps. This vehicle was on a completly different level than the others in this garage, the biggest distinction being that it was clean. Even in the semi-darkness, it was almost blinding.

Jared straddled the bike, and leant down to pick up a stray helmet. I glared at the huge beast.

"I'm not getting on that." I hissed. X smirked.

"I thought you liked trying new things." he replied innocently. I cocked an eyebrow at the innuedo.

"Sure, when they won't kill me and by the way, I can't show up on stolen property." I shot back. He had a pained look on his face.

"Its not stolen, and I swear you won't get hurt." He said with sincerity. I looked doubtfully at his bike, noting the amazing design every notch and twist of metal was put there definatly. the inky black finish was so perfect I doubted Jared would let the hard concrete even graze his baby. The bike, not me.

What was it that drew men to vehicles? I had to admit this was a beautiful machine. I could almost hear the grunt of it in my head. The demon in me loved it. X loved it.

Cyborg and him would love _each other_, after all the shouting and kicking me out of the tower was done with.

The sick twist in my stomach returned.

Jared seemed to read my mind, and flicked the key in the engine and reved the engine to coax me on. It roared to life and settled into a throaty purr.

"C'mon sunshine." He coaxed, extending a hand out to me. I looked at it for a moment. What the hell.

I walked slowely over to him and slid in behind him. "Good girl. Co-operation is key today." He said approvingly. I hissed and wrapped my arms around his waist. he chuckled, and kicked away the stand.

We passed throught the beaded curtains, and I inhaled the familiar scent of inceanse and despair that I had been missing for the last couple of weeks. I almost ran to the counter to get coffee and see Lela, but as it was, Jared had a tight hold on me, and I didn't want to leave it.

My hair was slightly wind-swept from the ride over, which I had found out I _loved_. The speed and looks you got from passers by was worth it, the thrill akin to the first time I levatated a book. Of course, afterwards the book had exploded, distroying years of wisdom, and I had been given a short, hard slap for it. My punishment for the bike riding and tom-foolery was still coming.

"Jay and Rae!" Lela called, her eyes widened under their blue contacts. I noticed she had a new peircing above her lip to match the one in her nose. Jared pulled me over to the counter, under the strung up fairy lights. I noticed several pairs of burning eyes scruntinising the spring in our step, and the close proximity of our bodies.

Lela was already making us two cups of _something,_ a coy smile on her lip. I think she might have a suspicion of what had transpired between us. I hoped we wern't that transparent to everyone, what with this only being a quick stop on the way to the tower.

"Haven't seen you for a while." Jared grinned at her, after pulling the finger at a punk who was eyeing us up all wrong. Lela smiled back and glanced at his arm s,ung comfortably around my hip. well, not that comfortably. _I_ Still felt awkward, and knew if he tried to kiss me now I would shut him out. Maybe it was the memeories about how I was with him the last time we were together in this place. It seemed like at least a year ago, but a month would be a stretch.

I was a whore.

It was a funny thing to contemplate, giving that almost anyone who knew me would say the complete oposite.

"Yeah, You must have been busy." Lela smirked, flicking her long, poker-straight and sliky black hair around. She sprinkled coco powder or something similar over our cups.

"Still busy" Jared corrected her, taking his. I sighed. It was time.

"Good bye Lela" I huffed, after what seemed much too little time. Tantrums were not my thing, considering they used to injure several people when I was a toddler. It was hard to beleive I was ever a child.

Jared squeezed my shoulder on the way back through the beaded curtain. I lent into him.

People do not fear death. People fear the unknown. Which is what we were facing.

The door slid open, And my breath caught in my throat. The teen titans tower was thrown into sharp releif, with those in question standing around ready to pounce.

Starfire was trying to smile, only just failing while watching Robins face. Cyborg was looking releaved, his sonic cannon dissapeared when he noted that I was okay. we shared a glance, and from it I gathered this was bad. I couldn't see beastboy. maybe he was too discusted in me to stay.

This was the problem. Every action had a consequences. This was mine.

Robin took a step forwared, his eyes, while masked, showing heat and intesity I had never seen.

"You." He growled, low in his throat. "Get off her."

X did as he was told, letting his arm trail off my waist slowly. I think this angered Robin more. Because as soon as he was off, there was a gun pointed to his head. "I learn quick." He growled. My heart was pumping, I felt like a cornered rabbit.

As a safety defense, I perked up my empathy and picked up on it straight away. Through the hate, the anger, the betrayel, the triumph, the powerful feelings Robin had going on right now, was jelously.

The penny dropped, and shook the room up like a number seven on the rictor scale.

This was the real problem. Robin _liked _me. How could I have been so blind, so insesitive? How could I have been so wrapped up in myself, in my relationship, that I had not bothered to check him, to see what was really bothering him. I had tuned Robin out after I had grown tired of his obsessive search for, ironicly, Red-X.

I quickly and covertly glanced over at Jared, his hands up in the air but his face set in a defiant but smile-less expression. I could tell by the steel in his gray eyes that empathy was not required to have figured this out. Jared knew, and Jared was pissed.

Possibilities like mushrooms sprung up along my mind. What would it be like to be with Robin, not Jared? To have a relationship that was alowed? One that was almost made in heaven? To be simple.

"Come with me." Robin ordererd coldly. I registered that he was talking to me, and numbly took a step towards him. I tried to keep my face impassive, frosty even, but I was terrified.

The monks in Azarath were this terrifying, but they were always that way. Robin was not. Thats why it felt all wrong. Robin turned, and handed the gun carefully to Cyborg. Cyborg took it and held it up gingerly.

"Shoot him if he tries to get away." Robin commanded. This was Bruce Wayne, Not Robin, we were dealing with now. That man had a lot to answer for.

"Alright man." Cyborg sighed. He seemed to have already spoken to Robin about this matter, and judging by the tired look on all threes faces, they had done the talking at night.

Robin walked out into the hallway, and I followed, taking one last look at X. He nodded at me, the grinning all gone, replaced with serious consideration. I took the step that pulled him from my vision and replaced him with wall. The door slid shut. Robins footsteps carried around the corner and into the training room. I took another breath, to steady me like medatation narmally would.

I hadn't medatated in days.

Robin turned on me.

"What have you done?" He thundered suddenly, slamming his palms down on the table that held laminated copies of exercise machine records. I held the record for longest bar hang, 5 hours 45 minutes. Robin had been trying to beat it for at least three months now.

It was a retorical question, and it made me angry. Forget terrified, I was pissed.

"Something unforgivable, oh great leader." I answered sarcasticly.

"The fuck with it Raven! You just don't fucking care do you? Off the team! Out of the family! Out of this house right now!" He was raging suddenly. "I have had it with all the lies, all the betrayels! This is Terra country you been dancing all over, and I'm cutting you off before it goes to far!", his eyes opening wide expressively and his hands flying in the air. He was serious.

All these years of fighting alongside them, hanging out with them, feeding off each others pain and happiness, living through each others irritations, secretly loving every moment but not quite realizing it….

Gone?

He slammed his fist against the wall. I had never seen him lose control and it was a million more times more terrifying than when I had seen Jared lose it.

He hated my silence.

"FUCK YOU!" he raged, trying to rip out his gelled hair. My emotions were bursting at the seams, swollen with his, my soul trying to escape out of my stomach, so it didn't have to be so aware of everything anymore.

Why the hell had I wanted to feel so much? It was the worst pain imaginable.

I had to stop him. I had to shut him up for both our sakes. Another explosion of feelings erupted in my gut and it became unbearable…

I rushed at him and our lips locked onto each others forcefully, more, smaller explosions going off. The initial shock was overridden with relief that the shouting had stopped. I wanted to break away now, but Robin was making it impossible. The loud noise that used to be his anger faded away into desperate silence. His dragged his hands up my back. Exposing it to the cold and bitter air...


	14. The warehouse

This was a bad idea. I could feel the lust rolling off of him. I hadn't expected this. He pushed me up against the wall. I tried to pull away, he held me fast, using his strength from all that training he did to have me where he wanted. He thought I wanted this.

He was my leader. He was my friend.

How could I do this to him? How could I do this to Jared? He was waiting in the common room right this moment! With my friends surrounding him, worried about his future. His whole existance on the line for me while I wiled it away on something that made me feel sick inside.

It was Robins feelings that made me do this. I had been expecting him to yell and shout, which he had, and unconsciously used my empathy to search for what he wanted from me. I had felt his repressed lust. I had uncosciously strove to shut him up by giving him what he wanted.

I moaned, a bad idea, as he took it the completely wrong way. His hand flew under the back of my shirt, grasping my shoulder bones. The uneasy concern and disgust I felt sent me a wave of strength.

Everyone has a well of strenght hidden away inside them, and all they need to do is know how to break through to it. whether it be to keep on running in a marathon, or be able to push a lusting man off of you.

I didn't want to feel this way. How much simpler would it be if I was in love with Robin? How easy would that be? We would be like the same person, who understood each other perfectly, knew what our jobs entail, and would make our friends extremely happy. The media would also love it, it would do wonders for increases in co-operation with us. But it wasn't that simple. If only. I couldn't stand this invasion.

"NO" I said forcefully, ripping my face away. Robin took no notice and kissed me again furiously. His tongue felt disgusting, and he still smelled like sweat from his workout.

I didn't know he had felt this way about me, but from his desperation it seemed he had felt this way for a while. I wanted to cry.

"Robin!" I demanded again when he came up for air. His mask made me feel worse. Not seeing his face had never bothered me much before, but now it felt like he wasn't a real person anymore.

He was good looking, he was amazing, by most womans standards. But he was a pretty boy. I needed my rough-man, who understood what it was like to fall apart and have to rench yourself back together, while pretending the cracks had dissapeared forever.

"What?" Robin answered gruffly.

I answered in my most dangerous tone, telling him loud and clear. He could handle it.

"Get off me _now_." Robins eyes narrowed significantly, his red cheeks and shortness of breath slowing. I only just realized I was also breathing heavily.

I wasn't gagging to be touched, like I had been, when Aqualad was my main mistake. I had spent an amazing night with a man I was sure I loved. Touching wasn't enough anymore.

Robin pulled away a fraction, so we were not squeezed together. But we were still much too close, about the diameter of a grape being able to fit between us. The silence was deafening, like the roar of the ocean.

"You kissed me." Robin accused me rightly, inclining his head down and his brow furrowed in confusion and anger. I had made a mess of things, but I knew what I had to do.

"To get you to shut up." I said in monotone. No emotion, its worked before. If people don't get a response they leave you alone.

"Who does something like that?" He demanded. I tilted my head. I was a demon, and this was one time I didn't feel guilty. I wasn't breaking his heart, he only thought I was.

"Me." I spat. Now I was angry. Is this why….?

"X is rubbing off on you." He said coldly, none of the desperation still present. I narrowed my eyes. I hadn't been turned on _at_ all. It had been like kissing my…cousin.

"Get used to it" I said, my eyes boring into his. His masked ones widened in shock.

"Your going to give the team up for X." It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

He made everything simple. Like it was a list. I liked it messy, and he just didn't understand that. Messy was all I had ever known. Complications were the chapters that made up my life.

Jared was the most important and problematic complication I had going on. I wouldn't give him up for routine, no matter how much it hurt me.

"Don't play wounded Robin. You're my friend. Not my keeper. Cut the crap." I said with some real emotion. In the whole world, Robin was my best friend. This is how we should be able to talk, with no fake identities. Like two real people. I wish we had the chemistry, but we didn't. We were just close friends.

Robin ran his gloved finger through his black hair in frustration. I could see it surrounding his aura, like a thick fog he couldn't shake off.

"What do you want me to do? Since we're talking honestly. You want me to go out and hug him? This guy is a criminal. And more than that, he broke into our home and stole my property. You want to marry him, go ahead. Starfire can be bridesmaid, I'm sure she would love it." he shot back at me. I understood where he was coming from, and it tugged at the strings of my heart to even _think _of leaving my friends and never seeing them again.

But I had grown. I needed to get out of this tower that was so big but felt so small. I needed to get away from jump, where everything was about heroes and villains. In any other part of the world, we were just people. I needed out of this closely knitted team.

"No Robin. I want you to let me have him." I remembered vaguely talking to Desire. Her listing off everything she wanted, informing me, because I didn't even know. She was at the front of all my multiple personalities right now, I could feel her there. It was like she was feeding me the words backwards. "I just want to be allowed to have what I want. Its no big deal."

This was the way me and Robin worked. We needed hardly any words to say exactly what we meant. I had told him clear as crystal that I wanted nothing more than close friendship from him, and he was telling me that wasn't good enough. He understood why I kissed him, he was good that way.

"What the hell does he have Raven?" he asked quietly, moving close again. He needed this out of his system, but I was still terrified.

Instinct was giving me that off balance feeling where you know something bad is going to happen. We women are always told to listen to it, as if its some defense mechanism that is ultimately the only thing that can save us but for some reason, most of us never do. I was listening alright, but that didn't mean I was going to act on it.

I could feel our bond squeezing smaller, or bigger, depending on how you looked at it, like it was a flesh wound with stitches sewn too tight. I could taste his breath lying on the air every time I breathed in or out, which I was doing more frequently now.

"What makes you want to stay with him?" he asked in a lower voice, his nose almost touching mine.

Translation; what does he have that I don't?

I didn't know how to answer. That's how it should be. Maybe it was the personal space invasion that kept me from thinking straight.

"I love him. Call me messed up and you'll just be repeating yourself." I hissed through my teeth. I kept my arms rigid at my sides, so nothing I could do would be able to be misconstrued as encouragement.

"I've never called you messed up." He growled back in gravely threatening tones that reminded me of Bruce Wayne.

Definatly not turned on.

"Then that's the difference between you and him." I replied wisely yet coldly. "He tells me the truth."

Robin grunted.

"Hes a theif, he lies."

"To you."

"You haven't even tried yet." he tried to reason with me. He was totally serious and confident, but I could feel our bond loosening, as he got ready to detach himself emotionally.

He knew my answer, this was no the end of the issue, and he did not like it one bit.

"Touch me again and I'll rip your face off." I stated calmly, reading his emotions like a book. Robin backed off and turned to face away from me, so all I could see of him was his long uniformed covered back. I could almost hear the cogs twirling in his brain, and I waited for them to grind to a stop.

"He's all wrong for you." he said finally. I sighed.

"Your opinion. Your entitled to it." I acknowledged, walking over to him.

I hated the distance this was putting between us all. I wanted to keep my family.

"Damn right." He growled, glaring at the air.

"I thought you had a thing for Starfire?" I said, trying to ignore how awkward this was.

"I don't want to talk about it." He muttered, folding his arms across his chest.

"We have to, or nothing will be resolved." I sighed. I didn't really want to either, but experience and wisdom from Azar had told me this was the right thing to be doing.

"Fine." He muttered, looking down so his hair fell over his face in an almost Jared-like way.

"So, what about Starfire?" I probed. This wasn't my style, to probe into peoples lives like a gossip. I didn't really want to know the answer.

"She's like my sister." He grunted. I sighed.

I could still feel what he wanted in his emotions. This wasn't going to go away. He thought he was in love with me. I could not figure out why.

The intercom buzzed.

And the deep voice of a pissed off Batman came through. We both froze, as if he could see us. What the hell was he doing here?

"Will every single Titan report to the common room _now._" He called out, _very_ threateningly.

"How is he here?" I hissed through my teeth. Robin shrugged, still hugely upset. Though I could tell he was as ruffled as I was, considering what we had just been doing.

Batman was pissed. And most of it would be directed at Robin, and the next largest chunk at me. After all, We had both allowed a criminal to infiltrate the titans. This was inexcusable.

We both looked at each other for a second, sharing the panic and the acceptance of what we had to do, and then we exited the room together, run-walking towards the common room, where I could sense a dark, brooding aura. I could taste the tense atmosphere before we even cleared the door into the room. Then, commanding the room like he owned your soul, we saw Bruce Wayne, le Batman.

"Finally." He hissed malevolently, in his dark suit, shiny shoes and navy tie. I saw he had his right hand poised over something, and as I followed the muscled sinewy flesh in a line, I saw it was Jared. He was holding onto his messy Black hair, and I could see Jared was now in handcuffs. Either that or he was just placing his hands behind his back and scowling heavily because he felt like it. I sent him a sorry look, while my heart leaped up.

_Get your hands off my man._

I had screwed him over for the last time, and now I was going to get him out of this mess. Then we could be even and back to what I could count as normal.

Robin straightened up beside me.

"Bruce" He greeted, calling him by his real name, probably to protect him from Red-X.

Bruce sneered, and pushed Jared over to Cyborg. I flinched, but Cyborg stopped him from stumbling gently, and let him stand on his own. Jared shook his hair out and pressed his lips together, to stop him from opening his smart-ass mouth. Good move. I let out a shaky breath.

Jared knew what to do. He was right in the middle of a buisness course. Of course he knew how to act in front of this man. He had probably hoped to work with him in future. As always, the fact that Jared had three different lives made my thought skitter off in diferent directions, right when I needed them focused.

"Do you mind telling me what the hell is going on? Rusesamunga is still running rampant, and I get told by Tim that one of your charges has got some _thing_ going on with a _criminal_, who is notorious for his skills of theivery and weedling information !" he growled.

I stayed silent, while he fixed his glare at me. His eyes were like lasers, and it was as if he could see into my soul, and was searching it for the telltale black marks of a traitor. Robin interrupted his searching, his voice switching into responsible leader mode. The effect was somewhat lost on me now that I had seen him so vulnerable, but I tried not to think about it.

"Rusesamunga is believed to be in hiding on the outskirts of Steel city. A swat team is headed for there, and are breaking in at 3:00pm. The are on video link now, and should either of us want to contact the other, we can in an instant." He stated smoothly and formally, gesturing towards the computer, which appeared turned off but had a beeping red dot in the corner, a symbol for something important no doubt.

Bruce nodded, his eyes sweeping over the whole team, checking for signs of that any of us were going to break ranks and produce a gun out of our asses and shoot at him.

"And the information from Tim?" He asked, his face narrowed in suspicion.

Why the hell was Robin talking to Tim in the first place? They didn't even like each other, let alone share each other problems. Unless he told Barbara and he overheard. I bet she would have loved to hear such information. Sucked it up probably.

"Can't we talk about this after we catch Jemal?" I broke in, my voice respectful but nowhere near polite. I wasn't going to kiss Batman's ass, but I was not stupid enough to provoke him. He was furious enough already, considering he was a paranoid man and that his suspicions had been confirmed. A green light to think all his other psychopathic theories were right.

"Well, considering we have other problems to deal with, and your boyfriend is in handcuffs this minute, I suggest that now is a perfect time." Bruce said, digging in his words like a physical jabs. I really wanted to hurt him now.

What business was it of his to question me? This was Robins team, not his. He just paid the bills.

"What do you want to know?" Jared spoke up in a sneering voice. I could tell his motives and actions being analyzed was upsetting him more than me, as he was used to having the upper hand. His cool demeanor was being worn down.

I sent him a sharp look, begging him to button his lips. He returned it with a look of disgust, one that wasn't meaning he was disgusted in me, but by what was happening. Bruce turned to him.

"Everything." He growled, and his tone was so low it almost shook, like loud club speakers playing bass. "I want to know every move you ever made, delinquent."

Robin stiffened. He knew his job had just been reassigned. I could tell Cyborg wasn't to happy about this either.

Something stirred with what he had said before.

"What other problems?" I cut in sharply, feeling the dread in my stomach steepen with every word. Bruce chuckled darkly. He would make a perfect villain, and maybe, in a sense, he already was.

"Your family." He finished darkly, still a dark sort of smile on his face.

Dear Azar no! Fate truly was against me, or she surely wouldn't have done this. Not so many issues in one day. But what could these strangers have done that warranted the title of problem by one of the most powerful men in America?

My look of confusion, and possibly the others complementing looks, spurred Batman on.

"They've been stalking me since the charity Ball. They know I knew you, and are considering suing me for hiding a missing person."

As I processed the words with a dead look on my face, I felt fury bubbling. I wasn't theirs to look for.

"I'm not missing!" I hissed through my teeth, my shoulders tensed up. The other titans nodded reverently, except for Robin, who seemed to be frozen, statue-esque.

Bruce laughed humorlessly.

"They think I know where your mother is. I've told them I don't, that I barley know you, but they've had someone following me everywhere, and I can't risk doing something about it. It was difficult enough to get here without them arriving at the same time, but I managed to delay their luggage. They know where I am now, and they could show up any minute, so I suggest you tell me what's being done about theses two." He gestured to Jared, and then to me, as if we were insignificant, his tone clearly placing the blame squarely on my shoulders.

I was surprised he was asking Robin at all.

I looked over at him, to see his jaw still clenched tight, his chewing muscles locked. His eyes were staring straight ahead, focused and narrow. His brows were furrowed in deep, deep thought. My heart rate accelerated from nerves, and I forgot how to breath for a couple of seconds, while he slowly unhooked his mouth and spoke.

"X can't run. We know his identity. First and foremost, we need to deal with Rusesamunga, and make sure he is taken to Arkham, maximum security this time. And then we'll deal with Raven's relatives. We can't have you linked with us, or let the media find out, as they surely will if this becomes a legal battle."

My heart sunk at the though of having to talk to relatives I didn't want, and who only wanted me to get to a mother I couldn't tell them about without scarring them to death. My shoulders sagged and it became more difficult to stand up straight.

"Then I will decide the repercussions of what has happened, after I have been fully informed about what has gone down. I will tell you of my decision, but that is all the participation we need from you." He finished, his expression still hard and businesslike. He was a robot trained by Batman for years, one they did a nice impression of being normal usually.

Bruce considered him, his expression almost matching. Finally, he nodded slowly.

"I see." He said, his eyes narrowing critically. I ignored his stare and paced over to the huge wall-sized window and glared out at the city.

It was alive and bustling, and somewhere out there, was auntie and uncle, possibly cosins, possibly Grandparents. I seethed inside. How dare they disrupt me. If I had wanted to talk to them I would have when they were close, when we were in the same city! what part of 'fuck off' did Jonathin Blithe not understand?

I whipped around, just in time to hear Cyborg speak.

"I'll lock them out of the tower Rae." He said loudly, his brown eyes reaching mine in a reasuring way. I looked over at Jared and saw he wasn't happy about that. He _wanted _me to see them. We would talk about it later.

"Thank you." I nodded. Bruce Wayne snorted.

"You can't run from this, just like you can't slip out of this one." He nodded to Jared forcefully, and Jared looked back deteirmandly. I Stepped over to him, not touching, just being close. Robin noticed that and crossed his arms across his chest.

"I'm not. I have done _nothing _wrong." I stated calmly, and cooly. Robin snorted.

"Do you not consider giving the enemy secrets wrong?" Bruce said clearly. He also had his arms crossed across his chest.

"_Fucking _the enemy." Robin muttered underneath his breath, though everyone heard.

"Why don't you fucking shut it bird-boy?" Jared asked, moving forward and getting up in his face, even though he was still handcuffed and restricted. I sighed and looked downwards, embarressed.

I liked that he was sticking up for me. I had half expected him to say something like "Last night, It was amazing, jelous?'. This was an improvement, but not wise in the current climet, though I could feel the heat rise in my body a couple of degrees with my anger.

I remembered the throwing knife and the Red-X suit underneath Jareds jeans, shirt and jacket. I had no doubt he would not hesitate to use them.

"Go ahead. At this rate you can walk _yourself_ to jail." Robin roared back.

"Lets go! I'll be out in days, you got no proof!" Jared replied.

"Both of you shut up." I growled in monotone. Bruce was observing from the counter, where Starfire was sitting doe-eyed. "We have no time for this. Please let Jar - Red X go." I stumbled over the name, trying to ignore it and carry on like nothing happened.

Everyone in the room, except Jared, looked at me like I was insane.

"You have got to be insane." Robin muttered. I blew air out of my mouth in frustration. Negotiation. One of my strongest points arguably. If it involves manipulation, I'm your girl.

"We need our attention focused on Rusesamungu. He can help us if something goes wrong." I reasoned. It was unnerving to have the bat analysing me.

"He'll run as soon as we let him out and we'll never see him again." Robin shot back.

That was uncalled for. He really thought we had nothing? Robin was jelous, and that better be what was making him act like a dick. or I was going to have to do something about it.

"You wish. I'll be here as long as she needs me, and then some." Jared sneered. The off-hand way he said it made my heart flutter-beat. The words came out slow and definate, but he said them in a way that still bit. I felt bad for Robin, while his wounds were still raw.

He needed to see what a terrible person I was, why he couldn't possibly love me, and I was doing a wonderful job so far, whilst not even trying.

Robin stared at him for a long time. His body language was languid, relaxing, as if the fight was drainging away in the face of Jareds determination. His face was still stiff and taughnt. The large screen on the computer beeped slightly. Starfire jumped, and looked around fearfully, as if Bruce would scold her. He remained impassive, staring out into the city the way I had, though I could tell he was listening hard.

"Thats not enough." Robin said quietly, glancing at me. I looked away, embarassed. It was enough for me, at least for now. I had experiance where the word of a man was not enough, but Jared had given me no reson to doubt him, besides being a criminal in the first place.

I felt a connection to him now. It wasn't a wordless feeling, it had past the bounderies of being past off as nothing and became physical. he knew me more than anyone else. He simply couldn't leave me, could he?

"It is." I replied. Robin glanced, and kept my gaze this time. I knew what he was thinking about.

He was thinking about me kissing him, knowing now that it was because of his feelings that I had done so. Usually empathy made me want to act on other peoples feelings, but with the bond we shared as well, and the fact that he had been trying to repress his emotions because what he wanted was forbidden, it had been enevitable.

Maybe from the start of the titans this had been destined to happen at least once.

And now it had happened, and we could both get on with our lives.

The screen bleeped again, and Cyborg sighed and sat down at the computer, typing swiftly.

"Fine." Robin muttered, and walked over to Jared, who smirked and turned around, lifting up his arms. For the first time I saw the metal cuffs clamped tightly around both of his wrists, pushing up the sleeves of his jacket.

It was a chilling reminder of where he could end up.

Jared stretched and rolled out his shoulders, and walked the distance over to me. He wrapped his arm around my waist. Everyone looked away, but I couldn't engage in any comfort with him. I could still taste Robin in my mouth, and hadn't brushed my teeth in a day.

I didn't think it appropriate to go to the solitary of my room right now, so I stood, leaning into Jared while Cyborg and Robin conversed quietly with the SWAT team, who were just about to head into the meatpacking district outside Steel city where they thought Jemal was hiding with his right hand man.

They were talking over the details, Robin trying to quietly debate over the best entrance. As always, Bruce was standing behind, seemingly looking away but observing Robins moves at the same time. I knew he was aware of this, from his body position.

"So thats Batman?" Jared whispered in my ear. I looked up at him to see his eyes narrow, staring straight at Bruce. every criminals worst enemy was in the same room with him, and I was surprised he could stay still.

I mumbled something incoprehensable and tried to strain my hearing to listen to the SWAT commander.

"We're going in." He mumbled, but clearly. Someone was holding a camera, following the group covertly so every titan could see what was happening.

"Raven if this goes wrong you teleport us there immediatly." Robin said, staring intently at the huge screen.

"Yes." I replied, looking over my shoulder to the screen.

The group, at least twenty burly looking men in black bullet proof vests and holding submachine guns. A few from behind were holding hand grenades or shot guns. The front two had tasers. They were advancing quickly past a corregated iron warehouse covered in graffiti, the ground underfoot pale shingle with even sicker looking grass sprouting through. the background, more warehouses, seemed deserted.

They paused in front of a rusty door, instead of hinges it had huge springs, and looked at each other. I noticed the man with the camera was standing a few feet of the way, and the leader of the group kept looking back at him, a slight crack in his focus betraying his irritation.

It went without saying that police and Titans did not get along. I had no idea how much negotiation Robin had to do for the leader to finally grant him camera acsses.

The leader kicked at the door, and then it caved in like old plaster. The pace og my heart quickened, and I saw Jared was now watching intently also. The whole room was captured.


	15. Family time

I

* * *

_Raven Roth_

"MOVE MOVE MOVE!"

"MOVE AWAY!"

"DON'T! PUT IT DOWN!"

The Swat team rushed the building, shouting at no one in particular to "GET DOWN ON THE GROUND!"

I moved a couple of slow steps forward, past the couch in a trance, in sync with Jared, totally captured by what was unfolding. This was the essence of my work that I enjoyed. The thrill of the chase was what kept me in it when the guilt over what I was faded marginally.

The thrill, the reason we all did what we did. Jared wanted the thrill of the steal, the thrill of the chase and Robin wanted the thrill of command.

The inside of the Warehouse was dark and poorly lit, the only source of artificial light from the bulbs hanging down on long swinging chains. They kept flickering.

The most surprising thing, the room was full of people. I had expected this to be a dead lead. People of different races, surrounded by crates and wooden trestle tables, packing up cloth and such. Some were woman, but most were adult men. Immediately they all flung their hands behind their heads, a few shouting in a German or Dutch, substantial sounding language. I recognized it as Afrikaans. The SWAT team advanced, swiftly pointing their guns in every direction, checking for dangers in the over crowded yet vast room.

"Laat my gaan!" One terrified man, who though had his hands behind his head, was not on the ground kneeling on his knees like others were. The camera became shaky, at this point and it was hard to make out exactly what was happening.

"That's him." Jared said suddenly, if not unwillingly. Sharing information with the titans was not in his nature. The camera bypassed the man he was talking about, and Robin had to order the camera person to go back.

"Beastboy go back!" He commanded into the mic. So that's where he was. The movement of a handheld camera did nothing to tell me what that clown thought about what I had done to the team. I heard a huff from the other side of the computer mic that I recognized, and then the camera slowly panned sideways, with Robin looking expectantly at Jared. I was reminded of the police's reluctance to co-operate with the titans, and wondered if this was almost the same thing. Robins expression was of disgust.

"Well?"

Jared paused for a second, his eyes sharp and focused, and then when the screen hit the only man in the whole building wearing a suit, he inclined his head, his lips set in a tight line while he watched past a section of his black hair that was covering his eyes partially. This man had an air about him, an aura of anger and power. I had seen it before in people who had something very important to do, and nothing was going to curb their focus. Usually these people were all alone in the world, therefore nothing could touch them.

"That him." Robin muttered into the mike, and the camera jostled while Beastboy signaled the leader.

The group acted faster than necessary, pouncing on the Rusesamunga and shoving him roughly to the ground. Two were keeping their assault rifles trained on Jemal alone, while the other employed skills in crowd control.

I breathed a sigh of relief when the man fell submissively to the dusty, dirt covered concrete floor. His eyes were terrifying still, and none of us missed it. I almost shivered, but not being that kind of girl, I managed to refrain.

Jared squeezed my hand, warm and huge, comforting, but still managing to convey what we were both thinking. One problem down, two to go.

Everything that was accomplished was a step towards finding out our fate. My heart sunk and I pulled my hand away. Jared did not seem worried by it, I could feel he felt put out though, and I walked away from him. His eyes were a duller gray than usual, and I felt unsettled by it.

It wasn't like me to be so upset by someone else. It wasn't like me to let it get to me so much. But right now, It hurt to know he was hurting. I didn't like that. I had been struggling for freedom, and now it had been taken forcibly from me. I couldn't help but feel cheated, even though I was getting something greater in return. I was hoping it would go away.

But right now I was so confused I could not dwell. My family were coming soon, and we would still have to question Rusesamunga. Robin would insist on it. Usually this was the polices domain but now they owed the titans for helping stop a national disaster, a near genocide. They would be ungracious, but they would allow it, and secretly admire Robins skill. Jared might even be called in to help, since he had inside information and unparallel street smarts, god knows he had been able to read me like a book many times before, when no one else could.

Though I doubted it. It seemed like even if we were accepted, and even that scenario was unlikely, there would always be animosity between the two.

Over me, and the suit. Why did either of them want me in the first place? I guess I was screwed up, as were both of them. Its not like I had been overly warm to anyone, ever, in the history of the world. Maybe it was my looks. I either repelled or attracted, due to my demon blood. You knew, as soon as you saw me or any other demon, that we were different. There was something about the way we walked, talked, looked, or even glared disdainfully that made humans take notice, the very reason I strived for as little attention as possible. Sometimes it was impossible to be achieved, and maybe in one of my weaker moments both of them had wanted a piece of it.

I hoped not, I hoped for Robin this was just a passing fancy. I hoped for Jared that it was too. I hoped desperately for me that it wasn't. Feeling his pain was bad enough, feeling mine first hand would be…unbearable.

I wished they would be friends. That was too much to expect, possibly comfortable acquaintances. I had an image in my head, a very un-raven like image, of the six of us together, seven if you counted Jinx. Maybe Terra would come back, and there would be eight, neatly paired up. Slotting into place perfectly.

It was selfish and romantic to think Jared would give up thieving for me. He had loans to pay off, a life to start, a brother to search for. I also had a sneaking suspicion that he was also looking out for Ana and the twins. They looked like they needed a leg-up and Red_ - X was_ a sucker for a pretty girl. Which Ana obviously was.

The intercom buzzed, and I heard the speedy and smooth, well oiled mechanical grindings of the elevator moving up the Towers shaft, cutting off my musings. Cyborg had forgotten to lock the Blithes out in the excitement of catching Jemal. Cyborg froze in his seat, while Jared became loose and relaxed beside me. He wanted this for me. Had some stupid idea it would do me good. Cyborg swiveled around, a sheepish look on his face, but I barley noticed. I was staring at the doors they would come through any minute, feeling like a cornered animal.

Jared squeezed my hand again, chuckling quietly at my terrified and stiff expression. I tried to pretend he was a figment of my imagination. But I still didn't pull away this time.

The doors slid open, and there was Sarah, Jonathan and the male teenager from the ball.

Sarah was dressed casually, in white Capri pants and a high necked blue ruffled blouse, looking somehow younger than she had at the ball, still managing to scream wealth with her dress sense.

Despite myself, I found my eyes scanning every inch of her, looking for a sign of my mother, searching for some resemblance. Arella's hair was jet black, thick and wavy. Sarah was ashy blond. But I could see that her cheek bones were the same, her face was almost the same, and with a sinking feeling, noted that Sarah and I had the exact same lips, large, bar the reddish color and angels bow shaped at the top.

Jonathan was in a suit, eerily similar to the one Bruce was wearing at the moment, with a tight jaw, as he took in the modern surroundings of the towers interior. His black hair, the colour of Arella's, was neatly combed, a contrast to the teenager, possibly my cousin, who had messy, emo-like chesnut hair that half covered his eyes. He looked simply bored as he too swept his hooded eyes over the remains of my life, an open cell phone in his right hand starting to vibrate. He glanced at it swiftly, and without looking at it, started to press button swiftly, texting back to some idiot. Probably about how unimpressive the titans were outside of battle.

Robin seemed to be thinking along the same lines, and glared threateningly.

I glared as well, at the whole trio, and managed to keep my head up, and shoulders back.

"This was the last place I expected you to lead us to Bruce." Jonathan commented, his voice completely less terrifying than our last meeting. He seemed calmer as he looked me over in my ruffled clothes and wavy hair. Bruce stood up straighter, and it felt good to have him on my side, physically at least. I would not like to be engaging him in a stare down.

"Stalking is a serious offense Jonah. It is I who should be seeking legal action." He said smoothly. Sarah scowled, though it didn't quite reach her curious blue, almost, _almost_ indigo eyes. Arella's eyes were the same, not quite my distinct colour, but close, the shadow of violet.

"This is more serious than you will ever know!" she snapped, but there was a giddy undertone. She was _excited_ to see me. I digress.

"Then tell us." Bruce replied coldly, glaring daggers at him. The teenager stayed silent, but was not bored at all by these new goings ons.

"I don't know what you have to do with this Wayne, but I sure as hell know I don't owe you that. You could have made this a lot easier, so don't expect answers anytime soon." Jonathan snarled.

This could not be happening to me. My life was complicated, but it was private. This was the makings of a perfect Television drama, for the 9:30 to 10:30 time slot on a Monday night.

I stayed perfectly still, like I was trained to do back on Azarath when I felt control slipping. This way I was more likely to remain unnoticed. Not likely today.

"You could have left it alone." Robin muttered. I agreed with him wholeheartedly. Jared sighed next to me, and I could see Jonathan trying to work out where he knew him from.

I desperately wanted to tell him.

_Oh you know, he's the one who tried to stop you killing me a week ago! _

Now It was Sarah's turn to get angry. She must have learnt a thing or two from her family of business, either that or my arsenal of glares and piercing looks may have not _all_ come from my demon side.

"Who the hell are you?" She snarled. Obviously she didn't recognize him as Robin of the teen titans, or Richard Grayson. "You have no idea what the last eighteen years has been like, any of you!" she spat, losing her composure. Oh yes, I'm sure they were simply _horrible_ for her. I had nothing on her terrifying life. Demon fathers were nothing compared to being rich and sad.

I stayed standing numbly, my face a mask, and Jared continuously trying to get a reaction out of me by squeezing my hand, or rubbing my shoulders. I could tell he was worried about me.

"I'm sure I have no idea." I said numbly, sounding shocked at myself, when I could no longer hold the sarcasm in. Jared moved closer, and I gripped his hand hard, causing him to wince when my nails sharpened almost in claws, but not quite.

Sarah looked back at me, her eyes filling with tears. I couldn't take it! What the hell?

"You look so much like Angela." She whispered. Jonathan had lost his poise and was standing stiff, as if he were about to run at me. I was not their sister. They should leave me out of this.

"Who are you?" I asked coldly. I had to clarify. Both Brother and sister, or so I assumed, blinked.

Jonathan spoke slowly, as if I were mentally handicapped.

"I'm Jonathan Blithe, you can call me Jonah. This is my Sister, Sarah Blithe. This is my son, Jake. I'm your uncle."

I stared back, unsure if I should respond sarcastically or turn around and walk away.

"I'm Raven and if your looking for my mother, you wont find her anywhere near me." I settled on, saying the words harshly. The tears in Sarah's eyes increased, and she looked like _she _was the one who was going to run at me now. If she hugged me, I would leave.

"We just want to talk." She whispered, clasping her hands together as if she were praying and touching the tips of her fingers to her lips. Praying to _me._

I said nothing, just focused on keeping cool.

"Maybe we could go somewhere private…?" Jonathan suggested after a pregnant pause. My breathing seemed to be the only sound in the gap of silence after. Like I was the only one bothered.

Bruce nodded.

"Go ahead." He said off-handedly. If he didn't shut up soon I was going to do something incredibly stupid and punch him in the face. It wasn't his place to speak. But I wanted away from this mass.

"Fine." I snapped bitterly. Sarah smiled through her tears, and I found myself close to hating her. Jonathan, or 'Jonah', merely nodded and made to walk forward, to be the big leader man. But we were in my house, not his, and he had no idea where to go. I looked at Robin, and saw him staring somewhat wistfully at the Blithes. He too, no doubt, was riding Jared's train of thought.

I caught his eye and he straightened up thoughtfully.

"Training room?" He suggested, and I glared but nodded and strode forward. Jared did not move with me, so I slowed to a stop and stood there, facing the door.

Jared still did not follow, so I stayed where I was, not looking back, for at least a minute.

As much as I was embarrassed to think or admit it, I wanted him there. To be stuck in a room with them, virtually alone, was unthinkable. I could take care of myself, but right now, I didn't want to.

I knew the Blithes would be standing awkwardly in the background, hovering and thinking over my strange behavior, but I didn't care. Especially when Jared sighed and took my hand. I didn't look at him still, but clamped my fingers around his tightly, savoring the closeness, and headed for the training room again. No one said anything as we entered the hallway, the silence making it seem cold. My back tingled in anticipation and my stomach rolled with dread.

We reached the training room, full of memories with Robin, some of kissing him and some of working out together. I had a feeling I was beginning to hate the room.

I turned on my heel and lent against the same table I had before, watching and waiting for them to say something. They stood in the middle of the room, their auras nervous.

Finally Sarah spoke up.

"When you say we wouldn't find Angela with you, did you mean she was away? Or that you moved out, or that something…happened?" her voice broke on the last word.

I replied coldly, which I could tell Jared disapproved of from his frown.

"I never lived with her, I've been here since I was fourteen and sure, I guess stuff happens in her life, not that I would know if it did."

This would probably tear them apart. To know their beloved sister was also a bad mother. Inwardly I was aware this wasn't about me being angry with Arella. I had no problem with her, and knew and understood exactly why she never looked after me. But they didn't need to know that.

Sarah gulped. I noticed Jared frown out of the corner of my eye.

"But do you know where she is?" Jonah pressed on. At least he had the gall to point out I didn't really matter to him. I furrowed my brow. How to answer without inviting more questions?

"No." I lied with narrowed eyes and cringed when Jared coughed. Idiot. But they didn't notice.

"When did you last see her?" Jonah continued, and I felt like I was being interviewed by Robin.

"Don't remember." Sarah's red-rimmed eyes contracted in suspicion. It was a pretty pathetic lie, even though I spoke it with confidence.

Jonah also knew I wasn't co-operating, but he also knew he could do nothing about it. In his eyes I was a difficult child.

"You wanted to talk?" I insisted. Jared cleared his throat.

"Maybe you need to explain it all" he suggested to Jonah. They shared a look of understanding.

"and you are…?" Sarah asked squeakily. I narrowed my eyes further and settled against the table. This was going to take a while. The look in her eyes was _hope_. For what? Me?

"Uh, Jared Wilson." He said after a pause. Admitting his real name with me present must feel strange to him. I frowned deeper. He had never told me his last name, and these _people_ dragged it out of him in less than a minute. _Wilson._ The pit of my stomach clenched painfully.

"And are you one of the.…titans?" Jonah broke in, looking extremely uncomfortable. I had forgotten he didn't know. This would have added some shock value. I wish I had a picture of this stotic mans face when he realized where Bruce was leading him. Wonderful. And I had thought I could make them uninterested.

Jared's shoulders shook with laughter.

"Nah." He said finally. I smirked slightly and remembered when he used to do this with me. It still wasn't enough to settle me. Not even close. I still felt the primal urge to run, to flee from this place. But Jared's iron grip was holding me there.

Jonah visibly relaxed.

A sudden thought occurred to me. Why hadn't I used the titans database to check for newspaper reports? If they were a powerful family at the time, then her disappearance would be cataloged. I didn't need this family, but I should have checked. Found out what happened.

What exactly did they want from me? It seemed as if Sarah and Jonah needed different things. Sarah seemed to want Arella. Jonah seemed to want business.

This would make a good story. That stuck. I wasn't sure if Jonah wanted it or not. On one hand, it would bring lots of attention to the company, on the other, any of my actions would be associated with them, and that could be twisted any way by the media. I sure as hell did not want that.

I did not need another problem, especially not one as persistent as the paparazzi.

Another silence followed, and Jared cleared his throat again.

"What happened?" He asked again, and I didn't miss the friendly smile.

Sarah hiccupped and returned it, her cheeks red like she was tipsy. Then she looked at me and the smile faded, only the ghost left. When she spoke, her voice was quiet, like the volume had suddenly been turned down.

"I was twelve, Jonah was seventeen and Angela was fifteen. Blithe corporation had just made it big and our parents had enrolled us in private school. Jonah and I thrived, but Angela didn't, in an academic sense. In early childhood we had nothing, and now, with sudden wealth, she was rebelling at the worst time. She was a terrible flirt, and talked to the teachers in a way no body else dared. Everyone loved her." She spoke with reverence, her eyes glistening . Jared wrapped his arm around me as I realized I had been shivering. He squeezed and I felt his breath on my neck. "Our parents tried to control her, but Angela just went further and further out of the boundary's. They would argue and fight all the time, and then one day, she just left."

She just left? Nothing happened at all? From my few memories of Arella, all I could glean was that she had been incredibly young, beautiful and smart. Maybe the latter was a new addition from Azar.

"We looked all over Gotham for her, with the Police and some of her old friends. Her new friends were interviewed, but apparently none knew anything. We kept searching for at least a year, and no one had any leads. To this day its considered a cold case, the police thought she was just another runaway. Our father threw himself into his work, mother-"

"That's enough Sarah." Jonah cut in stonily. My breathing was labored and my grip was cutting off Jared's circulation to his hand. I was seeing red. This should not be _my _problem.

Damn right I had had enough. Jonah had judged my expression and body language correctly. I had wanted to know, but not from her. Getting the information second-hand was preferable. Jared, however, had other ideas.

Maybe, and from what I knew and had _experienced _about him it seemed likely, he was a person who always had to be in control. Maybe, since Robin was holding the reigns to his future, Jared felt he had to control mine.

I could handle myself.

"She does" Jared grunted immediately, not missing a beat. I wasn't used to people shrugging off my death glares. He acted as though I was pouting rather than trying to set him on fire with my eyes. But I couldn't stop him in front of these _people_. I doubted they would remain calm and quiet if I threw him out the training rooms only window onto the rocky shore.

"Outside." I hissed, standing on tip-toe to reach his ear, and digging my newly sharp nails into the warm flesh of his palm. He winced and looked down at me with a slight smirk, but I could see a tiny flick of fear in his eyes. I stalked over to the door, past the Blithes semi-shocked and suspicious faces, and flung it open. Jared followed me reluctantly, his inky black hair falling over his gray eyes, serious for once. "Stay" I growled to my _family _before stepping out into the humid hallway where my sweater felt too close to my skin and hot.

When I heard the door snap shut, I had to use my entire will power to refrain from smacking him in the face. "What the fuck did you think you were just doing?" I asked calmly. I wasn't surprised when he flinched. My cool demeanor was scarier than any yelling. I knew I looked partially insane.

Jared sighed and, proving once again that he was also insane, placed his hands gently on my shoulders.

"C'mon Sunshine. They came all the way over here to see you"

This was a pathetic excuse and I had no idea why he was using it with me.

"Private jets fly fast." I snarled, trying to tilt my head to avoid his glinting eyes. He smiled softly and used his hand to push my chin straight.

"Well, the sooner you talk and give them what they want, the sooner they'll leave." he said offhandedly, taking a step back to lean against the opposite wall.

I knew he was going to try and placate me.

"The sooner _you_ can get out of here" I pointed out with narrowed eyes. The time he spent here had seen his movements become jumpy, as if Robin was going to arrest him any moment. Which sounded about right.

"The sooner you can come with me." He grinned. He didn't even pause when deciding to admit it or not. Despite my anger, and his indifference, I felt suddenly warm. The fact that he said aloud that he wanted me to come with him was at least something certain.

"The sooner Robin can decide our fate and the Blithes can interrogate me some more." I said dryly, leaning back. Jared scoffed.

"Robin can't do anything."

I begged to differ and this wasn't the problem we were working on at the moment.

"Talking to _them,_" I spat at the closed, inoffensive door. "will not help." Jared shrugged. "So why are you so insistent that I give them the time of day?"

Jared sighed.

"I just think that you'll regret it later if you don't." he said, his grin fading. I folded my arms and looked at my toes.

"Then I'll talk to them then." I said darkly.

"But they might not be there then, and I don't want you to miss out." he insisted. I remembered something from when I went to his apartment the first time.

"You have an uncle and aunt. And you don't talk to them."

He narrowed his eyes and I felt a little colder. I shouldn't have brought it up.

"We talk, but they don't like to because I remind them of my dad." He growled deep in his throat, like a predator. I kept my head bowed.

"And if the same thing happens here? I didn't ask for it Jared." I replied, though all the fight was taken out of me by his tone. My heart felt ashamed of reminding him.

"Well you've got it. All I'm asking is that you get your ass in there, listen to what they have to say and answer their questions honestly." he said coldly. I was reminded of being scolded by Azar for not practicing levitation enough beforehand. But it was much worse in the fact we were supposedly on an even keel. Last night…

"Its not my responsibility to answer their questions!" I shot back, refusing to be pushed down. He was not my minder, no matter how regretful I was about being insensitive.

Jared pushed himself away from the wall, and took two quick, hard steps toward me, and I flattened myself up against my side of the wall. He was in my personal space, his chest level with my chin, making me feel small, insignificant, and hot. My brow was starting to sweat, my shirt sticking to my body like cling wrap. My lower back tingled with instinct, telling me to get away from this unsafe, strong and unpredictable man. But I stood my ground and let his hot breath roll over me as he looked down in partial disgust, his cloudy stone eyes boring deep.

"If I found out my parents were alive, I wouldn't let anything stand in my way." He snarled. Anger bubbled at his hypocritical statement.

"Ben." I replied calmly, watching his face contort. It was terrifying. I shouldn't have mentioned his brother when the subject was so raw and undecided for him. I regretted it the moment the name passed my lips.

"If you disappeared for seventeen years, and I got found some connection to you, some possibility that you were still alive, I would follow that lead until I got what I wanted. You can't leave them unresolved. Your not that cruel." He spat, and I closed my eyes while my body shivered invariantly. He was disappointed in me, and I found my usual store of anger was nowhere to be found. I was going to do as he asked, because I didn't want to pick a fight.

I said nothing, and sensed he hadn't moved. He was waiting for me to say something, but the silence was so thick I wasn't sure if I could. I chanted my mantra in my head, keeping my inner voice consistent and calm. My body stopped tingling uncomfortably and I opened my eyes.

Jared didn't look so fierce anymore. It was a possibility that he was worried by my long pause.

"Fine" I muttered. We both let out a breath that I hadn't realized I had been holding in. Without warning, I found myself crushed to his chest. His hand curved up into my hair, while he inhaled deeply. Despite myself, I felt my heart rise in joy that he wasn't angry anymore.

That was...something else.

"Don't…do that again." I warned shakily. He pulled me even closer, stroking my cheek with his thumb.

"Mmmnnn Angel." he sighed, pulling away again. "I won't as long as you do what's right, even if its rich of me to say that."

I needed to get back into the air conditioned training room, and get this over with. Jared made sure he had my hand in his, before pulling me up to the door.

"It'll be over soon. Just answer their questions, and let me help you." He muttered quietly, while turning the door knob. We re-entered the room, my face carefully blank. I didn't want to have to be coddled and delegated to. It burned, but I would deal with it in the future, when we had time to argue amongst ourselves. It would almost be enjoyable compared to this.

Sarah turned and attempted a smile, her formally neat and clean hair was now disheveled and fly-away. It made her look like any other woman, who dreamed of being on the cover of _OK_ magazine. Hard to believe she was who she was, and I wouldn't except for her collected brother. The teen, Jake, still said nothing, but watched us silently as he slouched against the metal frame of the newest treadmill.

"What do you want to know?" I asked in monotone, feeling Jared's arms enclose me from behind as he rested his chin on my shoulder lightly. I didn't want to prolong this with explanations. Jonah cleared his throat, looking pleased at my final co-operation. He nodded to Jared, as if congratulating him for a job well done in subduing me. The best outcome would be that he mentioned Jared to some business contacts. If at least one good thing could come out this, which I doubted.

_Jared Wilson_

"Its not my responsibility to answer their questions." She shot back coldly, like a … robot.

Who was this woman? Did she not understand that these people were now full of hope or did she not care? I remembered that her mother was still alive, as was her father, though I had no idea what had gone on there, other than the fact he was a demon who she never associated with. Still, in essence, she had everyone, and had no idea what it was like to loose that _someone. _The way Sarah Blithe had spoken, Angela had been her idol. Her big, rebel sister who took care of her, and then just disappeared. And Raven was happy to just let them go on their way, unresolved, with no closure.

I pushed myself away from the wall, and took two quick, hard steps toward her, and she flattened herself up against her side of the wall, shocked and caught off-guard. Her eyes widened bigger than I had ever seen them. I was in her personal space, her forehead level with my chin, making me feel huge, and hot. I could see every facet of her blood red Charka, every shadow under her eyes. This corridor was the hottest place in this godforsaken tower. Her brow was starting to sweat, her shirt sticking to her body like she had painted it on. She seemed tiny, and helpless, but all I wanted to do was shake her.

"If I found out my parents were alive, I wouldn't let anything stand in my way." I snarled maliciously. Her round lilac eyes narrowed into slits and she seemed to move forward, though I couldn't tell, the distance between us was barley there. Her fire burned with a passion.

"Ben." she said simply, boring into me with her irises.

I froze. If there was a time I had ever been close to hitting a woman, it would be now. I fought to control the primal urge to brake her petite frame as she stood stiffly, seething. Still, I didn't have to fight against myself for long. Last night was still with me in a big way, on my skin, on my tongue, deeply ingrained in my mind. This scowling and frosty demeanor was just one side of her. I now knew for sure that if I could fight fire with fire, and earn some points, I would get to see that other side again.

"If you disappeared for seventeen years, and I got found some connection to you, some possibility that you were still alive, I would follow that lead until I got what I wanted. You can't leave them unresolved. Your not that cruel." I spat, meaning every word and trying to get her to see that. Her eyes lost their anger, and seemed to falter. Her moth eyelids flickered shut and her gray skin was puckering in goose bumps, typically she was cold though still sweating. Raven was always running a fever. I realized she was trembling, and I could think clearly again.

She had trembled last night.

If I had doubted her word before when she has said nothing happened between her and Fish boy, I was sorry. My life was made up of lying, and sometimes I forgot that other people didn't work that way. Raven was good enough at lying about the little things, so I had assumed…admittedly, It had been ripping me apart. It was hypocritical of me. I _used _to like sampling the ladies. I just didn't think Raven would have been one of those types. In my head, she was pristine, perfect, unspoiled, but one of a kind. Like a priceless diamond. And it had turned out that my head had it right. It was a double standard, and she had accepted that easily. I didn't understand why she couldn't accept _this_, something so miraculous the likely hood was one in a million.

Her lips started moving quickly in a fast moving mumble. I stopped breathing. She looked like she had slipped under consciousness. The sleeping dead. Though she was keeping steady in her whispering, no sound escaped. Her mantra, most likely. I hated her magic. With it I had no idea of what was going on. I couldn't control anything in this type of situation. All I could do was worry.

Her mumbling ceased suddenly.

"Fine." She whispered.

I let out a long held in breath. She did too, her look of relief unbearable. I couldn't help it, her childlike expression too much. I pulled her close, burying her head in the concave of my neck, wanting her as close as possible. I twisted one hand in her hair and inhaled deeply her scent of incense, which never went away. My other arm wound around her waist, resting above her hip bone and low riding jeans. I heard her intake of breath and grinned at the fact I could surprise her so easily.

"Don't…do that again." She mumbled into my chest. I stroked up and down her cheek bone with the pad of my thumb.

"Mmmnnn Angel." I sighed, reluctantly pulling away. "I won't as long as you do what's right, even if its rich of me to say that." It was her job to be the noble one, not mine. I grabbed her frozen hand and yanked her over to the door. She glared at the blank wood, focusing herself again.

"It'll be over soon. Just answer their questions, and let me help you." I muttered quietly, while turning the door knob. Without me, I doubted she would have ever gone back in. Or maybe she would have. Raven seemed to get everything done no matter how unpleasant. We re-entered the room. Jonah Blithe was standing stiffly, his son staring in the opposite direction a second before, but had now tilted around curiously. Sarah's gloomy face brightened at my encouraging smile.

For some reason, I liked her. She had optimism I could only envy, one of the reasons Raven seemed to be repelled by her. Hilarious, because they looked alike when you searched for it, as I had.

Sarah's attention was drawn away from me as Raven cleared the doorway into the room.

"What do you want to know?" she asked in monotone, ignoring me as I wrapped my arms tightly across her soft chest, trying not to get to excited. Jonah nodded at me in thanks, And I sensed Raven caught that. I knew my angel would be scowling.

It was unbelievable that my angel was one of the most successful heirs to business royalty's nieces.

"Where is Angela?" Sarah asked eagerly.

Ahhh, that was a problem I hadn't thought about.

Raven twisted around to shot me a deadly look, that clearly said _this is your fault._

"She's not exactly sure of that." I compensated, turning on my wonderful salesmen/ thief/ businessmen charm. Jonah wasn't going to accept that, though Sarah nodded, crestfallen.

"Is she in America?" He asked seriously, and the teen lent forwards against the fancy treadmill.

The titans had all the latest shit in this room. I liked to separate Raven mentally from them, so I could remain hostile. Just being in the room where Robin spent hours training on that rowing machine in the corner and by that big red punching bag gave me chills.

This room exsisted to help them catch me.

This was a completely unnatural place for me to be, another reason why I needed to get her out of here as soon as.

"No." Raven answered in monotone, not elaborating. Anything the Blithes wanted would have to be directly asked and then dragged out of her. That was her compensation. She would talk, but not be nice about it.

"Where is she?" He insisted. If he was going to drag answers out of her, he had better calm, or I was going to have to talk Raven down again.

"I. Don't. know." She growled through her teeth. "next question." She flicked her hair out of her eyes, or what I assumed, because it appeared behind her ear a second later. I looked closed and noticed she had a tiny piercing hole in each lobe. She never wore earrings, so maybe it had been done before she had a choice. By the sounds of it, the _lovely_ tattoo on her back had been done while she was young. What kind of psycho place did she grow up in? not that I was complaining. Another wonderful surprise I had last night.

I rubbed the cold, bumpy skin of her forearms trying to bring some heat and color to her otherwise gray and close to translucent skin.

A vein in Jonahs temple was jumping, irritated that a 'mere' girl was stopping him.

"_Why _don't you know where she is?" he ground out finally. His teenage son with the brown hair scoffed and flipped his phone opened for the umpteenth time.

It was idiots like him, born into wealth and privilege, that made me all excited to steal. This kid had everything on offer, and he was spending it being a little smart-ass. If I had _half _the opportunities he did, I would be _there_ by now. That's all Red-X was doing. Evening out the playing field.

"because she has never informed me of her steps before, so its not unusual." Raven replied, keeping her voice steady. To anyone else she would seem perfectly and unswervingly cool and unbothered, but I knew here well enough to know she was severely irritated.

"Did Angela mention us?" Sarah broke in, sounding like a hopeful child. Ravens head shook from side to side slowly.

"No. She never even told me her real name. To me, she is Arella."

Jonah nodded smugly, glad to be getting somewhere.

"We had assumed she would change her name. Did she ever tell you why she had no family? Did you ever ask?"

Raven sat still against my body, possibly thinking back, possibly cursing Jonah under her breath. Her curves aligned amazingly into me. This was where she was destined to be for a long time. I could feel it, and not in a sexual way, though that couldn't always be ignored.

Later. Later.

"Yes. She said she ran away. We left it at that, I told you I didn't see her much." I knew there was much Raven wasn't saying. As long as she was talking...

"You never asked why?" Jonah asked again. His mocking voice implied there was something wrong with her. Now he was just undermining my argument. How the hell had Raven known he was a dickhead?

"What do you want from me?"

Ravens low voice carried around the room like a gusty sea storm. It was ice, and it was fire at the same time. It wasn't human.

I kissed the top of her head as gently and nudgingly as I could without provoking her and being patronizing. At times like this, She was a wild animal. Her arms came up to grab hold of my wrists. The sharp knife edges to her nails, a new addition judging by the unscathed state of my back this morning, dug into the back of my hand, so it would match the ones on my palm.

She squeezed, in a way which screamed insecure, instead of fiery. I was waiting for blood to rise, but I didn't say anything. Jonah regarded her with dark eyes and a stiff posture.

"Angela."

It was Sarah who spoke, her voice croaky, and… guilty. She looked like a criminal up on the stand, one who was truly sorry.

Raven was right. I should have left it alone. She knew what was best for her, and had made enough decisions without me being here. Now, Sarah had admitted she wanted nothing to do with Raven. I knew the feeling. My own aunt hadn't wanted to see me unless I brought my mom along. Which was impossible, considering she was dead.

I didn't want sunshine to feel that way. I should have let her be.

"Right." Raven said airily. She took a separating step away and out from me, towards the group of three. I straightened up and narrowed my eyes at them. They came here with no want to see her at all? They just wanted their sister, who cares about her child?

Give me an alley, a crow bar, and some quiet, and I would sort Jonah out. He was the brains to this operation. He had given the go signal.

Raven strode over to the door, flung it open, and turned on her heel. Her face was stone.

"I'll write to her for you." She side stepped out of their way, so the path out into the hall was clear. "if she replies, I'll send you an address so you can do the dirty work yourself. Don't contact me again. I thought I made that clear back in Gotham, but obviously not. If you don't hear anything, she either hasn't replied, or she doesn't want to talk." she finished gracefully, as she waited for a sign of movement.

The Blithes stood bewildered, even Jonahs mouth was slightly agape. I admired Sunshine's talent for stunning, whether it be through her looks _or_ actions.

"Wait!- " Sarah started, looking horrified.

"Please Raven- " Jonah started, abandoning all his formalities. I couldn't stand them guilting her. That seemed to be the main reason why she did the things she did while hating them.

"Stop." I ordered, and they fell silent at once, looking over to me in surprise. "She said leave. She's given you instructions, now go." I said clearly. They watched me in wordless disbeleif, and Raven might have shot me the ghost a smile. "She's got enough to worry about." I added under my breath. The teen, Jake, shot forward, his hands clenched into fists.

These were the first words he had spoken. His voice was surprisingly deep, mimicking his fathers almost.

"You her bodyguard or something? Stay outta this. We have a right to know." He shouted angrily, at me. It was like he didn't think Raven was _worth _shouting at.

"She doesn't need me to take care of her, she's fine on her own. What she needs is for you to go home and stop bothering her. She's got a job to do, if you havn't noticed." I said mockingly, gesturing to the view. You could see the whole city from here, as you could from all the windows that I had glimpsed in this place. The kid flicked his overgrown hair out of his eyes. They were green, unlike the rest of his families.

"I noticed." He sneered. "another thing she hasn't mentioned. Looks like shes got a lot to hide."

"If she told you, you wouldn't believe it. Its not her responsibility to do that. Talk to your aunt about it." I snarled back, getting seriously pissed off at the kid.

"I am still here." Raven muttered in the background.

Then, shrilly, an alarm blasted through the intercom speakers above the door. I covered my ears in protest while she groaned. The Blithes jumped about a foot in the air, having forgotten, like me, that we were in Titans tower.

Sunshine looked at the family, and had to shout over the noise.

"Stay HERE!" she ordered. With a slightly panicked look, she gestured at me to come over to her. The sound of the alarm had driven all thought from my mind. Probably Robins plan to get the team into their fighting zone. What the hell was I going to do?

"C"MON!" She screamed above the noise, and I finally got it and followed her sprinting out of the room, catching sight of some pretty terrified business people before I left.


	16. Jemal calls the mayor

We thundered down the hallway, and skidded to a stop just outside the common room, Jared having to fling his arms out to stop from crashing into me. The alarm was still screaming shrilly, a sign that Robin was waiting.

"Whoa sunshine!" Jared exclaimed, holding onto my shoulders to steady himself. His hands were inviting and I contemplated staying in this spot and never moving.

The common room was empty, but I noticed the garage door was cracked open an inch.

"There." I muttered, taking the longest strides possible to reach it, cheating myself of Jared's aura, before I could be accused of other traitorous actions.

He huffed and followed me taking equally long steps.

"What am I gonna do?" He asked tensely. I flung the door to the elevator open without a sound and stepped in. Jared took the last step into the industrial sized room and I pushed the garage button swiftly. The red caution light over the door flashed warning.

I felt the need to bounce up and down. To do something. But I repeated my mantra over and over in my head, trying to drown out my inner voices, who were screaming louder than any alarm ever could.

"Just come along." I replied tightly, clasping my hands into fists and digging my nails into my own palms, using the pain to tune and concentrate. Jared said nothing. A bad thing, because when he was not speaking, the voices were.

_Run! _sorrow, or should I call her coward, screamed desperately.

_But _Started desire slyly. _I want to go._

She had been quiet lately. At least, today. It was strange to have a moments peace from her. Usually she was constant, in the background. Maybe she hadn't wanted to, since she got _a lot_ of what she wanted. Bitch. Next time I went to my mindscape I was going to kick her ass. _She_ had made me kiss Robin. She was greed, and she wanted everyone and everything. She had wanted to know what it would be like, and of course, she had gotten it. Was she _happy_ now?

_You want everything_ Rude complained obnoxiously. Most of the time it wasn't what she said, it was the way she said it.

_Lets go. What is wrong with this elevator? Its not fast enough. _Brave enthused.

_Live. Let go. _Serenity soothed.

My shoulders slumped in synch with my heart increasing in speed, as the metal doors slid open. The messy, gray, concrete, grease smelling garage was revealed slowly. The whole team of titans, including a pale Beastboy, and plus one stormy Batman were all standing around the stationary T-car. I caught sight of Jared's beautiful motorcycle, glinting incriminatingly under the fluorescents. Robin narrowed his eyes in disgust when he saw us in such close proximity.

_Oh shit. _Logic muttered unhappily.

"Hurry up." Bruce growled tensely. I noted he was in his uniform. How did he get it so fast? Unless he brought it with him, which seemed likely considering his obsessive compulsive disorder.

I obeyed and teleported next to it in an instant, feeling a welcome sense of freedom that always came with my magic. Starfire jumped a foot in the air and ended up staying there, floating above Cyborgs huge, glossy red tool box. I tried to avoid my only friends eyes, to stave off the upcoming guilt. I swallowed it back and grabbed the doors burning hot metalic handle.

Jared hovered awkwardly by his bike, his hands smoothing down his messy hair, still managing to look unconcerned.

"So…" He trailed off charmingly, as the rest of the titans slid into their respective seats, none commenting on this unusual situation. I waited with baited breath to hear either Robins or Bruce's Reply.

Bruce looked him over, trying to X-ray through his shirt to see the muscles underneath, and determine how helpful this would be. I still didn't know where the hell we were heading.

"You got a mask?" He spat coldly. If Jared hadn't known that batman was Bruce before, he definatly would now.

For once, Jared looked surprised.

"Yeah" he said, with waiting eyes, fishing his Red-x mask out of his jacket pocket. I cringed at Robins sudden burning gaze in my back.

Starfire gasped in shock and a quick glance at Beastboys pale complection told me he wasn't too collected either.

Maybe they hadn't believed it when it was just word of mouth. Not really. Maybe, in the back of their minds they had scoffed at the thought of me and a suave criminal. That jet black and bone white skull mask with the slash of scarlet left no possible doubt.

Once again I was hit with the severity of this. Seeing the mask in his hand sent my stomach spiraling.

"Good." Bruce nodded, turning on his heel, causing his cape to swirl threateningly while he pushed himself into the front seat where Cyborg usually drove. Robin gaped at his foster father. Even I looked on in disbelief, though I was secretly happy inside.

_He has finally cracked. _Desire laughed. It sounded like malicious champagne bubbling, if that made any sense.

_No, he feels…guilty._ Knowledge spoke up, unhappy with the word. It didn't quite fit.

My eyes widened in shock at what she had just said. My memory stirred sluggishly. Robin had told me once, through Bond, unintentionally, that he had suspected Bruce of having something to do with Catwoman. I fought the urge to snicker as a dumbfounded Jared straddled his bike, shrugging off his jacket.

Batman had done the same thing I had, therefore he felt he could do nothing about it. The mask obscured his face, but I could tell by his posture that he was pissed off as he waited for everyone to get in the car.

We _did _need to hurry. It had been at least three minutes since the alarm started to go off.

It was getting to me, drilling into my brain. Jared looked over to me, raising an eyebrow in a way that said _see? I told you lady luck was on my side._

"Hop on." He said inclining his head behind him, where I had sat on the way here.

He wanted me to cuddle with him _now_? He must really not care what the titans thought if it was his idea of fun to provoke them, bsides the fact I didn't _cuddle_.

"That's insane." Robin growled, stomping around the side of the car and ripping the front door on the other side open, as Beastboy and Starfire quietly slid in. "How the hell will it look if a titan shows up on the back of Red-X's motorbike!"

Jared smirked and pulled off his _shirt_. I gapped at him, while Cyborg pushed me into my seat. I landed heavily and bounced once, while scrabbling to look past him.

He pulled off his jeans and chucked all the clothes to the side, Now covered by his suit, minus cape. The gesture was akin to marking his territory. Robin was still glaring at him from his seat, and was Bruce smiling? Grimly, and mockingly, but still, smiling?

"You guys need a little excitement. You got boring Robin. Maybe that's why sunshine went for me instead." He smirked, before stamping back hard on the kick stand and revving the bike noisily. He gave him a two finger salute as it growled like a grizzly and he took off out the opening garage door, down the thin road to the mainland, disappearing quickly.

Cyborg hoped into the car, settling on the wide, long bench seat next to me, and clicking the door shut.

We sat in shocked silence. My insides half-seething, half-utterly shocked at what he had just said. Bruce took off, chuckling like a maniac, while my skin crawled. Did that just happen?

"Nice bike." Cyborg commented sheepishly watching it pass wistfully. Robin slammed the radio button, and the cab of the car filled with calming piano music. His chest moved up and down with his heavy breathing.

The tinkling, soothing, crescendo of music from Romeo and Juliet the ballet filtered through the radio, causing the uneasy silence to swell.

So we Titans did what we do best, and ignored it completely.

"We're _are_ we going?" I asked after a while of gathering myself together and silencing the laughing, wailing, sorrowful, impassive people in my head. Some thought what Jared had said was fucking hilarious, and others thought it had broken their heart. I didn't know what _I _had felt.

We had entered the main city, and contrary to the norm, there were no screaming civilians or signs of wreckage anywhere. The streets were filled with an ordinary kind of movement, the skyscrapers and shops in average state. We drove past Lela's coffee shop. The windows were still dusty, the people outside it still trying to gawk through at the people inside. The freakd of the city. Jared, or Red-X as I had to think of now, had pulled up aside the T-car, as he too didn't know the way. I caught sight of many men admiring it as he went past.

It did attract a lot of attention. It wasn't exactly quiet. It roared at every traffic light, and next to the T-car, which also got a lot of blank, dumbstruck looks, it might as well be a gold plated, bullet-proof Lamborghini.

Bruce answered me, his cold eyes locked onto the road ahead, his voice back to its 'business' gravelly tone.

"A disturbance at the main local high school was reported this morning. At 9 o'clock today, a colorless, odorless gas was released from all the vents throughout the school. It rendered all students and teachers unconscious for a time, and so far all appear unharmed but shaken. The gas is being tested by top scientists and those affected monitored."

_Okay. And?_ Sorrow panicked, wringing her hands._"_However dynasty hospital reported the same gas being spread throughout the entire building at 12. Same situation. Then, and 1 o'clock, the same gas was emitted through ten day care centers. Parliament put a media block on the situation, only to have the gas issue from their vents"

_Intriguing. So its not an emergency? What the hell are we doing then? _Brave huffed, while brutally and continuously hitting her punching bag, smirking.

"They haven't woken up yet, its been at least an hour longer than it took the others to come to and the secretaries came in."

_Why can't the police handle it? _Rude said lazily, twisting a strand of her dirty hair around a finger in her trashed domain of my mind.

"The police were called in, but no major decisions can be made without the mayors okay. And the mayor is unconscious. So they called you titans, because you can more or less do what you want."

_So…its still not an emergency?_ Desire said dryly, admiring her profile in the reflective water in the creek of her domain. _Our ears stick out. I want some new ones. Hmmn, or a new shirt. Either or…_

"And someone from a private line is trying to get through to the titans. On the phone. But they will only talk from the mayors office. They say they have information about the gasses origin_"_

_Ah. _

"So we go in there, talk to this guy, find out what he wants and wake up the politicians." Cyborg clarified, rolling his shoulders and cracking his neck.

I nodded dully and stared out at X. Of course, being the dangerous man he was, he wasn't wearing a helmet so his hair was whipped around in the wind. Though I hadn't on the way over. But I could heal any cracks to my skull.

"Its not that simple." Robin said tensely. "There might be resistance. The man on the phone might call in backup. The mayor might not wake up. We have to get to the bottom of this!"

Cyborg shrugged.

"hey man. I'm just explaining it to her."

Robin took a deep breath and nodded.

"Beastboy." He said suddenly, leaning back into his seat. "What do you know about the people in the warehouse?"

I looked over to Beastboy, a side-long glance, and tried to catch his eye.

Our relationship had always been a lop-sided friendship. He wasn't funny, at all. But he was sweet sometimes. He had tried more than I had, and I had always taken it for granted. Now, he wasn't looking at me.

I had the feeling he sensed I was watching, but I knew he was pretending I wasn't there.

Beastboy was shaky, his face a paler green than usual.

"They were speaking Afrikaans." He shivered. Cyborg looked at him suspiciously.

"H'dya know?" He asked. No reply.

"Wait, you speak African?" He exclaimed. Beastboy shot him an annoyed look.

"Afrikaans!" He corrected. I almost laughed. He sounded like a librarian.

"I'm not an idiot!" He protested when Cyborg started sniggering.

Even Robin cracked a smile.

I felt strangly detached. Like this didn't concern me anymore.

"Okay, Okay. Your not an idiot. How d'ya know _Afrikaans_." Cyborg said, the last word in a snobby voice.

Beastboy shot him a look. A look. He wasn't the little boy I had known.

"I was born in south Africa." he snapped.

"_Ohhh_." Cyborg cooed, waving his hands around. "So what were they saying, _Africa_?"

Beastboy folded his arms across his chest.

"Leave me be." He said quickly, looking pale again. But then he got his color back almost immediately. "technically, your from Africa too."

Cyborg gaped at him.

"You did not just talk about my color man." he warned. Beastboy shrugged.

"I'm just saying man, we both come from the motherland."

The car was filled with snickering as we pulled up to the curb next to the shiny, many windowed mayoral offices. It seemed the media had started to ignore the mayor, now that he was off duty. The entrance was cordoned off by the police, who were decked out in full riot gear. The paparazzi were giving them a wide girth, but they started getting snap-happy when we opened the doors. X hoped off his bike, bringing up several different reactions from the surrounding people.

First, it was gasps.

Then, it was screams.

Lastly, chaos.

Different television channels and rival newspapers and magazines were crawling over each other to get closer, even jostling there partners and camera crew to get a good angle. Flashbulbs were blinding me, but Red-X must have some kind of vision evener because he was walking in a straight line.

"X!"

"Over HERE!"

"Have you joined the titans!"

Red-X scoffed, and stepped loftily through the crowd, while Robin stormed after him.

"Heelll no." X laughed. The people took a step back everywhere he went. Like he was a dangerous criminal.

Oh. Right.

Robin grabbed the nearest microphone and shoved it under his mouth. The whole area hushed.

Robin always took care of these things. He was a media darling.

"Red - X has not joined the titans. He is here because he has information. We will hold a press conference afterwards, if we are left to deal with this."

I inwardly groaned. I hated press conferences. There was always a spike in woman's magazines stories about all of us. The last one had me part and beastboy in some sexual relationship. They had said we were keeping it secret. Ridiculous, but 'opposites attract' was a well known slogan that made wonderful headlines.

The reporters groaned. They knew he was serious. He had called off conferences and refused to talk before when they got in the way. And this story was so juicy they could almost drink it up. Politics, heroes, and school children. Yum.

But then Batman stepped out of the car.

The frenzy re-started, with more furious snapping and bustling. Strangely, no questioning this time, just an underlying roar. Robin growled and pulled the mike close to his mouth and waited for them to hush while Batman ascended the steps and into the building ahead. Not saying a word. As they had with X, they stepped back, sensing his insane aura. The way they were gawking, Gandhi could have just walked past. No, Gandhi would have received less attention.

"Batman is also here to help. As I have just said, we will talk about it very soon. Now, if you please, clear out."

Then he jogged up the steps, keeping his eyes trained ahead, leaving them wanting more.

Red - X shot the crowd his famous two-fingered salute and followed him. I shrugged my hair over my face, and walked up the steps as fast as I could, avoiding any questions or cameras pointed at me.

It was an immense relief when we entered the cool, air-conditioned, main room. A secretary with shaking hands and a curvy female officer greeted us.

"Welcome Titans," She said, seeming to hold no malice towards us the way others did. "I'm officer Ricard" Robin was already shaking her caramel colored hand as we caught up. Maybe a spark between them?

I hoped so. That would help me _so _much.

"Where are they?"

Robin asked in seriousness. I tried to pull open my empathy. I ripped it as wide as I could, and focused it in the space between the officer and my leader, and found nothing. An empty page.

The barest respect maybe. Other than that, I got nothing. I glared at her. Why couldn't she co-operate with me? She was perfect for him. They both seemed obsessive (her hair was pulled back so tight and smothed down so finely it was better suited to an elderly nurse), and they both worked basically the same field.

She stared back, not intimidated.

_Bitch _Jealousy growled.

_I_ ignored both women and separated myself from the group, trailing my hand over the window sill. I caught X staring at me from the corner of my eye, and stopped moving to stand next to a potted fern.

The woman looked away and re-focused.

"Second floor." She nodded towards the shiny, metallic elevator doors. Batman crossed his arms. "All the men are in the first room."

Jared walked over to me, and very deliberately ran his hand down the side of my breast. His skull mask twisted at the bottom so I knew he was smirking.

He looked so much more dangerous in that suit. So in comprehensible. No motive for his actions, when he continuously switched sides. No logic. No past. No story to how he got the suit in the first place.

I narrowed my eyes at his gloved hand.

"Lets go then." Robin nodded at Starfire, who tapped the button and sent him a dazzling smile, her white teeth sparkling and red-hair shining in the suns glare from outside.

My heart dropped a few inches in my chest. Guilt.

She was hopeful. You could feel it radiating off of her, and you didn't need my empathy. Her every move was a graceful leap that clearly said hello world.

If I wasn't here, would her hope have turned into real actions? Would Robin have just accepted the inevitable and gotten on with it? I had to believe it was going to happen.

I followed everyone into the elevator, sticking away from everyone. Detaching myself.

But that didn't mean they would stay away from me.

X managed to slide in beside me, and pin me to the wall. I raised my eyebrow. People were watching.

"What are you doing?" Robin asked, his temper rising. My view of him was cut off by Jared's chest but I could tell by his tone he was not happy. Red-X smirked deeper and turned around.

"The elevators really full." he shrugged, and turned back to me. I slid under his arm and found the elevator was full. My face came level with Batman's chest now.

He glared down at me.

"You two." He growled, nodding at me, and then at X. "Stay away from each other. I'm not here to supervise teenagers."

Red-X smirked.

"I'm not a teenager." he pointed out. Cyborg woke up at this point.

"How old is he?" He demanded, his eye alarmed. I blushed.

"Uh…-"

"Twenty one" Jared answered promptly cutting me off. I had been deciding whether it would make it sound more irresponsible to say I didn't know. Cyborg gapped at me. Now he too, was disappointed. I needed to get out of this tiny, tiny room and into my own breathing space.

"He is way too old for you" Cyborg shook his head.

"I don't know." Robin started. I flicked my head around to stare at him. He was staring straight at me, his eyes serious. But was he actually agreeing with me? "Her last boyfriend was a thousand years old."

Sorrow wailed. This was betrayal. I stayed as still as a statue. My brain was still trying to accept he had just said that. And when it did, my stomach dropped. Embarrassment . I felt shame. In that instant I remembered what it felt like to have Malchior whisper in my ear with that lilting British accent and what it felt like to have him betray me.

"What?" Jared asked in surprise. Thankfully, at that moment, the doors slid open. I rushed out ahead of everyone else and into the first room. I still felt two feet tall.

The room was being guarded at the huge window by two muscled security guards. They paid me no attention after looking me over once, checking who I was. It was a maze of stretchers. I could see why the secretary was so worried. All the old balding men and white haired, short and fat women in this room were clearly going to be asleep for a long time. The mayor was placed between the two security guards, with the most pillows under his head.

This had obviously been an office or meeting room. All the chairs and the large antique table had been pushed to the sides of the room, up by the huge computer. How could he have said that?

No one ever spoke of it. It wasn't aloud. Everyone had been supportive in their own, irritating ways after it. Now I felt like everyone was watching me, seeing through me. My cheeks burned and so did my heart. I was pissed.

I didn't owe him my love. I didn't have to play along with his plans like a puppet. He was my leader, but it didn't work that way.

And because of that he was going to bring up my past failures? my weaknesses. My heart beats sped up. I was remembering the feeling of Malchior. My stomach clentched and I dropped my eyes to the floor.

"What?" Jared repeated, jogging after me faster than anyone else could. I ignored him, my heavy breathing telling him to back off. But he didn't take it. He grabbed both my shoulders and swung me around behind the door while everyone else was still coming.

"You can't interrupt hero work whenever you feel like it." I said in monotone, giving him no emotion. The way I used to be. When no one could hurt me.

We were in a room full of unconscious politicians. This was not the time for his jealousy and my insecurity.

Red-X pushed me closer to the wall. That seemed to be his way of getting what he wanted.

"Last boyfriend?" he asked in the metallic robot voice. He managed to make it sound strained. I stepped out from under him again. His eyes narrowed.

The others had filed into the room, but I ignored them. I caught one look at Starfires sympathetic face and separated myself again.

"Your turning into a bitch man." Cyborg said truthfully to Robin, before placing his arm around me and leading me away. I looked at him like he was insane. I didn't catch Robins reaction. I didn't care about him.

"What are you doing!" I hissed franticly. He simply smiled and put a hand to his lips, inclining his head at Batman, who was examining the nearest politician. Behind his smile I saw he was worried. For me.

He tilted his head up and down, And then let it slump to the stack of overstuffed pillows. He picked up his arm, examined it and let that thunk back to the bed as well. I had no idea what he was looking for, but had to fight the urge to inform him that he looked like an ass.

"I have no idea what's wrong with him." he concluded darkly, letting the mans jaw snap shut and pushing himself to his feet. He looked over to the guard, who was looking at him with...adoration.

"Is the man still on the line?"

The guy nearly tripped over his feet in a rush to give him the mobile he had picked up off the conference table. Bruce took it swiftly, if not in an amused fashion, and held it up to his ear. "hello?" He said, his eyes narrowed and back to business.

In an instant, the video calling screen lit up. And on it, was a very, very powerful looking African man.

Who seemed to hate us all.

His look was one of pure loathing, the one you could only use once in your life. The one you saved for the person who has killed your family. If I could tap that for everyday, everything I wanted would just fall gracefully into my lap.

"Hello Americans." His thick, if not a little sexy, accent spat the last word out like it was poison. I counted. Three of us weren't actually American.

"Shit." Red-X gasped. I looked at him. He had staggered back a few steps, and I was sure it wasn't because this guy was a little more than unnerving.

"What?" I asked quietly out of the corner of my mouth.

"You know that guy that you caught because I said he was Rusesamunga?" He asked, taking a step forward.

"Yeah.." Cyborg trailed off. I didn't like where this was going.

"Well I'm thinking, this is Rusesamunga and the other guy was his assistant who was with him the only time I saw him and was sent as a decoy."Great.

"Great." Robin spat. Rusesamunga started to laugh, making it very clear he definatly was Rusesamunga.

"Very good mister X. I was hoping you would be here." he chuckled darkly, before shooting a look at the sleeping politicians while a thin smile spread across his face.

"You are Rusesamunga?" Bruce asked in a steely voice. He had taken everything in the fastest and was now back on track. Rusesamunga didn't take his eyes of the sleeping people, but nodded, his smile growing all the while into a maniacal grin. Creepy.

"And what are your demands?"

He finally looked up, his expression gone from insanely happy to insanely angry in a second. I was glad he was not in the same room, or the vibes from his emotions would give me motion sickness.

"My demands will mean nothing to you. America has had years upon years of time and it has ignored all previous calls for help. What I want right now is for these men and women to wake up." he spat harshly, his eyes dark and severely threatening.

Even my eyebrows shot up.

_Strange demands_

I couldn't help thinking. This man was talking like the whole of America was one person. I knew what he was talking about. Bruce had said he had come from Ethiopia. I could understand where his hatred for the rich and free was coming from, and it was clear that he had some form of mental illness, and a high IQ. This kind of criminal set-up would have taken a lot of manpower, which probably meant those people in the warehouse were his groupies.

"You _want_ them to wake up?" Jared asked in disbelief, crossing his arms over his chest. Jemal smiled indulgently.

"Of course. I have been waiting for them to do it on their own for almost three hours, but it seems they are unable yes? So I think it would be best to get them awake sooner rather than later don't you agree titans?"

We all stared at him, nodding along like robots. This had probably never happened before. usually we had to fight to get our hosteges back.

Ruseamunga cleared his throat.

"so" He smiled. "I'm going to need one of you to give up some blood."


	17. Expectations

"I'm going to need some blood." Jemal said, as if he were ticking it off his shopping list.

"That's insane." Cyborg said, shaking his head. I agreed. No one was going to be cutting themselves just because some good-looking Ethiopian told them too. We were heroes, but with reasons.

"Why?" Robin asked with narrowed eyes and a sharp glance. this usually shot through a weak criminals armour.

Rusesamunga smiled widely. It was heart-melting. Something about when he smiled like that made me gush with sympathy.

"Because the green ones blood has the cure" He said simply, shrugging, as if sorry for the minor inconvenience. Beastboy took a step forward, his emotions tangled and wild. His wide green eyes demanded answers.

"But this isn't the disease I had!" He protested in a strained voice.

"You are correct. But this gas is has a tiny dosage in it. Usually they would wake up by themselves, but it seems the amount I gave them requires some form of cure."

Beastboy nodded. Cyborg had grasped the science of it already, and Robin was looking at him for conformation the theory was viable. There was no friendliness or trust in the look. It seemed I had effectively punctured their tight friendship.

I knew it wasn't all my fault. By rights Robin and Cyborg always fought. Robin was the leader, and knew Cyborg could be too, if he wanted. Two strong headed young males were not meant to live in peace. It was nature.

"Beastboy." Robin inclined his head after a moment. Beastboy nodded back. He would do it, it was his job to keep them safe. He wasn't usually called on, and I could see he took the responsability was weighing on him.

"Does anyone have a…knife?" He asked, looking around. The word sounded foreign and slipped unwillingly off his tongue.

No one moved or said anything. We were Titans, We didn't carry knifes around.

But Red-X wasn't a titan I rememberd clearly.

I held my hand out, glaring at him while Rusemugina waited patiently, observing the way we operated. He was interested. I got the feeling he found us amusing. I could tell Robin didn't like it, but I could give a fuck what he didn't like at the moment. Let him look if that made Robin feel uncomforatable.

Red-X looked back at me, innocent as a person in a skull mask could be. _Yes ma'am?_

"What?" He asked virtuously, And I almost beleived his startled look.

"I know you have a knife." I pointed out coldly, gesturing vaugly over his shirt.

"Tell me who Robin was talking about in the elevator." he demanded, equally coldly, his facade washing away. He was sulking.

"Give it here!" I whipped out. Patience was not one of my qualities. Finally, he pulled the throwing dagger out from under his shirt and slapped the slim handle it into my palm. I shot him a withering glance and walked over to Beastboy. _Child._

Beastboy wouldn't be able to cut himself. He was too upbeat to even consider it. He stood there, looking at nervously. Not looking at _me_, but my hand.

"I'll do it." I told him quietly, making real eye contact for the first time today. His newly aquired height hit me again, as I realized i had to look _up. _He nodded and held out his wiry arm. I took it, and balanced it steady between my fingers. I drew it across the bridge of his thumb, and watched the thin cut well up with wet blood immediatly. I could heal it soon.

Beastboy stayed quiet, still and tough as I looked to the huge screen, waiting for the next instructions, following everyone elses lead. Officer Ricard was drinking everything in like a sponge. Rusesamunga looked pleased at our speed.

"Wave it under the nose of the nearest sleeping man." he said kindly, waving towards the mayor. Beastboy hesitated for a moment, and then obeyed. He walked over to and held his hand under the mayors nose. The mans face remained slack for a moment, and then contorted spastically before he shot up, almost knocking Beastboy down.

"Man!" He exclaimed. The mayors eyes were wide and _furious_.

"What the _fuck_ was that?" He raged, glaring at Beastboy dangerously. But he was already waving his arm in front of the minister of sport's face, turned his face away from him.

I stared at him. That was very un-mayorial. The few times I had delt directly with him, as in the times I had payed attention, He had been professional.

"What the fuck are you staring at?" he spat at me. My eyebrows shot up.

"Excellent" Rusesamunga enthused, his eyes glinting with triumph, that sense of maniacal power present in his face again. The rudeness pleased him to no end.

Robin looked back at him only to have the screen suddenly go straight blue. He gritted his teeth and stalked past me.

"Beastboy, continue waking everyone up. Cyborg, re-cuff X. Raven, go home." He ordered, striding over to officer Ricard.

"Get your best on tracking that call." He said quietly, sharing an understanding look with her. I was still seething from his comment and seeing him treat that policewoman, who was normally a hindrance to our _real _investigations, with such respect and proffesionalsim . Cyborg was clicking the cuffs on a scowling Jared. He would co-operate for now, but when he took his mask off, we would have no proof of who he was, and he would no longer hold his wrists out.

"Of course." She replied and then exited the room.

"What are you still doing here?" Robin asked darkly, aimed at me. "Take Cyborg and X home. When Beastboy gets back heal him, but once you get back to the tower stay there."

I could still sense the longing he had for me. He had enjoyed the kissing. And now he was trying to bury it under layers of pig-headedness.

I nodded and grabbed Cyborgs elbow. He gripped Jared's shoulder and I took a deep shuddering breath.

I tried to push back my anger at Robin. And my anger at Jared for being so persistent. And my love for Robin. And my love for Jared. It was best to feel nothing while I teleported. A spike in energy might put the three of us in steel city.

"Azarath, metrion, zythous." I muttered, and called up my energy. It covered us all in cool liquid and I felt myself slip away.

I solified and felt my feet hit the carpet floor of the common room. The energy disappeared and was replaced by a wave of sudden exhaustion.

"That's always freezing." Jared complained, his synthesizer unsettling me again. I collapsed on the couch and looked dully at Cyborg.

"Can you un-cuff him?" I asked Cyborg pleadingly. He might shut up, and I needed him to take off the mask.

Cyborg looked at me doubtfully, then, with a sigh, clicked them open again.

Red-X rolled his shoulders, shook his wrists, took of his mask and became Jared again. His hair was ruffled from being covered and he was looking at me with distaste.

"Are you going to tell me what Robin meant about your last boyfriend now?" He asked with narrowed eyes. I stared at him from my spot nestled into the cushions, my calm state of mind rapidly deteriorating at the mention of Malchior. I don't know what would happen if I or anyone else said the name out loud. I don't think I could handle it.

"Just leave it man." Cyborg advised warningly. "I'm going to the research room to check up on Beastboys disease."

I nodded and sighed as Jared sat down next to me. Cyborg left, and I was alone with him.

"Why wont you tell me?" He smirked. Something in him knew that this was something touchy for me. I narrowed my eyes.

"Because it has nothing to do with anything."

Robin would be horrified if he knew I was alone with Jared right now. I knew he had been counting on Cyborg to look after me. But the matter of Jinx kept Cyborg at bay. He understood what was going on.

"Don't give me that old excuse." He drawled, chuckling a little. I needed to shut him up. My emotions were all bundled up and I needed some kind of relief.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my nose to his. I held my position for a moment.

"Shut up." I growled finally, moving my lips over to his. His hands came up to my hips and rubbed my lower back as he returned the kiss. He massaged my lips apart with his, bringing his tongue in and maneuvering himself on top of me on the couch. The sound of our expensive couch creaking under the weight was overshawoed by heavy breathing. We kissed slowly, savoring each taste and movement. I pulled myself closer, pressing my entire body to his, lapping up the heat and attention.

Every thought was driven from my mind. Nothing mattered anymore. This was what I loved about Jared. He made nothing matter except both of us. And the pleasure.

My heart fluttered like a butterflies wings on fire as one hand moved lower down my thigh. Suddenly he became more aggressive and I gasped as he buried his face in my neck, sucking and kissing towards my collarbone. It gave me an opportunity to think through the sensation and to breath. I could see the whole city, bustling and big as it was. His mouth returned to mine and I was captured again, his tongue stroking the roof of my mouth. I shivered and he brought both hands to cup my face and pulled away smirking.

Suddenly he pushed my knees apart, separating my legs and grabbing my ass with his huge hands. "Will you tell me now?" he muttered delishiously, before deliberately blowing hot air over my face. I pressed my forehead to his, soaking with our emotions and letting myself settle.

I didn't want this to go that far, not today. Last night had been amazing. Last night had been too much, and now, I needed to think and negotiate and be the hero I was supposed to be. I would not be selfish today, not while others were suffering around me. Robin was pinning, Starfire was about to come crashing down to earth, Beastboy was reliving his past and I didn't know what the hell was happening with Cyborg.

"No." I whispered and kissed him softly on the lips for a couple of seconds to satisfy him, and then tried to slip away. He huffed and allowed me room to move, before snatching me around the waist and forcing me to sit in the space between his legs and wrapping his arms across my stomach. He seemed to be thinking deeply about something.

I sat, content for now, sinking into his chest.

"You should tell me." He said after a while, though it didn't sound like that was what he had been thinking about. It sounded as if he was trying to ditract himself.

"Everyone else seems to know." I tried to turn my head around, failed, and sunk back again.

"I'll tell you when this is all over. Please don't mention it again."

"But why?" He was like a child. That infuriating game they played, where they answered every explanation you gave them with _why?_

I swallowed back the lump in my throat and struggled to get off of him.

"Because." I said in monotone, not looking at him. It made it easier that way. "It hurts to talk about."

I wandered over to the window, ears pricked for a snappy response that didn't come. I stared out at the sparkling ocean. It was sunny, but the oncoming clouds from the west looked dark and unpromising.

The afterglow of kisses faded into nothing. It always did.

I spotted a bright green hawk from the distance, and opened the window. Beastboy was back, sooner than expected. At least he would be a distraction from the roller coaster that was Jared Wilson.

He flew through the window and fazed mid flight back into his lanky teenage form, clutching his hand. It was still bleeding. I had cut too deep. He looked back at me before sneering at Jared sprawled across the couch, looking brooding.

"I should have known he'd be out of the cuffs already." he commented rudely.

I ignored him and walked silently over, taking his wrist and examining it. The skin was red around the cut. He must have squeezed it to get enough blood out to wake to whole room. I sighed, placed a finger to it and chanted inwardly, projecting all my energy into the cut.

"You know what really pissed me off?" He asked testily. I could feel he had been wanting to say this for a while.

"No." I replied icily, trying to keep my mind on the job. _But I bet, your going to tell me right now, while I can't escape._

"You had the nerve to call Terra the traitor, and here you are doing the exact same thing." he sneered. I finished healing him, whishing I could rip the slim slice back open and finally stared him in the eye. He was full of wanting. For her. I got what I wanted and he didn't. Everyone was angry at me for trying to be happy.

"And you would have her back in a second."

I turned around to stare at the skyscrapers.

"I never said I wanted you gone." There was no regret in his voice for what he had said. He had needed to say it.

"Thanks." I replied sarcastically. I heard his snort, and just like that, things might just be okay between us.

Now the room was silent, except for the ticking of the clock, which seemed to grow louder with every moment. we stood, or sat, around for half an hour. Jared was clearly deep in thought again, and I was thinking about Malchior.

It was like I was a normal teenager. Almost everyone had a bad break-up story. I was like the OC with a twist.

But it wasn't normal, no matter how much I wanted it to be. It was my shame.

I stood, looking but not really looking at the city, and wallowed in my self-loathing. The only break came when the door slammed open and Robin and Starfire came in. The mood wound up. They had been fighting.

Robins shoulders were tense and Starfire huge green eyes were full to the brim with tears. Her emotional climate was confused, and wounded. When she saw us all staring at her in shock she tunred on her heel and ran out of the room, her sob just breaking before she cleared the hallway.

My heart dropped for her. Everyone knew exactly what had happened.

We all expected those two to get together. But the new revalation had smashed that theory. Now it seemed Robin couldn't handle her peppyness. It wasn't Starfires fault. In her own home, she was considered intelligent. She was here too, but she had the naiivety and understanding of earth was like a six year olds, pretty good considering she'd only been here for just over three years. And it wasn't Robins. He was used to challenging minds like mine and Cyborgs. Ones that would fight him instead of going along with it and then crying over it later.

"Nice one boy." Jared smirked. Insesitive. and that was only the first word that came to mind. I was sick of his tactlesness. It was not about him all the time.

Robin didn't react like I expected him to. He didn't even take a deep breath. He just looked straight at Jared and sighed.

"Leave." he said simply, and it was like the world had just rolled of his shoulders. He smiled a smile that flashed every white teeth, and he laughed in releif. Jared stared at him, an eyebrow raised. Robin walked into the kitchen and poured out cornflakes into a bowl, seemingly happy. He looked up and noticed Jareds expression.

"Either you leave for good, or I turn you over to the police right now and you go to trial."

I coudn't beleive what he was saying. It was so...calm. Like he was the boss of the world. He had given him a simple, clear-cut, pure option. And it was clear he could live with either scenario. Right now, Robin held all the power.

My glance flicked over to the security pad on the wall. The miniscule red light was on, the green one extingushed. The tower was locked, and no one could get out, unless _I_ teleported. My mouth went dry.

Jareds eyebrow dropped, and his face turned accepting. My blood cooled.

"I'm not going to jail." He said, shaking his head from side to side in determination. He had too much to live for. His qualafications, his friends, his search for family.

"You'll leave for good?" Robin questioned. He raised his brows as high as mine were. This was surreal. Beastboy sat on the couch, frozen, his eyes darting back and forth between the two _men._ Apparently.

Jared gulped, took one look at me that I intuperated correctly as _I'll se you soon._

"Yes." he said Finally, regretfully. Robin wouldn't fall for this alone.

"The tower is installing new security systems as we speak. Very soon, you will have no way of getting in. And this time, I'll know where Raven is. I won't just brush it off when she says shes going to the coffee shop." He warned.

He was serious, and that would be hard to get around. Despite my reassurance that things would be alright, I felt sick.

Jared stood up.

"Alright." He nodded. He looked at me. This was to show that he didn't give a damn. "Its been fun sunshine. I'd like to stay but a boyfriend in jails just as bad as not having one, ain't it?"

"Your right." was all I managed to choke out. I was an amazing liar when I had to be, and Jared looked pleased with the performance.

"See ya around." He strolled casually over to the elevator.

"You won't be able to get in again X. Don't even try." Robin said, his words both a threat and a promise. My mood spiralled. He was right. Jared wouldn't be able to get back in, and it was going to be a while before I was trusted to be on my own without being checked up on. Our time would be cut short. But maybe that would be a good thing. We both needed to sort outselves out.

The elevator slid open and he saluted with his back turned to me, and remained that way until the doors slid shut, and I heard it move.

The silence was thickening, and before it became too hard I had to seal the deal.

If I glared, I would seem okay. I remembered after Malchior, I couldn't utter a sarcastic remark or filthy look for weeks. So I stayed silent, just staring at Robin with a dead, wide eyed look. He looked back non-responsivly.

I stormed to my room.

"Thank _you_." I spat numbly, as I left.

When I reached far enough away so they wouldn't hear me, I sprinted to my room. As I had expected, Jared was standing in the middle of it.

I didn't like the way his eyes were raking over my possesions. I didn't like anyone looking at my things, least of all someone who wasn't even scared of me.

I also didn't like that he was frowning, his eyes stone cold and serious.

"Make this quick" He mumbled. Whether he was talking to me or himself I didn't know. I nodded, trying to catch my short breath.

"The new security will start in about ten minutes. what should we do?" I asked, somewhat desperatly. Usualy I came up with all my plans, but not today. I was at a sighed heavily.

"Nothing."

I almost didn't catch that. But when I finally let it sink in, I still couldn't understand it.

"Nothing?" I repeated disdainfully. Jared liked to just float along in his life and let things happen, but now he was going to far.

"I think it would be a good idea." He said slowly, his eyes downcast.

It dawned on me. He had not come up with some rebellious plan to outsmart my leader and stay with me. He was doing exactly what he should, and looking out for himself.

"Your leaving!" I snapped wildly at him. My head was spinning out of control. He was going to do what Robin wanted and _leave _me?

He bowed his head further, his floppy fringe falling over his eyes so I couldn't see them anymore.

"I need to get my head sorted out and this seems like a perfect opportunity." He explained.

There was some open endedness to that. Maybe he wasn't going _forever._ My heart rate slowed and I dropped my arms to my side with a slap.

"Your listening to Robin. You hate Robin." I said dully, trying to make sense of this. He said he wanted to be with me, but the next minute he was gagging to escape. I had expected Robins demands to make him more determined to stay, regardless of his feelings.

"Robins a smart guy, some of the time." He shrugged, putting a leg out of the window. That's how anxious to get away he was. He was telling me, and leaving at the same time

"Gone." I said bleakly.

He lifted his head up.

"For a few months. I think it would be good for both of us. We need to decide where this is going."

Translation; I want to sleep with other women without you interfering.

"While you date other people?" I raised my eyebrows.

It was a million times more easy to be pissed rather than be hurt. I could date other people. I could date anyone I wanted couldn't I? I was good looking wasn't I? I had a team of voices in my head to guide me along the way. Robin was waiting in the wings. I could have him in a _second_.

"I don't know." He admitted. His hand trailed over to the side of the window, ready to swing his body out of the frame any second.

"Okay then." I managed to choke out. My insides were wringing in pain, while desire was trying to talk me up.

_I want him to stay but I want him to go!_ She whined, confused. Right now her only want was to understand fully.

_He's leaving. _Knowledge stated clearly. The rest was drowned out by the crying in my head.

"I'll call you." He promised. A tiny grain of hope. But I wouldn't let myself hold out for that. Especially as he swung out of the window, dissapearing. I felt my body fill with defiance.

I would not be owned by others actions. I ripped open the door to my closet.

* * *

_Red-X is gone. But Robin is still here. Shes pissed at both of them. So who will she choose now that both have defied her expectations?_


	18. Two months

_One month later, Jared Wilson_

"C'mon Jared. You can tell me." Ana implored innocently, for the third time today.

"ahhhhhh!" and then the sounds of giggling filtered through the cheap walls.

The weather outside was stopping the kids from going to preschool. Renata was scared of the wind, and of course, what Renata did, Oly had to do too. So Ana had just given up and said they could stay home if they promised to go tomorrow. Every time the gale picked up there we're delightedly terrified screams from their room.

"Ana. Drop it. We're on a break." What the fuck was this? An episode of friends?

Ana tossed her dark hair over one shoulder and leaned forward conspiratorially.

"But why?" She whispered, eyes wide and demanding.

She had been demanding to know everything about my personal life since her promotion had fallen through. Ignoring her own life, and probing mine.

"Because we both needed to work ourselves out." I replied truthfully.

I was _craving _Raven. But this was all part of the working out. To see how much I could handle the craving. It wasn't working out so far depending on which way you looked at it.

On one hand it was getting harder and harder to stay away. Any day now I was going to crack and teleport into her room to sniff her pillow. Boy wonder would catch me, lock me up, and she would be freaked out.

On the other it was cementing my theory. That I now saw her as _mine. _That nothing Robin or anyone else could do would keep me away in the end. I was _hers _and she could do nothing about it. I was going to get her one way or another, and force her to stay with me.

"That doesn't make any sense!" she said with a frown. She was looking at me with concern, as if I had gone insane. Which I had.

I kept lamenting on things like how I didn't even have one picture of her or how she smelled. Things that didn't matter, but were easier than being a little pissed with myself.

Not that I regretted my decision to leave for a while. It was the right one. Now I knew for sure that it was her I wanted, not anything else. Clearing my head had been needed.

"We're complicated people." I smirked. That was true enough.

Her frown lines became more pronounced, and she finally looked her twenty-eight years.

"Its simple the way I see it. You love her. She loves you." She sighed, looking over at the twins, who had run out of the room giggling. Renata was carrying her plastic tea set, and was pouring Oly an imaginary drink. I hoped he would grow out of following her in time. I wasn't keen on him becoming a little gay Russian boy.

"Hang on, who mentioned love?" I asked. Ana had a way of putting words in my mouth.

Not that I didn't _love _Raven. In so many words. I missed her like I missed my parents, and she wasn't even dead. I wanted her with me every moment of the day. It was hard to consciously love someone so gothic. And after we fought, I felt physically sick. I would even give up my job for her, if she asked again. It was just I wasn't going around saying it. If Raven really needed me to I would. Just not in front of Ana.

"You did." Ana insisted, still not granting me her full attention. She was smiling vaguely at her children. The thunder cracked again, and the rain intensified, causing Renata to shriek, brandishing the little teapot .

"I didn't." I shot back with a raised eyebrow.

She finally huffed and looked at me, her kind eyes sympathetic.

"You did. Ven you talk about her you get this smile on your face, and it is not ze usual smirk." she was glowing, talking about love.

"I don't talk about her." I pointed out.

"You said she was beautiful once. And then you said that she never laughs. You were smiling while you said it."

I vaguely remembered, but it was in passing, and I didn't remember smiling. Was it that obvious how I felt about her? I could understand it if I was smiling, she had an endearing anger about her that was hilarious.

"If you say so." I allowed her raising my hands in defeat. Better not to let Ana get going, or she would start to yell in that accent, suddenly changing the language to Russian so I wouldn't be able to understand what she was lecturing me on anymore. "Now, are we going to talk about you job or what?"

Her body became stiff and her face taunt.

"No." She huffed.

"I can lend you some money." I offered. Doing good deeds made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I needed some kind of distraction like that.

I had no idea when I was going back to Raven. I was hoping some answer to Robins new security would magically appear. I had spent some time trying to close in on the tower, at night of course. I could only get so close before the warning lights popped up. I only tried one night, no doubt in the morning Robin had added something new to stop anyone from even getting that close. No, I would have to wait until Raven went outside without Robin to get her back. I had the feeling I would have to wait a while.

Ana looked at me and burst out into laughter.

"Your just a student! You don't have any money for yourself!"

Laugh it up Ana. Laugh it up.

"I have some money saved." I muttered. _A few million_.

Ana looked at me pityingly.

"Honey, we live in south Jump. No one here has money saved." She said kindly, before patting my hand and getting up.

"Nata! Oly! Do you vant a banana?" she said in an exaggerated mom voice. The kids looked at her for a moment, then looked away. Renata shrugged her shoulders.

"Want McDonaaaallllldddddsssssss." she moaned, throwing her head back so it turned into a howl. Ana looked at me despairingly and I pushed my chair back.

"I'll get it." I muttered, standing up and grabbing my wallet of the table.

"Yaaaaayyyyy!" The kids cheered. Ana smiled at their happy faces and I shrugged my jacket on. "We love you unca-Jay!" Renata crowed sweetly, flashing me Ana's famous smile and waving at me franticly.

"yeah, yeah." I said, unconvinced. She was gonna be a little heartbreaker.

_One month, four days later, Raven Roth._

I ripped open a portal strictly for mail with a few words and shoved the letter inside, watching it close and collapsing onto the bed. It would reach Azarath in mere seconds, my mother with it. I should have waited to write it. Though the words weren't particuly angry, I knew Arella would pick up the malice Behind them. I fell back onto the bed, sighing, lying on my back, staring at the feathered dream catcher. If the legend was true and it _did_ catch my dreams, it would be full of black tar by now. I had been awake for at least an hour, but had taken up the habit of staying in my room for longer than necessary. I had to teach Robin a lesson.

Because the fact remained that Jared was gone. And all the important details I should have double-checked had gone with him. The broadness of his shoulders, the precise gray shade of his eye and the furrow between his brows when he was trying to figure me and my moods out was just another memory in my catalogue.

And memories were not always reliable.

More days will pass, like the thirty-four that had passed already since he left, bringing new memories that I didn't want or need that will push the old ones further and further away until he comes home.

_Home_. Where the hell is that?

Jared was not like a drug. I was not addicted to him. I could do without a 'fix'.

But he was like a limb. Sure, I could go on living without my arm. Sure, I could go living without him. I wouldn't die. But I missed him, as I would my arm, like hell and feel its separation, until he came _home. _

All I could do now is slow the momentum of what Robin did, all for the sake of his gluttonous ego. I could sulk and pine for his enemy all day long, and make sure he watched every moment.

I finally slumped of my bed and stamped out of my room. The bright heat of the last few weeks had faded, proving weather reporters right. Good.

Cold, overcast skies would complement my mood.

The common room was full. I had lost track of time in anger and it seemed like now was lunch. My sympathetic big brother was cooking burgers while the others sat around the bench, Robin reading his _goddammed_ newspaper again.

I scraped back my bar stool and slammed my body down onto it.

Robins eyes were carefully trained on the inky page before him.

I glared holes in the paper.

"You okay Rae?" Cyborg asked nervously, flipping over patties.

I guess my return to moody silence had shocked the whole team. They should have know I wouldn't stay that open and happy forever. I had been taught separation from birth, it was what I was good at.

"Fine." I growled in the best monotone I could manage.

"Its for the best Raven." Robins voice trailed over to me. He sounded long-suffering, like I was a child arguing that one plus one _did not _equal two. It _had_ been a month.

The passionate fury I felt almost pushed my mind over the edge. This happened often. Jared was probably in sunny Australia right now, and I was dealing with this egotistical fool who thought he was my father and boyfriend in one. In that second, when my insides were no longer calm and level, I almost let slip that Jared would come back. Because he was. The way he had said goodbye had made it clear this was not over. But then I reminded myself Robin would up security even more, if he hadn't micro chipped me already. Jared was gone for months, and I didn't want to add to the tally. So I chanted in my head, and stabbed my elongated nails into my palm.

"For you maybe. Not for me. Never for me."

Robin was not a selfish person. He was remarkably strong and level-headed considering his upbringing. He is a good man.

Everyone has a dark side.

His was the vendetta against X. He didn't understand the difference between Jared and X. They were two different people. If another man had won me over, or more aptly, stolen me, Robin would have let it go and mourned our preconceived relationship in private. With Jared, all he could see was a criminal. A stolen suit, a superior fighter, the man that took the girl he wanted before he even knew he wanted her.

This was about pride, not me and _that _was the reason my voice was so dead and disappointed when I spoke to him.

It was insulting.

Robin _thought_ he loved me. But he was wrong!

What if it was the same thing with Jared? Being without him twisted my thoughts in on themselves. What if he just wanted to piss Robin off? He was doing a good job so far if that was the case, but it seemed like a lot of effort. But when had he been simple?

"So you say." Robin replied broadly. I couldn't stand his indifference. It was like he was a different person.

Without a word, I rushed over to the cupboard. I found what I was looking for straight away. I pulled the tab of the beer cap. It opened with a dull pop. I took a generous swig.

I didn't have a problem. I could drink if I wanted.

I got several disapproving looks but I just smiled and brought the edge to my lips again. All part of the plan. Show I was nothing without my man, even if that wasn't _entirely_ true.

_Arella Roth A.K.A. Angela Blithe. _

I trailed my bare toes through the sand tainted gravel and held the swings coarse ropes tightly in each hand. I had taken to sitting here on the Childs playground, due to the sweet garden scents and views of nothing. The backdrop of the white temple wall, devoid of any signs of other people, was the best thing about this place.

The last person to use this swing had been Gayla's child. I had envied that woman. She had been the Guardian of _my _daughter, for a time at least. I sighed and pushed my legs forward. The hem of my cloak dragged itself in the dirt, marring its whiteness.

This place was my peaceful spot. Not that anywhere in this relatively small dimension wasn't. I was in a constant state of tranquility. Still, this Garden of stone arches and flowers was one of the most beautiful places I had ever seen.

"Arella." The light and unconcerned voice of Tyron called out. The mail boy, at least, that was his morning job. That teenager just couldn't keep still. He appeared from behind an archway, smiling, and walked passed the lilies, hand extended. "Mail from Raven. Just came in through the portal" He said happily, dropping it into my hand. "See you later." This boy was one of the only people I knew that bore my child no malice. Back on earth it would be considered a slight dislike, but here, every negative emotion seemed more than it really was. Because, here, it meant so much more.

"Goodbye Tyron"

Even after all she had done, they couldn't get used to seeing her as good.

I sighed again as Tyron left the same way he came. The thin, curved handwriting on the letter was definatly Ravens. I carefully prized it open, stashing the envelope in my deep robe pocket.

_Arella,_

_We've never been particularly close. I love you and enjoy your company. Though you are sometimes afraid of me I know that you love me too, _

Of course I did. How could anyone not love their own kid? It hurt to know that she had sensed the fear I held. But she had been something I hadn't understood.

_and you never showed me for obvious reasons. _

Raven had always been intelligent, even as a young child. She had those eyes that judged you, and compiled your actions. You could just see it happen. Of course she understood. Obvious reasons. The only time anyone ever approved of me touching her was when she was in the middle of a tantrum. Just one of those silly things over something that didn't matter, that had set her off just as it would any other baby. I had slapped her and felt an immediate sense of release, a light floating feeling, followed by horror. Who was I? She was just a toddler, how could I take joy in hurting her. But She hadn't cried harder, just stopped moving all together and looked at me, her eyes wide. Azar had been right, and I had listened to her from then on. And she had said no touching. The only other time was when she had just been born. Gayla asked if I wanted to hold her, and I had said no. No way was I going to hold her then. I was tired, traumatized, and I didn't even want to look, in case that demons angelic looks had been passed down to her. How wrong I was. She looked exactly like I had at her age, except I had smiled sometimes.

I shook my head to shake off thoughts and continued to read. Regrets were my penance for being horrible to her. I could live with them.

_But I was honest with you about my life. I have told you things that were painful for me to write. I expected the same from you. _

_At the very least a mention of the Blithes would have been appreciated, so I would have known what was happening when your brother tried to bash my head in. _

My heart froze. How could she know about them? In what way had they come in contact? Jonah? I remembered a boy in his very late teens. The lanky virgin I had always made fun of for trying to reign me in. It was a lifetime ago but I still couldn't imagine him capable of violence. I drunk up the rest of Ravens letter hungrily, memories flooding my conscious.

_He thought I was you. So did your sister. He has children now, very rude ones at that. They stalked a businessman who knew of my whereabouts until they were led to the tower. I told them to leave, but they insisted. They want to know where you are. They want to talk to you. I didn't tell them anything, just said I would write to you and reply to them if you wanted to make contact. _

_They said they would leave me alone, but I doubt it, so reply back quickly, with an answer. I can not afford to be dragged into this, the press would love it._

_-Raven._

Usually my daughter wrote 'love Raven'. I was so unused to have her express emotion. Anger. I hadn't even seen it in person. That familiar sinking sensation of guilt returned. How could I not have gone to see my daughter? I had sent her a mere letter, congratulating her on achieving the impossible. That _monster_ was destroyed through her doing. She was right, I was afraid of her. She would be a stranger now. Someone who laughed and smiled and shouted and cried without fear of punishment.

So different from the devoid face of the pre-teen I had known. Not really known. Seen occasionally. A dull ache ripped in my chest and tears threatened to spill. My baby that I had never been able to cuddle. When she used to cry in her crib at night she was left alone for hours on end until she stopped by herself and I had to listen, glad that the thing was hurting but wishing _someone _would go and comfort it. I had hated her and loved her at the same time. A souvenir of my torture, and my salvation. After a while, any sighting of her had been an amazing gift as I had slowly been won over by natural adoration and pride that she was _mine_. Each time I saw her she was different, older, but still the same focused look. Slightly taller, longer hair, longer limbs, fuller lips, widening hips, but still the statuesque expression. The greeting that acknowledged I was her mother, but disregarded it.

_Arella. _she would nod, and then carry on. I saw the longing in her eyes, and tried to tell myself different.

My parents? My mother and father who had given up trying to understand me? She didn't mention them in my letter…

Jonah had kids? With who? I scanned the letter again, my eyes raking over the simple pad paper Raven had used. _Rude ones? _Not Jonahs kids, no way. He would have brought them up in irons, under strict disciplinary rules. The mental picture made me chuckle slightly, before it died away.

What did they think of me? Because now they _knew _I had a child around the time I left. Before this they could have assumed I was dead, probably had. Jonah and Sarah had probably started running Blithe corp., effectively forgetting all about me.

Now they would be thinking, _what a whore_.

At least, when Raven had left to my America she had written often. We still had contact, and for the first time, I had wondered how my mother felt about the fact I never contacted her. I reacted eagerly every time I received a letter from Raven, and felt worried when she left it too long. How did it feel to wait seventeen years for a reply to your searching?

But I hadn't seen Raven in person for about four years. A big difference when growing up. I desperately wanted to , but I was afraid. A woman afraid to tell her daughter she was loved.

How could I? When the entire time she was growing up I was warned time and time again to treat her like any other child for fear of the temple exploding. I had tried to separate myself, while pining for any piece of information about her well-being.

But there had been no demonic prophecies when I left home.

And now Raven, my new life, had crossed paths with my old life. Sarah. She had seen Sarah. My baby sister. I had looked after her more than my own child. And I had dumped both of them

God I had hated Blithe corp. And loved it. _Hated_ the rules that it came with, and _loved _the perks.

I had been a vain girl, some things could never change. It made me feel uncomfortable to be one of the few living in Azarath who hadn't been completely purged of sin. But I would feel less me without it, whoever me was anymore.

Sometimes I wished I was Angela Blithe again. In the beginning, being her had been great. I had been wild. Attention followed me everywhere. I laughed out loud again, scaring some of the blue birds that were poking around the base of a sapling. Azar would roll over in her grave if she knew what I had done. Kissing boys, smoking, truancy, shoplifting…

It would be good to relive those times…

_No Arella!_ I scolded mentally, frowning deeply and drawing a star in the dirt with my bare toe. I wasn't a teenager anymore. I couldn't just appear and disappear because I felt like it.

But I was already coming up with pros and cons.

The pros outweighed the cons, including meeting Jonahs kids, my nieces or nephews. And seeing my baby sister again. Maybe my parents, even if their anger would be rampant for a while. A long while. I could handle anything negative after living here for the last seventeen years.

And I could see Raven. See if she still looked like me. See if she was happy. Maybe she had a man in her life now? And her age, I was pregnant.

The thought sent a shiver through my spine, even though I had no right to it. I stood up, brushed my hands on my robe and sighed. I would write back. My siblings could write to Raven, and then she could pass the letter on to me. I could hear what they had to say. I owed them.

I needed to meditate, so I walked through the archway, headed towards the main temple room.

_One month, five days, Raven Roth_

"Raven?" A voice called out in irritation, from behind the T-car. I could see a pair of feet, standing motionless as their owner craned his neck to spot me.

"In here." I replied from the floor. I still had the bottle in my hand, gripped sulkingly. Robin came into veiw, in workout track pants and no shirt, shaking his head. I think he had done this on purpose, his rippling muscles showed off to the full, his six-pack evident.

"You've been in here for a while." He said in an amused fashion, looking around the confines of the garage. I threw him a look. I liked the garage. The smell of diesel and the gritty dirt on the monochrome concrete floor always cleared my head.

My plan to freak everyone out with my drinking had gone awry and I had just ended up with a hangover and chuckling titans who understood more than I gave them credit for. So I had ditched that plan and gone back to brooding by myself. Thinking about Jared.

Why hadn't he at least called? I felt like a fool, waiting for something that didn't seem likely to happen. He couldn't get to the tower, fine, but the fact that he couldn't be bothered to push the speed dial button on his shiny cell phone bothered me.

But what could I do? Other than sit here alone. The fact was, it was boring. Thinking over moments we had shared together could only be done so many times.

The fact Robin was here, even though I was mad at him for causing this mess, was helpful to my state of mind.

"What else am I supposed to do? I'm not allowed out, all the criminals have gone on holiday, I've already trained for three hours today and you threatened to arrest my boyfriend and now he won't call me." I said sarcasticly. It was very easy to find myself friendly with him again. Before all this we had been best friends. If something had been bothering either of us, the other was always the first to find out.

"He's not gonna call you." Robin replied, his voice serious as he slipped down the wall to sit next to me. "Or I'll deal to him. He knows, thats why he's staying away." His voice suddenly became light. "But I'm still here."

I laughed out loud, the sound dry and cynical sounding, though I didn't mean for it to be.

"Thank god for that." He chuckled along with me.

It was nice to sit here with someone.

"Your a good friend Robin." I sighed, turning my head to give him the ghost of a smile. His eyes widened with shock and I didn't blame him. Endering acknowledgements of my friends were not a thing that I did. "Thats what I want."

Robins looked down, his mask covering his eyes like always, and I noticed them narrow slightly.

"I don't know why. Whats stopping you?"

I ignoered the question, and answered with one of my own.

"Why do you always wear your mask around the tower? We all saw your eyes when you got drunk." I still remembered the lovly green shade, and wondered why he was so protective, around his friends at least.

We had been a team for more than three years now, and everytime we got close, he pulled tighter inwards. Robin sighed, staring forward, his eyes on the metal frame of the t-car, but not really seeing it. wether he was considering it, of sulking at my non-response to his question, I didn't know.

Finally, after a few minutes of silence between us, He turned his head slightly to face me. I looked back at him.

"I'll take it off if you kiss me."


	19. Jelousy

_Raven Roth_

I looked at his mask objectively. A thin peel of cloth. It was a small barrier. If I wanted to, I could just rip it off with my powers right now. Just an upward flick of the wrist, and it would be on the floor. But that would be unforgivable, and the fact Robin had gathered up enough balls to even say this to me was... _interesting._

"That's a lot to give up ." I remarked lightly. "I have already seen them" I knew this was a precarious tipe rope I was walking on, and a wrong move could send me plummeting down to my doom. But this was also slightly hilarious when I thought about it.

The Leader and the outcast, fraternizing in the garage.

Still, The outcast and the Criminal sounded a lot saucier.

..

Both had an erotic ring to them, no one could deny that.

"You wanna up the stakes?" He asked in an amused fashion. His voice was light, and I could sense his nerves had disappeared. That had happened graduly, until we had talked like old friends again.

Anger was too hards to hold onto, and now it had been a month. I had barley experianced anger at all, making it even harder. I didn't know how to retain that fury. Friendship stayed around forever.

We hadn't talked _about _this, but we had talked like it. Strange that he should be so confident. Had he been drinking giggle juice without my notice? Was I not the only drunk in this giant T?

"What do you have in mind boy wonder?" It came out coyer than I had ment it.

The question had a edge to it. It was so open ended. He could say anything.

But the question was, would I do anything?

Logic and knowledge, among others, spoke up with a scornful _No. _But Desire laughed with a coy _maybe. _

After all Jared had left. Right now, he was probably with some hussy in that bed of his. He hadn't even given me a call to tell me it was over. He had just left it hanging. That was, in a way, worse than telling me it was over outright. It was like he was saving me for later, when he got bored or when he needed to use me again.

The worst thing was the _doubts _in my head. Why had he choosen then to leave? It was hard to beleive it was simply because he saw an oppurtunity when Robin told him to go. I could not ignore the fact that he had left the day after we made love. Fucked, more like it. Had I been that bad? It made me feel pathetic to even ask myself that. I was supposed to be able to control my thoughts, not let them run rampet.

It had to go away somehow. The deep ache in my chest spiked.

"A kiss from you is worth lots Rae. I'll even let you take a picture of me with the mask off."

I almost laughed out loud as the ache subsided. Praise. Nice. He obviously had a plan.

"I don't have a camera." I replied. It was fun to pose him as many problems as I could.

"Damn. What else could I do?"

I could ask him if I could see my 'boyfriend' but I doubted that would work.

He sounded eager. This was not like him. Usually he was completely calm and didn't leave a gap for someone to squeeze through. He was never as vulnerable as he was now. I had the upper hand, a fact Desire appreciated. This whole situation was ridiculous.

But what could I say? I didn't know what I wanted. The best idea would be to head to my mindscape. I had been ignoring it because Despairs crying had become too much. Everything there seemed duller when Jared left.

What was I willing to trade for a kiss? His dignaty sounded about right.

How did Jared get my Kiss? Thats right, he took it. Robin was asking, and even _if_ this _was_ the thing I wanted most in the world, I still wouldn't have the confidence to put it on offer.

I couldn't make up my mind.

So after the long pause it had taken me to decide that, I stood. Robin looked at me in surprise, his arm halfway through the air to try and pull me back down again. The gesture was so adorable, even more so because it was just a reflex. Jared had done little things like that, when I would get uncomfotable and try to pull away without him noticing, only to have him pull me closer and try and reasure me.

"I want to...walk."I said unsurely.

When I had felt nothing, every desision was based on Logic and knowledge. Emotions complicated everything, but I couldn't find myself sorry for it.

Robin rose upwards immediatly. I had known he would follow me. I was happy to not be alone.

I would have grinned if that was a Raven-esque thing to do, but as it was I shot him a lop-sided smile and slid through the floor. He always looked shocked when I did that, And this was now exception, his face going slack as I felt my body faze through twisted metal, cables, cement, and everything else that made up the tower.

My feet landed on the uneven rock beach that surrounded the tower. When It was especially sunny Starfire, and Terra when she was here, sunbathed on the biggest, flatest rocks. I avoided it. I didn't know if demons could get sunburnt, and I didn't want to find out.

Today the weather was brutal. The wind roared through the city, and the clouds were the darkesy grey I had seen since the storms. It was going to rain soon, I could smell the moisture in the air.

I scuffed some peebles with the toe of my boot, listening to the thump and crash of the waves, and pulling my jacket closer around my torso.

Really, what was I doing here?

Sighing, I walked over to a huge outcrop of diagonally slanting and smooth boulders. Perhaps this place had been a small cliff face at one point.

The wind was whipping my hair around as I saw the metal doors slid open and Robin walk out, _still_ wearing no shirt. His abs were wonderful, but not worthy of freezing. Jareds were identical.

In some ways they seemed like brothers. If I hadn't known Robins real past some part of my mind would have assumed he was Ben. They looked alike, and seemed to be attracted to similar things. I wondered if I would get what I wanted, and Robins affection would wane, just Like Jareds had, and I would have gone from two innapropriate men wanting me, to none at all.

"Put a shirt on." I suggested, eyebrows raised. At least he had shoes. Jared would have laughed and made a suggestive comment, but Robin just shrugged.

"Its not that cold." his eyes were hard though, like he was enduring strong pain. Trying to be tough. Did he think that was going to make me jump him?

_Terrin Gold._

I used to do real photography. I used to take photos of waif-like models and sunsets in Hawaii. Now I was reduced to stalking teenagers.

I refuesed to be called paparatzi.

Anyone with a camera and ambition these days called themselve photographers. _I _was a photographer. Not those assholes.

I shook my leg, which where getting the tingling sensations of pins and needles. The truth was, this was the most numbing job on earth. I was slowly going insane, without the mental and physical stimulation that my old job had brought up. How the hell did I end up here?

Through my irritation and bordem I couldn't help wondering what would happen if I was caught here with a long-lensed camera. It was a free contry sure, but the reason I couldn't get closer than this boat was that their leader had installed some new, rumored deadly, security inhancements and the last photographer had been attacked by the green kid in the form of a tiger.

The poor guy had nearly had a heart attack, and almost ended up in court for trespassing._ This_ camera was new, a sneak preview only for me from a guy I used to work with when I had had a real job. _Jump_ magazine was sure something was going down, so this was where I was. They agreed that I was good at my job, and had given me exclusive job rights.

Some exclusive. This was the first movement I had seen out there for days.

I squinted and leveled the camera on the boats side. It was a luxery boat, hired out by rich bastards and their wives for a sight seeing tour around the bay area. After lunch, they anchored next to the tower, where they could see the city, to eat and take advantadge of the mini-casino inside. Which they all where, due to this crappy weather. The captain had almost cancelled. I wish he had. Pretending to be rich everyday of the week was tiring.

I huffed warm breath and twiddled the zoom. I could make out the form of two of the citys protectors, and with a tweak of the focus dial, I saw it was the leader and the goth girl.

I will never understand teenagers. Especially not the emotional ones.

I snapped a picture anyway. It wasn't much. At least the leader had no shirt on. A womans magazine would buy that. If anything _did_ happed, I needed as many pictures as possible. And I was just glad to be given the oppurtunity to take a photo of _something_ that wasn't a tourist_. _

_Raven Roth._

Robin wandered over to where I was, His hands in the deep pockets of his sweat pants.

"It is cold." I contradicted him. My gray skin was raised in goosebumps under my clothes. He shrugged again. Desire was enjoying the sight, but who could really think of that in this temperature?

"Not for me." and there was the first trace of a smile since he had come out here.

"We gonna walk?" I asked, turning away to head around the tower across the rocks where the sea spray didn't reach. The sky was darkening every minute, and I wanted back inside before the rain.

In the corner of my eye, I saw a sudden movement. Instictivly I flatened myself against the large, flat rock, my eyes wide, and lip curled up defensivly. My heart beat quickened immediatly, ready to run.

I relized what the movement was at the same time its lips crashed into mine.

Robin had his hand up to stop me moving away. He wasn't going to give me anything in return for this, that was sure. I could tell by his demanding demeanor.

He wanted me so _bad._ My empathy wound up in his excitment, forcing some of it into me, so when his lips moved over mine sweepingly, I faintly moaned. Being wanted...

He didn't have the tecnique that Jared had, but this was flat out lust. It was overpowering, and thank Azar, it was one_ million _times better than the last I shared with him. He massaged my lips open forcefully, his body pressing ever closer, so he could slip his tongue in my mouth. I tasted him, the filture coffee and faint pepperment.

Eventuly I started to respond. It was just so _warm._ It sounded pathetic, but I felt _special _again. Someone wanted me. Jared was not my only option. He was my _favourite,_ but not my only one. I took my hands away from the cold rock, slowly, so Robin wouldn't push them back down, and wound them around his neck. He was not as tall as Jared, but I had to stand on the balls of my feet to better reach.

He reacted enthusiasticly, moving _his _hands from their restraining possition, down to my lower back.

He paused. My heavy breath caught, and I looked at him, my eyes wide and my mouth slightly agape. He swooped down on my ear, nibbling the lobe. If possible, my eyes became larger and my toes curled as his hands cupped my ass, using the leveredge to hold me up higher.

His kisses travled down my cheek and back to my lips. He was ozing carnal desire, and I knew if I let him, he would have me on this very rock.

He sucked on my bottom lip, while he lay me back against the rock so he could get better acsess. I let him. The attention...

He leaned back to look at me, and I felt a little too exposed, even though I was fully clothed. For the first time, I felt a small portian of guilt, courtesy of logic. I was hoping for Jared to come back, therefore it was logical that I wait.

I wanted him to come back because I could tell when people were lying. And I knew that Jared hadn't lied to me when he said he cared. A truthful theif.

But that wasn't just it. Desire was having difficulty as well. For once, she wanted to pull away from physical contact, all the while savouring it. I realized that I couldn't blame it on them.

But why did it have to happen now?

His mask was still on. He had taken more than a kiss, and his mask was still on. His lips were now pressed in a line, and smirking. I didn't really like that but who really cared?

He lent down again, kissing me deeply. I responded, moving in sychronisation. The waves continued to smash against the rocks as the sun came ever closer to dissapearing completly from veiw. Dark was coming, and that ment night, but what did that mean?

My hands crept down, past his schoulder blades, and down to him waist.

There was a small crack of thunder, and almost immediatly, the heavens opened. The rain was dense from the start, wetting everything almost immediatly. I gasped, and Robin released me. We looked at each other for a moment. The rain was, basically, a cold shower.

"W-we should go inside." He said, running his hand through his damp hair, standing up straight. I was still up against the rock, and I gulped, took a deep breath and nodded.

This was not over. No, no, no, no.

_Terrin Gold_

This was magic! It was the thrill of being on photoshoots all over again! Was this why everyone was turning up in droves to do this job?

_Give me a money shot._ I coaxed, and the teenagers obliged. The leader pushed the goth further back onto the rock, and she seemed alot more pretty than I had ever noticed before. Two beatiful heroes, fucking on the beach! This was worth thousands! Usually these kids were ignored. They wern't realy celebraties, but that was all about to change.

I knew the media. I manipulated the media. This would sell.

Who gave a fuck about being creative and artistic! I sure as hell didn't miss it now!

The rain finally started, and the leader planted a last kiss on the girl.

I teleported into my room, half-panicking and flopped onto the bed, chanting my mantra over and over again.

I struggled to pull my body into the lotus position, trying to gather my thoughts.

"Azarath metrion Zynthos, Azarath metrion zynthos, Azarath metrion zynthos, Azarath metrion zynthos" I repeated, my voice quiet but fast.

Slowly my mind managed to focus, the sounds of the world around me becoming hazy and I felt myself sinking into my head. My voice became calm and even, monotone.

I opened my eyes and found myself in my mindscape, in the clearing. It was almost deserted. unusual occurance.

But Serenity, Desire, love and logic were all sitting at the base of the tree, all looking glum, except for the first, who looked just the same as ever, smiling slightly, unconcerned. I jogged over. How many times had I come here in the last few months, desperate for answers? Too many to count.

Desire looked at me distastefully, twirling her baby blue oversized t-shirt between her thumb and finger.

"Would you hurry up and make a desision? You've made it clear that what I want doesn't matter to you, so why do you keep coming back?" I scowled at her. She would always be a bitch.

"She's right. Nothing will be resolved until you decide." Logic said, picking at grass. She looked up. "This makes me feel better." She clarified, and started ripping it again. I scowled at her top, she would always be a Freak.

"Its not my desision." I snarled. "Its Jareds and Robins." Serenity broke me off.

"Don't let rage consume you." she advised calmly, lookin at me with kind eyes. She reminded me a little of Azar, because she seemed like she knew everything would always be okay. "Accept that some things you cannot control."

"But some things you can control." Logic pointed out. "Like who you choose."

Love stayed silent, staring at the ground, breathing heavily. I ignored her. She was rarely even seen with the other emotions, and when she was barley contributed.

"But I don't know if Jared is coming back" I Protested, dropping to the ground to sit with the other four versions of myself.

"Why should that matter?" Serentity asked, throwing her hands up gracefully. "If there was only one, then you would be faced with the same desision. Do you want Jared, or not? Do you want Robin or not?"

"It depends in what way." Desire muttered under her breath, suddenly grinning. I knew she was imagining some kind of three-some.

I was trying. I was weighing up pro's and cons, but how could I choose?

"I love them both." Love spoke up suddenly, her expression melting. She smiled fondly at me, voilet hair falling over her face, her hands clasped over her Candy cane red shirt where her heart would be if she was more than an illusion.

_Thats not helpful._

_Jared Wilson, next day_

"Fuck off Ryan!" Tommy yelled, aiming a kick, which Ryan only just ducked and he hit the table instead. Ryan smirked and grabbed the remote off the it anyway. I groaned. Why were they still here? I remembered telling them to come over for an hour or so, and it had ended up four hours of them eating all my food and irritating me.

Ryan collapsed on the floor, smiling, and started channel surfing. "I was watching that dick!"

"We've been watching that shit for an hour already."

A man, dressed in khakis, who probably thought he was the new Steve Irwin, was crouched up next to a spotted owl or something appeared on the screen, in place of some action movie that Tommy liked.

"We needed to watch that. It could be Jared's new job." Tommy complained.

"I'm not gonna be a stuntman." I growled for my makeshift bed on the couch. There was nothing else to do today. There was an unspoken rule with myself that I wouldn't take the Red-X suit out for a spin because then I would see Raven. I don't think either of us could handle pretending that we didn't know each other personaly. But just the sight of _her_…

Click.

Cooking channel, a woman in middle age cracked an egg on a pan designed by top scientists, a permanent smile on her face. "_You have to crack it like-_"

Click.

Daytime soap.

A woman was pressed up against a mans chest, a dead look on her face, tears falling from her eyes while dramatic piano music played. I buried my face deeper into the couch cushions, wanting to skip forward to when I could see Raven again.

"You got really boring man." Ryan commented off-handedly, and I ignored him.

Click.

"W_elcome to Entertainment Live! Your source for all celebrity news and gossip!"_

I heard Tommy groan out loud, rubbing his eyes.

"Are you really that gay that we're gonna watch this?"

"_We've got breaking news don't we Brian?"_

A new male voice.

"_That's right Cady. We have just received pictures involving the city's savors, the Titans."_

I wrenched my head up in time to see the channel change. Ryan having gotten bored.

Click.

"Go back!" I ordered, getting up to sitting position and trying to snatch the remote back faster.

Ryan let me take it, shock crossing his face. I fumbled with the back button.

The skimpily dressed Italian looking woman and the man in a suit appeared again for the briefest second. And then the screen changed, melted into a shot of _Raven?_

The voiceover started, but no words could explain what I was seeing. Raven was up against the a huge rock, her hands pressed flat to its surface, the sky in sunset. But the view of her obscured by a man. Who was kissing her. The fact that he had no shirt was made stranger by the fact he was wearing a mask. I was so used to seeing Robin in that stupid traffic light uniform, that I took a moment to work out who he was.

But even before I knew who he was I did know that I was going to kill him. Because he was _kissing_ Raven. His hands trapping her to the rock, his lips on hers, her eyes, shocked at wide. My pulse speed up, pumping blood around my body, getting it ready to rip him apart.

"_There had always been a quiet chemistry between the two members of Jump city infamous titans. But the two teens, both who have obviously had to deal with a hard start to life, could no longer resist the pull and have found solace in each other."_

No, no, no, no. NO.

The shot changed to a picture of Robin alone, and I let out a breath.

"_Handsome, masculine, leader Robin, a male who has appeared in every hot-blooded females dreams at least once, and shy, gothic,"_

The shot changed again to a picture of Raven, walking down some street separate from the crowd of people surrounding her, her face downcast. quiet, serene. The Raven that didn't care.

"_beauty Raven may seem an unlikely match but sources tell us they have always been close. "They get along better than any of the other titans. It was obvious they were a couple for ages. I've seen them cuddling and kissing at the tower many times before it was official" Says a close friend who whishes to remain unnamed. It has always been thought that Starfire, the slim, red headed, model-esque titan was romantically involved with Robin but as our pictures show, this may not be the case. Raven, often overlooked because of her quiet and placid personality, seemed to be an outcast in the group for a long time, but this has also changed, due to Robins help."_

_Another_ shot of them kissing, this time Raven was reciprocating, and one of her arms had come up around his neck. A knife twisted in my gut and my hands clenched into fists. I sat forward in my seat, wanting to tear my eyes away but unable to stop watching. Like a horrific car accident.

_These exclusive pictures show the two canoddling on the rocky beach outside titans tower, before they retreated back inside to join their friends and team mates. Most adults would cringe at the thought of a workplace romance, but as these two lovebirds live and work together, they may be more committed and mature that their ages would suggest. Raven reaches adult hood at eighteen in a few weeks, and Robin will turn nineteen in two months._

_This has been an Entertainment live! channel exclusive, and we'll keep you updated!"_

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Tommy and Ryan staring at me, mouths open wide and eyebrows raised. I stayed completely still, staring at the screen, which had started some other life-wrecking story.

The boys recognized the stance, and hastily stood up.

"Uh.. We gotta go man." Tommy said tensely, grabbing his backpack and slinging it over his shoulder.

"See ya." Ryan called on his way out, and I had the impression that he was laughing.

I wasn't laughing. My insides seemed to have decomposed. I still had all those pictures stuck in my head, revolving like some sick merry-go-round. I had expected her to wait. Maybe it was selfish, but I had expected her to wait.

And I had expected Robin to pussy out and leave her alone while I was gone.

That wasn't the case. She was getting on like I had never been there, like we had broken up. It had only been one month! This didn't make sense, didn't fit in with her character! She wasn't like that! I sat numbly, digesting the information. I had lost her. To _Robin. _I would never wake up to that gloomy face again, and have it brighten up my day. She would never blush pink at something I said, or did, ever again. It was over.

I felt like an important chapter of my life was being ripped away from me, and no matter how fast I could run, how smart I acted or how much I planned, I could never catch up in time. I had let it go without even trying, had given a head start I didn't have to all because I had wanted to make sure.

That wasn't even like me. The logic had seemed water tight when I had done it, and in the aftermath, but now it seemed incredibly foolish. I always did things in the moment, while making sure I would be alright tomorrow. I had taken neither of these things into consideration when I told her I needed time.

Girls like Sunshine didn't wait forever, I should have known that. If it was her who had said she needed time, I would have wanted some form of revenge when she didn't keep me in the loop. I had left her without information, what was she supposed to do?

That didn't excuse anything though.

I was interrupted in my stupor by a loud and intrusive bleeping. I pushed my weight upwards out of the couch, feeling like I hadn't moved in years, headed towards my bedroom, the source. I noted the hard vibrating sound that became more apparent as I moved closer, My eyes adjusting to the bright light coming from the sun, I realized it was Ravens communicator. She had left it here that last day. It was vibrating on my dresser, flashing red and continuously ringing.

Ironic that it should ring now.

It brought back memories of the last night, and my mood sunk to a new low. I considered smashing it against the wall but finally gave into curiosity and flipped it open. It was a distraction. I had expected to see the face of Robin, but all I got was a bold, dark red font stating '_emergency'_

It was still connected to the titans network, someone had forgotten to cut it off.

Wasn't everything an emergency with them? Because everything they did was so important. It didn't matter that people out there were trying to live their lives. All they cared about was statistics.

But underneath the stony anger, self-hate and humiliation, I felt a burning desire to see it for myself. To see those _two. _I half didn't believe what logic was trying to drill into me, that seeing was believing. Plus, I was was filled with blood-lust.

These shows told lies all the time. But this time they had pictures.

I wanted to see them together with my own eyes.

The co-ordinates for the emergency location were blazing gold underneath the emergency sign, and I shoved the communicator in my pocket.

I wanted to beat him at his own game. In one way today, I was going to win. I was going to be the hero. I was going to, for today at least, steal his job, since he had stolen my girl.

And then afterwards, I was going to steal my girl back. Because that was what I did best. I was a theif. He could not take _that_ away from me.

I was going to help them with this little emergancy. I didn't know If I could handle seeing them. I was already brimming with jelously, and It was only from memories. I would have to suck it up.

Being bad didn't mean I couldn't be good sometimes, for the sake of evil of course.

I growled and picked up the Red-X mask from out of my dresser,my eyes narrowed and my feeling sick. Tramatised even.


	20. Falling

I yawned and poured myself some more bran flakes. The yawn was fake, but the bran flakes were 100% natural. They were Beastboys.

I could talk to him without blushing crimson and averting my eyes. I could talk to Cyborg and Starfire with ease.

But no way in hell was I going to talk to Robin.

It was easier to busy myself with chewing, swallowing, and fake yawning. The others sat around, weighed down with the heft of sleep still upon them. No matter that we were heroes, we were still teenagers. If you left us too it, we could sleep until lunch.

I couldn't talk to Robin because I had no idea if he considered last night to be a mere hook-up, like I did, or something real. Did he expect some kind of decision from me?

I loved him. Like a brother. Maybe not a brother. An older step-brother who came on the scene when you hit puberty and have secretly thought was hot for years. But I didn't love him enough to start something. That was what my trip to nevermore had made me realize. That at this moment in time, where I was emotionally and physiologically meant I couldn't have something with him, nor did I want to . Not the way I wanted Jared. It was an excruciating pain, nothing compared to the faint musings about Robin.

All things would catch up with you, no matter what they were of what you did to avoid them. So I sat in my chair, my body facing in the opposite direction to Robin, dressed in my old uniform, pretending nothing in this godforsaken world was wrong.

I thought of it as old because it didn't feel like me anymore. It was all right and well when I was feeling depressed and the need to shy away from any attention. The need to hide. But I didn't want to anymore. For the first time, I wanted something for myself, and I felt like I ought to be wearing a big sign screaming 'selfish Bitch'.

I felt like someone should call me out, and show everyone how horrible I was.

Beastboy hoped down from the bench after what seemed like an eternity, and looked over at Cyborg.

"I'm going to get some new-" He trailed off in disentrance, his eyes widening till his mouth just hung open.

I stared at him, terrified and temporarily paralyzed. What happened? His expression suggested Slade had just appeared in our living room.

My heart hammering, I cautiously followed his line of sight. I landed on Starfire. She was sitting straight-backed on the couch, clothed in her usual pastel purple uniform and boots. And then I saw the television.

"NO!" I practically screamed, jumping off the seat I had perched on and coming to a stop. Starfire was glued to the television, her eyes wide with horror.

The screen was lit up with a visually effective photograph of me. Worse, me and Robin. In it I was just standing there, half turned around while Robin walked towards me from behind. Nothing incriminating, but I knew by the black feeling in the pit of my stomach what was coming. I felt the urge to sink into the ground, but again I was paralyzed with fear.

They took pictures? Concrete proof?

This was my worst nightmare. Pictures of Robin and I, what was the word they were using in the ridiculously false and polished voiceover?….CANOODLING?

They weren't what they looked like! It was completely taken out of context! I considered running for it, but it was far too late.

The picture switched to one of Robin and I kissing. At least his hands weren't on my ass yet. My face was slack in the picture, the shock not quite sunk in. I remembered it, the rough wind burn on my cheeks, the dark sky in the background, lit up by the brilliant orange sundown. Robins hands were on my face, his shirtless state not helping me one bit. This shot was from a distance, but I could made out his spine under the skin, and the hair-obscured mask on his half-turned away face.

All the eyes in the room turned top look at me, and then Robin, and then back again.

Each set of eyes said something different, but Starfires burned the most. Robin had told her to stop trying to be with him, and now she knew why. It was my fault. I ruined everything.

Goose bumps erupted on the surface of my skin. Who else had seen this?

Taunts from the criminals I tried to fight with dignity, questions from the media I detested, nothing from the man I loved.

The thought echoed around my mind. He would never come back If he saw this. There was a little chance he wouldn't watch this channel, but I knew it would reach him. It would reach everyone.

"Starfire!" I tried to call, being shaken out of my stupor by her hard footsteps running to the hallway. I tried to grab her elbow, but with inhuman strength she shoved me roughly away and continued. I stumbled back into the bench, the hard top, bruising half-way up my back. The pain was good.

She was my only friend, besides Lela. I couldn't lose her. She was the one who I had always counted on being there, no matter what. If I did something stupid, she would tell me it wasn't that bad, and carry on. If I ignored her for days on end, was rude, unresponsive, and mean, she would accept it and keep trying to draw me out. When I did, she would give me a huge, bone-crushing hug and forgive me immediately. She was an adorable little girl that I had to lead around, showing her the ways of a world I wasn't so familiar with myself. It had felt good to know that I wasn't the only stranger when the Titans had started, even if I had never admitted it.

How could I lose someone who was incorrigibly joyful?

How could I strike anger into the heart of someone who was immune to fury?

How could I taint a naive soul?

I felt like I had just killed a kitten.

I took a deep breath, catching sight of Robin, who was frowning slightly. Like this was a minor inconvenience. If I knew him, and I was sure I did, he was looking at this from a business point of view.

If this had been Jared he would have laughed it off and told me I looked good in the photos. He would have kissed me and rubbed my shoulders and laughed at my blush, said how beautiful it was.

But it wasn't beautiful. It was a blotchy, and dark red. Nothing on me could be beautiful without him. Who else was there to impress?

The phone started ringing, and Robin went over to calmly answer it.

"Robin speaking." He greeted professionally.

"Oh Rae.." Cyborg shook his head, walking over to me. His eyes were asking, WHY?

"I don't know." I whispered in response to his unasked question.

Robins voice became lower.

"yes. And?"

I tuned him out.

"Is he…your?" Cyborg inclined his head to the side, looking at a loss for words. His brow was furrowed in confusion. I shook my head furiously.

"I don't have a boyfriend Cyborg." I said lamely. I bit my bottom lip hard and stared out the window, while Cyborg stood, worrying about my mental state. I could see him still, see that look, but I pretended it wasn't there.

The rain had settled, stopping the on, off, pattern it had been all through the night. It was falling heavily. I noticed Beastboy slip out of the room, his back melting into the darkness that was the hallway.

Robin hung up the phone with a heavy sigh.

"That's was the Steel city lab. They've finally found out what that gas was."

Their attention was blissfully distracted by the importance of his words. We had been waiting a whole month while they tested the gas and monitored the patients. I had forgotten the reports had been due this week. I used the small hole in everyone's awareness to call up my powers with a mumble under my breath that no one heard and short circuited the television. Cyborg could fix it later, I wasn't having it on until this horror was over.

Robin looked in his zone, and the others were captured, so no one noticed the sudden cut-off of sound.

"Apparently it's a type of subtle disease that you had beastboy, infused with a little known and rare hormone." His mouth curled in distaste. "The disease weakens the immune system and knocks them out, and the hormone messes with their brains."

It was horrible. But what could Rusesamunga want to mess with the minds of America for? I had no clue, and I felt a little ashamed that it made me slightly happy to have a distraction to think about.

"What does it do?" Cyborg asked in a strained voice. I wasn't sure what controlled his stress levels, man or machine but I had no doubt he was struggling to deal with the new information that was being heaped upon him today. Beastboy the same, his face was contorted in concentration. I was still finding it hard to believe what had happened to me.

"They observed several of the high school kids, preschool kids, and a few of the lesser politicians. At first they just thought all of them were jerks, but then it became clear that something was wrong with the way they thought and acted. Kids that used to be quiet honor students were refusing to listen and one tried to stab a teacher. Politicians weren't even pretending to care about citizens anymore. The mayor has been quietly replaced with the deputy for now. Preschoolers started drawing violent pictures and exhibited disturbing tendencies."

It sounded like normal old America to me. At least a part of it. The news was full of this stuff.

"They interviewed those who knew them before the gas was released, and most were starting to show signs of mental breakdown. They said those involved had suffered a complete personality change since, turned into completely different people. The scientists reproduced and tested the same gas on lab rats-"

Beastboy broke from his confusion to let out an angry humph. He hated animal testing. Robin gave him a _not_ _now_ look and continued.

"And the Rats got extremely aggressive until they all tired to kill each other. They figured out what it does. It basically brings out your darker side."

Even as he said it he sounded confused. I knew what he was feeling. What would this achieve? If anything, I would have thought that Jemal would want the citizens of America to bring out their good sides, become more generous and send aid to his country.

"But why?" Cyborg prompted. I could see his mind working, trying to figure this out. I felt I knew the answer, but couldn't quite grasp it in my head. It was incredibly frustrating. Robins face scrunched up and he lifted his hands in the air.

"I have no idea. Nether do the scientists, but as the pointed out to me, its not their job. Its ours." He sighed.

Dark sides…I had one of those. What would it achieve if mine was brought out? The only person who wanted that had been my… father. He had wanted it to destroy earth. That couldn't be what Jemal wanted, he didn't hate the whole world. Only The US of A. Wouldn't it be better to use the gas on other people who wanted America blown up? The people of America wouldn't suddenly kill themselves. Well, some might, but not enough. They might kill each other….

I gasped. The others looked at me in surprise.

"He wants us to destroy ourselves." I said quietly. "From the inside out."

Robin looked at me, trying to understand. I elaborated.

"What happens to a society full of criminals, only out for themselves? It collapses. In a way, it already happening. If people didn't even _try_ to be good people, then the whole world would be only reason people are actully good is because of their consciences."

I was still getting blank looks from Beastboy, but the others had comprehension dawning. I simplified it.

"If he brings out peoples dark sides, burys your conscience, then they will ultimately destroy everything themselves." I sighed. It was what was supposed to have happened to me, and here I was now.

In fact it sounded exactly like what was going on. Jemal didn't need to use the gas on me, because I was already a bad person.

Suddenly Beastboy Gasped. I looked at him.

We usually all bounced ideas off each other. But his usually involved Zombies and cryptonite. Never anything particully intellectual or helpful. But for some reason, I waited with baited breath to hear what he had to say.

"Thats why he did it where he did!" He exclaimed, getting excited now. He jumped up to his full height. "The pollititions, the high school, the kindergarden!"

I saw where he was going with this, and it made perfect sense now that all the puzzle peices had finally been found and put in place. He was turning our leaders, children, literally, the future, corrupt. They were the ones our society relied on.

The others understood. We all did now. He didn't have enough gas to use on all of us, so he used it on the ones who would make the biggest inpact.

"So what do we do?" Cyborg asked Robin, his eyes narrow. Robin was halfway through starting to say somthing, but suddenly the alarm went off. Robin growled in frustration and jogged over to the computer, clicking rapidly. I stood where I was.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Beastboy suddenly hissed. It took me a few seconds to understand what he talking about, and when I did, rage reared her head.

"Because theres nothing to tell!" I hissed back scathingly. He gave me a look. He seemed to have developed a sharp attitude without my noticing. I glared back at him. _Nothing_ was going on between me and Robin.

I was pulled out of my mind by a loud growl from Robin, who had picked up his communticator, a kind of moderator, that could change and pinpoint the whearabouts of all the other communicators. He punched numbers in it violently.

"He knows." He spat over his shoulder. "Hurry up Starfire." He muttered under his breath. My pocket, and Cyborgs and Beastboys, started vibrating and ringing. I pullled out mine and pressed the end call button gently. If I was going to fight, I had to calm down or it might turn into another Dr. Light epsiode.

"Who knows?" Beastboy asked. Robin looked up.

"Jemal. Another building reported gas being released just now. He must know. We have to go check it out."

I nodded thoughtfully and listned for footsteps. I heard them a few seconds later, coming slow.

Starfire emerged, her amrs folded over her stomach and her eyes slightly puffy and red. I felt so bad.

"Time to go" Robin muttered, avoiding her eyes.

It was so wrong, seeing her like this, so I avoided eye contact as well and followed him out.

The street was moving and full of life like every other street in downtown Jump. Lela's coffee shop was two blocks away. It was a normal office building. It had no significance in the fact that it was completly ordinary. It didn't have the sence of importance the Political chambers had, nor the promise of the high school, nor the happiness and innocence of the kindergarten. It was just a big, ten story building with shutters over the windows and pot plants in the front office. Unlike the street, it was empty, with no sign of people.

Robin pushed the car door open. We were across the street. We didn't go in straight away all of us silently communicated that this was wrong. It was the middle of the day. All the shutters were drawn and no lights were on. Why was no one working? If someone had reported a gas being released throughout the building, why had they all gone?

"Maybe their all in the boardroom?" Cyborg suggested nervously, locking the car.

"Or maybe they went home sick." Beastboy added, nodding his head.

"Or maybe," A new and deeper voice spoke out from behind me. "Their at a team building exercise. That was

what Raven and Boy-wonder were doing yesterday wasn't it?"

I spun around on my heel, my cloak swirling. My eyes flew open. Standing behind me casually was Jared.

A thousand thoughts flew through my mind all at the same time. I felt dissoreintated, and I swear the earth was moving. First I felt the most unbeleivable relief. He was here, in the flesh. He was here for _me_. But it was soon eclisped by what he had said.

He had seen the pictures. Heard what the deluded media had turned one impulsive moment into. It was easy to see from the look on his perfect face, that he was pissed.

For some strange reason, he was holding a Titans communicator, dressed in the same clothes he had worn to hold up the airport, the baseball cap in his other hand, the Red-X belt around his waist.

"What are_ you_ doing here?" Robin growled under his breath, distracted from his chase for a moment. I wished he would shut his mouth. I wished Jared would kiss me. I wish I could go back in time. Jared smirked.

"I've come to be the hero." He announced, walking up to him. He held out the hand with the communicator. I instantly recognised it. It was my old one. "You left this in my room." He added.

"I should arrest you right here." Robin replied, snatching the communitcator and attactching it to his belt, _he_ was probably angry about the last comment. He was thinking about _why_ I would be in Jared's room in the first place.

"I havn't done anything wrong." Jared sneered. "Not yet." He added, moving over to me and placing an arm around my waist.

I froze in confusion. One minute he was making snide comments about what me and the next he was pulling me close for a one-armed hug? I looked at his face, and saw he wasn't looking at me the way he usualy did. I understood and stepped away from him.

He was doing this because he was jelous. It was possesive, and cold. Not what I wanted. I watched him a little fearfully

Jared didn't look at me again. He just shoved the baseball cap over his head and tilted it down so I couldn't see his eyes.

"Lets get a move on." He said quietly. My heart calmed when I heard a a note of regret in his voice. I picked up my feet. Maybe their was hope for us yet.

X suddenly sprinted across the road, bringing the traffic to a screeching, beeping, crashing halt.

"Hey! STOP!" Robin ordered. X looked back over his shoulder near sidewalk, swinging his body around by grabbing onto a street light.

"You gonna arrest me for Jay-walking too?" He laughed darkly, taking off again until he reached the main door.

My guilt fluttered and I ran after everyone, who were all sprinting to into the building.

The main office was empty. A large reception desk and nothing more. Jared was standing in the stairway, a hand on the rail, smirking, probably because he was smug about being faster. Boys.

The room was even more eirree from the inside. Silent and devoid of any auras on the bottom floor. It was cold as well.

"c'mon." Robin said in a gruff voice, shoving past Jared on the stairs. He seemed to have acepted him being here.

I followed, and Jared stepped aside.

"What happened with you and him?" He demanded, pulling me away from the goup by the arm. His grip was too tight.

Starfire did something I didn't think she was capable of as she passed me on her way up the stairs. She threw me the evil eye and when I just stared at her she upped her speed, muttering about me in Tameran. I shook my head and stared at Jared. I could just see his grey eyes, in the shadow of his cap.

"I got tired of waiting." I sighed, trying to pull away. He didn't let go.

"You get tired pretty fast." He commented, and then shoved me forward. It wasn't hard. It was just a statement. I jogged up the stairs, eyes downcast.

I was immensly glad that he was back. The demon in me was thrilled he was treating me so weirdly. But I didn't want to deal with him while he was sulking. When we got home, I could soothe his ego, and explain to him. He would accept it after a while. It was diffiuclt trying to be proffesional, trying to be good. But I had to do it first. It was my job.

My job I was starting to resent.

We passed the second floor and again, there was no one insight. I was starting to worry.

"Its a trap." Robin ground out the obvious, Panting the tiniest bit.

We climbed the next set of stairs, and again, no one. Something was so wrong. We were now all sticking together, walking in a tight group. Right now we didn't like each other all that much, but my skin was crawling, and I didn't scare easy. Not with what I had seen.

Add the fact that someone had turned the air conditioning on full blast in every floor so it was freezing, this was like a horror movie, set in day time. I expected something to jump out at any minute. My breathing was starting to become faster, as was Starfires.

We were onto the last floor. The roof. Robin looked back at us, nodded, and kicked the door open.

We were faced with what we had all been unconsciously expecting. A line of at least twleve men, all smiling devilishly. They were all wearing different civilian clothing, of all different races. I assumed they had been contracted, or maybe they were doing it just to get rid of us.

Because the weapons in their hands made it pretty clear thats what they were trying to do. A few had lead pipes and I noticed one had a large knife. One of the men was huge. He was bigger than any man I had ever seen and, since he wasn't wearing a shirt, I could see all of it was muscle. A body builder.

We were outnumbered, and the man who stepped forward had a gun. He cocked it and winked at Starfire. We were backed into a corner. We couldn't fight here.

"Seventh floor" Robin muttered. The seventh floor was just one huge room. I had no idea what it was normally used for. It looked like a gym cleared of all its equipment. No one moved. No one wanted to give it away. "Go!" I grabbed Cyborgs arm and teleported a floor down. I heard the thundering sounds of running steps, and shouts as the men gave chase to my team.

Panic.

Everyone got confused as to which side they were on.

I saw Jared simply fling himself over the rail and land next to me with a hard thump. My heart skipped a beat when he winced. He looked at me.

"Groundshock" He explained, as Bullets ramed into the walls just above our head. The villians we usually faced, like X, were all to uh, _creative_, to use guns. Now it seemed insane that our training hadn't included more of 'what to do when a man intent on killing you has a machine gun' scenarios.

I focused.

"Azarath metrion zynthos!" I said clearly, and aimed it at the man. The gun was pulled from his hand, andI smashed it into the wall several times, with feeling. I couldn't have anyone else picking it up. Then I hurled myself down the stairs to avoid his anger. Starfire used her long legs and stregnth to her advantage, overtaking me easily down the stairs. She turned half-way and grabbed my arm. I was a little surprised that she was willing to help me.

"Come out ladies." I heard a taunting voice calling, but the effect was ruined by the jolting in the voice as the owner raced after us.

"Starfire, wait!" I ordered. She stopped. I turned around to see three men about to pounce. Holding tightly onto Starfire, I sunk through the ground with her. They stopped and stared at us in surprise.

"Thank you." She said quietly as we hit the floor, before taking off. I heard Cyborgs cannon blast resound above me and just barley jumped out of the way in time as a pipe fell out of nowhere. I shook my head and teleported straingt into the forth floors large room.

I was the first person there, but just as I collected myself, Beastboy flew into the room as an eagle and telelported before he landed. I caught my breath.

"Unreal." He commented as Starfire and Cyborg ran into the room, followed immediatly by four men. They were skilled fighters. A high kick to Starfires head knocked her down a few steps. Robin attacked him out of nowhere. Jared came in already fighting. The dark-skinned man attempted to punch him, but Jared dodged him with ease, faked a punch to the right, and dodged him again by kicking off the wall and bringing him down with a wrestling-esque move. It seemed his fighting style was self-taught, but extremly effective.

Beastboy was attacking a guy_ without _having transformed. He seemed to be driven by anger.I hadn't known Robin had been teaching him hand-to-hand combat, but I was brought out of my shock when the bodybuilder decided to take me on.

I tried to punch him, but I knew in my heart I wasn't a natural fighter. All I could do was jump backwards down the legnth of the room while he tried to grab me. He had strength, not speed. He was still smiling, like he knew it didn't matter how fast I ran. we both knew. He finally mandged to hit me in the side of the head when I got to the three quater point. He landed it to the side of my head, and I felt as if I had been hit by a bus.

I manadged to conjure up some energy to loosen the piping that weas rigged up on the ceiling, it threw it at him with most of my remaining strength. He hadn't been expecting it and was knocked off balance. While he struggled to get up, I looked over and noticed Jared staring at me with concern. But he had to look away when a man aimed at him.

I shouldn't have looked away. Because the man kicked me in the gut. I was winded and I stumbled back and he took the advantage by kicking me in the chest. I could hear him laughed as I clutched my chest.

"Fuck!" I swore. That really hurt. I couldn't think anymore as he grabbed my shoulder with one hand, and with the other, punched me hard in the nose. The whole of my face felt numb as blood poured out over my mouth. I tried to call up my powers but I had no energy left. My head was throbbing in protest.

I looked at him. He was smiling, his blue eyes sparkling. He leaned in an inhaled. I wanted to throw up but I couldn't move. Everything hurt. I couldn't breath. I was completly overwhelmed with no way out. I looked over at Jared. He was on the ground, but he was smashing in a guys face with his knee. He was doing fine.

The bodybuiler pulled back and with a last laugh, gripped both of my shoulders and kicked me in the gut on more time. This time he put all the strenght into it. I flew backwards and with a sickning feeling of dread, realised I was flying too far.

I slammed throught the window, which had spanned the width of the whole room, feeling it shatter into pieces on my skin.

No one even saw me fall. But they _must_ have heard it.

I fought inwardly to keep my calm, my wide eyes sating up at the deceivingly bright sun-soaked sky. I found my center, but it was partially blocked off, and kept snuffing out. I didn't ave the energy. The adrenaline was pushing it away, making it impossible to get at. I panicked, and tried to rip at it. This was a mistake. It disappeared completely, and I felt cut off from my soul, alone.

I fell fast, but slow.

I was only human now. But every second was an inhumanly cruel minute that was able to fit more horror than anything should, like the perfect game of Tetris. My life didn't flash before my eyes. The people that said that happened to them differed from me in the fact that they, survived. I flailed about under the weight of air, and tried to twist. I could do nothing successfully.

I _should _be able to catch myself before I hit the ground.

I was trying so hard not to panic, but the wind whistling and the force of gravity was causing the inevitable reflex of panicking. I continued to free fall.

I was trying so hard not to scream, but the terror I felt flash through my body was causing the inevitable reflex of screaming. It bubbled up in my throat and escaped. I left it behind me.

I was trying so hard to keep trying, but The ground was a looming concept and I was way past the point of return, so I stopped trying to try.

I was trying to try not to try so I wouldn't hit the dull, dirty concrete.

But I did hit the ground.

I exploded, in more ways than one.


	21. Drama

_Jared Wilson_

This guy had never been to martial arts school. Hell, this guy would have trouble with capoeira.

I smirked, like the dick I was pretending, and having fun pretending, to be. I dodged another pathetic, half-assed punch. The battles around me weren't going the same. Maybe half of our side were winning, including Robin, and surprisingly, that annoying green kid.

_Our_ side.

That's disgusting. I felt the urge to suddenly switch sides to piss the boy wonder off. But I couldn't. I hate to do this one thing so I could have access to Raven.

Later, later.

I was getting tired of this guy. I kicked off the wall and landed him right in the skull. His eyes went suddenly slack, and his body collapsed under itself. Nice.

I craned my neck, catching up on the others progress. That beast kid had a good name. His face was insane. And he hadn't even transformed yet. He was just landing hit after hit, overwhelming his oponent, causing him to panic and therefore less focused.

That Red-headed chick was up against two guys, but she had the advantage of air. They also had the advantage of guns, though they weren't getting anywhere close to her,while she zipped through the sky. Then that ment she couldn't hit them either.

Cyborg was up against seven. I could forgive him for losing.

_Here we go again._ I pushed the biggest button on the xynthonium belt and teleported over to him.

"Thanks man." He grunted, the human half of his face glistening with sweat. I drop kicked the closest guy to him, who was poised to attack. Out of all the titans, apart from Raven of course, He was the one I was most happy to help. If this had been Robin I like to think I would have helped him with his opponants, and then punched him in the face myself . The guy moaned and slumped to the ground, resigned. Where was the challenge?

Hang on, where was sunshine?

I searched for her, at the same time avoiding the shots from another guys taser gun. The yellow rectangle crackled malevolently. Where did he even get one of those?

I found her fighting the biggest man who ever lived. Her face was contorted in concentration, her fighting improved since the first time I took much notice of her fighting hive, but still not to its full potential. Baby was losing.

She got frustrated, her long voilet hair escaping the loose ponytail she had put it in and sticking to her sweaty forehead, and sent a wave of translucent black energy at the piping, that was rigged up against the ceiling. It flew at him, knocked him off balance, while she collected herself.

Satisfied, I went back to the man. I snapped his head back.

The huge man was back on his feet. And he smacked my girl in the stomach. She stumbled back, the force of it hitting her full in the gut. The guy laughed, and kicked her straight to her beatiful chest. I heard her utterance from over here. I considered running over to help, couldn't have her assets sustaining any more damage, but the nearest man to me took a running jump and smashed a metal pole down onto my shoulder.

I grunted and leaned back into the wall, keeping my eyes forced open, so I could watch him. He slammed it into me, but I rolled out of the way, and kicked my leg out sideways into his knee.

"You wanna fight?" I laughed retoricly, smashing in his nose with the toe of my shoe. Blood spurted out and his last mistake was to try and stop the flow with his hand. Ignoring my throbbing shoulder, I threw all my weight into a strong round house kick. He was thrown back across the roof, his pole forgotten. I picked it up, and twirled it for effect, feeling the immense satisfaction of a job well done.

The huge body builder was standing alone, arms crossed. Raven wasn't near him anymore. His smile would have matched mine exactly. That smile was universal. Smug, a job done right….

I saw her the toe of the boots that she wore all the time out of work disappear behind the broken glass that used to be the huge window of the style they had at Titans tower. I dropped the pole to the ground with a loud, resounding clanging noise and sprinted as fast as I could towards the side of the room.

Back at high-school I competed in athletics. I came first in the 80,100 and 250 meter sprints. I could run a mile in just over four minutes. But I could not reach that ledge fast enough and it made me feel like nothing.

I shot passed the body-builder, ignoring him completely. I could hurt him later. She was falling now. But it would be okay. She could fly, levitate, whatever, it didn't matter, because she wasn't human so falling off building wouldn't hurt her.

I reached it, lent over the side as far as I could in time to hear her scream. The sound was high pitched and desperate. Then it was cut-off as she landed. Her slim body hit less than a thud, but every one of my senses was strained to experience it. I heard the crack.

"RAVEN!" I yelled over the side, but she didn't move.

Seven stories down, her body was still, bent at an awkward angle. She was laying on her back, her head tilted sideways. The man behind me started to chuckle, deep in his throat. The sight of seeing my angel hurtle to earth disappeared, as darkness took it away.

I was possessed, but at the same time, I was still there. Besides getting my Baby back, this man dying was the best thing right now.

I pulled the gun out and cocked it. I aimed for the guys head, who was now full out laughing, his eyes closed in merriment and _mirth._

Someone grabbed my gun hand. I snarled and saw Robin. His face was cold.

"Don't." He ordered. I wasn't his Titan. I could do what was _right._

I had learnt that there was a huge difference between being a Hero and doing what needed to be done. Justice needed to be served and that was the reason I couldn't do what Robin wanted.

"Don't!" He ordered again, seeing me turn my face back to aim. I looked over at the man, who was being subdued with cannon blast by a hard-faced Cyborg. We were wasting too much time. I teleported out of Robins grasp, making sure I kept hold of the handgun.

I landed next to her broken body and was hit with shock. Her voilet hair was covering half of her face. It was fixed in its expression, her eyes wide with terror, her mouth parted, covered in drying blood from a hit to her nose. I numbly pushed the lilac hair away from her face. Their was a trickle of blood coming out of the corner of her mouth as well, a new one, still dripping wet.

"Sunshine?" I asked her gently, caressing her freezing cold and unnaturaly coloured grey cheek. No reply. _Please_ let her wake up.

"Angel?" I asked more desperately. She was supposed to be healing herself. He chest was moving up and down, but intermittedly and softly, with odd timing, barley moving at all. Any moment it could stop completely.

"Baby?" I shouted, fisting my hands at my sides. If I touched her roughly I could make things worse. Her chest stopped moving. So did my heart. I heard the thundering footsteps reach us, and her team was around me. They all stood back a step, afraid to be close like I was. I heard Starfire start to sob.

"Raven!" Beastboy yelled. The hard-ass cop woman from more than a month ago was here, trembling.

"Get a stretcher." Robin shouted at her.

I kissed Raven on her pale, icy cheek and wiped the blood away from the corner of her lips, careful not to move her head.

The woman ran back inside. How could my Raven be dead?

Dead…

Not coming back?

That was impossible. She had such a…soul. She was so potent that she shouldn't be able to die. What had the world done to deserve this? What had _I_ done?

I looked her over. Their were shallow scratches over her arms and a few deep ones on her forehead. The concrete beneath her appeared to be bleeding. The blood was so dark it was purple. Her blood. Without it, you die. Without it, she dies. Her eye were wide-open, staring at me. I couldn't see that sparky intelligence. Usually I could tell when she was going to make a sarcastic comment by looking into her lilac eyes, but now they were empty. Glass marbles that didn't belong to anyone.

Who cared what she had done with Robin? It didn't matter. She was _mine _and would always be _mine. _And god had no right to take what was mine.

_Richard Grayson_

In situations like these, with a presumed and very likely fatality and distressed members of the public, I was renowned for my calm and control.

Not this time. All I could do was stand behind a criminal I had spent countless hours trying to catch and stare at the broken body of a girl I loved.

Because this time, it was the girl I loved who was likely to not wake up again.

She looked exactly like my family had, when they had fallen to their deaths. Broken, eyes wide and mouth open in a silent scream. She had deep cuts that would need serious stitching if she lived. Her breathing was all wrong, like she was fighting for it, but it was no longer a natural reaction and she was forgetting how. The girl I loved, going the same way my mom, dad, and brother did.

But I knew I didn't love her as much as I claimed to, or I would be just like said criminal I had spent countless hours trying to catch.

He was…_broken._ Just as much as she was. I had no doubt that if he didn't care about her he would leave, avoid all this ugliness and pain. It was like his world had just collapsed around him, and he didn't know what to do. His eyes were wide and unseeing, and he was as white as a sheet. He wasn't afraid to touch her. His hand was on her cheek. At least Raven wouldn't die devoid of human contact, like she lived most of her life.

I still didn't like him. I still hated him. But now I pitied him.

I would have an indescribable time dealing with this. I shook my head. I couldn't even think about this. My mind was racing ahead of its own accord and I was too numb to stop it. _This_ man in front of me would snap.

_She's not even dead yet!_

And even more than I hated him, I hated watching him fall apart. What was an arch enemy if they didn't see the need to fight you anymore. Where would my life go? If Raven died, I would not even have my obsession to focus on. It was selfish and I hated myself.

_Wake up! _

She was my best friend. Her breathing had stopped. I would never see her criticize me again. I shouldn't have tried to take advantage of…Jared leaving. I should have comforted her and dragged his ass back. I shouldn't have given him a reason to go.

How could we have left her to fight that guy alone? When X wanted to shoot the guy, I almost wanted to snatch the gun from him and do it myself. But I had to stay a hero. That was my rule. Never take a life, no matter how inhuman that life was.

I chocked back a dry sob. I _would_ not cry. If Raven was okay, she would tell me to man up. With a scowl. I couldn't get any happiness out of the mental image. Not while her body was in front of me. If she did go, I wanted to remember her up and about.

_Why wont someone cover her up?_

"Raven!" Jared cried out again. He didn't sound angry and in pain this time. I didn't have to see what was happening. His voice filled me with happiness. Because it was infectious. X's voice was filled with unfiltered joy, he jumped to his feet and I had a clear view. Raven was now hovering a foot of the ground, her hair a curtain suspended beneath her, swinging in the light breeze, her chest moving steadily up and down. She was healing herself.

And just like that, Raven had gone from dead, to fine, in my head.

I let out the biggest breath ever, one that I hadn't known I had been holding. I was filled with relief from the tips of my toes to the top of my head, and I breathed so freely it was heaven. I found Starfire hugging me, and breathing became hard again, but in a good way. My other sister. She looked at me, big emerald eyes shinning with tears of happiness.

"Friend Raven is okay!" She cried, Pulling away to hug Cyborg. He lifted her up of the ground, the only one of us able to do so. He was laughing, probably delirious from joy.

It was like Christmas, and everyone's birthday, rolled into one.

_Bang!_

I swung my body around to see Jared, gun in his hand smoking. Officer Ricard and cop friends had started bringing the men out. We had left most of them unconscious, but the body builder who had kicked Raven out the window was just coming to. Now he was howling in pain.

Jared had shoot him in the foot with careful precision. Now the cops had their weapons drawn, pointing at him. He had an incredibly smug look on his face, at least, his mouth did. That's all I could see due to the fact he had jammed his baseball cap on his head again. His personality had done a 180, like Raven starting to heal had brought a dead man back to life. He turned his head towards mine, voice serious.

"I shot his pinky toe off. Hopefully it will fuck up his balance. See you at your Medical bay" And then he teleported, gun still in hand. I shook my head, and watched the cops dissipate into vans with their convicts, looking thourily shell-shocked. We needed to get out of here before Ambulance officers came.

I used to be paranoid that Raven was going to get poached by a hospital.

Cyborg was examining her. He looked up.

"Beastboy, go get Red back here. We could damage her if we don't teleport her to the medic bay." He sighed, crossing his arms. " I can't say if she'll stay like this." He confessed. "if you look closely at her, the energy keeps faltering." I looked at her form in horror. As if prompted by his words, the glow around her faded for a moment, and then came back brighter. Beastboy morphed into an eagle and took off into the sky, immediately but grimly.

I was glad of one small thing. Strangely, it was that he had shot the guy. Their was a huge gap of loss in my chest. I hadn't lost Raven, yet, but in a way, a dream of mine had died.

To be with Raven. She was one of a kind. I knew I couldn't compete with Red-X. Maybe if it was another girl, I could have won against him. But not her. For a few minutes today, his life had lost all meaning. For the same few minutes, I could still think about the future, no matter how bleakly. It was rare to witness love, But I was pretty damn sure it was what I had just seen.

Starfire was taking a kind of guard over Raven while she healed, sitting cross legged next to her. She was smiling optimistically. I was glad. Her cheer made me believe Raven would be okay, even though the happiness from before was marred with worry.

Would god be cruel enough to give us hope and then take it away?

We still hadn't caught Jemal Rusesamunga, but at least Starfire wasn't upset and so far today all my friends were alive.

"Jesus! What happened?" A feminine voice asked rudely, cutting off my thought pattern. I turned to see a slight Asian girl of about eighteen with a lip and nose piercing staring at Raven. She seemed to have been running recently, her breathing was labored.

She had an apron tied around her waist and underneath it she was wearing small denim shorts, tights and a thin sweater. She must be freezing to death.

Cyborg stared at her as if she were mad, sharing my train of thought. I looked at him. He definatly didn't know her.

"Who are you?" I asked, eyebrow raised. She had walked over to Raven, and had been staring down at her, long silky dark brown hair hanging forward. She straightened up and turned to face me, one of _her _eyebrows raised, face full of attitude.

"_My_ name is Lela. Who the fuck are you?" she snapped, her mocha eyes daring me to reply back with force.

_Arella Roth, A.K.A, Angela Blithe_

I felt the portal close with a squeezing sensation in my stomach, and I took in my surroundings cautiously, Giddy. I remembered this. Not that I had ever been here before. But it was darker than Azarath, and it smelled less….clean. Pure. The smell of earth.

I felt excited and terrified at the same time.

I straightened up. It felt strange to be home. No, this was not my home. Even though I had never been to this city, let alone this building, I was still reminded of bad things that happened to me in_ this_ dimension. I sighed and rounded the corner, straining my ears for noise. I heard the faint sounds of movement down the hallway.

I must be in Raven's tower. I passed a small window and paused. It was nighttime, and you could see a big city from here, the kind I used to live in, the kind they didn't have in Azarath. The sky was spraying a fine rain, blurring the lights. It would be filled with all kinds of people. Interesting people. Full of the smell of hotdog vendors, kabab joints that stayed open all night, clubs with pervy old bouncers, fake Id's, and free drinks for every young girl that would dance on the table-top for a few minutes. I didn't think I would ever be able to go into one again.

If this had been eighteen years ago, I would have been _out_. On the mean streets of upper Gotham. I shook my head, and tried to focus on why I was here. To see my daughter. To see my old family.

I came towards the sound. I seemed like someone was moving something around. Curious, I came to the door. It slid open. I almost jumped out of my skin. A door hadn't slid open for me in so long. In Azarath it was either an arch way with a various type of curtain or a big wooden door. I should have done this ages ago. My teenage self was laughing at me in my head. I calmed myself down, feeling foolish.

A big African American male wearing a worried look on his face was walking around, having just set down a heavy bowl full of tubes. I saw the tip of a metal syringe poking into sight. He turned to the sound of the door in shock, and with a jolt I saw half of his face was shiny blue and silver metal, half robot.

I remembered him as Cyborg, not that I had seen him before. Raven had described it to me in her letters. She had said he was kind, like a brother. I had been glad that someone was.

The room had other people in it. I tried to name them all. The easiest people were the green one, and the girl with the flaming red hair. Beastboy and Starfire. She had said Beastboy was immature, but he didn't look it. His eyes were dull and dark, and had only just looked up to watch me. His body language suggested defeat. Raven hadn't described the girl very well either. She had said Starfire was a permanently smiling, slightly irritating but well meaning, extremely beautiful, naiive foreigner. While it was definatly true she was beautiful, her mouth was curved downwards and I could see her large striking green eyes were filled with tears. Nothing naiive about that.

Their were two dark haired boys in the center, both with almost identical looks of confusion and shock on their faces as they stared at me with slack jaws. One was in a ridiculous red, green and orange suit that Raven had said was Robin. He was wearing a mask. I had no idea who the other man was, all I could note was that his eyes were the darkest, the most dead.

I noted the tiny Asian girl in the corner, who was asleep on her chair, arms folded under her chin.

Where was Raven?

"Arella?" The girl, Starfire asked unsurely, straightening up on her chair. I stared at her. Did Raven talk about me often? My heart seemed to warm at the thought.

"Yes." I nodded. Talking to my daughters friend should be a normal thing, but it felt surreal. The girl brightened a little, a dazzling smile lighting up her face. But it fell quickly. I walked into the room more, and the doors immediately swished shut behind me.

This room looked like a miniature hospital ward. Everything looked superbly clean and white. A few Cupboards lined the wall next to me, and the bench was sparkling. There were a few empty beds, and I could see the people were gathered around one. The small part of it I could see had a pair of boot clad feet seemingly levitating a foot above the beds surface.

The temperature in the room seemed to drop a few degrees, and worry seeped into my voice. It was high and strangled.

"Where's Raven?" I asked desperately, rushing towards the bed. Beastboy and Robin moved out of the way, but the other male stayed glued to where he was. I pushed him aside roughly.

My daughters limp form was levitating over the bed, glowing with her black energy. She was healing herself, but she had an IV drip inserted in her arm. I knew enough to know it shouldn't be there.

I looked her over with wide eyes. She was healing herself, which meant she would most likely be okay. I tried to look at this logically.

She was going to be okay. There was no reason for the paralyzing concern in me.

But then my emotions knew this was natural. I was her godforsaken mother and for her sake I needed to start acting like it!

I couldn't help notice the changes since I had seen her just over four years ago. Her face was slimmer, less childlike. She had grown her hair out to the length it used to be when she was a young child, and was now hanging down from her head like a curtain of violet, the only part of her not covered in the dark glow. She was taller, but not much. Her charka was still imbedded on her forehead above her eyebrows. Her lips were bigger. Redder. And for all intents and purposes, she was a fully grown woman. Not a child anymore.

I wanted to burst into tears, but I knew enough of control not to. I did what Raven always did and stayed still as I could, my face frozen. I did it for her.

I couldn't remember what I had come here for. All my enthusiasm and excitement was gone and that mattered was that my daughter was lying unconscious in a place that was not her true home, and if I had not decided to visit, I would not even have known.

"How did this happen?" I asked sharply. I wanted to touch her and let her know I was here, but that might hurt her chances of getting better.

The young man next to me answered.

"She got thrown out of a seven story window and landed on the sidewalk."

His voice was everything dead in this world. It was shaking with rage, and sorrow, and he sounded as if he was about to keel over in exhaustion. Who was he? I couldn't focus. Why did these thing always happen to _her? _I knew it was horrible, But I wished it had been the optimistic chick who had been fallen. It was because Raven had to live through so much. Did god think _oh, one more won't hurt_? I hated him. He was supposed to take care of her. She had already been tested. He had had his turn!

"Who threw her?" I asked, biting my lip. The male answered again.

"I dealt to him." He replied in the same kind of voice.

That shouldn't make me happy. For the last eighteen years I had lived in a wonderful place that was the way it was because there was no violence. I should ask exactly what he did. But I was afraid to, in case I thought he didn't do enough.

I felt stuck at sixeen. Pretending I had control over what was heppening to me. Because I never have and I never would. Hell, If god was going to make me immature mentally, the least he could do was make sure my body didn't age either.

"Raven?" I asked quietly. "Its Arella."

No response.

"Your mom." I added.

I had no idea why I said it. It wasn't like I had bothered to make an effort before. The guilt that reared on a daily bases was hitting me all at once now. Every opportunity I had given up, every fear, every time I doubted her, every thought of harming her, every wish that she had never happened, was replaying in my mind.

It pointed out the obvious. That it should be me lying there. In fact, it should be everyone who ever made her life harder than it already was should be lying there. And Azar knows just _how_ hard it was.

"I love you." I sighed finally.

Still no reaction. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. "Take the IV out of her arm. It will mess with her energys circulation around her body." I said, sitting down. Cyborg obeyed.

He seemed to be the one with the most medical knowledge.

The Asian girl shot upwards when I scraped my chair closer to the bed, her face turning into confusion when she saw me.

"Raven?" She asked groggily. I stared at her. She reminded me of the girls I used to hang with. No one on Azarath looked like her.

She had two peircings, one jutting out from her lip, and the other a tiny jewel in her nose. Her long, even and straight hair, had a flash of pink streak down it. I looked back at Raven. There weren't that many mirrors in Azarath, but their had been at my Gotham house, and I supposed she could have been my twin.

"Her mother." Robin spoke up. His voice sounded hoarse, probably from under use. He cleared it.

The girl nodded in intrest.

"Okay." She said off-handedly and yawned.

Obviously she didn't know this was a once in a life time occurance. "Any improvement?"

Cyborg held up a chart, and set it down again, tapping the monitor.

"Last time I checked five minutes ago three of her four of her broken ribs, her collarbone and a major head trauma had healed themselves. Shes still got the crack in her right arm, both legs and about a million deep cuts to go." He sighed, twisting his mouth lop-sided. "It might be another few days. Her healing rate slowed down once most major injurys had been stabilized."

I breathed out. She had healed her broken arm in two hours when she had fallen from the sky when she got distrakted levitating. That had been the first majoy scare. Even though I had known she was going to die along with the rest of us, the fact that it might have happened then and there had been horrifying.

But what do I do now? There was nothing to worry about, except how she was going to react when she saw me. Her birthday was in a week… maybe I should go and come back then. Eighteen. She wouldn't belong to me anymore.

"So she'll be okay?" The girl asked. Cyborg nodded. She stood up and looked around apologetically. "I should go home."

Robin was half-way towards moving over to her, but stopped himself. Most of the people in the room smiled in amusement. The girl looked at him with surprised eyes.

"Call me when she wakes up"

"Okay Lela." He said in a hoarse voice and awkward voice. I raised my eyebrow.

All the boys snickered, except for the one who kept his dark eyes on Raven. The girl smiled slightly, looking pleased with herself, and slung a suede handbag over her shoulder, touching Robins shoulder on her way out. He froze and a thick blue cell-phone in the shape of a disk dropped to the floor with a thud. Lela smiled deeper and excited the room quickly.

Everyone snickered except the man with the dark hair in civilian clothes, staring intently at Raven.

I was curious about him. Why was he looking at her like that? And who was he? It was clear that Lela did not live here. And from all Raven's letters, the team only had five members.

I watched Raven breath and heal steadily for a few more minutes. The others in the room seemed to be falling asleep. I had no idea what time it was, but when I had seen the city it had been dark, and a half-moon. They all looked ready for bed.

"Who are you?" I asked the man finally. He just shrugged, not moving his eyes away.

"Jared" He muttered simply.

I stared at him. By the way he was staring intently, he was obviously interested in my daughter. If so, then why was he being rude to her mother?

"and who is Jared?" I asked sharply. He didn't answer, but Beastboy lifted his head of another hospital bed and stifled a yawn.

"He's red-X" Be said tirdly, as if he were dreaming, before setting his head back down again.

"Shut up man." Cybrog muttered out of the corner of his mouth, smacking him on the head. The boy stayed sleeping, not reacting.

I scanned my catalogue of letters that Raven had sent me. I vaugly remembered one in which she said that she felt betrayed because a member of her team had gone undercover as a criminal and not told any of the team. In a following letter she had said that someone had stolen the suit, and assumed the identity of Red-X.

So this man, looking at my child as if she were Azar herself, was a common criminal. I remembered so many of them in Gotham. Me and my friends had shoplifted on occasions, when we were bored in need of a cheap thrill. Very cheap thrill. Free, in fact. But from what I had seen of the tower so far, it had a lot of security. Meaning this Jared had skill.

Criminals with skill usualy got in too deep to be pulled back out. They were the kind that usually ended up killed, or _killing_.

"For a criminal, you look pretty cut up about my daughter." I said suspiciously. To my surprise, he started chuckling.

"You sound exactly like her" He commented, finally turning to face me. His eyes were a curious shade of grey.

Was that a complement? Or an insult?

I didn't know Raven that well, how could I tell?

"Right."

I shook my head. This was all too much. I stood up from the uncomfortable chair. They all looked at me. "I need to get to Gotham, this was just ment to be a stopover." I said quietly.

I pulled my jacket closer around me. I had no idea how to get there. I assumed I'd just get a cab to the airport and use the credit card I'd had with me since I'd run from there in the first place. It would probably set off a police search when they realized the card was active again, but how else could I get there?

"You leaving?" Starfire asked in surprise, her big eyes confused. I felt a sudded rush of guilt. A _real _mother would not leave when their child was in danger. I was not a real mother thought, was I?

"Yes. Tell her to call the Blithe residence when she wakes up. Tell her I came."

I bit my lip and stared at her for a long moment.

A strand of her voilet hair fell across her forehead and her expresion was peaceful. These people were here for her. She would be okay.

"Of course." Robin said, nodding. I nodded back at him and excited the room, excited about seeing my family, and guilty about leaving the most important part of it behind.

Raven Roth

My eyes felt heavy. It took me a few seconds to gather the strength to open them. My head hurt like a bitch, the mother of all migranes coming on just as I became aware of where I was. I was alive. And this headache was nothing compared to the pain of what I had endured while healing. I could think. Remembered lots of talking around me.

Arella? I remembered her coming in. How did the titans manage to contact her? My blood chilled. That would have taken an age for them to figure out how to reach Azarath. How long had I been down? It had seemed like barley twenty-four hours of lying in darkness, unable to move but feeling the massaging waves of energy soothing away the splintering pain in all of my limps, the numbness of my face and the throbbing dents in my head.

I remembered freefalling. I remembered the freezing wind whipping my hair around just as I hit the ground. I remembered the paralyzing terror, which made me unable to do anything to stop myself.

I finally manadged to prise my eyes open and winced at the birght hallogen light that greeted me when I did. I must be in the medical bay. I breathed freely, testing my body for pain. I wiggled my fingers, and they moved like they always had. My ribs were a little sore when I took in a particuly deep breath, but when I rolled my ankles I felt fine.

I tried to sit up, heard the crinkling of the overstrached and underused sheets move around me. I blinked to clear my head, and noticed a mess of black hair next to my right leg. Jared.

I reached out to touch his hair, and he groaned but stayed where he was.

"Jared?" I asked croakily, my voice sounding weak. He immediately jumped up, a frazled grin spreading across his face and eyes wide.

"Sunshine!" He cried, grabbing my wrists with his hands. He was warm. I shivered as it spread up my arms to my shoulders. He must have thought he was too cold, because he pulled away quickly. "Sorry." He said hurriedly. He looked at me excitedly, shaking his head and laughing in releif.

It made the huge weight on my chest fall off. To see him happy. I had expected anger. I had hoped for a little pity due to being thrown off that building, but not this much.

"Oh Angel," He sighed. "You look like death."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Thanks" I said sarcastically, pulling myself higher up on the pillows. I looked around to find the room empty apart from him. Suddenly I remembered what had been said. The other titans had gone to bed and Jared had said he'd stay. I remembered Arella had come to see me for a half-an hour, before going to Gotham to see the Blithes. Good. It meant I didn't need to deal with them again.

Jared saw me looking around.

"The others had to go to bed. I told them I'd be here when you got up" He informed me.

"I know, I heard."

I remembered lying there, being mildly interested when Arella had come in. _That _had been a surprise. She had been pissed at Jared not giving up information easily, I could hear it in her tone. I had wanted to laugh but found myself unable. When everyone had left, I remembered him talking to me.

Jared raised his eyebrows.

"You heard everything?" He prompted. I nodded.

"And it wasn't your fault. You were fighting someone at the time"

Jared had apologized for leaving me alone with the body builder. I felt another wave of relief when I thought about him finishing up his little speech with _"I don't care what you did with Robin. I'm here anyway. I'll be here when you get up. I love you, just keep healing. Fast, if possible." _He had sighed. _"Damn it." _

Jared shook his head and lent back in his chair, defeated.

"I was just playing with him angel. Like I always play with the people I'm fighting. That's What Red-X does, and I should have looked out for you." His cloudy eyes darkened with self-loathing and heady guilt.

"Red-X doesn't play with people. You have to remember Robin created him. Red-X does what he has to do, and at the moment you had to fight that guy. I'm supposed to be able to take care of myself."

I had failed. I had to take on _one_ civilain, and I had been overpowered and shut down, distracting everyone else.

Jared raised his eyebrows.

"That guy was huge. I couldn't have taken him on by myself. Don't try blaming yourself when its my fault. Red-X doesn't do what Robin wants. The red-X Robin created wasn't really his, its mine, and you have to admit," He added, a cocky grin spreading across his face. " I look much better in the suit."

I snorted.

"Okay." I said sarcastically, though I didn't mean it.

"But I look even better with it off."

"Right." I agreed just to shut him up.

"But you already know that don't you?" He asked suggestively. I glared at him, feeling my cheeks heat up slightly. It was nice, because I was so cold.

"If you don't shut up I'll never know it again." I threatened, crossing my arms over what remained of my leotard. It was stiff with dried blood, but at least no one tried to undress me. Jared's eyes widened slightly, and I wasn't sure if he was mocking me or not.

"You mean if I shut up, you'll take the time to access whether I do look better with it off? Again?"

I shot him a look, not wanting to answer. Right now, I was in no state to even try, but I found myself thinking I actually _really_ would.

"You'd have to be very lucky." I said off-handedly. His grin returned.

"I'm the luckiest man alive." He replied confidently. I raised my eyebrow but thought through my answer, knowing that in his state of dizzy releif that I was alive, and I could feel it through empathy, he would twist anything I said into an innuendo.

"How so?" I asked carefully, measuring both words, checking for holes. He put a hand on mine, and I clentched it in a reflex. I felt a little embarrassed at how desperate I was for contact with him after only a month, but his masaged the back of my hand softly with his thumb so I tried to ignore it the shame and enjoy.

"Your awake. And talking to me. And Robin is over you." He smirked. I looked at him questioningly. That was fast, not that I was upset. "And your all mine"

I accepted the lest sentence.

"Hang on, how is he over me?"

Jared chuckled, and lent down to kiss my hand gently. I stared at him. This was not a very Jared thing to do at all. He came back up, acting as if nothing was out of place.

"Lela." He smirked. "She came in to see you and the boy-wonder has been acting all nervous and sweaty-palmed since." His smirk became more indulgent. "I was thinking of asking him if he wanted me to talk to her for him. Send her a note in maths class or something."

I frowned at his immaturity. But inside I was glowing. This was perfect!

"Don't be mean." I sighed. I wanted to get up and do a victory dance. Everything had fallen into place, and all that had to happen was me liking going to a coffee shop that a pretty girl worked at, Jared getting shot, a crazed Ethiopian man attempting genocide on the American race and me getting pushed from the seventh storyof an office building!

_Just, too easy._ Logic said sarcastically.

_I want you to shut up now._ Desire hissed_. Your ruining the god dammed moment hoe!_

My mind was silent.

Jared shook his head.

"I'm not being mean. Its just really cute you know? When she touched his arm he dropped his communicator on the ground, and then he blushed." He looked as if he was reliving very fond memories. "But I couldn't really enjoy it at the time because I thought you were going to die." He added.

I had always thought that no one would care very much if I died. Children my age in Azarath, and a lot of adults, had made themselves clear on that. And when you are told something should happen over and over again, it becomes all too easy to believe. I didn't speak my thoughts aloud. I knew they would make Jared angry.

"I'm glad I didn't." I said quietly. He lost his cheeky, cocky, confident look.

"Same here." He lent in to me, slow for once. No heat, or force. He knew that might hurt me in this state. My heart rate speed up, and I fought for control as fast as I could, so I wouldn't need to worry about it later.

His arm wound its way around my back, supporting me so it didn't hurt. I bridged the gap between my lips and his, closing my eyes in anticipation. Jared kissed me lightly, moving in closer slowly so I didn't get too excited. I opened my mouth fully so he could add a little more spice. He captured my lips a little more enthusiastically, perfectly, for my bruised state. I gasped, I couldn't help myself.

Everything was just so right.

I tasted him, he tasted me, and I wished we could stay here forever. His hand moved up my back to the base of my head. He used to position to push me closer. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, my skin crawled with delight and I wanted more than what I was capable of right now. It was such a shame, and he recognized it, pulling away from me sighing.

He lent his forehead against mine.

"Go back to sleep and heal yourself Raven." he muttered to me. "because my control is all used up."


	22. Down the Rabbit Hole

The room was suddenly filled with more people than I could count. I blinked a couple of times to clear my spinning head, dizzy from sitting up so fast and pulling the sheets up to my chest to hid myself as best as possible. Not that I was exposed, I just didn't want so many people staring at me.

Bumblebee, as enthusiastic as ever, was at the forefront, holding the biggest bouquet of flowers I had ever seen, mostly made up of strongly scented orchids and lilacs, contrasting the disinfectent smeel of the midic bay that I still couldn't get used to. She stopped next to my bed, while I stared at her in amazement, eyes wide.

One moment I had been alone, and the next, the room had been filled up with most of titans east, as well as my own team. Jared was still in the seat next to my bed.

I was very glad I had nipped out of the room to change out of my bloody and macabre uniform into jeans and a t-shirt. I had gone into the bathroom, and freaked myself out by looking in the mirror. Jared must have been gagging while he kissed me, because half of my face was caked in dry maroon blood. My hair was a mess, so I took a quick shower to clean it, as well as my face. It had responded nicely to a washing, falling around my face co-operatively, though nothing could be done about the dark shadows under my eyes, that made me look like the living dead.

"Oh girl! How do you manage to fall outta a window one day and still look nice the next? I mean, I would look wrong with the mysterious vampire look, but it works on you girl, it works." She babbled, arranging them on my desk. My head had a hard time keeping up with her, but I could tell she was feeling nervous.

I had gone back to sleep, just like Jared had wanted. I was fully healed, except I was a bit slower than usual as my headache was still there.

Bumblebee took a breath and stopped. Speedy, Robin, Cyborg and Starfire were standing behind her, looking a but dumb founded as well. Jared was staring back at all of them, working something out in his head.

"So, you feelin' okay?" She asked a little slower, picking up on the hint.

"Sure. Peachy in fact." I said sarcastically. Jared stood up from his chair with a blank expression, but I paid him no attention.

"Told you she was fine." Robin muttered to Cyborg, who nodded wisely. I fixed them both with a deadly glare which they immediately shrank back from. I smiled. The sight must have made me look slightly unhinged, because speedy flinched and tried to hide it.

Me looking and being close to death must have brought back my creepy factor. Good, I had been getting worried.

"S'cuse me." Jared mumbled, and shuffled out of the room, body stiff from sleeping on a cheap chair. Bee stared after him.

"Who. Is _that_?" She asked slyly, her eyebrows raised while she eyed his retreating back. If this was someone else, I would have gotten pissy, but I knew she meant nothing by it. This was territory she was familiar in, after all, she had gone to high school. I didn't reply, just sighed in annoyance, making her smile deepen and her shot me knowing looks. Speedy walked forward.

"No seriously, who is he? Robin just doesn't let anyone walk around here." He said suspiciously, pushing his red hair back with his hand.

"I was pushed out of the seventh story of an office block and I have the mother of all headaches. I can barley stay awake, let alone answer your foolish questions." I said sharply, with feeling, and maybe my gothic factor _had _worn off, because the both chuckled.

"Sure." Speedy said off-handedly. "_That's_ the reason."

"Mhhh-_hhhmmm_." Bumblebee agreed, nodding wisely.

My retort that had been on the verge of slipping off my tongue was cut off by a sudden loud thumping noise, followed by what was most likely Beastboy yelling incomprehensibly. Everyone looked in that direction in alarm. I strained to get out of my confines when I heard another bang and the sound of something shattering, deciding I really _should_ check it out. Jared had been acting strangely, and I had no clue why.

I shoved myself out of bed before anyone could stop me. I didn't want to be left here. Bumblebee saw me tumble out and grabbed my arm in her iron grip before I could hit the non-slip but still hard floor.

"You can't answer my questions but you can get yourself outta bed." She mumbled resentfully, and despite my curiosity I smiled a little bit. Bumblebee was too curious and worried to waste time trying to put me back in bed, and instead helped me limp out of the medical bay towards the noise.

Healing took a lot out of me, more so when it was someone else, but still.

We didn't have to look long to find what was making the continuous din. As soon as we walked into the common room, cautiously, sticking together as a group in case of danger, we were hit with the sight of Jared and Aqualad, rolling around on the floor, trying to kick each others asses.

I watched them, anger boiling over, my expression unimpressed, the corner of my lips twitching.

Back in the medical bay, he had been counting the members of Titans east. And saw that Aqualad wasn't there, probably to embarrassed to come see me himself. It would be just too easy to imagine Jared goading him into a fight, keen for some revenge, since he couldn't get it on Robin. I remembered it had been him who had dumped motor oil in his cove in the first place.

"That's for polluting the ocean!" Aqualad shouted, trying to push away Jared's chin so he could get in range for punching. Without water, he didn't have many abilities, except for a higher temperature than normal humans, and slightly abnormal strength, though nowhere near Starfires. If he wanted to kill us all, _then _he could have created a tsunami to wash away the tower.

"Stop it!" Beastboy yelled, a little bit scandalized. He was having trouble deciding where his loyalties lay. He had a rivalry with Aqualad, but he really, really didn't like Red-X.

Jared growled and punched Aqualad in the nose, and shoved him into the wall, trying to stand up.

"Hey now!" Cyborg tried to calm them, as Jared scrambled to pick up a glass from the bench, expression thoughrily pissed. Aqualad grabbed his ankle and pulled him down, but on his way, Jared smashed the glass into his head. It shattered, but thankfully I couldn't see any blood.

Hell yeah I knew what this was about. But Jared had won me now, did he really need to do this?

Jared straightened up, smirking, dusting his hands off while Aqua cupped his head in pain.

"Where are your goldfish now huh? What are your pet seahorses gonna do about it!"

I wasn't impressed. Apparently, Bumblebee and Speedy found it hilarious, while Robin was watching with his mouth pressed in a tight line and eyebrow raised. I stood, leaning against the bench for support, wishing I had enough energy to pull them apart and bang their heads against the wall.

"What are they even fighting about?" Speedy managed to ask between chuckles. Cyborg sighed and stood back in defeat, while they started wrestling again. He inclined his head towards me.

"Jared here fighting for Raven's honor, and I think Aqualad is going eco-warrior on his ass"

They both looked at me while the boys paid our conversation no attention. More chortles of laugher. I muttered curses under my breath.

"Go fuck a manatee." Jared yelled in amusement from the ground, as Aqualad stood up and Jared kicked him in the stomach, jumping back to his feet while Aqua was thrown across the room.

"I'm not healing either of you!" I snarled, and Jared caught sight of me and smiled.

"This is because Garth kissed her?" Speedy questioned, eyes shinning with tears of mirth. Robin growled.

"He would have done a lot more than that if Cyborg hadn't pulled them apart." He said, finally walking over to the two. "But I don't think it will happen again any time soon." He kicked Aqua in the side, and he rolled over, eyes furious. Jared pushed himself up to his feet again, rubbing his elbow and sneering.

"Can't you control your team!" Aqua raged at Robin, about to rush Jared again. Jared's smirk became more pronounced.

"I'm not in his team" He grinned. "I'm not even close."

_He was right _I thought, as I slid to the floor, where Bumblebee was currently lying, unable to get up for her shaking body. She was laughing like a seizure. Jared was not part of my team. That was just made crystal clear. He couldn't follow the rules, and he would continue doing what he wanted as long as I allowed him. He didn't need an excuse like the one he had now would just search until he found another.

I glared at him, and he turned around to face me as if nothing had happened.

"You should be in bed." he commented disapprovingly.

"You should learn not to attack every one I know!" I hissed. My voice was not raised, but its tone was deadly. "If you keep going like this, Starfire will be the only one left!"

He chuckled, his hair messed handsomly.

"That's a bit dramatic." He said, turning back to face Aqua, who was shooting him a potent death glare. "And besides. This won't happen again as long as fish boy, and" He glared at Robin threateningly. "Everyone else, keeps in line"

I wanted to die on the spot, the way everyone was looking at me. My boyfriend thought he was some kind of Rambo protecting poor little old Raven. He seemed to have conveniently forgotten that I had been a willing participant in what happened. No matter that I flushed with shame and felt disgusted every time I thought of it. No matter how much I regretted what I had done.

I had to shut him up.

"Go home Jared." I said in monotone, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Wait a second Sunsh-" he started, but I held a hand up. I really wanted him to come back tonight, when no one else was here.

When Jared didn't like someone, he didn't try and hide it. So it was best to have him avoid most of my friends.

"Please. Just go to the medical bay then." I used my eyes to communicate the most, though my voice was steady. He narrowed his eyes in return. But he took in me, leaning against the bench, holding my side. It had started to hurt after I started yelling. Finally he sighed, dusted his hands off on his pants. He winced, and inspected his palm. He must have gotten a shard of glass in it.

Aqualad was still throwing him dirty looks, ignoring me completely. Fine, If he wanted to sulk, I would let him. In all truthfulness, I didn't know him that well. Jared pulled out a splinter of glass, a small one, and dropped it on the other side of the bench, having to walk past Aqua to get to the door. He smirked at him, hands in pockets before disappearing from my sight completely.

Awkward silence, punctuated by Speedy's chuckling.

"Bee, can you help me back?" I said quietly, and she grabbed my arms and steered me into the corridor. Once we were out of earshot, She started giggling. It wasn't that funny. She had to stop to hold her stomach and calm down.

"Really, who is he?" She asked, face in a bright smile. I had a feeling what she had just seen had made her day. I pressed my mouth in a hard line, wondering what to say. I decided to be honest.

I wasn't ashamed of Jared. I felt a small warmth when I thought of what he had just done, mingling along with the annoyance. No one, no one at all, had _ever_ tried to protect me from _anything _before.

"He's my boyfriend." she started laughing again, and I wasn't sure if I should take it as an insult. "He's also Red-X." I added, with a slight smile, and her laughing stopped immediately. Her grin was wiped off her face and replaced with shock. She wasn't sure whether to believe me or not.

_Oh well _I thought as I pushed forward down the hallway until we got to the medical bay, Bee more silent than I thought possible. Jared was sitting in his chair again, and rushed forwards to help me back into bed. _At least I'm not as predictable as people thought. _My smile brightened and I settled back into the bed, preparing for what would most likely be a whole day of doing nothing while I healed again.

_Raven Roth, one week later_

"Honey, I'm home!"

I looked up angrily.

"Don't be a jack-ass Jared. Just get over here." I growled furiously, holding up the little wrapped box. I had no aversion to presents, but what I wanted to know was how he found out it was my birthday in the first place.

I had been waiting for him to show up to his own apartment for twenty minutes, adding to my fury.

Jared set down his backpack on the old bench, smiling serenely, and walked over to me.

"What can I do for you baby?" I growled and shoved it in his face.

The only way I could imagine this happening was him communicating with the Titans. And since he didn't like most of the titans, and most of the titans didn't like him, I could think of only one reason.

Surprise party. I resisted the urge to throw him out of the window into the slum outside.

"For me?" He asked innocently. I closed my eyes and prayed to god for strength. No, not strength. If I got strength, I was going to strangle him. What I needed was…patience. Yes, Patience. I breathed out calmly.

"How did you know?" I asked in a hollow voice, maybe an once of fear, looking into his dancing gray eyes. He just smiled and kissed me gently on the forehead, as he had taken to doing when I was in one of my 'moods'. What he didn't understand was that if he didn't keep infuriating me, I wouldn't be _moody. _

"We have to get back to the tower." He pointed out, standing up and offering me a hand. I glared at it, and pushed myself up, reluctantly agreeing. Robin had given me a strict _curfew._

Imposed on us after I told him to ask Lela out already and stop taking his frustrations out on Jared, I was only aloud to be in his apartment for half an hour. It had been a _whole _hour, until Jared had started informing him of all the things that could be done with an hour.

He regretted that now, I could tell.

I sighed, grabbed his arm and teleported to the common room, which was currently empty and devoid of all the garish streamers and balloons I had expected. Still, it was only four o'clock.

"Where is everyone?" I asked Jared suspiciously. He was shivering.

"I hate teleporting with you. Its freezing." He commented, heading straight for the fridge. "They got called out, but I convinced the bird that you should be aloud to stay behind, since it is your _birthday._"

"Why were you even here?" I asked, my suspicion going up a notch. He closed the fridge empty handed and stepped over to me, wrapping an arm around my waist and grinning devilishly.

"Because I knew there was going to an emergency, so I made sure they would know to leave you behind."

I glared at him, not really wanting the answer to my next question.

"And just _how_ did you know their was going to be an emergency?"

"I think I should be aloud to keep in touch with a few old friends. I can just ditch them all for some girl."

_Old friends. _Whatever. Criminal contacts more like.

"Some girl?" I asked, with a raised eyebrow. He smiled mockingly.

"Yep."

Before I knew it he had taken a stride, holding me with him, and teleported me to my own room. I hadn't even known he had been wearing the Red-X belt. I hit the ground with a hit of adrenalin from the shock at being teleported without preparing first. It wasn't like I knew that many people who could teleport in the first place. I watched him carefully, making sure he wasn't touching my things. He had learnt his lesson after last week, when he had dropped my meditation mirror on the ground and found one of my sketch books, and ran away with it into the training room and locked the door.

_I spun around in anger, and pounded on the wood with my closed fist. _

"_Open this fucking door or I'm going to send your dick to a different dimension!" I hissed threateningly through the gap. That was maybe going a little too far. _

"_Ow. I just wanted to look sunshine. Why are you so aggressive about it? Is their something in here that shouldn't be?"_

_I hissed through my teeth in rage. No one touches my things. Not even him._

Oh yes. He learnt his lesson alright.

I turned around to find him lying on my bed, head propped up by his hand. He had the box in his other hand. Sneaky theif, I could hardly ever tell when he pick-pocketed me.

"Don't you want to open it?" He teased, shaking it. I couldn't hear any rolling around.

I sighed and fell onto the bed, knees first. Jared grinned and pulled me over, so I was lying next to him, my head cradled in the hollow of his neck. I tried to act like I had collected my balance already, and took the box.

Truthfully, I really, _really_ did want to open it. I undid the ribbon, with stiff fingers, while he watched me. The lid fell off and I peered inside, an eyebrow raised. It was a white gold ring, with a medium band and a simple but sparkling saphire in the center.

My eyebrow flew skyhigh. _Excuse me?_

"Uh…?" I stuttered in confusion, my mind drenched in numbness. I craned my neck to see him laughing.

"Its not an engagment ring." He said in between laughs. I breathed a sigh of releif.

It was clear for all to see that I had fallen for him. That I was in love, and from what I had been told of the way he had shut down when I fell from the seventh floor, he loved me too. But no way was _I_ having a teenage wedding.

Before him I hadn't even really thought about it. Every little girl dreams of their wedding, but not me. It was slapped away. It was easier to focus when nothing foolish and impossible was clouding my mind. I didn't want to loose myself in cakes and white dresses.

_Or do you? _Desire asked seductively. I could feel it. She , I, wanted it. But mostly her. Because she didn't have to think logically, all she thought of was the fact that she wanted us to wear the prettiest dress in the world, being envied and adored by all who saw.

I didn't even _like_ attention.

"It's a promise ring." Jared clarified, as I slipped it out of the box. It felt delicate yet heavy, probably from the stone.

I turned it over in my fingers, not wanting to put it on, in case I slipped up and placed it on a finger that might have some meaning further than what this ment.

"What are you promising?" I asked quietly, sinking into his body heat, while he sighed and put it on the index of my right hand. It felt strange. Cold. I guessed it would warm to my body temperature soon.

"I don't know. Most girls would just squel with delight and be done with it." He said in defeat, still half-laughing. The ring looked homy on my finger, and I was afraid I was digging myself into a deep hole I wouldn't be able to claw my way out of.

"But I want to know." I insisted with a raised eyebrow in monotone. He sighed again.

"Go look it up on wikapedia." he suggested. I knew he didn't want to say it.

I knew the feeling. It was hard to even admit I had a boyfriend. The word was so frivolous and normal, it sounded like blasphemy. The words belonged on the tongue of a young naiive girl.

"Not every problem in the world can be solved by your beloved wikapedia." I said sarcastically. "Just tell me what your promising, or I'll have to take it off. I don't want to take it off."

He growled in frustration.

"Dificult woman." he huffed under his breath. I glared at him and he relented. "Fine, fine. I'm promising…that as long as your wearing it, its you and only you for me."

The words were said so off-handedly he could have been telling me it was going to rain tomorrow. But I knew what he meant by them. That I was only for him, and he was only for me.

I kissed him without warning, and received no complant. I felt his hand slide up under my shirt.

"Now for phase two of your present" he smirked during a break made for catching breath.

I cocked an eyebrow, my face close to his. I knew what he was thinking. I could tell, by the cautious way his fingers were walking up my side, raising Goosebumps behind.

My shirt was slowly riding upwards, the hands of a theif pushing it up. He always went slow, wether to savour the moment or torture me I didn't know.

"Wouldn't that be _your _present?" I asked skeptically. Not that I was complaining. I took a deep, broken breath when he slowly pulled it the shirt over my head. My skin prickled at the sudden onslaught of cold, the only thing covering my torso was a boring black bra and the tear drop necklace he gave me that I always wore tucked beneath my clothes, out of sight. Jared rubbed my arms to get some heat into them, but it wasn't enough. I flatened myself to his chest, and he wrapped his arms fully around me.

"Okay. Its not a present. Your too cold for it too be a present" he said, a little note of concern in his voice.

"I'll be okay" I whispered, to keep my voice steady. Chattering teeth was the last thing I needed. But Jared wasn't fooled. He sighed and lifted my body up bridal style, balancing on his knees.

"What are you doing?" I asked in confusion, an unplanned squeek in my voice. He didn't reply, but with one hand he pulled the covers down. Carefully, he set me down under the sheets. It was a little warmer. He smiled at me, and I smiled tentavily back, nervous as always. The tingling in my sides was now familiar.

"You all good?" He asked cupping my cheek in his palm. I nodded, and he lent in to kiss me tenderly. I settled the butterflys in my stomach.

_Jared Wilson_

I pulled away from her lips slowly. Raven was breathing heavily, her voilet eyes nervous. Her ample breast heaved up and down with every breath, and I had to mentally slap myself. If I became hyptnotised now, I wouldn't be able to go the way I planned.

It was her birthday. Slow was best.

We had had sex once before, but it had been dark then, I hadn't been able to see all I was now. Now I examined every inch of her pale moon colored skin, drinking it all up. The slope of her breast, covered up by her simple, very Raven, black bra. The dip in between them, and the length of her stomach, feminine, gradully rounding down towards the waistband of her jeans.

She was a goddess. A mere mortal like me should not have this great priviledge and honor.

Raven started to say something, but then she stopped herself, gulping and trying to pretend she hadn't ment anything, looking away from me, towards the window.

"What is it?" I asked, running a hand down the side of her face to calm her. She looked back at me, lips pressed in a line. She took a deep shuddering breath, looking very vulnerable.

"When you left...did you leave... because..." She couldn't finish, but closed her eyes and inclined her head down towards her semi-naked body.

I blinked. My lust was staved off by confusion for a moment. Was she asking if I left because she was too beautiful? Too amazing? Too indescribable?

"Because?" I prompted gently, leaning down, pressing my body to hers but being carefull not to burden her with my full weight, kissing her gently on the corner of her mouth, and then once more on her cheek. She blew out a sweet smelling breath, looking down, eyelids half closed.

"Because I was...not like other girls you...uh" She mumbled, and I only just caught it. And then I was filled with intense pain.

I didn't understand the insecuritys of women. I barley understood women at all. But I did understand what she meant, by the flush in her cheeks and the way she tried to slink lower down the bed, to put more of herself out of my sight. She thought that I had left her because she was bad at sex? Or at least thought it had contributed to my desision.

I kissed her a little deeper, but she didn't respond.

"Don't think like that." I growled forcefully, unpopping the button of her jeans, and trying to ease her back up the bed, where I could see her. Despite her nervousness, her eyebrow shot up. Beautiful.

She did as I wanted, and pushed herself upwards. I kissed her again, and this time she responded, opening her mouth to me. I slipped my tongue in and masaged the roof of her mouth. As expected, she squirmed underneath me, turning me on more. I slid off her jeans gently, and she arched her back to allow me more room.

"Don't doubt that I want you more than anything." I muttered in her ear. She nodded fevrently, kissing, sucking, my lip. Last time she had been to terrified to do anything much but play along with me, letting me show her the way.

I started breathing heavily, as her hands roamed. Demon was right. She bit my lip sensualy, and pulled at it a little. I took that as a signal. My hands wound around her back and I felt the stiff clasp of her bra. I undid it, blood rushing. It came off co-operativly. I grolwed deep in my throat and she moaned. I needed my shirt off.

I ripped it off in the fastest time possible, relishing Ravens anticipating facial expressions. I wanted to pound her, but I fought against my insticts, simply pressing my bare torso to her soft, firm breasts. She moaned a little and grabbed at my arms. I pulled away, ready to punish her for thinking so low of herself.

In the cold, and I liked to think in arousal, her nipples were pebble hard and erect. I pinched them without warning and she moaned in surprise. I rolled one with one hand, and with the other, started kneading. Her noises were making me wild, and I wanted more.

Everything in me begged for more.

I brought my lips to her breast, sucking hard. Her moans increased, low, feminine, long sounds and her hands grasped my back.

"Jared..." She breathed. Instead of responding with words, I placed my teeth around her nipple. She gasped but I didn't bite her, I just held her there. I used my tongue like a lizard, tongue darting in and out, licking her sensative areas. I noticed she bucked her hips once in a natural reaction.

I felt in power. I controlled everything that was happening right now. It was a huge boost to my ego, to know this amazing creature was in my care, trusting me with all she had. She deserved a reward. I moved my hand down to her swollen sex, pushing her silky panties out of the way, skipping my fingers around the outside, getting the lay of the land. She gasped louder than I had ever heard her at the sudden intrusion when I slid a finger in.

"X..." She moaned, her hips bucking to push me in deeper, as natural reaction. I needed to get realease...but I needed to give it to her first.

I tried to be nice, I really did. But nothing about the way I was doing this seemed very gentlemanly.

I stared into her eyes, which were beginning to half-close, as I moved my finger in and out. Special attention on my thumb, rubbing her. I pulled out and she made a sound of displeasure, but I replaced it with two fingers. Her walls squeezed, her juice flowing freely. I listened to the sounds of her pleasure, and the soft, slurping coming from her sex as I thrust my fingers all the way in and out again.

I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to be inside of her. I needed to be inside of her.

Quickly as I could I ripped my jeans off and flung them onto the floor. Raven made a small wimpering sound at my leave from her, and she tried to grab my arm. I pushed her back onto the bed, smiling at her. I straddled her, flesh to flesh.

She was so perfect.

I pulled off her panties, now damp, and threw them on the floor with my boxers. Raven closed her beautiful eyes in anticipation, her legs spread apart, revealing her hot center, and her hand extended towards me. I grasped her hand in mine, giving it a reasuring squeeze. Her skin was no longer cold.

Her comfort was high on my list of proritys, but it had just been overtaken by primal hunger. With a groan, I positioned myself. I entered her faster than I had intended, but I couldn't control myself.

She was heaven. Hot. Tight. I groaned silently as she clentched in pain, a breath stuck in her throat. I stayed as still as possible, but after a few seconds she loosened, released the breath, and with releif I pushed myself in to the hilt, feeling myself incased.

She moaned long and clear, her volume raising the deeper I went, her hands scraping my back while I held her up to me. Her back arched while I was blinded by pleasure, her breasts pressed to me. I kissed her cheek gently and started to thrust in and out. Slowly, first. Stroking her. Then I couldn't handle it. I increased my speed just as she groaned my name.

"Jared! Ohhhhh..." Her moan faded as I finished a stroak. The power. It was more potent than anything I had ever experianced.

I had had sex before, many times. But I had never _made love_ to anyone before. This was what I was doing. Making love to this beautiful woman. Half demon. Raven...

"Raven..." I groaned, clentching her moving hips. We were both covered in sweat, mixing the way we both smelt. I pushed harder and faster.

"hah hah hah" She panted, moving her hips to greet me, her eyes scrunched up.

_Jesus christ._

I tired to stay silent for the most part, but no one could blame the occasional groan that slipped out of my mouth. I was at the end of self-control.

_Raven Roth_

The grip on my hips tightened untill it was close to pain, and I attempted to open my eyes shakily. I wanted to see him. He was directly above me, his stong muscles working, every single on of them. His height and huge body seemed overexaggerated here. Compared to me, of course. And their was the confidence factor. He had excess, whereas I had had none. But as I had found out, nothing like that mattered when you were in _the_ _zone_.

They were barely open a second, in which I saw his sweety face contorted in pleasure. The cocky, funny, but considerate man I knew was replaced with a hungry predator. His ball game. Not mine.

But my body was _mine,_ filled with awareness and awash with excitment. More than it had ever been before, even with the jerky and unfamiliar way it was moving.

Overwhelming pleasure. I was completly overwhelmed. I dug my fingers into his back, unable to stop myself as I felt the growing coil of energy in my lower belly tighten. Jared groaned out loud, and thrust deeper and faster. He was stretching me, filling me up, and I couldn't hold on any longer.

"Ohhhh!" I moaned, tilting my head back, not caring any more for being demure and ladylike. Or being nervous. Nothing mattered in this moment, not while angels were singing and the rain was thundering down like it was the end of the world. And it wasn't just my need. He was panting, not as loud and as desperatly as I was, but still.

It spread like wild, electric fire up me, racking me with a powerful spasm. My back arched higher than ever before, my breath stuck and not coming out. My brain felt like it was starved of oxygin, the edges of my vision blackening as I struggle for regain of thought. I felt the need to scream. Last time had not had this effect on me, though it had been amazing. This time...there was no english word for it. Azarathian yes. _ezroan._

"Nirvana" I whispered the rough translation in ecsatcy, even though it didn't quite fit. With that, Jared could hold on no longer and I felt another release inside of me in sync with his totured groan that was my name. He gripped my hips even tighter, so the prerssure hurt. I tried to shy away and push closer to him at the same time, wettness drippling down me, not that I was concerned. His kisses lost their animalsitic tendancy but were still just as deep. The fire in my belly was also dying, being taken over by a sense of happiness.

Wasn't this what I had always wanted, even though I hadn't known?

It was, and more. Jared kissed me one last time, deep and gentle, a possible thank you, before sliding out of me, and collapsing on the bed next to me, not on top incase he weighed too much. My thoughtful Jared was back. But the fevor was still in him, so he planted a long line of kisses from my jaw down to my collarbone, and I intwined my hands into his messy hair.

If it was possible, I would stay here forever, staring into his handsome face with the cocky, satified grin and the dancing grey cloud eyes that told me to enjoy. It was four o'clock in the afternoon, raining outside and I was on top of the world.

Was this a kind of make-up from the universe? Since I hadn't felt my childhood, I got to feel all of this instead. Sitting where I was, it seemed a fair and just trade.

Jared's hand crawled up the side of my face, his expression serious.

"Sunshine..." he cleared his throught, when he spoke, his voice was hoarse. A jolt of _something_ spread through me at the sound of it. "Happy birthday." He settled on. "I know I'm enjoying it so far." Jared reluctantly pushed himself off my matress, causing the springs to creak. _That_ sound brought me flashbacks from barley ten minutes ago. I didn't want to move, but the fact that it was daytime, and my team could be bursting through the door as soon as Jareds criminal friends got bored forced me up. Jared grabbed my hand and helped me, pulling me extremly hard suddenly so my naked body collided with his. My eyebrows shot up as his hand stroked my bare lower back, where my tattoo was.

"When did you get this?" He asked in curiousity. So he was referring to the Tattoo. I thought back to the moment I had gotten it, the day after I had defeated my father, become pure and was allowed to feel.

_I pushed my hood futher down my head, so only my mouth was showing under the shadow. I looked through the clean clear window, with the scarlet painted writting on it, advertising the hottest Tattoo designs and peircings in Jump. I smiled wryly, surprised at the way it felt, the way my skin crinkled at the corner of my mouth. It wasn't unplesent, just exsilerating and...different, unfamiliar. _

_Everything was unfamiliar. Things that were normal reactions to other people, where completly new to me. _

_I pushed the door open, greeted with a loud, irritating buzz that announced I was here. I inspected all the surfaces, checking for signs of uncleanlyness. The place was immaculate, but the man who suddenly appeared at the counter wasn't. He didn't look surprised to see me here. With my dark clothing and the tip of my naturally but abnormal colored hair poking out of the hood for him to see. _

_"Can I help?" He asked bordely. I took my hood off with slightly trembling fingers and walked forward. The man raised his eyebrows, checking out my charkra. I would not be afraid anymore. I would take control in a completly different way than I was used to. _

"The day after my father was banished. I wanted my body to be my own." I said simply, about to look at the ground before remembering he was naked, and that could be taken a very different way. He nodded, eyes understanding, serious. Not pitying, but something more. "It certainly is yours now." He said, sighing wistfully.

"I'll get dressed, you might want to clean yourself up." he smiled. I agreed wholeheartedly, nodding slightly.

"I'll meet you in the commen room." I said quietly, stooping low to pick up my clothes off the floor in a hurry, and covering myself with them, headed towards the bathroom.

I felt his eyes on my back as I walked away, and I was happy that I had the tattoo, for what was maybe the hundredth time.

It was a source of much needed confidence, that made me feel like I could do anything I wanted. It made me feel like a me I could live with.

Feeling fresh and satisfied, smiling slightly, I walked into the common room, to find Jared sprawled out across the four seater couch, grinning at me. He was fully cloathed again.

I sat down next to him, not stopping him when his hand came up to play with my hair.

Men were incouragable. He had what he wanted, and now he was angling for more. I wasn't going to let him have it.

But that kiss that he planted on my closed lips wasn't hard. It was soft and I responded, chastising myself. I had become a passionate woman, in the space of a few months. Too passionate. I crawled over to him, not literraly in his lap, but pretty close. heavy breathing started up again, and I realised that Robins training sessions were much less effective and fun.

Since when was I an enigizer bunny?

I had truely fallen down the deep dark rabbit hole.

His hands held my back, pulling me close to him. I kissed him back harder, just as a swishing sound reached my ears and he placed his hand on my upper thigh. Then I heard footsteps. My eyes opened and strayed over to the door, then widened.

"Arella!" I exclaimed nervously and I broke away immediately, flushing furiously, heart pounding an irregular rhythm, trying not to give anything away more than I already had. My mother stood in the doorway, looking abnormal in civilian clothes, but familiar in her expression of a raised eyebrow a small confused look. The thing I didn't recognise on her face was a hint of bewildered amusement. I pushed myself off Jared and onto the ground, landing on my knees and standing up.

Arella took a step forward. I remembered her feet usually being bare, but now she had them covered in black, low-heeled heeled boots.

"Raven" she acknowledged, still looking dumb-founded. I laughed nervously, clasping my hands together.


	23. Memory

_Arella Roth._

I took a deep breath and stepped out of the elevator, relishing the hot air blowing around this new room.

Time to face the other part of my family.

What was I expecting? I truthfully didn't know. I was unprepared. I had no idea what her personality was. When I had seen her, she had been devoid of anything that had hinted at free will or preference.

I stopped my pace to admire a small child, a crown of blond ringlets on his head. He still had a chubby, baby face, though he was walking next to his mother, hand in hand. Joeszy laughed as he picked reached up at picked a bunch of grapes from a wooden box that was part of a stalls display, his mother not noticing, as she examined a box of carrots, mouth twisted in a thoughtful frown.

"He's lovely." Joeszy sighed, as we started to walk again. I ran my hands over a stall covered in rugs, feeling the different intricately woven textures. I nodded.

I loved the markets. Seeing all these people, hopeful and optimistic about the future, filled to the brim with energy, was infectious.

"He is." I laughed, skipping over a patch of uneven ground. She could barely hear me over the chatter of the surrounding people. A group of women I recognized from the temple nodded to us, faces losing the joy from their conversation fading into respect.

Once we passed them, into an area filled with the smell of spices and steam, Joeszy made a face.

She was another of the saved from earth. It was why I liked to go places with her. She understood that I felt unworthy of this magical place, this perfect protection. Her story was much like mine. Unhappy with her life being passed from one foster home to the next, Kate, as she had called herself then, had joined the same cult I had, though nothing had happened to her in the way it had to me, and I had never seen her when I was there. She had simply decided to give up on life and was saved before it was too late.

"Bitches." She muttered under her breath, so only I could hear. I laughed out loud. There was something so…refreshing about hearing that word spoken in Azarath. I knew Joeszy and I were the only ones to ever say it.

"Shhh." I said in amusement. "Don't let anyone hear you."

"You know they only acknowledge us because of Azar. If it weren't for her, we'd be eaten alive." She scowled. I smiled

"We'd eat them alive." I corrected her. "They don't know nothing 'bout the streets."

Joeszy laughed loudly at my Gotham street accent, and I joined in. It was a good day. The sun was shining full out on us, and the market smelled better than ever.

I noticed a woman gasp and step back, grabbing her teenage son and pulling him back, causing him to look around in embarrassment, in case one of his friends was around and saw the contact.

No matter what dimension I was in, some things would never change.

Joeszy laughed again, and picked up a gold chain, examining the fineness and the way it shone in the light. A man, was staring in the direction the woman had jumped away from. I did a double take, wondering what was going on that was making everyone around so uneasy.

The crowd was parting, as if a bride was expected to walk through the market any minute, though the looks on their faces suggested a mixture of disgust, nervousness, anger, respect, and above all, worry. I reached out and pulled Joeszy towards me by the arm, as she started to disappear into the crowd without me.

"What?" she asked, catching on and staring at the aisle in confusion, as I was.

And the heads started to bow. Azar? Why was their fear in their faces?

I soon learned why, as my breath caught in my throat. Joeszy grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight. I squeezed back, trying to center myself.

A small girl of exactly two years today, was walking down the crowds parting, her head bowed, obscured by long deeply colored violet tresses, that belonged to someone much older and elegant than her. She was wearing a adorable blue dress with short sleeves, fitting for her young age, and small jelly sandals. A tall willowy, goddess like woman with dark coffee-coloured skin and silky ink black hair in waves down to her waist was walking alongside her, nodding and smiling serenely to the people who bowed their heads. But as always, it didn't quite reach her wise golden eyes.

Azar.

And of course, my daughter.

The last time I had seen her, she had been the tiniest doll like creature, gray skinned and perfect, but so, so wrong. I hadn't know her hair would turn out so vibrant and shiny.

"Arella?" Joeszy asked in concern, but I wasn't looking at her.

I hated this child with everything in me. That hair wasn't mine. That hair was a demon curse. Her gray skin wasn't natural. A child should be pink with life, and running, not moving at an even and terrifying pace. The sun caught her hair and showed black strands, reflecting the light. My hair was black.

I needed to run, but I was glued to the spot by Azar sudden stern look. All I could do was stare back, as Azar silently ordered me not to move. To try and brake this spell, I tried to focus on the people around us.

They had similar feelings as I did about this monster possessing a Childs body. All the looks were untrustworthy. They were all whispering almost silently, like the ghost of wind. If Azar heard what they were saying there would be trouble.

It was as if all the life in the market had died. No noise, as Azar and…Raven passed by.

When she had been born I had refused to name her outright, too tired and tramatised to do anything much, so Azar had given me options. It was better and more familiar to me than the other Azarathian names, like Hache and Jilla.

The child looked up at me, and my heart stopped. I felt as if I was being stared down by a snake. I couldn't move. Her eyes were vivid violet, like her hair. And they were big, deep, the way a Childs should be.

The anger ebbed slightly, washed away with shock. Her face was a tiny replica of mine. A map of me. Joeszy gasped next to me. Ravens angelic little lips parted slightly, but I caught what she said.

"Arella." She said simply in the softest voice I had ever heard, as if she were stating a fact, nodded, and then hurried past, eyes on the uneven ground again as if she were afraid of retribution. I very nearly collapsed, legs shaky and liquid-like, but Joeszy grabbed me and pulled me away, so I couldn't even watch the little girls retreating form.

Ironically, the memory had taken place when I had been barley eleven months older than Raven was right now.

I swept my eyes over the seemingly empty room, looking for my daughter, scared of what I would see. Anger? Emptiness? I hadn't seen her conscious for many years. Years in which she had changed more suddenly than she would in her whole life.

But no situation I imagined in my head could compare to the real thing. Because in all of the scenes I had imagined, I had not thought of this.

She was practically in that criminals lap, kissing him. The thief's hands were tangled in Ravens hair, holding her to him, not that he needed to. She was pushing back with just as much force.

At the sound of my footsteps, and the swish as the elevator door closed, her closed eyes opened, and much like the memory, our eyes locked. My bluey-lilac with her violet. What she was seeing registered in her brain, and she pushed Jared away, eyes wider than I had ever seen, flying across the couch cushions.

She feel off it onto her knees in her scramble to get up. The man looked around to see what made her stop, and pushed his hair back a little nervously. He looked like a completely different person to the one I had seen last time.

His hair looked freshly washed but messed up, and his eyes were a lighter shade of gray. And the way he was sitting suggested being relaxed.

Raven also looked much better, to my immense relief. I had been terrified the breathing corpse I had seen in the medical bay would be what she would look like the whole time. But her cheeks were faintly pink as she stood up, her hair pleasantly ruffled and clean, her clothes civilian, much like the jeans and T-shirt I was wearing, though hers looked inexpensive and tighter.

Her style was faintly gothic, romantic, lots of black and dark blue. When I had been a teen I had liked sparkles and the least amount of clothing without being arrested as possible. But I could still see myself in her.

"Raven." I nodded, slightly bewildered.

In my heart I had known what was going as soon as I saw him staring at her broken body. But I had ignored it.

What did I want to happen? It wasn't like I owned her. I could not stop her, I had no right. Maybe if I had cared for her like a mother should, I would have some authority. And if I had done that, and I did have some kind of sway, then what would I do with it? Was this Jared a bad person? None of her friends seemed to like him very much from what I had gathered, and they were good people. It was their job to be good people.

Raven licked her lips and moved over to the bench.

"Arella." She said nervously, an unsure and shaky smile on her face. I blinked. I had never seen her lips curve up that way. It made her face transform. She was beautiful. Her eyes were darting around, but they added to her exotic look. When she walked over to the bench, her longs legs carried her gracefully, though she wasn't moving with any joy or abandon.

"Tea?" She asked shakily, "Coffee? Water?" She was talking to fill the silence. Her voice wasn't high pitched, nor was it low, but it had a slight edge to it.

I rearranged my bag on my hip and walked over to her, ignoring the fully grown man on the sofa.

He was a man. Older than Raven no doubt. How did this happen? The last time Raven fell into the trap of adolescent love, the man turned out to be a dragon. Just her luck really. When I had read it I had been furious. Only a few months off her sixteenth birthday and she was ready to throw it all away? My reply had been scathing, probably not what she needed and definatly not my place.

Azar would have been good for that kind of thing. She would have weighed it up, with her wise golden eyes and then offered extremly helpful advice that would make everything seem easier.

"No thanks." I replied, quietly, setting my heavy handbag down. Do I hug her? No doubt I wanted to.

I was not the young foolish, selfish girl I had been when she needed me. I was older, wiser and yearning for some kind of bond with her.

"You didn't call me." I settled on. My time with my old family had been…wonderful and horrible.

I looked at the huge apartment building, so high and intimidating, a dry lump in my throat, but thankful that this was not the apartment block from my memory. Of course. Sarah was a grown up now. She lived alone.

I buzzed the intercom and waited in the cold, pulling my jacket close around me. I felt sick.

"Hello?" a female voice asked boardly. I cleared my throat. I had been preparing for this ever since I left Ravens tower. "who is it?" The voice insisted.

"Is that Sarah Blithe?" I asked, seeing my breath appear as fog in front of me. A pause.

"yes." she answered suspiciously. "who is this?"

My little sister Sarah. She had been what, twelve, thirteen when I left? A boy shaped kid with bad hair who followed me around and asked for my advice on everything.

"Angie" I managed to croak out, while pressing the button down. Another long silence. I heard another buzz, to signify that the gate had opened.

It had been hard to find out where she lived, but I hadn't even managed to locate anyone else. Jonah had always been private. And my mother and father…Jonathon snr. would want to murder me as soon as he saw me.

My stiff fingers opened the fiddly white gate that looked like window shutters made of bone and I pushed my way past perfectly trimmed hedges that lined the door to the English style upper class apartment block.

Apartment 10A.

I took the lift.

My pace seemed to slow when I reached the top floor, and my hand moved to the door as I tried to fight the action in my head. I was dizzy with the rush of expectancy. I had no idea what would be behind that door.

It opened before I had the chance to knock. Behind it stood my little sister, not so little and boy-like as she once was. Her hair, once dark and wavy like mine, was ashy blond and poker straight, it suited her. Her face had lengthened and matured, her lips painted a deep red colour that made her look glamorous. But her mascara was running.

She stared at me, with my one bag, made from hemp and beaded, brought from the markets in Azarath one Sunday a few years ago. It contained everything I thought I would need.

The air was drawn tight like an archers bow, constricting my chest and weighing down the air like steam. The lump in my throat grew larger and I tried to gulp it away, just as the door was wrenched open wider by a huge hand. Now I could see into the apartment.

Pristine white sofa, hard marble bench top. Plasma screen in the wall, tortured willow coffee table, shag carpet. And Jonah. And a woman I vaguely recognized. And two teenagers.

His eyes had lost their naivety. They were the same colour as mine, and Sarah's, the bluey-indigo colour, but his were dulled, a few lines creasing the skin around them. He was in a suit and I was reminded of our father, stiff and angry. He had lost his lanky form.

I opened my mouth to speak but I was silenced by Sarah. Blackened mascara tears were running tracks down her pale face. She grabbed me with her arms and pulled me into a tight hug, and I found myself hugging her back tightly. Jonah stood stiff armed for a second, as I watched him through filmy eyes, but he broke. I was constricted by another layer of arms, stronger and warmer.

I hadn't expected him here, thought It would be easier to do one at a time. I knew now I couldn't take this stimulation again.

We were all crying, Sarah and me in full out tears, bleeding into our clothes and hair, and Jonah choking them back. Had we even hugged this way when we were together? I hugged tighter, the lump dissipating with each rough sob of happiness and relief, my eyes prickling. We were all clinging together in case something tried to rip us apart again. The tears could continue to spill over my eyes and onto my cheeks forever if I let them.

You just didn't hug on Azarath. You didn't touch unless you were related or extremely close. This was the best kind of contact. I hadn't loved in so long. Somewhere along the line in our group hug filled with warmth and the good pain from being nearly strangled, we had spilled into Sarah's apartment.

I didn't care about being alone, or rejected anymore. Their would be anger and pain, but that was family. If I had seen that when I had been a stupid, selfish nightmare of an adolesant, none of this would have happened. But I didn't care about that. I was here now and it was truly the best feeling I had felt in my life.

The kinship. The tight bonds of something that could lie there dormant until you re-discovered it. Fresh, but familiar.

I hadn't worn mascara in so long, I even forgot to worry about it. And in a strange way I was glad it was running, because Sarah reached a finger and wiped a whole lot of it away with a sad smile when we finally broke apart. The way I did with her the one time she put it on to experiment a few weeks before I left, before everything fell apart.

I broke down again, this time clinging to myself, unable to properly breath as my emotions raged inside of me, my eyes protesting at being ordered to take so much in. I tried to choke back a sob to speak, but I couldn't. I was going to faint, collapse, throw up, die or worse. I couldn't work out if I felt good or bad, just that this was too much.

Jonah wiped his eyes on the back of his hand, screwing up his face.

"Angela you bitch." He laughed, shaking his head in wonder, and I had to choke out a laugh too. I tried to calm my breathing, as Sarah appeared to be doing, as I stood with unstable legs.

I finally allowed myself to tear my eager eyes away from them to the three other occupants in the room. The two children had traces of Jonah and the other woman in them. They were my niece and nephew. Both children had the woman's chestnut colored hair and the Blithe family eyes.

"I need to meditate." I whispered to myself mostly, but Sarah caught it.

"Is that what you've been doing all these years?" She asked, sounding slightly hysterical. "You left to practice new age medicine?" She wasn't angry, or joking, just asking in an emotional state. I shook my head, trying to clear it.

"Not all the time" I said quietly.

"I knew you were alive." she whispered somewhat triumphantly.

Yes, It had been wonderful and terrifying, but I had still been missing Raven's call, the one I told them to tell her to do. Raven stopped trying to boil the old jug, and looked at me, lips pursed.

"No point. What would I say?" Her voice was flat, and it struck a familiar chord. She was right. I hadn't planned a conversation I had wanted to have. I just wanted to talk, but now I thought about it, it would have just been a stumbling, awkward conversation that would have lasted a few painful minutes.

It was easy to tell people how wonderful she was, and mean it wholeheartedly. She had achieved the impossible. I didn't deserve the pride she gifted me. But it was difficult to tell her how amazing she was, and over the phone was no place if I ever gathered the courage. I had yet to say I love you to her face, even though the Blithes now knew of the fact.

"How is Raven?" Sarah asked, her voice clear again, buzzing with positive vibes. I had been here for hours, just talking with the five of them, though the male teenager barley said a word. We had cleaned up and they had yelled, and I had refused to dish out answers. I was giving them slowly, enjoying each piece of news that they told me, all the witty things Summer Blithe, Jonahs awed daughter, said now and then, and just being here.

I frowned, looking into the deep whirlpool of a coffee cup in my hands.

"she's…injured." I said, picturing her unconscious body on the medical bay bed.

"Is it bad?" Jonah asked, almost afraid to speak. I looked up. He was really the same boy he had always been, just a lot tougher looking, and more street smart. He had been the one who had suggested we wait to tell mom and dad. I had agreed gladly and instantaneously.

"Raven is…," I trailed off.

How do you explain her without telling the whole story? How could I do her justice?

"different." I settled on. Ryan snorted.

"She's a Titan" He informed me, closing the mobile that was apparently welded to his hand.

"Yes." I said dryly, while he looked away. "She heals herself quicker than most. I wouldn't have left her if I thought it was going to turn bad."

They didn't question why she healed fast. Yet. a pause.

"What happened?" Sarah asked. I sighed.

"She was fighting and she was pushed out a third-stories window." I lied, shaving off four stories. Sarah, Jonahs wife and summer gasped.

"That's horrible." She said. We were getting close to the real questions they wanted to ask.

"Doesn't it tear you apart, to have her in that team?" Phoebe, Jonahs wife, who I had been surprised to recognize. They had been going out when I had left, and apparently, never stopped. At first I thought she was going to ask me if the guilt of being a bad mother tore me apart.

"There's nothing I can do." I said dully. "I never really looked after her, so I don't have the parental authority."

"Did she get adopted?" Summer asked delicately. She was hiding her eyes behind her brown fringe.

"No." I sighed. "I was…around. But I was angry and not good for her."

"I guess that's right." I agreed. She was right. She always cut straight to the bone, that much I knew about her. She looked at me with no expression for a moment, and then sat next to the couch with the thief. I unzipped the new bag Sarah had given me.

"How did it go?" she asked, eyebrow raised. She didn't like them after all of the hassling they did to find her.

"Well." I tried for a smile. "They wanted me to give this to you." I pulled out the two packages they had slipped in my bag once I had told them of her birthday. Her eyebrows climbed higher.

Maybe she hadn't changed as much as I thought.

Raven Roth

So nice of my stalkers to send me presents.

At least Arella was happy. Well, she looked happy. Like some huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders, that made it easier to breath freely.

Arella dropped the packages in my hands. One was a bag and the other was in a small box. What was it about me that made people want to buy me jewelry?

I heard the lift fire up, and knew the other titans were about to show up and with a sick feeling I remembered that there was probably a secret badly planned surprise party. Arella's face suddenly turned shocked and I stared at her, wondering what was wrong. I followed her line of sight to find her staring, transfixed at my newly acquired sapphire promise ring. The embarrassment at being caught in that position by my _mother _with a _criminal_ was huge and choking. At least she had not arrived fifteen minutes earlier, gone looking for me and found me in bed naked with a criminal.

"What is that?" She asked, looking horrified. Through the mists of shame, I felt amusement. That was the reaction of a mom.

"It's a promise ring." Jared spoke up, as smooth and calm as always, even in the face of a shocked and about to turn angry Arella. "Do you like it?" I leant into him subtly, a warning, and just because I wanted to. He was so solid and warm.

Arella sent him a sharp look, but I was saved from her reply by the lift opening as the rest of the titans came out, looking disgruntled.

Robin was in the front, his hair unusually flat, trudging forward. He shot a deadly glare at us, while Cyborg and Beastboy attempted smiles for Arella.

"Hey Ms. Rave-" Cyborg started, but he was cut off by Robin.

"Would you have any idea why the thieves we went to stop kept coming back for more, even though their was nothing left to steal?" he asked suspiciously, like he knew the answer, which he did. Jared smiled easily and lent back into the couch further, placing an arm loosely around my shoulders.

"No idea." He said smiling. "But this today isn't about your futile missions. Today is about Raven."

I really wish he hadn't said that. Because all eyes were on me. The presents from the Blithes were heavy in my lap but I left them unopened. I had no idea what they were but it was embarrassing. Everything about my birthday was embarrassing in the first place.

It was really no big deal. So I was eighteen. What did that mean?

"Yeah yeah." Robin mumbled "On the plus side, one of the guys Rusesamunga hired cracked and told the police where his headquarters was and he's in custody right now, in questioning." he added, trying to catch his reflection in the window. But it was covered in rain drops, making him looked more warped than he already was. Good. Rusesamunga was a pain in the ass.

"Vain boy." Jared smirked. Beastboy sniggered at Robins expression. "I never properly introduced myself" Jared continued, pushing himself up and holding out a hand to Arella. Which she looked at like it was a foreign object. This was stranger than fiction.

"I'm Jared Wilson." Arella took it reluctantly. She looked so unfamiliar in civilian clothes. I felt like I was looking at myself in the future. Anyone could see we looked like sisters.

"_Who_ is Jared Wilson?" She asked, and I could tell his answer was important. She was testing him. I felt a sense of déjà vu, probably from when I was unconscious but able to hear when I was in the medical bay.

I had known it would be awkward for her to accept this. She didn't know me, so how could she judge if I could handle him?

Jared eyed her with no expression, then smiled. The titans watched with interest, still dripping wet.

"An average, everyday normal guy." He replied, still being all mysterious and irritating. I sighed. Peoples gazes were back on me.

The other titans had given me gifts this morning. Thank god they had been small and sweet, because I had a feeling the Blithes wouldn't be. There's would probably be a _fuck you_ in the form of _I have lots of money. _Flexing their pride by making me feel small. I knew that if I ever saw them again, their would be no love lost. I had tried to keep them away from their sister, an unforgivable thing to do. And they had stalked and harassed me, which was actually illegal.

Beastboy had given me a book store voucher, Starfire an ugly skirt I pretended to like but would never wear because it was pink, and Robin and Cyborg had said they would give me their present tomorrow.

"What are your plans for tonight, I have to leave pretty soon."

Of course she was leaving soon. She always left soon.

Before I could open my mouth to say I wasn't doing anything, Starfire opened hers.

"We are going to the dinner and the batting!"

Arella stared at her as if she was retarded.

"She means clubbing." Cyborg said nervously as I turned to glare at the collective group. In fact, everyone but Starfire and Jared were shuffling their feet awkwardly, staring at the ground. Jared had known.

This was worse than a surprise party. It was in public, it required dress ups, and dancing was imminent.

"We're not." I growled forcefully, only to hear Jared chuckling.

"We are. You'll love it. Its even legal for you now, no fake ID's needed."

Did they think the law was going to convince me?

"Come on Raven, its time to get ready!" Starfire gushed, pulling my arm out the corridor with her huge strength. I had to clamp my hands over the door frame to keep my body in the room.

I snarled at Robin.

"Tell her to let go"

"Starfire, wait a sec." He sighed obediently. The pressure on my joints lessened and Starfire pulled me fully inside.

"What?" She demanded. There were few things that got her angry, but being kept away from clothes, jewelry and looking nice was almost the whole list. Robin flinched at her tone.

"uh…wait….for me?" he scrambled for an answer. Starfire grabbed his arm instead.

"You want help picking out your clothes! That is wonderful!" she squealed, ripping him from his position and into the hall in barley a second. All males in the room snigger but I wasn't laughing.

Clubbing. I remembered the last time we had done that with Blackfire. It had been illegal due to our ages then, and I could see why. The whole place had been seething with drug users, mystified by the strobe lights.

I didn't want to go down that road again.

"_Which_ club?" I hissed at Jared. No doubt he would have had a big part making the decision, since I _knew_ he knew about these places.

"Nice place. Exclusive. Classy." He answered smugly.

Ah, so the drugs would be more expensive, the music even louder, and the people even more irritating.

I glared at him, and he took it.

"I'll see you in an hour, I gotta go change, and of course, pick Lela up."

I was momentarily surprised.

"She's coming?" I asked. Jared nodded in an amused fashion.

"Wouldn't be a party without her." he said, giving me a two-fingered salute. But his eyes didn't match. They were only for me, and they were…loving. I remembered before, and my glare disappeared off my face, as I reluctantly lifted my hand in a dismissive wave. He grinned at the gesture and teleported. He had taken to wearing the Red-X belt all the time, if only to prove he could do it if I could.

Arella noticed our exchange but thankfully the teleportation caught her off-guard, hopefully pushing it from her mind.

"It's the suit, he's mortal." I said, anger all gone, turned into resign. I just had to accept I was going clubbing.

"Time to go get sexy." Beastboy said, turning on his heel and walking into the corridor. Cyborg and I stared after him. Idiot. Finally Cyborg shook his head and went to get changed to, and I debated over following him. After all, my mother would be standing in the room by herself.

"Raven! Wait" Arella called after me, and I slowed to a complete stop. In truth I had wanted to have a conversation with her. Really, I had wanted one with her since I was born. Just the two of us. I had hoped this was one of the reasons she came here.

I waved Cyborg on, glad for an excuse. I got a disapproving look but what was he going do about it?

I pushed a strand of hair behind my ear and sat down on the couch, crossing my legs. She walked around the back and sat down too, hands clasped together.

"I've been wanting to talk to you for a long time." She started. I nodded, but she smiled and shook her head.

"No Raven. A _really_ long time. And I mean really talking. Honestly."

That was exactly what I wanted.

"About what?" I asked quietly, fiddling with my new ring, turning it around my finger. Arella sighed.

"About why I never…looked after you like I should." She looked away, but I was confused. I knew why. It was kind of obvious.

"You weren't aloud." I said in confusion, stopping touching my sapphire ring to pay attention. Arella looked at me with a stricken expression.

"I know I wasn't aloud. But I was glad. I didn't want to." She looked disgusted in herself, lost in memories.

Did she really think I hadn't noticed? Whenever she saw me in the street or with Azar, she was fearful, trying to get away as fast as possible, until one day she just seemed to accept I was there and act impassive. Children, adults even, told me I was unwanted, and I had known it was true. This was old news she was relaying, but I was absorbed in her words, simply because she was _saying _them.

Whenever she had talked to me face to face before now, in essence before I defeated Trigon, she had been careful with her words and expression. It was like there had been a set of rules. No encouraging; Encouraging was bad because it was a positive emotion, it might loosen control. No yelling or changes of tone; yelling would be considered negative, so it might make me emotional, possibly causing Azarath to explode. No kind words; kind words from my mother would make me proud. Don't linger; it was too dangerous because more things could go wrong the longer we talked. And most importantly, she always stressed the fact I couldn't do anything to stop what would happen on my sixteenth birthday. In her letters it was a different story. She would speak and express things more clearly, but not as truthfully as either of us would have liked. Now I was fully operational in the emotional department, we could say what we meant.

"I wouldn't have wanted to either. You didn't choose to have me." I reminded her. After all, she had been trying to kill herself, and therefore me, when she was rescued by Azar and the elders. It was against the rules of Azarath to let someone die if it could be helped.

Her eyes searched mine, trying to see if I was placating her or lying to myself. I stared straight back. This honest contact with my mom was strange and foreign, but I wanted it.

"I'm glad I was forced to. You are the only thing in this world I have to be proud of." She made a noise in her throat. All I could think was _Please don't cry._

But I was glowing inwardly. She had never said anything so nice to me. No one had. Except maybe Jared.

"That's not true. You should be proud of yourself. You went to the Blithes didn't you?" Strangely, I needed to stop her in her tracks before she said anything _too _motherly. Arella wasn't fooled, and smiled slightly.

"You got that part of you from me. I thought my mother was embarrassing as well." She said. "And your appearance of course. I feel like I'm staring into a mirror of youth." She sighed, mouth twisted in a frown at the corner.

"Your not that old." I said in monotone. "and its just…different. I don't like attention." I was easy to be honest with her. I felt like I was in my meditation mirror, and I was just talking to myself. She sighed deeply, her eyes sad.

"You don't know how guilty I've felt. I wish I knew you more."

My heart constricted. When I was a child all I had wanted to do was know her, be near her, be approved of by her.

I stayed silent and fought to keep myself expressionless. It seemed to add to her despair.

"Its all you know isn't it?" she said quietly. I half-closed my eyes and looked down at my knees. This was all too surreal. I flicked them upwards quickly to find her eyes closed as well. She opened them, and with a more confident, assured voice, she spoke up.

"I'm going to come back down to earth more often. Or you could come back to Azarath for a while or just a visit if you want. I promised Sarah and Jonah that I would come back and see them soon. They can't come to Azarath, they don't even know it exists."

She was speaking like someone who knew what she wanted now, past weaknesses aside.

"You didn't tell them about me?" I asked, dodging the question, unable to match her tone. I hadn't expected her to.

"No. It would have been too much at that moment." She said, her hands clasped and relaxed again. I went back to working my ring around my finger. I bet it would have been. I couldn't begin to imagine the feeling of reconciliation.

"But didn't they ask about why you left?"

Arella looked at me.

"I didn't leave because of you, which is what they assumed. I left because I was tired of conforming to what they wanted, and unhappy, and unsatisfied, and angry. The church of blood just took advantage of that after I had left. They just let it be for the moment, I don't think they wanted me to be scared off again."

I nodded, and opened my mouth to ask how it _really_ was, but I closed it again. She seemed to guess, and told me anyway.

"It was amazing. Lots of anger and emotions running high. I've forgotten the way earth works." she said. I smiled. When I had reached earth I had found it difficult not letting loose. Everyone here was out for themselves, and what made them tick, and on Azarath it was all for the good of the peace. My empathy had been over-stimulated after the serene vibes of Azarath. I did miss my home.

"Maybe I will come and visit you." I said after a pause. "It would be good to get back to Azarath for a while, see what it is like now. No doubt I've missed a lot."

Arella beamed for a second, and dipped into her bag as if she had suddenly remembered something. It was a large book or album, midnight blue with silver edges. I stared at it as she handed it to me.

"I did miss a lot. But when I started realizing what that meant, I searched everywhere for these. Happy birthday."

I opened it curiously, to be greeted by a picture of myself. I was a baby, but I was easily identified by the ruby red charka , looking much to big for my tiny forehead, and the tuft of violet hair. My eyes were closed, as I was apparently sleeping. In loopy writing that I recognized as Arella's, their was a caption.

Raven Aria Roth, two weeks old, asleep.

It was a photo album of _me. _

All my life I had seen myself as something that wasn't supposed to be. The fact that I had no passport, no ID, no birth certificate and no records helped the thought along. But here was proof that I existed, that I had been a child. Not conjured, _born. _

I looked up at Arella in shock.

"I have a copy at home." She told me. "It would be good if you could send me some pictures, it stops when you hit twelve since you left for earth."

"I will." I said, closing the album. This year had to be a record for presents. Arella inclined her head towards the hallway. "You should go get ready. You need to be with your friends, and I need to face my parents." she said, confidence still there, but depleted slightly. I frowned. I had expected this conversation to last long enough to get out of going.

"And Jared." I added, using up all my acting skills to sound off-hand, like I really did want to go. Arella's eyes narrowed. She didn't like him.

"Sit down." She said, as I had half-way lifted myself of my seat, for effect. I did so with a raised eyebrow, perfectly confused looking. "Who is he?" She demanded, glaring at the elevator as if he would step out any moment.

"You have asked that question three times now." I informed her.

"And every time I got an irritatingly cryptic answer. Now, tell the truth. Is he 'with' you?" She was deadly serious, some of the stern Arella I knew from Azarath in her now. I sighed dejectedly.

"Yes. Its one big mess."

_The most perfect, wonderful, extraordinary, exciting mess I have ever known! _Happiness squealed in my head.

_Yes. I agree. Very messy. _Desire purred, hinting at something I didn't want to think about while talking to my mother.

"He's a criminal." Arella stated, watching my reaction to see if I would deny it or not.

"That's the mess. I wish he was a normal person, that I didn't make feel guilty about the team every time I'm with him but I know it would make him wrong for me if I got my wish all at the same time. Robin is only tolerating him now, and its not like Jared's helping by provoking him every chance he gets." I huffed.

Jared did do everything he could to sabotage his chances of being offered a place in the team if he promises to give up all criminal activity. That had been my original hope, but it now looked distant and unlikely. It was because he wanted me to leave.

"That's the only problem then? Your team? You trust him?" She asked skeptically. She didn't know him. I wasn't in this blind, like I had been with Malchior.

"Of course." I said, with force, trying to convince her. "He's not a bad person. He doesn't kill, rape, or hurt people. He treats me with respect, and does whatever he can to make me feel…" I searched for a word, not wanting to sound love-struck. "…Special. Warm. Important. Loved. He knows about my past, my biological... father. He's proven to me again and again that he loves me, all the while keeping me level headed. there is nothing not to trust."

Arella's expression didn't change, her lips were pursed into a harder line if that was possible. I sighed.

"You'll learn that soon enough." I said wisely. Her lips came undone.

"We'll see." she said ominously, before standing up. "Time to face my parents." She looked unhappy. I shrugged and stood up with her, resigned to the fact that I would have to go clubbing.

"They'll be glad to see you." I said, stuffing my hands in my pockets. She shook her head.

"I don't think so." she said gravely. " I think they'll hate me." she sighed. "Have fun tonight Raven." she said, giving me a once over, before leaving, her glance lingering on me.

I let her go.

I would visit her in a few months, it would be more likely to happen than her coming back here. She hated earth, and I missed Azarath. Most of all, I was curious how I would be treated.

I had no idea what to expect of them. I remembered watching the other children go to the temple school without me while I stayed in the library with Azar and occasionally specialist monks to learn alone. But I had interacted with them after I had gained sufficient control. An experience I would rather forget. But at the time, we had all been children, and I had been a horrible monster that was fun to provoke and hate. Now we were all on the verge of adulthood, and I was no longer a monster. Would old habits die hard or would I be the hero?

But right now I needed to concentrate on the long slog ahead. Clubbing. Whatever.

I teleported to my room with the photo album and the presents from the Blithes. Any moment Starfire would burst through my door with a million different horrible outfits. Might as well open the Blithes gifts.

The bag was easiest, so I upturned it onto my bed, only for a shoebox to fall out, with a note on top. I unfolded it, frowning.


	24. Glass slippers

Raven Roth

At first I was going to read the note printed on the thick, grey stationary paper, but then the label splashed across the side of the box caught my attention. It was a big, bold, black font that simply said **Dior.**

The word caused my brain to stutter in its thought pattern. In my world, of darkness and complications, a thing like Dior did not exist. It was too shiny and solid, not for my shy feet.

Sarah Blithe had given me Christian Dior shoes. Dior, Dior, Dior. Why would she think I needed such a thing? Some part of me, the demon part that loved luxury and looking good, practically _forced _me to drop the note, let it flutter down onto the bedspread, and pull the top of the box back to reveal a pair of strappy, thick, black, shiny, gladiator/_bondage_- inspired heels.

_Pretty _Happy gasped inside my head, and the word was echoed by various emotions, different tones, disappointed, disapproving, elated and orgasmic.

I stared slack-jawed at them, not able to do anything. I had to force myself to snatch up the note of the bed, fingers moving blindly as I tried to rip my eyes of the spell-binding shoes.

_Thank you for talking to Angela for us, I know you must have said something inspiring to give her the courage to come. __Happy eighteenth birthday, I hope you enjoy these,_

_-Aunt Sarah_

Did she write aunt Sarah, or was it just my imagination?

I had a demon aunt, Calista, but she was somewhere in the Bermuda triangle, refusing to take part in mass murder and instead choosing only to take people who approached her territory, the embarrassment of the little Scathes high demon family, along with me of course. One of Trigon's two less powerful siblings. And I had never meet her. Now this Sarah, who on our last meeting had implied I was selfish and had said she was just using me to get to Arella, was calling herself my auntie?

I didn't recall saying anything inspiring to Arella, and Sarah had seen me hadn't she? Did she think I was a high-heels person, or that I looked like I was into bondage? I cut off the connection to my emotions for a moment, to stop their answers to my question before they had the chance. Azar only knew. Or had Sarah somehow known, had a prophetic vision or something of the like, that I would be going clubbing tonight, and needed a pair of shoes?

I had worn shoes like these before, the same height, but never this expensive looking. At the charity Ball I had just put on simple heels.

These looked brutal. I reached out and picked them up, feeling the weight of them, and sighed, laying them down on the bedspread. They were beautiful, once you examined the sharp angles, the silver domes and the thin heel. I knew I was going to put them on.

But for the time being, I could deny the sway they held over me and open Jonahs box. No note here, just an expensive key chain. A key chain.

_Useful_ Rude noted sarcastically, clawing her way back into my conscious.

I sighed again, louder, the inevitable act of me putting on the shoes drawing is key.

But what to wear with it? This thought was so ridiculous I almost smiled. I had no clothes.

The only option I had was to go to Starfires room, and sift through a mountain of color to find something black. I wanted to laugh again, this time from disbelief and numb horror. How did this happen? Why was I letting them do this to me? Once upon a time I would have just said no and retreated to my room to endure the hours of knocking on my door from disappointed titans, buried in the safety of books .

But I was different now. I was changed, from many things. My bond with Robin, being allowed to feel, the new confidence that had come from my tattoo, a symbol of defiance on my part and of course the danger, fun and sense of belonging that Jared gave me. I couldn't just pretend not to care. I couldn't pretend not to be curious about clubbing with my friends, and boyfriend. I couldn't pretend I didn't want to look nice for Jared. Make him squirm.

So I hooked my finger around the thick straps of both shoes, and walked out of my room to the next one down the hall. This was the girls branch of the corridor, and Terra used to have the end room. Beastboy had made sure it was kept the same as when she left it. I rapped my knuckles on her door hard, I knew the code but did not want to walk in on her changing.

The door swung open almost immediately, and my retinas burned at the shock of seeing Starfires room. Everything was brightly colored, but in clashing shades. Cherry red, concentrated yellows, pink and a purple that reminded me of my hair were all the colors of items in the room, randomly placed around, but still clean. Her bed was huge, and she had obviously been going for princess judging by the huge white lace netting that fell over it, but since she really was a princess, it was acceptable enough. Starfire beamed when she saw me, her hair caught between the tongs of a curler on one side.

I stepped inside, noting her floor was covered in clothes.

"Raven, Lela will be here any minute, we must hurry!" She said in a buissness-like tone, a determined glint in her eye, that showed me she was focused. I glanced around.

"Can I borrow something? I got nothing in my closet." Starfire nodded ecstatically, bending down so she could see her long red hair better in the mirror. "Which ones yours?"

She finished a curl with bulls-eye precision, and set the curlers down on a heat-proof mat.

"This one!" she cried, half running, half flying over to a peach colored mini skirt covered with frills and a pink sequined shirt that had no back and looked to be tied on with string. It didn't match, but I knew she would look good anyway.

"Its great Star." I smiled weakly, starting to panic slightly as I scanned the room for a sign of black.

All I could see was halves of outfit's and about ten pairs of shorts. No way was I wearing a skirt.

The door opened again, and I was greeted by the sight of Lela, dressed in a pink sequined mini dress, a paler, softer pink than Starfires shirt, that didn't look that bad. I growled and kicked a pile of clothes with the toe of my shoe. It was kind of awkward seeing her here. She had come over when I first woke up, after the fight between Jared and Aqualad, which she found hilarious when she heard about it. As far as she knew, Jared was just a guy who worked out a lot.

"Still haven't found anything Raven?" She asked, bending down to pick up the clothes I had tossed aside and fold them into a neat pile. Always helpful. I knew she had four little siblings who she looked after often, so maybe cleaning up after people was in her second nature. Starfire turned from putting on extremely pink lipstick that matched her candy colored shirt.

"Lela! You look most wonderous!" She enthused, clapping her hands together in joy and pure excitement. Lela smiled in amusement and sat on the edge of the bed, but halfway down she jumped up. I raised an eyebrow that quickly dropped when she reached down and conjured my shoes as if out of nowhere and held them up.

"Sorry, who's are these?" she asked, an impressed look on her face. Why wouldn't they be? They probably cost a fair few hundred.

"Mine" I mumbled, snatching them from her hands. I tried to hide it from Starfire, but her eye was too sharp and her reflexes too fast.

"Ohh!" she gasped, admiring them from every angle. I moaned. This was insane and all wrong.

I felt like someone had shoved me in a giant washing machine, and now I had no idea which way was up. It wasn't like me to need a hand to organize myself.

"Where did you get these!" her eyes were glazed over. Speed to an addict.

"Sarah Blithe. Eighteen years worth of birthday presents." I said shortly.

I turned around to get away from the shoes, only to find myself face to face with Lela holding up a bunched piece of clothe. It was black, with a low thick baby blue belt. A playsuit. Shorts and a tube top connected, to create an adorable outfit that made anyone look good.

People were just trying to mess me around today.

I stared at her.

"What? Its cute." She defended herself, raising a mocking brow at me. I twisted my lips into a frown, my eyes narrowed.

"It's a playsuit. Even the name is telling me it belongs on a toddler. Do I look like a toddler to you?"

"But _Jared_ will like it." she insisted, emphasizing his name.

"Not everything in my life is about Jared." I replied, crossing my arms over my chest. It was…half true.

"But this is." Lela half-sang, holding it out in front of me. I pushed it away.

"No its not"  
"You know it is. Or are you trying to impress someone else?" she asked in mock confusion, head tilted to the side so her pink and black hair fell across her face, lips pushed together.

"….I'm not trying to impress anyone." I said after a long pause in which I tried to think of what to say to this.

"Ok. Go in trackpants then." she said offhandedly, about to sit on the edge of the bed.

I snatched the suit unhappily in my hand not carrying the shoes, while Lela smirked good-naturedly.

It would expose too much. Show of less of my legs than the uniform I was currently wearing did, but my arms, collarbone and shoulders would be bare for everyone to see. At least it looked to cover most of my chest. And it was black.

Not too preppy. No glitter or sequins. It was classy.

I growled, and a nerve in my head twitched while I stormed out of the room with most of the outfit scrunched in my fist.

_Jared Wilson_

I shivered and gritted my teeth.

Robin insisted that I go ahead of course. So now I was waiting on the sidewalk, listening to the thumping bass from inside the club, and the loud complaints from the long line of people who couldn't get in. It was a club for the elite, the 'celebrities', important people and high rollers of jump and their young. I knew the bouncer, so I felt pretty secure in the fact I was getting in, along with the fact I was a regular and valued guest here. In the dining part. You wouldn't be able to tell if someone was a regular on the dance floor, because it was too full to pick out any one person. After a while everyone seemed like one big group.

According to the story I told them of how I got my money, I was the son of a polish-American scientist millionaire who I never really talked to. Most of the people didn't ask anyway, and the nosy ones who did couldn't count on their knowledge of valued scientists to figure me out.

I was secretly hoping boy blonder would be refused entry if I pretended not to know him. It would serve him right. I knew he was probably stalling the girls to make me wait longer out here. The rain was spitting down.

A woman in a gold bikini who had just been refused entry on the count of looking like a whore was whining hysterically into her cellphone, whenever she took a brake from yelling at the bouncer that he would be sorry when her boyfriend or whatever from inside got here. I doubted he was coming.

The bass from inside, filtering through the walls was intriguing, inviting, and it was killing me to wait, the people getting old fast and the only thing to look at was the sky. The stars were blotted out by the bright lights and smog from the city, so it wasn't exactly Van Goghs Starry night.

A car pulled up, and I hopped up and down to keep warm.

I was getting tired of waiting, when the door to the inconspicuous car opened and a goddess stepped out.

I stopped hopping and stared at her.

Her dark hair was fanned out from her face, down past her shoulders, her face looking natural and perfect except for the neat splash of deep red that was her angels bow lips, looking full and juicy. Her collarbone was exposed, bare neck and shoulders catching my attention, and the light. She was in a playsuit type thing, short shorts and a strapless shirt covering her, showing off her long toned legs, pale but perfection.

She walked forward, ignoring looks from the dumbstruck men and women mingling around the street outside. She was looking at me, exotic smoldering violet eyes on me, every movement a blessing from the heavens.

I noted the heels strapped to her feet, sharp and angled so she was a few centimeters taller than she really was, almost up to my height at last. Raven reached me, and stood up straight.

"What do you think?" she asked cynically, eyebrow cocked waiting for a reply I was afraid would come out choked and make me look like a pussy in front of her.

Usually I was confident and loved to mess with her, but not right now. Messing with this would be a crime of the worst kind. She looked beautiful.

I had my arms around her in a second, half because it was overwhelming trying to resist being closer to a masterpiece with no velvet rope around it, and half because the men around here were eyeing her up. Her smell of orchids and lilacs was even more pronounced.

She was unique. Truly exotic and special. I had never seen anything like her. Neither had they.

Definatly the masterpiece behind the red velvet rope.

"You look amazing." I said, as I kissed her on the cheek instead of the lips. Girls didn't like it when their make-up got smudged.

I was pointedly ignoring the other titans who were jumpy and waiting on the sidewalk, debating over whether to get in line or just wait us out.

"Thank you." She said unsurely, eyes flicking around, taking in the people, shivering once at a look directed at her by some guy. The colours and flavors of her first night at _Envy._

This was a club in a league of its own. The Ivy had nothing on it in terms of dining. Envy had private sound-proof rooms that overlooked the dance floor with the best food I had ever tasted. No rave could match the spirit, or the sound. It was a collection of extremes, and I doubted Raven would have experienced something equal even with all the things she had seen, and I knew she wouldn't be forgetting it for a while.

"Even more than usual." I added.

She smiled faintly, moving further into my space, away from the cold.

"Time to go in?" I asked and she frowned at the door, or what she could see past the bodies, but nodded. I kept my arm around her and cut straight to the front of the line, noticing the titans jolt into action and trail behind, all but Lela looking unsurely at their surroundings. I knew Lela lived in downtown jump, so she couldn't have been here before, but she would have been clubbing.

Their clothes were alright, Starfires unmatching but that didn't matter with a body like hers. Come to think of it, every one of the female titans, including that bumblebee from titans east, had great looks.

"Hey!" shouts of complaint from randoms in the line cut through the air.

"Jared." The bouncer, tiny, greeted me, quite loudly to be heard over the heart pounding beat of the bass that increased with every step. I watched him rake his eyes quickly over Raven, taking in everything he could with the time I allowed him. Which was about two seconds before my eyes narrowed.

Tiny got the hint and stepped aside in mock graciousness and I turned my head to grin at the people still in line, who were all giving me death threats via their eyes.

But how could I resist bragging? Could they even _see_ who I had on my arm?

_Raven Roth_

The inside of the club was like….a catholic underworld.

I had been there once, taken against my will to be shown the way the other half lived, by my uncle Demarius, while Trigon was off doing something else. Of course, Demarius couldn't keep me there for more than an hour, that would have taken too much energy and wasted too much power.

But it had been enough. I had been eleven years old, and it had been one of the reasons I went to earth. He had been trying to convince me that it wouldn't be so bad to rule with Trigon, because then I could flit between dimensions whenever I wanted.

I don't remember seeing fire. There was no three headed Cerberus, but their was a river Styx, and the dead were ferried down it before they got to meet the 'manager'. Hades did a lot, but he was by no means the ruler.

I remember it was freezing cold, and then burning hot, so no temperature was able to be gotten used to. And I remember it was like one big, horrible party.

Besides the giant empty fields of lost souls that made my empathy explode with sharp unbearable pain and finally short-circuit when I got within a short distance of them, and the main township, where the demons mainly lived in clusters, their was the boiler room.

A seething, heaving, sweaty, deviant, pounding, disgusting, exhilarating cruel mess of people, doing whatever they wanted, bound by no rules. Other than the demon.

They could do the impossible, but if any demon whatsoever felt a little randy, and wanted to torture or whatever, they had no choice. If they drew attention to themselves, they were more easily picked off. And some demons, in the same way I felt it my duty to save a small part of the world, felt it was their duty to punish the people who had merited hell in the first place.

After all, that was the point of hell. To be passed over to Lucifer for judgment. And Lucifer was a busy man.

No, I didn't see Hitler.

But I did see these people were driven to extremes, and now they knew their was no turning back, decided to make the most of it. These people were not lost like those in the fields, they knew exactly where they were. I hated to see them. The very people I was supposed to destroy, giving me reason to. They were depraved and they knew it, and I wanted them to get their penance, before I realized that would make me one of the demons that lorded over this melting pot.

It was a much more dramatic place than this club, and it would be melodramatic to call this place depraved and wrong.

But couples everywhere were getting much to public with their affection for me to be comfortable, and I was sure what that man was smoking was not legal, and I was confirmed in my thoughts when the smoke wafted past my nose.

This club was like eleven parts earth, one part hell. My personal underworld.

Some people would find the bright and confusing strobe lights enchanting, and some would think the music was like a heartbeat, vital and strong. But for me, it was just a whole lot of over stimulation and dirty dancing.

Which I would most likely be expected to do with Jared. I narrowed my eyes at nothing. If I had looked straight at him, he probably wouldn't have gotten the full effect due to the colorful strobes.

I was immensely relieved when Jared didn't lead me straight to the expansive dance floor, but up a large stairway and up onto the second floor, which opened out into a large finely decorated room, where other people were chatting idly, laughing loudly and drinking. Clusters of armchairs littered the spaces, but most people were simply hanging over the railing, even though the glass wall was blocking any possible falls and it was unneeded.

The sound cut off immediately and turned into a muffled beat and I could hear what the closest group to us was saying. This room was soundproof, and it was heaven.

I breathed deeply out. Lela ran up the stairs, her eyes huge.

"This place is amazing!" She said, picking up a shot off of a bar table and tipping her head back almost at the same time as she spoke. Robin darted forward, dark sunglasses instead of a mask covering his eyes and tried to grab it.

"Lela!" he growled, sounding like the leader of the Titans and not simply Robin. "You have no idea who's that was. It could have a date-rape drug in it." Lela looked at him like he was insane.

Of course she knew what it was. I had no doubt, and I was sure Cyborg and Jared thought the same. This was just what Lela did, and she could take care of herself. Not in the same way the rest of us could, but we were the exception, not her.

"I know. But who would bother. This place is like the Oscars after party!" her eyes grew larger as a guy walked past, offering strangely colored drinks to people on a tray. I was sure the Oscars were a little bit classier, but I didn't waste my breath.

Jared relaxed his arm around my waist.

"Enjoy titans. This is the only gift you will ever get from me." he smirked.

"Have you heard of Clamidia ? Because that could be the outcome if you don't become more careful." Robin continued lecturing her, ignoring Jared as Beastboy and Cyborg grinned at each other, already flying down the stairs. Lela straightened her back and stood to her full height.

"Lets dance!" She grabbed his wrist and pulled him back down the stairs after the boys. I didn't miss the look on Starfires face as she followed them, but my head was reeling with curiosity at the thought of Robin dancing.

But I tried to push the mental picture from my mind.

Because my empathy was flooding with ecstasy. It had happened subtly, but now I felt like my body was filled with want. To dance. To drink! To have the most fun I had ever had.

This 180 in attitude was all down to the clubbers around me, who were having the best time. Their emotions and feelings were in me now, spurring me on. Jared, the closest person to me by far was filled with anticipation. My powers seemed to be finely tuned tonight, and I found myself aware of everything. This place was like a vibrant piece of art with so many details.

"Do you wanna stay up here or…?" I was snapped out of my examination by Jared's soft voice, trying to ease me into this evening. I looked up and grabbed his hand.

"I'm sure if you get some alcohol into me we can work something out." I replied grimly, and he laughed, swinging our hands joyfully.

I found myself being carried down the stairs a minute later, a bottle of the blue liquid in hand, my ears aching at the sound of the high pitched synth, my heart expanding with the intensity of emotions around me.

I had been wrong. This wasn't part hell. This was part pure nature. It was so primal. Primal beats, primal urges, all natural except for this drink, which looked and tasted like mouthwash. Maybe it was.

"You all numb yet?" Jared asked in amusement as I took another swig to check. I nodded ruefully, and he set me on my feet.

The song that started playing was heavy on bass.

Bodies were pressing up from all sides as soon as we entered the crowd, and I had to keep my hand clasped to Jared's to avoid being separated. That would be the worst thing I could think of happening.

The smell of sweat reached my nostrils, the feel of people unashamedly doing what they wanted right next to me as they reacted to the rhythm of this new song and its exhilarating beats.

_Oh shit, shake that ass ma, move it like a gypsy _

_Stop, whoa, back it up, now let me see your hips swing_

Jared found us a gap, and before I knew it, we were dancing. He had one arm on my back and I could feel myself losing control of my worse half. Everyone was so close, like we were one soul. Jared was looking at me with the most intense eyes, and I couldn't look away

_Oh shit, shake that ass ma, move it like a gypsy_

_Stop, whoa, back it up, now let me see your hips swing_

His hands moved to my hips, trying to encourage me to use more risqué dance moves, but right now I was content with swaying and laughing. I felt unbelievably free.

_Now drop it low and let me see your hips swing_

The people next to us where kissing fiercely seemingly to the beat of the music but I could barley see them. All I could hear above the music was Jared's even breathing as he moved in closer to kiss me. I reacted passionately, pressing close to him and stopping the movements that were my dancing. All my senses were on fire, and I had the strange feeling like I wasn't really here. Like this wasn't really real.

_Down to the floor now let me see your hips swing._

Someone jostled us and we were forced apart, but neither of reacted. I raised my arms and swung to the music, closer to Jared than before, taking instructions from the music. I must look foolish, and if the wrong type of person saw this I would be humiliated, but this was true freedom. The kind that normal people experienced all the time.

_Uh oh, lean back, girl you got some mean racks_

_You got a mean ass and I really mean that_

_But can't you see I need a girl that can move_

_Make her hips swing and look just like you_

Jared kissed me again and he was the main thing my senses were focused on. The main thing anywhere. I still had the bottle in my hand but I didn't need it. That's what I had been trying to do when I got drunk. Achieve this level of nirvana. I didn't need alcohol.

_Come to think about it, I think this club is crowded_

_Its kinda hard to do your thing when everyone's surrounding_

As if qued by the music, a gap formed near us, and I was pushed back into Jared's. He caught me.

_let me form a circle, everybody step back_

_I heard somebody yell, "savage where the chorus at?"_

I laughed and felt him tug me in the opposite direction, towards the bar but not before I caught a glimpse of Cyborg in the circle, actually dancing. His Holo ring gave the impression of him being a normal guy, and he was making the most of every opportunity. I smiled wider as I was dragged through people, only seeing flashes of colour, hair and skin, to find a new gap with Jared.

"You having fun?" he yelled over the noise, cheering and bent, ass out, come on push your ass out

_Bring it up then back down, Bring it up then back down,_

I nodded, smiling with a half frown. I couldn't even remember why I hadn't wanted to come. His smirk was wiped of his face, and he looked seriously at me. I was halfway there before he even started to move towards me, and our lips crashed togehter.

_All my ladies on the floor, all my ladies on the floor,_

_Pick it up then dip it low, pick it up then dip it low,_

We danced away a few more songs, my feet killing me but being worth it. After half an hour, when the bridges of my feet felt like they were being ripped apart, I indicated that I needed to rest a bit to Jared.

I inhaled a deep breath of clean, fresh oxygen as we broke the surface of the crowd, once again slammed into a body as someone also fighting for escape pushed me forward, and I was once again grateful it was Jared. He was laughing as well. I didn't even know what was funny. Drunk on life.

He pulled away, grinned, looking really, really pleased. I was glad, I smiled. His hand grabbed mine again and I went with him to the bar, hoping up on the bar stool.

"I don't need anything!" I shouted at him, looking over the shiny taps for pouring beer. Jared raised his eyebrows.

"You serious?" he shouted back over the music.

"I can enjoy life without alcohol!" I protested, feeling warm and on even keel inside.

"You seem pretty drunk now!" he smirked, yelling and leaning forward to order his drink.

"Juice!" I shouted over at him.

It was because I had realized something. Today was my eighteenth birthday, and as I looked around this gathering of all things good in disguise, and the man across the bar from me, talking to the bar tender with his messy hair even messier than usual, I knew that this was a beginning.

A few months ago this was my worst nightmare, and now it was a dream. A new part of my life, but where did that leave the old one?

Jared handed a wad of notes over to the bartender, and this must be a regular thing because the man didn't even blink. I frowned but pushed all the negative thoughts to the back of my mind. Jared passed me a juice, or what I thought was juice because it was in a martini glass.

We were a foot away from the dance floor, and the people on the edge weren't as fun to watch as the break dancers in the middle, but still. The colours were beautiful. I took a sip of the juice.

"Upstairs?" Jared asked close to my ear so I could hear him. I smiled at him and nodded, pushing myself up. A new song had started up and I trailed behind him back up the stairs to the quiet place filled with more classy people.

Every now and then I saw someone I vaguely recognized, not from actually meeting them, but from a picture in one of Starfires magazines. No one would recognize me when I was dressed like this, but Starfire was a bit of a giveaway with her hair and almost gold skin. If they saw the both of us together they would work out who we were, and a few people round here had cameras. Another picture for the press, but I didn't find myself caring.

If I accepted this as my new life, a part filled with Jared and fun, and acting the age I was, where did that leave the titans? Friends that couldn't quite fit the way they used to. The thoughts just kept surfacing, even though I was not filled with the worry I would have been if I was at home.

"You having fun?" Jared asked, interrupting my thoughts.

"Of course." I said, and I think he was surprised that I wasn't being sarcastic.

"You look thoughtful." He commented, taking a gulp of his beer.

"I'm just thinking about beginnings." I said, and I surprised myself at my honesty with him. It just cemented how big a part of my life he was. I used to run to Robin when I couldn't hold my ideas and emotions in any longer.

"That sounds serious." He said, turning his body more towards me.

"A little." I allowed him, leaning on the rail.

A man on the other side of the room with three other men and a woman raised his glass to me, and I quickly looked away. Jared noticed and his expression turned annoyed.

"I gotta be on my guard tonight." he commented with narrowed eyes, trying to catch the eye of the man who was looking away now, on purpose. "In fact, I gotta be on my guard every night."

I raised an eyebrow in amusement.

"Don't pretend its just me. I saw some girls eyeing you before. I had to use powers to stop them."

It was true. A group of hoes had been trying to muscle in on Jared while we were dancing, and I had to subtly cast a shield for a second to push one back, and give the crowd an opportunity to block them off, which it did. Thankfully no one noticed.

He snorted.

"yeah well, I haven't got any powers, so I'm definatly gonna keep my guard."

I was secretly glad that he got protective. For one, it was cute. And I didn't want men to slobber over me when I had better things to do.

"Alright." I sighed, taking another sip of my drink and looking out over the dance floor. I had no idea what song they were dancing to, but it looked fast.

"Especially in those shoes." He grinned as his tone changed. I knew what was coming. "I knew as soon as I saw you that you were into bondage. I just knew."

"Shut up" I growled, downing the rest of my drink. He pulled me close, his arm resting across my hips.

"You know I love it." he reassured me, leaning down and kissing me on the cheek. My expression stayed the same. "I love you."

"How sickeningly romantic." a voice commented lightly from behind. Lela appeared next to me at the railing, her cheek pink from dancing and a martini in her hand. She was smiling fondly.

"Stop ruining the moment." Jared complained loudly. "Go back to the boy wonder."

Lela laughed.

"He's dancing down there" she pointed to a patch of dancers, but I couldn't see him. Everyone just looked like dark blobs.

"You left him alone?" I asked.

"He's a free agent Raven." she laughed, giving me a strange look.

"But I thought you liked him." Jared commented conspiratorially.

Lela looked down at the dance floor with a thoughtful look on her face.

"A little bit." she shrugged. "Its good to see him have some fun."

I stared at her. If Jared was dancing with other women, I had no doubt that I would turn into a murderous harpy. There was no point trying to deny it to myself, I would be incredibly jealous. But then again I didn't even know if those two had kissed yet.

"Yes." Jared said sarcastically. "his fun is definatly my highest priority."

"Her sarcasm is rubbing off on you." Lela said. It was slightly true. "I feel almost responsible. You did meet at my coffee shop."

"We thank you." I replied dryly. "so, so much." Lela smiled because she knew I meant it.


	25. Demotion

_Raven Roth_

It was at least one in the morning, and the first sign of tiredness showed up in the form of huge yawn, the sound muffled by the underlying beats of the seemingly far off music. Jared laughed, not the only person in this room to do so. Everyone was having a good time in here, now that the drinks had had enough time to absorb into the bloodstream.

"Tired already? We've only been here about three hours." I glared but didn't move from my spot slumped, sharing the same chair with him. It was just so warm and comfortable, the next best thing to my own bed.

"I usually wake up at five. Four hours from now." I retorted. I checked my feet, looking for redness. You couldn't tell from simply looking at them that they felt like they were on fire.

"And that's why we're here right now. Because you need a more normal life." he replied wisely. Idiot. I was glad the other Titans weren't here to witness our play arguing. They were all on the dance floor or at the bar. I knew they would just start fighting.

But the idiot had a point. It was hard to stay up late with Jared and get up early to meditate. I needed a balance. I needed a plan. but my mind was hazy. I had tried, really tried, to deny the drinks I kept getting offered, but I wasn't exactly a heavy weight when it came to drinking.

"Yes. Because your so normal. Its not like you split your time between a business degree and being a career criminal." I said dryly, trying to tilt my head up to look at him. I wasn't that far gone that I couldn't be sarcastic. He laughed again. It was very obvious he was fine. No amount of alchohol seemed to affect _his_ co-ordination.

"And you are abnormally beautiful." He statd, as if it were proven fact, knowing full well it would make me blush. "but, Well, between the two of us, I win."

There was no agruing with that last point, so I just sunk deeper into him, wishing I was at home. It felt good to be able to have physical contact with him, as if it were normla. It felt natural now, to touch him. My eyelids were starting to droop under the weight, but Jared kept nudging me awake.

"C'mon angel, shouldn't your demon blood be keeping you awake or something?" He complained, kissing me on the cheek.

"Keep your voice down" I hissed, but the effect was ruined by the dozy tone to my voice.

"Everyone is much too smashed to understand what I'm saying" he pointed out, gesturing towards a girl in a fluro vest who was collapsing in a fit of laughter over nothing, clutching onto her bar stool to keep herself upright, but just ended up taking the chair over with her with a loud clatter.

"Fine" I muttered, as he tightened his grip around my waist.

"Good girl. Anyway, we were having a conversation the last time we were up here, so why don't we continue it?"

I raised my head up off his chest, suspicious.

"Why are you so interested? Most of the time I get the impression your not listening to me when I speak to you." I asked, eyes narrowed.

"I'm always listening." He said defensivly. "I just think that conversation was exceptionally interesting."

I snorted. I knew why he wanted to continue that paticular talk. It had been about new beggingings, and new begingings led to new jobs. Jared was very eager for me to leave the titans, he was getting tired with the games.

I had to admit I thought about it often, at least lately. It seemed that it would stop alot of problems occuring, but I didn't have the courage to speak up about it to Robin.

"You want me to leave the Titans." I stated. I felt Jared shrug.

"I don't want to ask you to leave. I just want you to think about it. I mean, how long can you stay in the job your in? The next step in this career would be to join the justice leauge." The last sentance was said with disgust. I agreed. The Justice Leauge had turned me away last time I went for help, I wasn't going to go begging now.

"I don't know anything else." I said. "I don't know any_one_ else. When I came to earth they were my only friends." I checked once again for people listening. I almost led out a squeal when Jared shifted under me so I fell into the gap between his leg and the chairs arm. He looked at me.

"Are you kidding?" he asked in disbeleif, shaking his head. "You have more skills than anyone in this city! You can heal people in the blink of an eye, in fact, god only knows just how much you can do. Don't use lack of job skills as an excuse."

Yes, well, you couldn't just walk into a hospital without a medical degree and ask for a job on acount of your magical powers. Jared just didn't understand that.

"Do we have to have this conversation now?" I asked, when I realised we actully _were_ being watched. That man over there wasn't as drunk as he looked, and had started paying attention ever since I spoke the words 'came to earth'

Jared sighed good-naturedly.

"Right" He grabbed onto me and stood up, picking me up with him, almost bridal style. I let him, finally getting used to the sensation of being treated as if I weighed nothing. Jared seemed to be under the impression I was a fragile being. "Besides," he said as he set me down on my wobbly feet. "It looks like your friends are ready to go home to bed."

I caught sight of my team trudging up the stairs, cheeks pink with endorphins and joy, but little winces here and there from foot pain. Imediatly, possesivly, Jared wrapped his arms around me and kissed me on the neck. I frowned.

Every time we saw Robin. _Every goddamed time_.

And everytime I saw the look Robin gave him, and felt the awkward envy and frustration in the air. But this time was different. Because no matter how hard Jared sucked on my neck right now (and I knew I would have to heal the love bites later), Robin seemed unmoved.

My eyes lit up and I took no notice of Jared moving up to my jaw line as Lelas hand reached up and took Robins, Though no one else noticed it.

"Ready to go?" Robin asked, and our eyes met. He squeezed Lelas hand and I nodded, taking Jareds. Jared huffed but finally stopped trying to get a rise out of me and kissed me once full on the mouth, gently. I responded and let him support me as I attempted to hobble down the stairs, Jared eventully taking pity and carrying me down.

Thank god for the alcohol, or I would have been really embarassed.

_Arella Roth_

I gripped Sarah's hand to steady myself. My insides were numb with terror. The truth was, I would rather face Trigon again than meet what was on the other side of this door.

My mother and father, furious. I used to laugh at that. I used to _yell_ at that.

Jonah cleared his throat and nodded towards the door, looking nervous himself. He striaghtened his tie. He seemed to wear a suit everwhere. The three of us had been standing on the threshold of the old mansion we used to live in for at least four minutes, none of us really wanting to take the next step. Because that would be the step of no return. I resisted the urge to use the glare I had learnt from watching Raven on him for rushing me, but I resisted and after another long moment, knocked on the door timidly, barley making a sound. Jonah knocked again harder.

The door swung open almost immediately, but that's the way I should have expected. A good maid would get to the door in under 30 seconds. I remembered that. But this maid was not the one I remembered. She was young, and had curly blond hair tied up in a bun with a few stubborn curls springing out. She smiled demurely at us, her eyes coming together in confusion when she saw me, but she shook it off.

"Mr. And Mrs. Blithe are in the study." she said evenly, still trying to work out where she knew me from. I took a breath and entered the foyer.

The same as it always was. The black and white old style tiles that were modern when they had been installed, the year after dad's company reached success. The furnishings may have changed, but the little carpeted staircase was still there, and the big door that led into the lounge.

The maid led us through, though none of us needed to be shown the way. I knew this layout like the back of my hand. I had gone over and over it in my memories, when I had been angry, bitter or bored. The sound of my shoes echoed around the walls.

The lounge was empty of people, and for that I was glad. Witnesses to this would only complicate things. Plus, alienate them from our family forever and invite the press in.

My mother and father would find it hard to forgive me. There was no chance if I brought a scandal with me. They had probably been relieved when I left because that would have put an end to the controversy that had seemed to follow me around. Everywhere I went there had always been _someone _with a camera. And everywhere I went I was always the someone to do something insane and ballsy. I just had to impress.

Maybe if I had been quieter, more sure of myself, none of this would have happened.

The maid knocked swiftly on the study door, and my stomach dropped. It was a big what-if. She waited, head bowed. And then a tired sounding, gravely voice announced-

"Come in."

My father, Jonathan. His voice had been full of enthusiasm when I was a kid, before he got caught up in his buisness. This man sounded fed up. The maid turned tha handel and held the door open for us, stepping aside, head still bowed. I stayed still, and watched as both Jared and Sarah threw me anxious looks before stepping inside. The maid looked at me, and then shrugged, exiting the longue. Sarah half-closed the door, so I could hear what was going on inside.

"Sarah, Jonah." My mother said in surprise. Her voice, unlike my fathers, sounded exactly the same as it always had. Like I had just stepped out of the house for an hour. Jonah cleared his throat nervously.

"Mom, Dad we have something, uh, someone to uh-"

"Do you remember the girl at the Charity Ball?" Sarah cut in mercifly. Dad snorted bitterly.

"The press are only just letting us forget."

"Right. Well, we talked to Bruce Wayne about her-"

"_Talked?_" Dad asked dangerously. "I told you both to leave Bruce Wayne and that woman alone!" He growled, sounding angrier with every word. This was the father I remembered.

"Don't talk to us like we're children." she replied. It seemed as if she had taken my place as the difficult child, even though she was an adult. "Anyway, Bruce finally led us to jump city, and of course, the girl."

Sarah had filled me in on just how much talking and following they had to do to just talk to Raven, and then she had told me about the conversation. About her guilt. About how angry Raven had been and how Jared calmed her down and told her to hear them out.

That had suprised me. That criminal, trying to bring my family together? I swallowed.

"And?" Mom asked, her voice filled with a little bit of hope, but it was catious. There must have been hope before.

"We talked to her, and she was even more difficult to get information out of than Bruce was."

"so?" Dad mumbled.

"Her name is Raven." Jonah broke in. A loud sigh.

"You need to let this go!" Dad inturupted again. "I know it must have been upsetting for you, but you can't just go around stalking people because they look like your sister!" He must have not been at the charity ball, or else he would not have dismissed the way Raven looked as simply a resembulance to me.

"Shut up." Sarah hissed in frustration. I heard the sound of a chair scraping back.

"I don't care how old you are." he growled, almost innaudably. "you will not talk to me like that."

How many times had he spoken the exact same words, in the exact same order to me? I wouldn't have been able to count. I clasped my hands to give me something to do.

"But finally." Jonah said, ignoring our father. "She told us that Angela is her mother."

Silence, until I heard the sound of Jonathian Snr falling back into his chair. My heart seemed to have stopped, as had my breathing. It was out now. They knew they had another granddaughter.

"So thats why?" I heard my mother ask, but I couldn't move. When should I go in? never, If I had my way.

"Thats impossible." Dad growled. "The woman you saw was in her twentys."

Of course he didn't want to know this now. He wanted to know eighteen years ago. My chest seemed to constrict.

"She turned seventeen today." Sarah said softly, gently.

"No." Mom whispered, and my heart ached. No one wanted to really hurt their parents. In a moment of anger, they might _wish _it, but never really, truley want it. I had hurt them so bad. They thought their daughter was dead, and now they thought she was a skank. I couldn't feel any defense for myself.

"She wouldn't tell us where Angela was but-"

"Shes still _alive_?" my mother asked, and this time I was sure it was her chair that was scraped back. Her voice was full of life. I stepped back in fear of her flinging the door open, and my heel hit the cork floor and made a loud echoing sound. I froze.

"Thats what we're trying to tell you. Raven wouldn't tell us, but she said she would write to her."

I couldn't hear much breathing anymore. Not even mine.

"And she showed up at my apartment." Jonah said, and his words were followed by a loud gasp.

This was it. This was my stage. I had to go out there and face the two new sets of eyes, that might as well be a huge audience. Azarath had changed me, for I used to love attention. The blood around my body seemed to stop pumping.

I pushed the door open and stepped into the study, seeing the huge bookcase behind the desk my father always worked at. Jonah and Sarah were now standing next to me, eyes filled with anticipation.

It was like the second after you jumped off the diving board, the moment you knew you couldn't turn back.

I stared at the faces of my mother and father.

My mother looked decades older. I had expected to see her hair permed in tight curls the way it used to be, to see her wearing red lipstick and a pantsuit. But now her hair was cut short, she had no make-up on and her face was lined. By my calculations, she was fifty-two years old. But she looked at least sixty. Her face was set in a mask of shock, eyes wide and mouth open like she wanted to say something.

My fathers hair had turned salt and pepper, and he was in a suit, looking like an older version of Jonah. His face wasn't shocked like moms. It was cold, and distant, and other than that expresionless.

We didn't say anything.

But my mother was across the room in a second, nimble for the age she looked, and collided with me, encasing me with her arms. She was crying, like Sarah had. But I didn't cry this time.

My father was standing up slowly. His face was still frozen, but I could see comprehension dawning quickly. He had always been an intelligent man, more intelligent than most.

"Get away from her." He said clearly, but my mother took no notice. I had to fight to urge to collaspe into her, to be held like I used to be as a child. He didn't want me now. It was much too late for us.

_Raven Roth_

"Tofu!"

"bacon!"

"TOFU"

"BACON!"

Dear Azar if he said it my head was going to explode. I couldn't handle it any more. This was the ultimate in Déjà vu. I felt I had lived this morning over and over again. Like this was a horrible recurring dream that I needed to wake up from before I committed suicide.

"Tofu!"

I took a deep shuddering breath and my hand clamped down harder on the cup of tea I was holding, until my skin turned white from the pressure. The pitch of Beastboys voice made me want to….

_Calm_ Serenity ordered, almost sternly for her. I tried, but when clenching the cup stopped working, I dug my fingernails into the flesh of my palm.

"Can you please. Just. Be. Quiet." I hissed through stiff teeth, about to rip both teenagers to shreds. They stopped mid-argument and stared at me. I hadn't snapped at them like this in months.

But I had had it. The last fucking straw. This place seemed to be sucking my energy, and no amount of meditating was helping me regain composure. I felt like every step I took had been _done_ already. Every moment seemed like just a replay. Training sessions were just paint by numbers of pointless exhaustion and criminals seemed to be laying low. I almost wished Slade would return and try and kidnap me to the underworld.

Because that was the only thing I could look forward to now. Being Kidnapped. Jared usually had to be unpredictable and random when it came to seeing me, to get around Robin. Romantic, but not ideal.

I had thought it would get better between the two men, but it went the opposite. They couldn't be in the same room without getting to a verbal or otherwise fight. It seemed like Robin was gathering evidence against Jared, so the minute we broke up, he could pounce and throw his ass in jail with no hope of escape.

But that wasn't going to happen soon. His crappy apartment in the questionable neighborhood had turned into my paradise. His little Russian charges my lights, once they got used to my visits and accepted my differently coloured hair. The funny things they did, the stories they told me about their days, filled with observations from a different, fascinating and humbling perspective. Ana was like the aunt I never had, or apparently did have now. She seemed invested in my relationship with Jared.

And he was more…him than ever. Being with him was colorful and passionate. Being at home was complacent and boring.

"I'm going to meditate." I snarled finally, stomping off to the roof. The weather had cleared, but nothing would help me while I was in this frame of mind.

I reached the flat, long roof of our giant T. The sun looked like it was going to burn bright today, so I guessed I would be able to see if demons could get sun burnt after all. If I didn't get interrupted again.

I settled down into a cross legged position, glad for the absence of noise.

"Azarath, metrion, zythous." I started my chant quietly, spacing out each word for each breath, sinking deep inside my head.

Here things were more settled, less unbalanced, like my life right now. Jared was high and the titans were low, but my emotions were close to the surface, easy to access and tweak. If I could, I would spend most of my time at home up here meditating. The smell of the ocean palpable, the salt, the life.

"Azarath, Metrion zytho-"

Someone cleared their throat behind me and I stopped chanting, cracking an irritated eye open. It better be something important, or someone was going to die.

I swiveled around to find Jared sitting immediately behind me, in a copy cat position, a big grin on his face, eyes dancing. I narrowed my own eyes, though inside I was jumping at the chance of a little freedom, a little bit of wild.

"Hel-lo gorgeous." he said, grabbing my hands and placing them on one of his. Suspicious.

"What?" I demanded. "I was meditating."

"I could see that. But why can't I just visit?"

He could, I definatly wanted him to.

"I didn't say you couldn't, I was just wondering what you were doing here" I replied, as he started to rub the back of my hand with his finger. Whenever he did get to see me, he was always more attentive the longer apart we had been. It had been three says this time.

"I wanted to talk to you but I can't stay long." he said, suddenly serious, staring out behind me, into the blue sky, the light breeze ruffling his black hair.

"About…?" I asked cautiously, as he seemed to have zoned out. He snapped back to me, eyes still dark.

"Ben."

I hadn't heard him mention his brother in an age, not that I had forgotten. Every now and then I wondered if I should bring it up and ask him if he had thought more about going to find him, but decided to let him decide on his own. It looked like he had.

Jared sighed loudly and dropped my hand.

"I've decided to go and talk to him. I've already tracked down his most resent and exact address."

He must have bribed a lot of people to find such classified information, but I didn't blame him. From his tight expression and clenched fists, he was having difficulty even thinking about it. I wanted to comfort him, but I didn't know how.

"He lives in the gold coast." He breathed out. I needed to say something now, but I didn't know what he wanted.

"When?" I asked.

This was selfish, but important for me. I could barley stand it last time he left, though then I had had no idea if he was coming back or not.

"I don't know Sunshine. I still got a couple of months before I get my degree and even then…" he trailed off, frowning.

"Even then what?" I probed, brows furrowed. What other barriers were there? Money wasn't a problem.

Jared looked at me, boring into my eyes. I stared back in confusion.

"I don't know if I can…deal with him. I mean, what do I say Raven?"

The look on his face was so lost I grabbed his hand back, chest hurting. I couldn't tell him, but maybe he should talk to Arella. What did I know of this? Why was he asking _me_ of all people about an intense social situation. Maybe I could use my empathy to make his emotions more placid, but that was about as useful I would be to him. And even for that I would have to be there, with him in Australia.

"I have no idea." I whispered, more to myself. Jared shook his head.

"I know your busy with saving the city and everything, but I want you to come with me. He stated bluntly. I stared, mouth slightly agape.

He wanted me to go with him? Become entwined with a part of his life he would never forget? Go away with him?

_Leave the titans? _A darker part of my mind suggested slyly.

I didn't waste any time in denying it. Going to Australia _with_ Jared and no one else would be a very nice ending the boredom and unsatisfied pattern of life I had fallen into.

"What? Uh, how long?" I stuttered, and ended up holding my tongue in case I said something offensive. It was something I was learning to do. Jared smiled, seeming to lose his terrified look in amusement.

"I don't know. I don't even know when. I'm just putting it out there. I'd like you to come with me." he said again.

"I want to but..."

Robin would never give me time off for this. Hell would freeze over first. Jared nodded.

"Crime doesn't take a vacation." he said dully.

"Do you remember the conversation we had at the club about new beginings?" I asked, grabbing onto an idea. The answer to all my problems had just popped into my head. But the solution was much more terrifying than the problem.

Jared nodded in confusion. I slowly pushed myself up. There was a way to end my dissatisfied state. It was a risk, a huge risk, but I needed to move forward. Unconsciously, I had known I had needed this change. I couldn't live unhappily forever. The glow had faded from the Titans.

"I need to go sort something out." I said in a daze. I felt like I was high, and I knew I needed to do it now, before the sensation wore off. Jared raised an eyebrow.

"Okay..." He said, standing up as well. Then he stopped. "_Are_ you okay?"

I sighed and nodded.

"I'm fine. I just need to go do something and I'll tell you about it when I see you."

Jared frowned but kissed me on the forehead and watched me sprint down to the main room, standing on the roof with his hands deep in his pockets, his hair being ruggled in the breeze.

I got to the common room in a possible record time, panting, but using the adrenalin as a substitute for courage. I was going to quit the team, I realised with a shock. I was about to leave my friends behind. Betray them for the enemy, finally. I had been halfway there and we all knew it, but this would be the final cut. I was about to sever the close bonds we had all developed over _years_ of hard work and good times.

"Wheres Robin?" I asked, still breathing heavily. Cyborg and Beastboy looked up from their breakfasts in shock.

"uh, he's at the Police station." I stopped moving unwillingly, dragging my feet behind me.

"Why?" I demanded in a hurry. I needed this over with. Beastboy seemed speechless but Cyborg gathered himself quickly enough.

"Rusesamunga wouldn't talk to the police, so they letting Robin have a crack." he answered slowly. I grunted in frustration and gathered my thoughts in a hurry.

"Azarath Metrion Zythos." I spoke as clearly and as evenly as I could, teleporting to the station in front of them, leaving both men confused and most likely worried.

I landed in the main part of the station, sending paperwork flying everywhere. I thought it added much needed excitment to the bland surroundings.

"Hey!" A young cop protested and I shot him the dirtiest look I could manage, stomping to the front desk while he scrambled to snatch the paper out of the air. A terrified officer in uniform was staring at me as if I were the devil himself.

They were not completly shocked, as they knew immediatly who I was, since the chief probably made them study pictures of the team in case they had an oppurtunity to shoot us and make it look like an accident, and therefore they knew about my powers. But it looked like the man behind the admin desk hadn't seen them in action before.

"Where is Robin?" I asked, taking a breath and straightening up.

"With the chief." he answered quickly, probably afraid I would smite him if he took too long. "uh, I can take you there." he offered unsurley. I flicked my hair back.

"That would be perfect. " I replied hauntingly, pushing the swing door open and entering the office. The officer shivered but led the way through another door and down a darkened hallway with a muted color sceme. It had one long beam of lights stretching its length, and had an eirry feel to it, which upped his fear another notch.

When dealing with citizens, this man was probably fearless. But I was unknowable and supernatural, something he hadn't encountered. I knew he would rather have kept it that way.

"uh, here." he said awkwardly, opening a door for me and holding it. I nodded to him and walked through, coming face to face with the chief of Jump city police, a man I had seen on many occasions, none of them pleasant. Today was no exception.

"Its you." he said with narrowed eyes, turning his head away from the two-way mirror to stare me down.

"Yep" I replied sarcasticly, as the door swung shut behind me, a matching black to the walls, so it was almost camoflague. I walked beside him, and listened intently.

Robin was sitting across the large black desk from Rusesamunga, in a completly dark and empty room, one light swinging overhead.

"For the last time." Robin said, losing his cool. "How do you cure the gas?" I could tell by his body langueage that he was upset. He must have been here awhile.

_Wonderful_.

Rusesamungas black eyes were glittering, but his charisma and charm seemed to have dissapeared, replaced with a dark energy. A man with no more bravado.

"For the last time." He said, his accent colouring his words. "You make me sick." then he smiled toothly, showing off their whiteness. This was how he got pleasure now. It would be the only way he would be able to get pleasure for the rest of his life. Robin growled and slammed his hand down on the desk.

"Don't you care what happens to these people? They could die!" he jumped up, mask crinkling in anger, as he completly lost it. The chief made a noise of dissaporval, though he didn't look too unhappy that Robin couldn't cope.

The scientests had not found a way to compleatly cure the gas, so all the people under its spell were being quarintened. They were a danger to society.

"Get out of there." he said clearly, and for a second I thought he was talking to me, and then himself but then I realized he had a mic on his ear. Robin took no notice, though I could see a matching one clipped to his right ear, and continued to stare, panting, at jemal.

"People are dying in my country everyday." he spat, and finally Robin stormed out, and left the man alone, smiling coldly to himself.

Robin slammed through the door.

"Don't speak" Robin ordered the chief, and ripped the mic off his own ear, throwing it to him before storming out into the hallway. The chief grinned morbedly. I sighed and follwed him.

This was the moment of no return.

He was resting his head in his hands, his hands against the wall, clearly aggitated. His back was rigid. I stopped and pulled my cloak tighter around me. I opened my mouth and closed it again, feeling a mental block building, that was about to stop me from doing what I needed to do.

"I want a demotion." I burst out, before it was too late.


	26. Sacrifice

Disclaimer

_I don't own shit. Except for Lela and Jared and Ben, if you steal them, I'll kick your ass_

* * *

_Arella Roth_

Why did I feel so surprised and horrified? Wasn't this exactly what I had expected would happen? My mothers arms tightened around me the more I pulled away, as she ignored my fathers orders to let me go.

I called up the years the skills I had learnt from many years meditating, no where near the amount of hours Raven had clocked up, but enough to calm myself down and numb some of the pain. I couldn't bring myself to tear my eyes away from my fathers, as his glare bored into my skull.

In his eyes I could see all the pain I had caused him, all the suffering that would have seemed endless. I knew mine had and if Raven dissapeared I now realized it would be my end. But his reaction was different from my mothers because he was a more serious and less forgiving person, he felt things deeper and held onto them. Good or Bad.

"I said let her go." He demanded coldly again. Jonah stepped forward.

"Dad-" he started, trying to stop Jonathan senior from moving forward, but he pushed him aside either because Jonah was weak, or because he had great strength for his age. It was probably the first, Jonah had always preferred reading to sport. My father looked so small, yet he _still _towered over me. Growling, the next barrier he came to was Sarah, who had moved to an almost protective stance in front of me and mom, her arms folded and legs slightly apart. Dads face was slack but it still scared me. So much for growing up and being responsible. I was over thirty.

When mom realized I was no longer returning her fierce hug, she took notice.

"No." she almost snarled, and everyone except Jonathan senior flinched.

My mother was smaller than anyone in this room, she had always been extremely willowy, and seeing her not just mad but furious caught us off-guard. Her eyes were filled with fire, but Dad met them with ice.

"I want that whore out of my house." he said gruffly. It didn't hurt that much to hear him say it, because as a teenager, he and others had said it before, and ever since then, I had thought it.

"Don't you see what's in front of you!" My mother asked incredulously, the dried up tears starting to form again. I felt dizzy and over worked. Azarath never had this kind of conflict. "Don't you remember _praying _for this very moment, and then thinking it would never come true!"

"Not this way. I remember praying for my daughter to come back. Not my daughter and an eighteen year old kid!" he growled.

I stepped away. This wasn't my house, and it felt like these wern't my parents anymore. I owned nothing on this planet. If I manadged to slip away quietly...

"I'll go." I said quietly. My mother grabbed my wrist in a vice grip, not letting me go as I tried to make a quiet, cowardly escape.

"You'll do no such thing." She hissed, sounding like a territorial lioness. She looked my father straight in the eye, a thing I had never seen her do before. She had always been the submissive one, and rarely spoke up against him when there had been a difference. "She has only just come _back._ Only a monster would send her away!"

He looked at her coldly, ignoring me completly.

"Call me a monster then. I will not have her back here, begging for money when she couldn't even be bothered to call." He growled. "Does she not understand?" He looked at me angrily. "Have you not grown up even the slightest bit in eighteen years?"

I had never felt this small. I had felt more helpless, and more stupid, but never this small.

"She doesn't want money!" Sarah prostested. Our father slammed his hand down on the bench.

"Get out!" he roared, turning away to face the bookcase. My mother finally let go of me but the look I got from Sarah rooted me to the spot. No hope of escape.

"We have another Grandchild." My mother said softly, like she was pleading with him.

"One with no father."

"You don't know that!" She scolded. He whirled around.

"Its true isn't it? The father isn't in your life anymore?" He asked acussingly, as if this mattered. But the shame on my face said it all. In the rich community, especially the more conservative time he grew up in, hated and loved it at the same time when a teenager ended up pregnant and alone. The scandel would distroy my fathers life. The humiliation of greiving for a daughter that was still alive and then turning out to be another common statistic.

"That doesn't matter!" Sarah yelled. She was much more daring than I remembered.

"Damn right it does! Just get out! All of you!"

Jonah saw sense first, and grabbed my arm, dragging me and my numb legs out of the room. He knew our fathers temper would only get worse. He looked at me, possibly to check if I was okay, and I saw his pity-filled eyes.

I couldn't handle all this emotion. I needed to go back to Azarath, where everything was pure. Where _I _was pure. Even this city, and this house, with its immaculate surfaces, made me feel unclean. I was wrong to come here today. I needed to go _home. _

Raven said she would visit me, and I would write to my siblings, and my mother if she wanted it. But as soon as I was able to get away, I was going to open a portal, and leave this horribile planet.

It seemed cowardly, but it was the only way. I couldn't have everything, this wasn't a fairy tale. But so far, I was doing pretty good. I had re-connected with my family, they knew I was there, alive, healthy, mostly happy. And more importantly Raven knew I was here. For her, if she wanted or needed me.

I heard the heavy footsteps of my sister following behind me as I planned my escape.

_Raven Roth_

"_I want a demotion."_

Robin slowly lifted his forehead off the conrete wall, shifting his eyes to look at me, his arms and hands still obscuring most of his face. His eyes held a mixture of anger, frustration and defeat.

I stared back, for once not glaring or mockingly, instead I knew my face was echoing my guilt. I _knew_ I needed to leave. I had gotten all I could out of this job. So I would feel no remorse for leaving if this was _just_ a job. It was more than that, and I knew it. The teen Titans were a family, and I was the one ruining it. Breaking it up. This was like a divorce.

Robin breathed out loudly and finally straightened up, but collapsed with his back against the wall, so I could see him better. He crossed his arms, his shoulders tense, and looked at the ground. The darkness made him look all the more tired.

"How did I know this was coming?" He laughed retoricly, bitterly.

I bit my lip before answering. This was so complicated. So he had felt it happening too. I had no idea the extent to which our bond worked. It was possible that he could feel a tiny part of the connection I had with Jared, and maybe that was why he was rebelling against him so strongly.

"I suppose it was a little obvious." I offered him, standing still. He would hate it if I came closer.

The look I got was one of accusation.

"So your finally leaving us for him." He breathed out, staring at the obosite wall as if it had caused all these problems.

"You make it sound worse than it actually is." I defended myself dully. I couldn't bring myself to be angry at him. He frowned darkly.

"So your not actually leaving then?"

He was going to make me say it out loud, to his face, so he could be sure. I gathered all my strength, and tried to bring back that feeling of frustration about this rut I was stuck in, anything to make the words easier.

"I…am." I said slowly.

"So it is that bad." He concluded broddingly. I was surprised at his level of acceptance. He wasn't even arguing with me. I had expected him to be the biggest hurdle, and so far he was just standing there, talking in furious but calm tones.

"Its not." I narrowed my eyes. "I didn't quit! I just asked for a demotion!"

Robin looked at me mockingly.

"Fine." he spat. "your demoted to Beastboy."

I snorted, even though this was no laughing matter. I stopped.

"I want to be an honorary titan." I said, trying to use our bond selfishly to my advantage. If he had the same skill with minds as I did, it would have been easy for him to shut me up by projecting his dissapointment onto me, but since he couldn't…

I sent him a wave of happiness. I didn't want to guilt him into that, because that would just add to his fury. I _needed_ to show him how good Jared made me feel. I needed to explain myself.

Robin started to say something, but the positive emotions I projected into him via bond stopped him in his tracks. He stared at me in confusion, trying to figure out what just happened. I took my opportunity.

"Just listen to me." I pleaded. "For one minute."

He glared, having guessed what I had done. But his lips stayed shut. I breathed in deep, I had a lot to say.

"I don't want to lose any of you. The tower has been my one true home, the one place I've had safety, friends. But I have Jared now. And he's different. Not a replacement, something new. I just feel like he is the way I need to go right now or I'm going to be stuck the same person forever. Your all going to change and I don't want to be the one who passed up the opportunity."

It was hard pleading my case, letting it all out in words to a person who had stuck by me as long as I could feel. But Robin was the one person I knew would understand. But not immediately.

"No ones changing. Only you." He said emptily. I lent up against the wall with him. The chief hadn't come out yet. He was probably taking another turn with Jemal.

"Have you looked at us all lately?" I asked. I had started noticing things. "Starfire was watching discovery channel the other day, and every time I talk with her her English is better. Beastboy is growing up. Hes not the kid he once was." I sighed. "I can't tell you whats up with Cyborg, but hes different too."

At this Robin looked at me curiously, up until now his expression had been thoughtful and considering. I couldn't tell him about Jinx. Cyborg had kept _my _secret, and if that was something I could do for him to make his life a little bit easier, it was worth it. I shook my head and smiled slightly, dismissing Robins silent questions.

"And you…We all know your becoming Nightwing." I said softly. Robin snorted.

"That doesn't mean I'm gonna quit the Titans and go live with Kitten."

"Your comparing Jared to Kitten?" I said incredulously. He shrugged.

"Really, what's the difference? Both get what they want, and it doesn't matter who they have to hurt to get it."

His narrow mindedness was irritating, but I mostly let it slip because of what I was trying to do.

"You don't know him" I said quietly. He didn't. All Robin saw was a criminal that he thought stole me away. He didn't see the boy who had to grow up by himself, the teen who needed his little brother or the man who took care of me. And he wasn't willing to look.

"Tell me about him then." he growled. "Tell me what's so great about him that makes you want to leave your family behind."

"I'm not leaving you behind." I sighed in frustration. "And I'm not even moving in with him!"

That was a surprise to him. His masked eyes widened.

"Your not?" he gaped. I had torn down the wall of points he had been making and it threw him off.

"No, I'm going to get my own place. Much less complicated. And I'll still be in Jump. I'll visit." I soothed. Robin started to stare at the wall again, and I shut my mouth. After a while he stood up straight.

"You want to be an honorary Titan?" He asked. I nodded. "Your not moving in with Red-X?" I nodded again. He sighed. "And you'll visit?"

"Yes."

He frowned, and turned around, walking down the hall.

"Fine. Your demoted effective tomorrow. And your telling the others."

I stared at him as he walked back into the main part of the station. The fact I wasn't moving in with Jared was the only reason he was letting me go. Baby steps. I was lucky to get this far.

A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders, and I breathed out just as the chief came shooting out the door, hands fisted tightly and shoulders tense. He was muttering under his breath, straightening up his uniform, face scarlet with anger. He took one look at me on the floor and deflated, shoulders sagging.

"Have you tried yet?" He asked me, his usual swagger replaced with resignation while he scanned the hall for signs of Robin. I shook my head quickly, a little disturbed that he wasn't yelling at me to get out of his hallway. I needed to get out of here as quick as possible, to find Jared and tell him.

"You wanna have a go?" he pressed on, making it very clear that this was not so much a question, as an order. I hesitated but grabbed the door handle.

"You want to know the cure?" I asked slowly. It wouldn't hurt to use some demon powers on this particular villain. After all, it was for the greater good. The man nodded, but he didn't look that hopeful.

I knocked hard on the door of Jared's apartment and stood in the hallway waiting.

Jemal Rusesamunga was terrified of drowning. And with a little mind manipulation, that was all I needed to get the cure out of him. In fact, it only took a few minutes before I hit the right fear, and only another 30 seconds before he started screaming about a bottle of orange liquid at his headquarters.

In the dark place in everyones mind, there was fear. Many more than you could count. The shallowest ones were the easiest for me to tap without actully _reading_ his mind and taking in a whole lot of information I didn;t want. I wasn't a mind rapist.

I couldn't lie to myself and say it wasn't a little enjoyable. In a sick, twisted way.

There were only a few times I had been glad of my demon heritage, and right now I wasn't exactly happy, but a little smug. No one else would have been able to get that information out of him, not on this dimension anyway. Because of me, now they could cure the people. All they had to do was go through the stuff they had taken from his headquarters and find the bottle. That was the reason why it was best to be an honorary Titan rather than quitting all together. I had joined the Titans out of guilt, and the wish to make amends for what I would do.

I had got more than I had bargained for, and if at the time I had known just what, I think I would have been too scared. Too scared of all the happiness it would lead to. But I could still keep my family this way, still keep the happiness.

And if there was a special case, Robin could give me a call and I could be there in a heartbeat. I could still be a help to society, while living my life and looking for a new job. I sighed and moved on to Ana's apartment when no one answered. It had been a long shot that Jared would be home in the first place, and another one to think Ana would know where he would be now.

The door opened with a click and Ana's beautiful face surrounded by a halo of dark curly hair appeared with two tiny children clinging to her pant legs with shy smiles. She opened it wider and Renata flung off her and onto me, not quite strong enough to pull me over completely, but enough to shake up my balance. I caught her and tried to hold her wriggling body still.

I had changed out of my uniform and into jeans and a one of Jared's hoodies before I came, since none of them needed to know their babysitters girlfriend was a super hero, especially when it wouldn't be staying that way.

Wearing his clothes pissed the others off, but it made me feel…more connected to him. Especially since I now never knew when I was going to see him next because of Robins unpredictable scheduling and his classes.

"Waven!" Renata crowed, burying her hyperactive head in the crook of my neck, almost strangling me with her little arms, heavier than she looked. I coughed and put my arms around her to take the weight off.

"Hello 'Nata." I smiled at her. I had a soft spot in my heart for her, she was so cute and bossy. I heard an unhappy humph and I looked past Renatas curly hair to see Oly on the verge of tears. I hastily stuck my hand out and he took it, perking up immediately. He was so warm, both of them were little heat generators. "And hello to you to Oly" I cooed. He hugged my leg, the biggest, widest, most adorable smile on his face, showing off his wiggly tooth.

When he was older he would brake hearts with that smile.

I wondered what was it about children that made women's hearts melt, let alone mine.

Ana leant against the door frame, eyes twinkling, watching the way they looked at me.

"They adore you." She commented.

"Hi Ana" I greeted her, struggling to move forward so I could speak easier, ignoring her comment. The thought that anything _adored_ me was still strange. Renata wouldn't let go so I resolved to stay in the same position. "Do you know where Jared is?"

Ana raised her eyebrow, and took in the sight of me in Jared's hoodie.

"Is et something…_Emportant?_" she asked with interest. Jared had told me that she was forever asking how our relationship was going. He thought she was just bored, but I knew it was because Ana cared so much about him. In a way, he was her third child, though she was so young.

"Uh, kind of." I replied elusively.

"He vent to a lecture a couple hours ago, but he said he vas going to drop in and see Lela on the way home. He might still be there if you hurry." She said, after a pause in which her eyes looked a little worried.

"Thanks." I said, trying to set Renata down, but she clung harder.

"Nata, come here sweaty." Ana coaxed, but Renata shook her head. I sweat dropped.

I didn't know how I would handle having kids. Someone depending on you 24/7. Just the thought made me go cold with terror. I was thinking too far ahead. But being with Jared was a big step, accepting he was Red-X was a big step, moving out was a big step, and all had happened in quick succession. All I could say was thank god for contraception charms, since they were really the only way for me to be sure I wouldn't be unknowingly taking _another_ big step with Jared. I didn't know if I would be able to cope.

I would be a terrible mother, I had no idea how to care for anyone but myself. And it was hard to imagine a being that was part both Jared and I. Yes, terrifying yet odly seductive.

Speak of the devil.

"Hey." Jared appeared behind me, dressed in jeans and a jacket, hair looking particuly nice. "What are you doing here?" I ignored his question and sighed in relief when, like a koala, Renata jumped into Jared's arms instead. He was used to it, and snatched her up, tipping her upside-down. She shrieked in laughter, but I didn't have too much time to enjoy it, because Oly was jumping up and down, wanting to be picked up. I frowned, but leaned down to pick him up.

If I ever had kids, I knew this kind of thing would never end. Best to postpone it as long as possible.

I frowned. When did this happen? When did I stop thinking _never _and start thinking _when_?

"Did you go see Lela?" I asked, balancing him on my hip, glad for the distraction. He nodded, tipping her back up. Her hair was even curlier now.

"She's good." He was looking at me with concern, probably wondering about the way I acted before. I was bursting to tell him, I had the feeling he would be overjoyed. Though I knew he would be a little too over-enthusiastic to get Robin out of his immediate life.

"I need to talk to you." I said before mouthing good-bye to Oly, and passing him off to his mother. He promptly stuffed his thumb in his mouth and Ana pulled it back out with a sudden stern look.

"Alright." he agreed, shooting me a strange look and setting Renata down.

"No!" She protested, but he had more natural strength than me, and was able to prize her fingers off his neck. Her huge eyes started to tear up. Jared smiled and knelt down.

"I'll be back soon okay? I promise." Renata pouted and crossed her chubby little arms. "Hi-five?" he tried, holding up his huge hand. After a while she giggled and placed her fingers up against his. The difference in size was startling, and it made a touching scene.

I had turned soft.

Again, and this seemed to happen often, I was startled by how good he was with children. He straightened up. I scowled to get my edge back.

"See you in an hour." He said to Ana.

"Take zure time." she replied wisely, ushering the children back inside. Jared shook his head and unlocked the door to his apartment as soon as their door was closed.

"So," he started, pushing it open, while I followed his lead, noticing the apartment was much cleaner than usual. I could see all of the floor, and he appeared to have vacuumed. "What is it you need to tell me? You seemed really out of it on the roof. Distracted and worried." He closed the door behind him and led me over to the couch, his hand on the small of my back.

There was a time when I would have flinched at this physical contact, but now it felt more natural than breathing to have his hands on me. Protecting, comforting yet still exciting. I took a deep breath and sat down, unconsciously taking his hand. The promise ring glittered on my finger, and I looked up.

Jared had sat down in front of me, his eyes curious and a little apprehensive, his messy hair falling elegantly over his face, toned arms showing past the sleeves of his t-shirt. His hands were warm.

"I'm moving out of the tower." I sighed finally, waiting for him to jump up in a fit of joy. He just stared at me. For some reason he looked sad. I knew it wasn't because he would be devastated about the not seeing Robin thing. So why then? Why did he suddenly look so guilty, like he had done something terrible. I waited for him to say something, anything, that would give me a clue.

He looked down at the carpet, stricken. His hand fell from mine.

What?

"You shouldn't have done that." he looked up on the last word, gray eyes smoldering. I stared back, mouth gaping. I couldn't make sense of what he was saying, or his mood. Empathy told me he felt sorry. What had he done?

"Why?" I stuttered. This wasn't like me. Usually I thought before anything I said, analyzing any and all angles it could be perceived as. Stuttering was not Raven. Stuttering was Robin when I called him out. He sighed loudly, and his large hands suddenly grabbed my shoulders and pulled me into him, pressing me close to his chest. I seized up, confused.

"Go back to Robin and ask for your job back." He whispered into my ear. I tried to get a look at him, to find some sign of what was going on from his facial expressions.

"But why?" I demanded, getting frustrated at my inability to see him, my only view being of his tanned neck.

"You didn't have to do this for me Raven." he sighed.

My mind clicked into place. He thought I did this for him. So we could be together more easily. I laughed for a second, pushing myself up and kissing him on his frown. I looked into his surprised eyes.

"Not _everything_ is about you Jared. Being Red-X has given you a superiority complex." I smiled cynically, and pulled down the neck of his T-shirt over his shoulder, where I could see the faint pink scar that was the only physical reminder of his bullet wound, and kissed it. Despite his misunderstanding, he moved slightly at my touch and stared at me in shock since it was his turn to ask;

"Why? Uh, what?"

"You think I left the Titans just for you? I'll admit thinking you would be happy about it was a bonus, but the main reason was because I needed to get out of there. It was the only way I could think of." I said evenly, rather amused as the look on his face turned from confused to embarrassed and understanding. I curled my fingers around his shoulders, to anchor me better. I was testing what life would be like when I would have no reason to half expect a mission to interrupt us and pull me away. A life where everything was scheduled.

"Oh. Okay then." he laughed nervously. I settled into lying half on his chest and half on the couch. He sat up, taking me with him. I glared at him in annoyance, but he ignored me.

"Where are you gonna stay?" he demanded suddenly.

I shrugged.

"It shouldn't be too hard to find an apartment. The government owes every Titan once they leave, if their not fired. And since I quit honorably, they need to release my reward for services to the city for four years."

"and how much is this, reward?" Jared asked, sounding interested. I shrugged again.

"It varies for each Titan. Robins going to get the most for being leader. We all get equal 'allowances', but we get paid in bulk at the end. I think there hoping someone kills us on the job so they never have to pay."

I was hoping four years of services would be enough for an apartment bond. And if it wasn't, I was going to be pissed.

Not that I felt entitled to any of the cities taxes. But in all reality, Jump would be nothing without the Titans presence. And even though the citizens and government knew it, most choose to ignore the fact.

"Alright." he sighed. " But in what part of town? Your terrified of this neighborhood, and no contribution from the governments gonna get you a penthouse in upper Jump."

I had thought of this. Packing up my few possessions and moving into a place that had no familiarity. But it was part of the journey.

_We are not slumming._ Desire spoke up bossily. Most of my emotions had been going along with the decision, recognizing that it needed to be done. Only desire and sorrow seemed to find room to complain. But the decision was made, there was no turning back, and they had partially accepted it.

"I can handle it." I said evenly. I was not going to show fear in front of Red-X.

"Sure you can Sunshine." he laughed. "I can't say I'm sad about you leaving the Titans but have you told them yet?"

"I haven't told anyone but Robin, and he said he was leaving it up to me."

I didn't want to see Starfire's face. She had forgiven me for kissing Robin, if the media hadn't. She still talked to me, still asked my opinion on things. And Cyborg was more of a big brother than ever. I didn't want him to feel like he was losing me, as I felt I was losing him. He was secretly spending more and more time with Jinx, now that all the heat was on me. No one suspected _Cyborg _of fraternizing with the enemy.

I still owed Jinx from the last fight, when she singed my hair.

I wouldn't miss Beastboy. He was distant and snappy. Everything I did seemed to be wrong with him right now, and I couldn't take it anymore, But I still thought of him as my friend.

Jared kissed the bare skin at the very top of my shoulder lightly, enticingly.

"Well, when do you have to go?" He asked, as a shiver shot up my spine. His hands were wrapped around my stomach, as if he had _plans. _I frowned.

"Its my last day. I havn't got long." I replied, trying to subtly pry his fingers off me. He didn't budge, as always.

"Aww Angel, I havn't had any real time with you in an age. Its been blocks of five minutes once every couple of days for the last month." He moaned, playing with my hair. I lay back onto his chest. It had been a while since I had really spent any time with him. But that would all change soon.

"After tomorrow, we have as much time as you want." I promised softly. He took a turn for the serious.

"You promise?"

I nodded and he laughed slightly.

"Good" he said sagly, kissing the top of my head. "I've missed you"

Maybe I could stay a few more minutes, there was no harm really. I _had_ missed him too.


	27. We Will

This chapter is dedicated to all my reveiwers

To mention a few:

Shadow, the most loyal

Gisemichaela, the first

* * *

_Arella Roth a.k.a. Angela Blithe_

I pressed my ear to the cold door, trying to support my entire weight with my toes, not wanting to scrape my stupidly high heel against the floor and alert my parents to my position.

It was idiotic and childish to be eavesdropping at the study door like I did when I was fourteen, but I needed to know exactly how my father felt about me before I went. I had already drawn the pentagram needed to open the portal back to Azarath, the only thing I would leave behind.

"Maybe if we had spent more time with her-"

"It was what was best." My fathers strained voice cut my mother off. They didn't sound angry anymore now that I was out of the picture. Mom sounded like she was trying to come up with a reason why, and Dad sounded resigned.

"Obviously not. Or else she wouldn't have run away pregnant and cut off all contact for eighteen years."

Silence in the room. I swallowed back saliva silently, breathing through my mouth so I wouldn't make the slightest noise, and praying to Azars soul that there were no concealed security cameras in the hallway. The last thing my family had to see was me listening outside the door, too cowardly to knock and talk with them like an adult, and then me chanting to a chalk pentagram I had drawn on their wall a few minutes ago, before stepping through it and disappearing again.

"Did she feel like she couldn't come to me?" My mother asked, most likely rhetorically. He didn't answer her for a while, as they sat in silence.

"She was always her own person." My father sighed finally. "No matter what we said she would have done what she wanted anyway. But she should have known we would help her."

"How would she know that? Every time she came to you, you shouted and cursed and told her everything she had ever done wrong!" my mothers voice raised with each word, breaking the false image of calm that she had struggled to gain back.

"Are you blaming me?" dad asked, his voice so low I had to press my ear harder to the wood to catch his words.

"Of course not." My mom said quietly, settling down again. "We've been over this so many times I feel like we should have taped it and then we could play instead of talking. I'm just…struggling to comprehend this. Its not just little Ange anymore. There is a child involved now."

"Not a child. An Adult. " Dad muttered, but he sounded like he was having trouble wrapping his head around it.

"Imagine the life she must have had." my mother thought aloud. Shame spread throughout my body.

_You have no idea_ I thought to myself. If any of them knew how I had treated Raven as she grew up, it would not just have been my father telling me to leave.

"Maybe she was better off, not knowing us. Now that I think about it, I wonder how Sarah and Jonah turned out like they did."

I knew that if Raven had grown up knowing them, she might have been a more confident person. But at the time, it was best for her to just _be_, rather than be confident. Now, it seemed stupid for us to have gone to all the trouble to isolate her. If we had just seen the strength she had...

"Don't do this to yourself Jonathan." Mom sighed, and I heard a chair scraping back. "You overreacted in there. All you have to do is get outside and talk to Angela. Just tell her how you've felt. She's grown up. Her child is older than Summer and Ryan. Don't you want a relationship with the both of them? We don't even know the girls name-"

"Raven. Jonah said her name was Raven." my dad broke in. My heart leaped. He had taken notice of Raven…

"That's pretty. I was too distracted to take it in." another sigh. "I wish we seen her at the ball. Sarah just said she looks exactly like Angela. But the one year we don't go…" she trailed off into more silence. "It must have been hard for Sarah and Jonah. We didn't believe them."

"I should talk to her" dad finally stated.

"You should. Anything to make her stay a little longer."

"It wont be easy."

"It should be natural. Amazing. Just seeing her there…"

"Yes" dad cut her off dully, clearly not overjoyed.

"When…?"

"Just give me a minute." he huffed, as if he were preparing for surgery.

I was frozen in place. I had overreacted in deciding to leave. He wanted to talk, even though I could hear from his voice that this was his worst nightmare. Talking to me had always been hard for him, and that's why he gave up as I grew and became more difficult, I could see that now. Not that it made things easier. I had been and I had the feeling I would always be the child he felt mostly distant from, because our personalities were so opposite.

But the fact that he was willing to _talk_ to me after all these years, at least _try_ to sort something out, was making me feel panicked. The chalk pentagram was still drawn on the wall behind me, the same height as me, and three times as wide. In other words, huge.

The moment they saw it their minds would jump to one conclusion and one conclusion only.

_Cult_.

And in a way, they would be right. I had no magic in me. I was about as magical as the pope. But the Church of Blood was very good at one thing when it first started. Summoning through portals. The same way we had tried to summon the devil and ended up summoning Trigon, I was now summoning a small amount of magic to make the portal and get back to Azarath. The second my father saw the _pentagram_ on his wall, he would realize exactly what I left this house for.

And then they would connect it to Raven. They would assume her father was apart of the church. And assume wrong, because they would never come to the conclusion her father wasn't even human. And then I would be plagued by questions I wouldn't be able to answer without putting my one true home in danger.

I tried to tiptoe across to the wall, listening carefully for any signs of movement from the other side of the door. I didn't know what I was going to do. Rub it off with my jacket?

_Arella you idiot. _

The floorboard underfoot creaked, and I heard someone stand up in the study, and the unmistakable sound of footsteps moving towards the door.

_Raven Roth_

I stared at the toes of my clothe boots, the rays of sun warming my back through my, Jared's, hoodie, senses tingling uncomfortably.

The feeling you got when you knew you were being watched. In my case, it was obvious. Because my Team had been staring since I entered the common room, each knowing something was wrong with me. Robins silence and dark looks that reminded me endlessly of Batman were helping to add to their suspicion.

I didn't want to look into Starfires eyes. Big and green, almost like Renata's, full of confusion.

The comfort of Jared's apartment was many miles away, but this was my final hurdle. This shouldn't be hard compared to other tasks I've had to complete, and it was the right thing to do. I was always trying to do the right thing, so this should be one up.

So why did I feel like I was a traitor? Why did I feel like I was selling them out? Something inside me was telling me I had been right to think I would only bring them pain the fist time I even met them. That part of me was telling me this had been obvious, and I was stupid to have not seen it coming.

"Speak up Raven. Its your choice, either stick with it or sit down." Robin said darkly. He was standing off to the side, behind the couch the others were sitting on, separating himself off from the group. Becoming more of a loner, becoming more Nightwing.

I was almost starting to feel sorry for him. But now I chanced a tilt upwards of my head to shoot him a glare. But he wasn't looking at me. He was staring at _his_ feet so I only got a view of his spiky hair. Maybe he knew every word made me feel even guiltier.

"What is it Raven?" Cyborg asked. I flicked my head to him, and saw he looked concerned. For me. Beside him Beastboy snorted. He looked tired, of what I didn't know.

But I had no time to figure out what his scorn meant, or what it was directed at. I took a deep breath, gathering up all my positive emotions to use in my favor.

What words should I use? I normally had a plan for everything but this had happened so fast. This morning I was simply bored, unsatisfied and unhappy, and now I was leaving. Tonight, I would be packing. There had been no time for my plans.

"I'm moving out." I said, almost ashamed at my daring. From the corner of my eye, I could see Cyborg frozen, his face disappointed, huge, broad shoulders slumped. I laced my fingers together over my stomach, needing something to do with my hands as I waited for the silence to end.

Disappointment. Worse than anger, because anger, I could defend myself against.

"WHAT?" Cyborg asked but Starfire was the first to move, jumping to her feet. "ARE YOU INSANE GIRL?" I was a little cautious that she might pull me into a hug, so I took a step back, which just seemed to add to her upset state. If her eyes resembled the Russian twins before, they certainly did now. Because they were filling up with the same kind of tears.

"You cannot leave us!" She insisted tearfully. I looked back to the ground, but as if by magnet my gaze kept dragging back up to her face, to all their faces.

"She can do what she wants Star, she always does." Beastboy said bitterly, lying back into the couch.

Thank god. Because with that, my chest fired up with anger, although I could see he was surprised by my revelation. He said I do what I want like it was a fact. Like I did this all the time. Like I was a flaky bitch in it for herself.

Maybe I was this time but never before! I had done everything I could for everyone else! For Azars sake I hadn't even been aloud to _feel_ because it might hurt others. I had to pretend I wasn't a _person_ for sixteen years. I just wasn't doing that anymore. I was trying to go with the natural flow of things for a change. Beastboy had no right to deny me that particular freedom.

"What is your problem?" I asked in monotone, emotionless, on the outside at least. They all knew what I was feeling on the inside. Nowadays when I acted like I used to, it meant I was feeling something intense.

Beastboy's eyes blazed, animal like, but he was cut off by Starfire.

"You cannot leave, this is what I saw when I went to the future! We promised we would not let this happen!" She insisted desperately, her head flicking round to each individual member, as she looked for conformation.

I understood why she was upset. When she went to the future she saw us all separated, me alone in my room cut off from the world. She thought it was happening now.

"That won't happen Star." I said softly, anger at Beastboy disappearing fast. I couldn't hold onto it.

I hadn't thought of that. It had been driven from my mind in hast, but now I found myself thinking about what Starfire saw. Futures could be changed of course, I was living proof of that so far. But in the back of my mind I was going forward, down all the paths my life could take.

And the more I looked, the more paths I found that would take me to that very future. Being alone. If Jared and I went wrong, and broke up, I could end up alone and friendless.

The prospect was terrifying, now that I had had a taste of a full life. Going back to being an emotionless shell would kill me.

Starfire didn't believe my words, and frankly neither did I. But I still had my dignity, and my hope. And possibly even my faith.

"Your being stupid! Starfire went to the _future_ and saw you all freaky and insane! Maybe this is what your meant _not _to do!" Beastboy flared up again, pushing himself upright on the couch, back straight.

"You don't know that Beastboy." I said quietly. "Maybe this is what I'm _supposed_ to do."

He shook his head.

"Your supposed to be the smart one! But this is Malchior all over again! There's something wrong with you when it comes to these things, how can you trust yourself?"

I ignored the sting from his comment and swallowed back my sarcastic retort. It wouldn't help here.

"I can't walk away from him, you should know that by now." I managed to spit out.

"Your unbelievable." he replied darkly.

"If it goes wrong then I will only have myself to blame." I said. "But for the record. I think I'll be fine." I added fiercely. Beastboy lay back on the couch, his face set in fury.

I would not go back now.

"So your moving out?" Cyborg asked to confirm, much like Robin had. So far, he had the calmest reaction in the end. But he couldn't keep the sadness out of his face.

He most likely understood my reasons for leaving the best, because for a large chunk of his life, he had just been a normal kid. With normal aspirations, including moving out of home.

I nodded solemnly.

"I'll be an honorary Titan. I'll come see you guys as often as I can." Cyborg nodded, but he wouldn't look me in the eye, creating a metaphorical wall. I swallowed back sadness, and looked at Robin once again, to find him gone.

"I don't want to be the only girl on the team!" Starfire cried out.

Missing girl time with me would be a big thing, and as I would sometimes feel lonely in my new apartment, she would feel lonely and different from everyone else back here.

Maybe they would get a new member.

"We'll go shopping more often." I amended foolishly, trying to placate them all so I could spend the rest of the day peacefully. A good ending to a long story.

Starfire considered me for a moment, but I knew it wouldn't be this easy.

"When do you leave?" Beastboy spoke up darkly, not facing me.

"Tomorrow. I still need to find a place."

_Arella Roth A.K.A Angela Blithe_

Sitting on the study's hard but modern couch ten minutes later, I tried acting innocent. Something I had been good at a long time ago, and had gotten me out of a lot of trouble before it stopped working with my father.

"I'm going to ask again." He said, as I looked up. "What the hell was that?"

He must have remembered the look, because it was not affecting him. His back was stiff and straight and his face was staunch. My mothers eyes were big and fearful, as if I was something she didn't know anymore. It was impossible to try and offer her words of comfort, nothing I could say would help now. A lie would be obvious, and the truth would be seen as a lie, or if it was beleived, be even worse than saying nothing at all.

"It doesn't matter." I mumbled. I was afraid he would go back on his deal with himself and refuse to talk if I didn't give them answers.

"Are you in some kind of cult?" He asked sharply.

_I knew it_. I looked up to meet my fathers bright blue piercing eyes, and saw something strange in them. compasion. Like he felt _sorry _for me. I stared back frozen, like a rabbit.

This was a foreign emotion to see when he was looking back. pity. I couldn't imagine what he was thinking.

"Tell me." He insisted, and I realised this was his version of talking things through with me.

"The truth, or what you want to hear?" I asked slowly, slipping my hands over my knees, and bringing my eyes back down to the carpet. Throughout my childhood, he had always only wanted to know what he deemed acceptable. When he asked what I did at school that day, he really meant, what did you do that I can be proud of? Which is why I had usualy replied with 'nothing'.

I could see he was struggling with my question, and I noticed my mother sit up and become more alert. The truth was what she wanted, even if I only gave her an abridged version.

I anticipated my fathers answer. He wouldn't lie, not now, but it would still be difficult for him to admit he would rather not know. The answer would be, 'do I want to know?'

"I want the truth this time." He finally sighed, blowing all my expectations out of the water. I swallowed back, and looked to his face to find him deteirmened.

I had put the offer on the table, and I would have to follow through. Inside I was starting to warm to the idea of facing every problem I had, and not settling for second best. to have people know my some of my history, so I could at least talk to someone if I needed it.

So, in my story, Trigon would be a church leader. Azarath would be spain. The church of Blood, a little-known manipulative church. The teen titans would be a group of troubled vigilantes, and Raven would only be in them because she was strong, smart and fit. That pentagram would be a symbol for love that I was going to leave so they could remember me. and the main truth to it would be the reason I left, because I was stupid, and young, and rebellious.

And I would feel a huge weight lift off my shoulders.

"If you want it..." I said softly, drawing in a deep breath to start my sad, pathetic tale, but feeling this was the right thing to do, and knowing that I was secretly joyous about it.

My luck was picking up.

_About time. _

_Raven Roth _

"You mean your not going to stay with your boyfriend?" Cyborg asked in surprise, finally making eye contact with me. I nodded slowly, wondering why this seemed to shock everyone.

Cyborg finally looked pleased, and it clicked that I was still his innocent little Rae, and the thought of me sleeping in the same bed with a hardened criminal shattered that for him. So for him, I would have to play the virgin. No matter everyone else knew better. I would let Cyborg keep his denial intact, if it would make this easier.

"I've never stayed there before." I lied flawlessly, putting the right amount of scorn into my voice. Frigid little Raven, scared of physical contact.

_Much too risky _Lust giggled sarcastically. I ignored her and watched as Cyborg nodded in agreement with my statement.

"So where did you stay that night Red-X 'kidnapped' you?" Beastboy interrupted rudely, almost ruining the effect.

When did he become so observant? I gritted my teeth as Cyborg eye narrowed.

"Lela's" I answered coldly, folding my arms over my chest. "He was there, sleeping on the couch."

For some reason, Beastboy's facial expression turned from serious and calculating to amused. But it was only there for a second, and then his cold look was back.

"What?" I asked in annoyance. Beastboy raised an eyebrow.

"Sorry, Classified information. Titans only."

I hissed in annoyance, but I was partially glad. I was accepted, he was joking. I was allowed to leave in peace. I was allowed to come back if I needed to. All three of them were looking me in the eye, not afraid to still talk to me. Beastboy was still going to try and piss me off, and Cyborg was still going to be my brother, and Starfire would still be upset at me going. But I was allowed to visit.

"But on a side-note, did you sleep in Lela's bed?" Beastboy asked, trying to suppress a laugh.

Starfire took a break from looking devastated, though the shadow was still present within her face, and started looking confused.

"I still do not understand." She said dully. Cyborg burst out laughing, and Beastboy couldn't hold a straight face any longer.

Now I was confused. Their shock had only lasted ten minutes and then they were laughing?

"What?" I asked again, eyebrows furrowed. It was true I didn't like being the last to know. Something about Lela was funny to them. Cyborg took pity on me and checked behind him to see if, presumably, Robin was there.

"Uh, Robin," He laughed again mid-sentence. I tapped my foot impatiently. What was so hilarious and important?

"We really shouldn't laugh." Beastboy broke in, _while_ laughing.

"but uh, Robin got a call from Lela before he went to the police station"

So that was why he had been so frustrated? It wasn't just Jemal's relentless racism and refusal to crack that had got Robin so worked up? He _had_ looked more upset than usual. He was good at staying calm in situations that involved work, but I knew relationships were a deferent story, from first hand experience.

And Lela wasn't likely to wait for him, while he tried to work his mind out.

But why was this so funny to them? They were a little sensitive….

Beastboy fell of the couch, and Cyborg burst out into fresh pearls of mirth at the sight.

…Weren't they?

Starfire looked at them reproachfully and then looked to me. Her eyes were red around the edges, but she seemed otherwise okay.

"I do not understand why they find this so funny." she said to me. She scooted backwards, away from the two, as if she was afraid what they had was contagious. "Should they not be grieving for Robin's loss?"

"What happened?" I asked, deciding that although Starfire would most likely not understand what Lela meant by what ever she had said, it was better than asking those two idiots rolling around on the floor at my feet.

She stood up and grabbed my arm, leading me away from them. She looked concerned but quickly brushed it off.

"Lela has grown tired of waiting" She whispered, as if Robin might enter the room any second and hear her. But Starfire looked like she understood where Lela was coming from. "And she confided in Robin that she is seeing someone else."

I nodded, waiting for the punch line. What horrible miracle had distracted them all from my huge bombshell?

But Starfire just stood back and looked over her shoulder, flicking her red hair over her shoulder, watching as the boys picked themselves up.

"And that's it?" I asked after a silence. Cyborg gathered his breath and grinned.

"Lela's seeing a girl."

I gapped at him, not because of his sentence, but because of his narrow-mindedness. And Robins. I could understand Beastboy being immature enough to giggle at this, but I expected better of Cyborg. I knew very well Robin was not upset about Lela 'leaving him'. They hadn't really been together in the first place, and he was not in love with her. It was because she had 'left' him for a female, and that made him feel like less of a man.

I was not surprised about Lela. In Azarath, Being bi-sexual was a common occurrence. Why wouldn't it be? After all, the whole point of Azarath was love without discrimination, and peace. So why would it seem strange for someone who had found a kind of love to take the chance? Lela had seemed like the type of person to love what she loved, ignoring all boundaries. So if she had found someone, I was happy for her, no matter what gender.

"I do not understand what the deal is." Starfire said again, becoming increasingly upset by the boys grins. I narrowed my eyes at them. It seemed that Tameran had a similar philosophy to Azarath, and Starfire didn't see the problem either. She was just concerned about Robin's feelings.

"On earth, having a relationship with a member of the same sex is only just being accepted, and these two are being immature." I hissed.

Comprehension dawned on her face, and confusion was replaced with disapproval.

"I do not understand earth at all." She replied.

Cyborg and Beastboy had the decency to look a little sheepish.

"You have to admit its funny. Robin's got girls climbing all over him, and the first one he goes for, is moving out to spend more time with his arch enemy" Beastboy nodded his head at me, and I didn't appreciate it. I narrowed my eyes.

He would be in big trouble if I wasn't leaving.

"And the next one turns out to be a lesbian."

"Bi-sexual" Cyborg corrected him wisely.

"Your right." Beastboy amended. "Bi-sexual"

I growled and sat down on the arm of the couch.

"Its not a big deal. And you shouldn't mention it, or even think about it, when Robins around. He's angry enough already" I said evenly, not wanting to bring attention back to what else he had to be angry about. Where was he? Was he so mad at me he couldn't look me in the eye and say see you later?

_At least he won't have to see you with Jared anymore_ Logic soothed me. _That's something in his favor. _

_You could give him a goodbye kiss _Lust suggested quietly. I coughed and took a breath, clearing my mind of stupid thoughts.

"Who will explain this all to me when you are gone?" Starfire asked quietly. I averted my eyes, and made a promise I knew I would regret.

"You can…sleep over." I cringed, as Starfire flew into me, pulling me into a tight hug the second the dreaded words left my mouth.

"Thank you Raven! We will paint our nails, and do quizzes in magazines, and watch the earthly flicks of chick and eat popcorn!" She cried happily, giving me one last squeeze before pulling away, beaming showing off all of her immaculate white teeth. "We will have the best time"

I nodded, inwardly terrified. There would be no way out without braking my promise. I caught Beastboy staring at us from out of the corner of my eye. Only Azar knew what kind of Lesbian fantasies the seventeen year old was concocting in his hormonal head.

He looked away quickly. And then there was silence. None of us knew what to say now.

"Hey Rae, One last time with the t-car?" Cyborg finally asked, getting out of his seat. I reluctantly nodded, relieved that he was accepting this so easily, though his big brown eye was sad. I wanted to stay with him as long as I could today.

I imagined everyone felt this way when they left home for the first time. Azarath didn't count. This tower was more my home than the temple could ever have been. I was leaving a whole family, and though I knew I would see them often, it wouldn't be the same. But then, that was why I was leaving in the first place. I had to keep reminding myself that.

I didn't want to go to my room and pack, even though that was where I had spent most of my time. I had no clear memories in that dark, mostly empty room. Nothing particuly important or happy. All my favorite occurrences, not that I had thought of them that way at the time, had taken place in the common room, with everyone there. Or in the garage with Cyborg and rarely Robin, tuning up or fixing the T-car or R-cycle, and of course, talking. Meditating wasn't a symbol of what living with the titans. Neither was being by myself, feeling nothing.

The Teen Titans were emotion, and growing up, and hormones, and arguments, and immaturity all rolled into a neat little crime fighting package.

I was a little surprised when everyone seemed to follow us out into the garage, but I guessed they just wanted to be a part of my last day as one of them. I ignored the ache in my heart, once again having to remind myself this is what I wanted. This wasn't goodbye.

But still, it hurt.

The door to the elevator opened and we were in the big concrete garage, the familiar smell of strong motor oil hitting my nostrils. The scent held so many _good_ memories.

The huge t-car was blocking most of the view its colors and curves, stylized by Cyborg with love, and the new tires I had helped change, its most drawing features. Robins R-cycle was leaning up against it, the kick stand in need of repair. Robin himself was standing next to it, a ratchet in his hand, apparently attempting to fix it himself.

He did a quick sweep of us with his eyes when we entered, and by the dark look he gave Beastboy, he suspected I knew about Lela. He was reading way too much into the situation, and I knew someone had to talk to him about it. But was that person still me?

"Hey! Get ya'll bike off my paint boy wonder! And put that damn Ratchet down, you'll mess up all my hard work!" Cyborg growled animatedly and Robin glared, but dragged it up against the wall with no complaint. He set it down with a loud thump and dusted his hands off on his legs. He stayed still, but the way everyone was bouncing up and down was weird. Almost expectant.

Starfire was practically bouncing on the balls of her feet, her face lighting up, as if she had just remembered something important and amazing.

Cyborg walked around the T-car and ushered me over, something akin to pride on his face.

"Remember when me and Robbie said we were gonna give you ya present the day afta ya birthday? And then we got sidetracked and-"

"You mean you were hung over" I corrected him with a raised eyebrow as he smiled sheepishly.

"yeah right. Well, here it is."

And he stepped aside and gave me a little shove, so I could fully appreciate the new view of the black Chevy Camaro z28 with white racing stripes, previously hidden from sight behind the bigger T-car.

I gapped.

Had Robin somehow planned this to make me feel bad? He said he had expected me to be leaving sooner or later…My heart plummeted and lifted up at the same time. The car was beautiful, vintage, but not overly flashy. It wasn't look-at-me like the T-car was, and somehow it fit my style, if any car could.

"0 to 60 in 3.3" Cyborg said proudly, giving the long hood a loving pat.

"Don't get fingerprints on it" Robin said gruffly. Cyborg looked at him sternly.

"Don't you be telling me how to treat the car that I re-built up in here." he replied.

I was afraid to touch the glossy paint job, it felt like signing some sort of contract. A contract that stated I was selfish, and took things from people that I didn't deserve.

But it was so pretty. The front grills over the number plate that spelled out my _name._ So much effort had been put into this gift that I wanted to collapse to the ground in shame.

"That's impossible" I muttered, walking forward but keeping within a safe distance of _my _car. I was going to be driving out of here in it, basically a _fuck you _to my friends.

"Nah. Nah. This is now the twelve fastest model of car in the world, one of a kind, the T-car now being the fourth of course." Cyborg said with a smile. He flipped the hood up and stood aside, his face gleaming with pride. I looked down.

The inside _did not _match the outside. The engine and its tangle of intricate wires that should have been shiny black, white and gold to match the cars exterior was blue and white, looking like Cyborg had gutted his own car and put the parts in mine. I looked up.

"You like it?" He asked. I nodded numbly. And ignoring all the advice from my emotions, ran my hand over the drivers side door, walking around it.

My hand glided over the smooth surface and I finally allowed myself to be excited. A bubble of happiness grew in my chest as I took in the sight of my cars interior, the four leather seats, the thin steering wheel, and the various blue and silver buttons and knobs on the dash board that were obvious additions from Cyborg.

"Now I feel bad." I muttered. Beastboy smirked and walked over to me. Surprisingly he reached around and put his arm over my shoulder, and even more surprisingly, I didn't cringe away.

"Well, it wasn't part of the original plan, but I have to agree it's a bonus."

I smiled faintly. In all honesty, this was a good way to leave. Better than any god dammed party they could have thrown, and since there was no alcohol, at least we would all remember this.

"Its beautiful." I said unwillingly.

"I knew you'd like it!" Cyborg roared in triumph. He held his hand up to Robin. "Didn't I tell you she'd like it!" Robin glared at his hand, extended for a high-five. Eventually he sighed and slapped his hand.

"I never disagreed with you." He pointed out with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, but I said she'd like it first"

"Yeah yeah." Robin muttered. I smiled. Beastboy grinned, fang poking out.

"I think we should celebrate."

"Celebrate what?"Robin asked, a vein jumping on his forehead. I didn't blame him. Our 'celebrations' usually ended up with _someone_ half-naked and embarrassed. Thank god I had already had my turn.

"The first titan leaving." Beastboy replied, as if this was obvious.

"But that is not happy." Starfire commented. Beastboy shrugged, bad attitude gone at the thought of food and drink.

"still, I think we should celebrate."

Cyborg slapped the hood of my car again, and headed over to the elevator. I lingered, wanting to talk to Robin in private. I wasn't a titan, but Robin was still my best friend. I had a duty to talk to him. The others seemed to understand, and I only got one suspicious look from Starfire before they all piled into the elevator and the doors closed.

"Are you okay Robin?" I asked quietly, once we were alone. He looked me in the eyes sharply.

"They told you." He muttered, grabbing his bike and dragging it back up against the T-car, now that Cyborg wasn't here to see. I walked over to him, and lent against the T-car.

"Its not a big deal. On Azarath, there is no norm. its not considered shameful to-"

"This isn't Azarath Raven. And I don't feel ashamed. Lela can do whatever and whoever she wants, it none of my business." He straightened up. "Its just I feel…"

"Like your losing control." I offered. I knew Robin. I knew he was in the leader position because he was the one who was naturally first there, naturally offering advice and skills no one else had. Losing me to Jared, losing Lela to some girl, losing his team…It wasn't the way things were usually run.

Robin had a routine. Everyday he got up at the same time, trained, showered and read the newspaper. Lately everything had been disrupted and there was nothing he could have done about it. Just like there was nothing he could do to stop me going now, or make me love him _that_ way.

"You can always read everyone so easily." He commented unhappily, leaning up against the car next to me. "More specificly, you always know how to read me" He sighed. "I'm gonna miss that."

"You think I'm gonna turn into a little housewife Robin? lose my edge?"

"No, I think you'll turn Bonnie to Jared's Clyde and I'll have to arrest you one day." he replied seriously. it was valid that he would be afriad of that happening. But if anyone was going to change in mine and Jared's relationship, it was him. It was unspoken, but I definatly expected him to cut back on the stealing, since I was now an _ex_-superhero.

'Even if I did turn into a housewife, you still wouldn't be able to arrest me." I said mockingly.

"Cause you're my best friend?" he asked sarcastically.

"No, cause your not good enough." I replied, smirking.

"We'll see." he cautioned, a little smile playing on his lips. The intercom clicked.

"_Will you two please get up here. If we get Raven drunk enough, and invite Lela over, we think something might happen. we've always been a little suspicious." _Beastboys voice rang out, and I knew he knew he was about to get a hiding.

"We will" I smiled, as Robin growled at his innapropriate joke, that was so not funny.

* * *

Ahaha, I'm so unpredictable.

Yes. This story was fun, wasn't it? I know I had some. I hoped you enjoyed reading it. There is a sequal if anyone's interested.


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